It's my birthday and I feel like giving up
izu87
Posts: 267 Member
Well... it's my birthday. I've never liked my birthdays, not even when I was a kid as it caused a lot of drama in the family (fights, etc), then I hated it when I was a teenager and with every next year I got to hate it more and more as my birthday to me has always been equal to something like New Years for most people - I'd look back and realize just how little I've done in my life and how little I've actually lived.
Today is no better, but adding to my usual emo-ness is my diary on here. I studied the past few weeks on it, and I just can't help but think how... well... failing it is. I know I haven't logged in everything, I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't. I know that I haven't measured everything and will most probably never be able to measure everything as I eat lunch out at work - can't cook, so bringing my own lunch is kind of out, so I have to live on restaurant's meals. And then I'm looking at my macros and feel like an even bigger failure. I hardly ever manage to reach my protein one... actually I don't remember reaching it at all. And my carbs are always above. And I just think about it all and feel like a big failure.
And what I did today? Went out, went to the cinema, ate popcorn, then had ice cream, waffle chocolate, juice... and right now I feel even worse. Emotional eating and depressive eating got me where I am. And if I don't learn to handle those I will never progress and then my emo-ish feeling like a failure will actually become a failure...
Honestly, I don't know what to do... I like working out... I really do... but I just can't get the hang of eating right... Or logging honestly... as if anyone gives a damn whether I log it in all or not... yet I am lying to myself and skip logging small stuff... I just... I dunno... It's my birthday and I feel like giving up...
Today is no better, but adding to my usual emo-ness is my diary on here. I studied the past few weeks on it, and I just can't help but think how... well... failing it is. I know I haven't logged in everything, I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't. I know that I haven't measured everything and will most probably never be able to measure everything as I eat lunch out at work - can't cook, so bringing my own lunch is kind of out, so I have to live on restaurant's meals. And then I'm looking at my macros and feel like an even bigger failure. I hardly ever manage to reach my protein one... actually I don't remember reaching it at all. And my carbs are always above. And I just think about it all and feel like a big failure.
And what I did today? Went out, went to the cinema, ate popcorn, then had ice cream, waffle chocolate, juice... and right now I feel even worse. Emotional eating and depressive eating got me where I am. And if I don't learn to handle those I will never progress and then my emo-ish feeling like a failure will actually become a failure...
Honestly, I don't know what to do... I like working out... I really do... but I just can't get the hang of eating right... Or logging honestly... as if anyone gives a damn whether I log it in all or not... yet I am lying to myself and skip logging small stuff... I just... I dunno... It's my birthday and I feel like giving up...
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Honey don't focus so much on food but more on living a healthy life with exercise. Don't deprive yourself. And today is your birthday - so don't think about those things. Relax and be kind to yourself. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Don't think of how little you've done. Think of what you HAVE done this year. Any positive experiences, interactions, events, people you met and spent time with, those all count. You're not a failure. You are wonderful, beautiful you.0
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Let yourself succeed!!
You are being your own worst enemy. You are every bit as able as any of those on here who have been successful. You just have to allow yourself to succeed.0 -
Then give up. Then next year on your birthday, as you look back on the past year, you'll be kicking yourself for quitting. You can log and prepare healthy food - you're just choosing not to. Logging is simple. You say you can't cook? Unless you mean you physically don't have a kitchen, then you can cook. Anyone can put chicken breasts on a baking sheet, turn on the oven, and bake them for 30 minutes. Really, it's not that hard. Add some spices and steamed veggies, and you've got a week's worth of meals in half an hour. There are plenty of web sites with simple, healthy recipes - you just have to look them up. You can pack healthy lunches, or make healthier choices at work if you must eat there. If you pre-plan your meals, it's much easier to hit your macros. But the first priority is to hit your calorie goal. Once you've done that, you can start to fine-tune your meals to hit your macros. One crisis at a time, ya know?
So think of today as a do-over. Start fresh and commit to healthier eating. Or don't. It's all up to you. Good luck!0 -
Well... it's my birthday. I've never liked my birthdays, not even when I was a kid as it caused a lot of drama in the family (fights, etc), then I hated it when I was a teenager and with every next year I got to hate it more and more as my birthday to me has always been equal to something like New Years for most people - I'd look back and realize just how little I've done in my life and how little I've actually lived.
Today is no better, but adding to my usual emo-ness is my diary on here. I studied the past few weeks on it, and I just can't help but think how... well... failing it is. I know I haven't logged in everything, I don't know why I didn't, but I didn't. I know that I haven't measured everything and will most probably never be able to measure everything as I eat lunch out at work - can't cook, so bringing my own lunch is kind of out, so I have to live on restaurant's meals. And then I'm looking at my macros and feel like an even bigger failure. I hardly ever manage to reach my protein one... actually I don't remember reaching it at all. And my carbs are always above. And I just think about it all and feel like a big failure.
And what I did today? Went out, went to the cinema, ate popcorn, then had ice cream, waffle chocolate, juice... and right now I feel even worse. Emotional eating and depressive eating got me where I am. And if I don't learn to handle those I will never progress and then my emo-ish feeling like a failure will actually become a failure...
Honestly, I don't know what to do... I like working out... I really do... but I just can't get the hang of eating right... Or logging honestly... as if anyone gives a damn whether I log it in all or not... yet I am lying to myself and skip logging small stuff... I just... I dunno... It's my birthday and I feel like giving up...
your mindset is all wrong.
if you are upset at yourself for one meal or one day or even one week, then you need to step back and re-evaluate the way you are approaching this.
food is just fuel.
weight loss (especially significant weight loss) is a slow process. it takes patience. there is very little you can do in one meal or one day or even one week to affect your end result many months from now so long as you don't quit.
quitting is really the only failure. as long as you haven't quit, you haven't failed.
how well you stick to your calorie goal day in and day out only determines how long it will take to get to your goal. that's all.
if you had a bad meal (calorie wise)? meh. if you had a bad day (calorie wise)? meh. if you had a bad week (calorie wise)? meh. it just means you have to try a bit harder or do a bit more exercise or maybe, re-evaluate to see if your goals are properly set in the first place. but none of those are reasons to quit.0 -
I am my worst enemy... and the worst bit is that I'm a really good at it...
I've always been able to concentrate on all the bad and forget about all the good and in the end no longer be able to see the good, but just the bad... same here, same now... 0 -
you can do it, you only have 9kg left
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You have to love yourself enough to care.0
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You can log eating out. I eat out a ton because of my job, and I log everything that goes in my mouth. It's a matter of wanting to do it. Is it 100% accurate? Probably not, but I try to err on the side of overestimating for items I don't know.
You can learn to cook. It's really easy. And for work lunches, you can take things that don't require cooking. When I'm in the office, I bring my lunch every day, despite now being in a work location that has food all over the effing place (food trucks, tons of restaurants within 2-4 blocks, people leaving treats in the break room right outside my office). I bring raspberries, grapes, and blueberries pretty much daily, a serving of crackers, an ounce or two of cheese, three ounces of lunch meat. Or skip the crackers and just the meat and cheese. Or a slice of bread to use to make a half sandwich. Or whatever. I made a massive salad that was all baby kale, carrots, cucumbers, and radishes, and topped it with a serving of garlic sesame sticks one day. I figure out how many calories I want to reserve for dinner and then plan my food for breakfast and at work accordingly.
But guess what? I would still lose even if I ate out every day at lunch, because I want to be healthier, so I am choosing to put less in my mouth (without cutting myself down to silly calorie levels). So I could eat half a portion, get a salad and make sure the higher calorie stuff is moderated so I don't overdo it, etc.
You can do this. You're just feeling down and don't want to. We can't really help motivate you, unfortunately. The need and desire to change comes from within.
Don't let yourself sink down into this -- choose to pick yourself up and do it. You can have anything you want -- just make it fit your calories and macros. I got up this morning, took the long way walking down to the fitness center in my temporary living place, tried to lift weights as best I could (not used to using dumbbells so modifying my routine), did some time on the treadmill, walked back an even longer way, stopped and read under a bench just to chill out, and now I'm getting ready to go to a movie. I'm going to have a small popcorn and probably milk duds. I'm considering having Chipotle for dinner tonight. But I can do this because I log everything I eat and I can honestly assess how my week has been and where it is going to go so I know if I can do this. And I can. So bring on the extra guac, because I'm using a tool to help me plan and reach my health goals.
You. Can. Too. Seriously.
Happy Birthday -- make this own count. Eff all those old ones that seemed to drag you down -- who cares? You can change your attitude toward the day now. So do it!0 -
I am my worst enemy... and the worst bit is that I'm a really good at it... I've always been able to concentrate on all the bad and forget about all the good and in the end no longer be able to see the good, but just the bad... same here, same now...
As long as you continue to embrace a defeatist attitude, you will be defeated. You need to rewrite the script that is playing in your brain. No one can motivate you to do this. It's all on you. So, with that being said, make your priority learning to tell yourself some different things. Positive things You don't have to believe it at first - just tell yourself that you will succeed. Look how well being negative with yourself is working!
Okay now - here you go - this will not cause you to gain a thing. (I'll need to eat the pink icing rose on top.)
Happy Birthday!
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Oh and the whole 'no one cares if I log' bit? Guess what? You're right. Because you're not logging for us. You're logging for YOU. Start using the tool the way it was intended. My diary was private for a year and is only now open to friends because I finally added some. I literally was here for the tool and for myself, still am, just enjoying the boards and the social part as a side benefit, not a requirement to doing well.
You can do this if you want it bad enough.0 -
It's your party and you'll eat cake if you want to?0
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Just take each day one day at a time. And it's best to focus on calories when you're just getting started. Worrying about macros and weighing every little thing can be daunting. A couple of ideas for you:
- Forget about today as far as cals go, its your birthday and you can live a little and enjoy it
- Work meals:
- Go to Sams or Costco and buy some "Tyson Ready & Grilled" chicken tenders. They're already cooked, all you have to do is microwave them. Make a bowl and mix it with brocoli and pack it for lunch the next day, or stick a few tenders between some wheat bread. Should take you all of 5 mins each night to prepare.
- Remember how you're feeling whenever now whenever you are tempted by something you know is bad and outside of your calorie range. That 15 mins of heaven isn't worth the hours, days, etc. of depression that that food leads to.
JUST BREATHE - as your avi says, every time you're faced with a choice of eating something bad, stop and take 3 deep breaths, that will give you time to decide and reflect on how you're feeling, and how you will feel if you make a bad choice.0 -
I am my worst enemy... and the worst bit is that I'm a really good at it... I've always been able to concentrate on all the bad and forget about all the good and in the end no longer be able to see the good, but just the bad... same here, same now...
As long as you continue to embrace a defeatist attitude, you will be defeated. You need to rewrite the script that is playing in your brain. No one can motivate you to do this. It's all on you. So, with that being said, make your priority learning to tell yourself some different things. Positive things You don't have to believe it at first - just tell yourself that you will succeed. Look how well being negative with yourself is working!
Okay now - here you go - this will not cause you to gain a thing. (I'll need to eat the pink icing rose on top.)
Happy Birthday!
QFT and Happy birthday!!!0 -
Work with what you've got. If you REALLY can;t bring your own lunch, then make smart choices. Is there a Subway around you? They do salads, and a simple turkey on wheat will be just fine. Keep it simple. Grilled chicken, veggies. If its a mom/pop restaurant, just do your best to log what it is you're eating. Request things like not fried, no butter, etc.
You can do this, but you're talking yourself out of it by throwing a pity party and convincing yourself that it's already over. It's not!! Not sure what time zone it is, but if you have time today get in some cardio: A nice jog, walk, or run. If you have a gym, go to it!
Add me if you want.0 -
Or logging honestly... as if anyone gives a damn whether I log it in all or not...
Whether you do or not, your body keeps a 100% accurate log all the time.0 -
NO NO NO...You are supposed to have Birthday Party...not a Pity Party. I hope that we weren't supposed to bring gifts...I left mine at home.
I know how you feel though...I never had a Birthday Party...at least one that I can remember...that sucks! Next birthday...I am having a Birthday Party even if I am the only one there.
Okay...you have one year until your next birthday....you can change your life in a year...if you choose...or...not and spend another birthday just like this one...your choice. I know which one that I think you should do...but it is all up to you.
I won't wish you Happy Birthday...might make you mad enough to throw bricks at me...so...I will say...make today and every day for the next 365 days...the best that you have ever had!0 -
Thank you all... really... I'm fighting tears right now... offline no one really supports me - family wants me to be thin but if possible without bothering them about food and exercise, friends... don't give a damn, colleagues as well. Which is why I've been trying to lurk around the forums on here....
And my problem with eating out when at work is not that I go for bad choices - I am not a fan of food, I can altogether skip lunches, but I eat because I know I need to eat, and when I do eat I 99% of the time go for grilled chicken breast with some sort of salad. Never fried stuff, never bad stuff... My problem is that something (most often me) would upset me and when I get home, after working out, having had dinner and just supposedly done for the day, I'd reach out for a block of chocolate. Or two. Or three. And when I clean the house out of those stuff, my family would bring it back in despite me asking not to stock up...
My problem with eating out is that I can't measure it up myself, so if I say 100g chicken I don't know if it's not 150. And so on... and this just makes me feel even worse...
I want to succeed... but I feel like suffocating because all I see is me failing.. and just breathing becomes so hard...0 -
Thank you all... really... I'm fighting tears right now... offline no one really supports me - family wants me to be thin but if possible without bothering them about food and exercise, friends... don't give a damn, colleagues as well. Which is why I've been trying to lurk around the forums on here....
And my problem with eating out when at work is not that I go for bad choices - I am not a fan of food, I can altogether skip lunches, but I eat because I know I need to eat, and when I do eat I 99% of the time go for grilled chicken breast with some sort of salad. Never fried stuff, never bad stuff... My problem is that something (most often me) would upset me and when I get home, after working out, having had dinner and just supposedly done for the day, I'd reach out for a block of chocolate. Or two. Or three. And when I clean the house out of those stuff, my family would bring it back in despite me asking not to stock up...
My problem with eating out is that I can't measure it up myself, so if I say 100g chicken I don't know if it's not 150. And so on... and this just makes me feel even worse...
I want to succeed... but I feel like suffocating because all I see is me failing.. and just breathing becomes so hard...
Still negative, chickie. Someone very wise once said to me, "When you are ready to lose the weight, you will." I thought she was completely off her nut. Well, turns out the joke was on me. I lost the weight when I was ready to do the hard work, have the patience to keep going & quit making excuses for why I wasn't succeeding.
Your next post - try posting some positive things you are going to do in the next week. No negativity. Just a few things that will point you in the right direction.0 -
Don't stress about today.
Birthdays are ALWAYS allowed-cheat days!
Make a plan about what you CAN do about it.
Obvious solution that I DO use for work for 'low calorie' lunches is to premake a salad with a load of lean protein in and some light dressing - lots of protein, lots of bulk and micro nutrients from the salad and not many calories.0 -
Still negative, chickie. Someone very wise once said to me, "When you are ready to lose the weight, you will." I thought she was completely off her nut. Well, turns out the joke was on me. I lost the weight when I was ready to do the hard work, have the patience to keep going & quit making excuses for why I wasn't succeeding.
Your next post - try posting some positive things you are going to do in the next week. No negativity. Just a few things that will point you in the right direction.
Only thing I can think of right now... I will not give up... I might feel like it... but I won't.... I will keep on fighting...0 -
Thank you all... really... I'm fighting tears right now... offline no one really supports me - family wants me to be thin but if possible without bothering them about food and exercise, friends... don't give a damn, colleagues as well. Which is why I've been trying to lurk around the forums on here....
And my problem with eating out when at work is not that I go for bad choices - I am not a fan of food, I can altogether skip lunches, but I eat because I know I need to eat, and when I do eat I 99% of the time go for grilled chicken breast with some sort of salad. Never fried stuff, never bad stuff... My problem is that something (most often me) would upset me and when I get home, after working out, having had dinner and just supposedly done for the day, I'd reach out for a block of chocolate. Or two. Or three. And when I clean the house out of those stuff, my family would bring it back in despite me asking not to stock up...
My problem with eating out is that I can't measure it up myself, so if I say 100g chicken I don't know if it's not 150. And so on... and this just makes me feel even worse...
I want to succeed... but I feel like suffocating because all I see is me failing.. and just breathing becomes so hard...
I don't like birthdays either, for similar reasons. Why not just forget about logging and thinking for one day and do whatever the hell you want. Then tomorrow follow some of the tips here.
Some of mine and I might be repeating.
1. Plan where you will eat out, go online to decide what you will order ahead of time. Subway is good.
2. Take two hard boiled eggs, one ounce of cheddar cheese, two riveta crackers, and an apple for a snack at work. Buy a salad at the grocery store for lunch.
3. If you really don't know what you are eating, guess.
Just log!!!! For science. For data. For yourself.0 -
I would say tomorrow is a new day. Opportunity to start fresh. Give yourself the best birthday present ever. You are so worth it. If you feel better about yourself and love yourself everyone around you will start to treat you differently. So, I would suggest you do something this week for you that makes you feel better. I went to see an Osteopath this past week and its amazing how much better I feel about myself.
Happy birthday sweetie. I'm proud of the fact that you are here. We are all on this journey together and its not about the destination. Life is truly a journey. One step at a time. One day at a time. I'm doing my best to lose one pound a week. I wasn't successful this week. Lost almost 4 the first week. Hopefully you have found some good advice and encouragement here on this board. I believe you can do it!!
We all believe in you. So get off the pity train...it's not gonna get you anywhere but down!! Have a good day! and Happy Birthday!! Hope this is the best year yet! Remember you're so worth it!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Happy Birthday! I get what you are saying about lunches for work; I used to eat out almost every day, too. A 'Life Saver" for me has been the GoPicnic lunch boxes. They don't have to be refrigerated, so I just keep a supply in my classroom. I found them at Target. The actual company has even more varieties, and if you order enough, you can get free shipping (I did). I don't recommend the ones with meat, unless maybe the tuna. Haven't tried it. Anyway they usually come with 5 items--crackers or plantain chips with a dip/spread and three other items, including a "dessert" type. And all the ones I've had are under 500 calories! Since I usually have a soda (I know, not healthy), the bubbles help fill me up. I usually am full enough so I can save one item for an afternoon snack (and don't have to log it because I already did)! I also recommend, if possible (not sure if you are doing this) scanning your food items with a smart phone. It makes it SO much easier to log.
This is my favorite GO PICNIC box: (Oh, and by the way, not only are they less calories than I tended to eat when doing fast food most days, they tend to be less expensive than a lot of fast foods!)
http://www.target.com/p/go-picnic-sunbutter-crackers-3-6-oz/-/A-149838970 -
Mate, I ALWAYS pig out on my birthday. When you are on a diet, it's ok to have a treat now and then. Don't sweat it.
And about logging in....I DON"T anymore! Other than document my weight, I've mostly stopped counting everything I eat. My weight is finally going down after a winter of struggle. My goal was to lose at least 15 pounds by the summer. Only in the past couple months have the scale numbers dropped. I have lost about 7 pounds. It sounds like you may be micro-managing. I found that the more I focused on the numbers of calories in my food, and food in general, I felt more hungry. What has helped me now is to stop focusing on food. If I'm not hungry, I won't eat. When I'm hungry I eat things like the 100 calorie Luna bars or nuts because they are filling. Just healthy stuff. Stop obsessing over the numbers, and eat healthful things. Good luck, my friend!!0 -
Oh-- and by the way, I lost nearly 20 pounds from the beginning of the year to about 2 weeks ago. Then I went on Spring Break (I'm a teacher) and gained some back...but it's coming off again.
Really--try the Go Picnic lunches. Buy a variety, put them under your desk or somewhere at work. When you find the ones you like (or at least are "okay"), then buy a bunch of them. Another idea is microwave lunches (likely near the Go Picnic lunches at Target!) that don't have to be frozen or refrigerated. If you are like me, not only do you not cook (or not much), you might also not be up to packing a lunch every day! I keep a bunch of these items at school, open my desk drawer (or a bag) and decide what I want that day. Only very occasionally have I decided I didn't want any of them and went out to eat! (Maybe just once?)
AND it's your birthday! Have dessert today and don't be down on yourself!
OH another thing...sometimes I'm too lazy to log in all food items, so I just log in a total calorie amount. (AND sometimes I don't log at all...but that isn't a good plan!)0 -
Thank you all. I will see if I can find anything like this around here (I'm not from the USA, so we don't have those stores) and I will try to just calm down and breathe... already calming down... Thank you...0
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Still negative, chickie. Someone very wise once said to me, "When you are ready to lose the weight, you will." I thought she was completely off her nut. Well, turns out the joke was on me. I lost the weight when I was ready to do the hard work, have the patience to keep going & quit making excuses for why I wasn't succeeding.
Your next post - try posting some positive things you are going to do in the next week. No negativity. Just a few things that will point you in the right direction.
Only thing I can think of right now... I will not give up...I will keep on fighting...
Fixed it for ya!0 -
Still negative, chickie. Someone very wise once said to me, "When you are ready to lose the weight, you will." I thought she was completely off her nut. Well, turns out the joke was on me. I lost the weight when I was ready to do the hard work, have the patience to keep going & quit making excuses for why I wasn't succeeding.
Your next post - try posting some positive things you are going to do in the next week. No negativity. Just a few things that will point you in the right direction.
Only thing I can think of right now... I will not give up...I will keep on fighting...
Fixed it for ya!
Thanks.
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Have you ever thought about talking to a professional about this? It might help you with some of this...and I say this because I started seeing someone once a week about a year ago and the ability to talk through negative feelings when they come up has been great. I can honestly say that now I'm pretty positive most of the time and when I do feel myself going to negative town, I don't fret because I know I have an appointment coming up...0
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Then give up. Then next year on your birthday, as you look back on the past year, you'll be kicking yourself for quitting. You can log and prepare healthy food - you're just choosing not to. Logging is simple. You say you can't cook? Unless you mean you physically don't have a kitchen, then you can cook. Anyone can put chicken breasts on a baking sheet, turn on the oven, and bake them for 30 minutes. Really, it's not that hard. Add some spices and steamed veggies, and you've got a week's worth of meals in half an hour. There are plenty of web sites with simple, healthy recipes - you just have to look them up. You can pack healthy lunches, or make healthier choices at work if you must eat there. If you pre-plan your meals, it's much easier to hit your macros. But the first priority is to hit your calorie goal. Once you've done that, you can start to fine-tune your meals to hit your macros. One crisis at a time, ya know?
So think of today as a do-over. Start fresh and commit to healthier eating. Or don't. It's all up to you. Good luck!
This^^^^^ if you want it badly enough, you will make the effort.0
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