I will post a funny status a day here
amberrenee813
Posts: 395 Member
To keep me accountable at logging in. I'm already at a 27 day streak and can't wait to hit 90! Here are some of my status' so far:
~ Today was a really bad day. First, my ex got run over by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
~ Today I bought cupcakes without sprinkles. Diets are hard!
~ I got gas today for $1.19! Too bad it was from Taco Bell.
~ I hate it when you give someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and then, all of a sudden....she's not your friend anymore.
~ The gym was so crowded today, I had to skip my workout. Luckily, the line at Dunkin Donuts was shorter than usual.
~ You can tell a lot about a females mood just by her hands. For instance if they're holding a gun, she's probably mad.
~ I like to run up and down the street, knocking on people's doors.
~ I used to be afraid to fart in front of my boyfriend. But today I just let it go. He didn't mind. But the people at the funeral weren't too pleased.
~ It's always awkward when u are out in public and run into your ex. Then, u feel obligated to back the car into reverse and run them over again.
~ I'm a terrific housekeeper! Every time I lose a husband, I keep a house.
~ It's always awkward when u are out in public and run into your ex. Then, u feel obligated to back the car into reverse and run them over again.
~ My friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. That was until I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
~ I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.
~ I hate making plans for the day. Then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around the courtroom.
~ I have a new diet plan...Make all my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look.
~ I do 5 sit-ups every morning. It may not sound like much, but there's only so many times I can hit the snooze button.
~ I farted at the store today and four people turned around. I felt like I was on "The Voice."
~ When I was little, my parents moved a lot. But luckily, I always found them.
~ Starbucks really isn't that expensive considering how much Victoria's Secret charges per cup.
~ Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them.
~ I wear all black to the gym because I'm having a funeral for my fat.
~ When Miley is half-naked and licks a hammer, it's called "art" and "music." When I go to Home Depot and do the same, I'm called "wasted" and told to "leave the premises."
~ Today was a really bad day. First, my ex got run over by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
~ Today I bought cupcakes without sprinkles. Diets are hard!
~ I got gas today for $1.19! Too bad it was from Taco Bell.
~ I hate it when you give someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and then, all of a sudden....she's not your friend anymore.
~ The gym was so crowded today, I had to skip my workout. Luckily, the line at Dunkin Donuts was shorter than usual.
~ You can tell a lot about a females mood just by her hands. For instance if they're holding a gun, she's probably mad.
~ I like to run up and down the street, knocking on people's doors.
~ I used to be afraid to fart in front of my boyfriend. But today I just let it go. He didn't mind. But the people at the funeral weren't too pleased.
~ It's always awkward when u are out in public and run into your ex. Then, u feel obligated to back the car into reverse and run them over again.
~ I'm a terrific housekeeper! Every time I lose a husband, I keep a house.
~ It's always awkward when u are out in public and run into your ex. Then, u feel obligated to back the car into reverse and run them over again.
~ My friend told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry. That was until I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
~ I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves.
~ I hate making plans for the day. Then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around the courtroom.
~ I have a new diet plan...Make all my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look.
~ I do 5 sit-ups every morning. It may not sound like much, but there's only so many times I can hit the snooze button.
~ I farted at the store today and four people turned around. I felt like I was on "The Voice."
~ When I was little, my parents moved a lot. But luckily, I always found them.
~ Starbucks really isn't that expensive considering how much Victoria's Secret charges per cup.
~ Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them.
~ I wear all black to the gym because I'm having a funeral for my fat.
~ When Miley is half-naked and licks a hammer, it's called "art" and "music." When I go to Home Depot and do the same, I'm called "wasted" and told to "leave the premises."
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Replies
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What a way to start off a Monday! Thanks for the chuckles! :drinker:0
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What a way to start off a Monday! Thanks for the chuckles! :drinker:
You're quite welcome!0 -
bump love the funnies. thanks for making me lol
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bump love the funnies. thanks for making me lol
thanks0 -
You have a totally twisted sense of humor...it's nice to know I'm not alone in the world...muahaha0
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Haha! Thanks!0
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You have a totally twisted sense of humor...it's nice to know I'm not alone in the world...muahaha
lol these are the g-rated ones 0 -
5/5 Funny status of the day- I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!0
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LOL! Thanks! Loved them all. :-)0
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Following... 0
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Thank you 0
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~ When Miley is half-naked and licks a hammer, it's called "art" and "music." When I go to Home Depot and do the same, I'm called "wasted" and told to "leave the premises."
my favourite by far....hilarious!! :laugh:0 -
Totally want to follow these!!0
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i am glad you started a thread, i love seeing these in my newsfeed
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yessss plez continue make like 3049320 a day plz plz
sorry i'm so childish lol!0 -
bump0
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Thank you. I am always looking for something funny to start my day.0
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yessss plez continue make like 3049320 a day plz plz
sorry i'm so childish lol!
haha that would be quite the accomplishment! Idk if I could find that many funny status', but I would sure try!0 -
5/6 Funny status of the day- My boyfriend left a note on the fridge, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore." I opened the fridge and the beer is cold. What is he talking about?0
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5/7 Funny status of the day- He said the spark between us was gone, so I tasered him. Think I'll ask him again when he wakes up0
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5/8 Funny status of the day- Nothing's more embarrassing than that pantsless walk to get more toilet paper. I felt like everyone in Wal-Mart was staring at me.0
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Great! I should follow you for these daily chuckles.
BTW, when Miley does it, it's still called Wasted.0 -
OMG!!! You had me peeing :laugh:
Here's one you can use:
I may be fat but your ugly and I can go on a diet.0 -
I particularly like how out of all the racist jokes you could have included, you picked Mexican.0
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Some of these made me laugh out loud!0
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Hysterical!0
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:laugh:0
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Love this! Humor is the great equalizer.0
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I laughed until I cried. Thanks for the laughs!0
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huh? :indifferent:0
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