Confession

ibleedunionblue

I've come to the acceptance that I have a borderline eating disorder. Or maybe, I have just become obsessed with losing weight. One or the other.

My Doctor told me I am too light, and I am not eating enough fats. My fat macros are typically under 10% a day. My weight was under 132 yesterday. I wish I could accept going back to 135, but when I last seen 134 on the scales, I ended up restricting intake for a couple days to get back down.

Doctor said that my low fat intake is causing some health issues. He wants to take more tests in 2 weeks, but he tells me I need to increase my fat intake over that time by using olive oil for dressing, and taking omega 3 fish oil, and adding some nuts / seeds. Also suggested going off vegetarian diet for 2 weeks and eating low fat meats such as lean turkey, lean chicken breast, and cod. Health issues include some numbers out of range on blood work. These numbers suggest problems with my liver. My level of testosterone also is also 10 time too low. Sorry is this is TMI, but I havent been able to be intimate with my wife since October.

I have a food "binge" then I feel ashamed. Last night I had one of those binges. Woke up and had sweated through the sheets which is a frequent occurance. I was having muscle cramps, so I ate a banana, then I ate 4 more bananas in the middle of the night. Wasnt even hungry. So today, all I've had was 80 calories of greek lowfat yogurt. When I have a binge, I will severely restrict calories for a couple days. And I have an anxiety attack every time I step on the scales.

So I ranted on here. Cant talk to family members. I am getting enough criticism from my brother and my Mother calls and goes on and on about shes afraid I've lost too much weight. But at least I could confess and come clean on here.

melimomTARDIS

Men get eating disorders too! Try to see a professional about this, sooner than later.

Jestinia

Men get eating disorders too! Try to see a professional about this, sooner than later.

This! Everyone here always wants to help (well except the trolls of course) but there isn't much anyone on a forum can do. It's time to enlist the professionals.

nxd10

I agree. And the fact that you're getting serious physical symptoms and advice from a doctor tells you something important.

SunofaBeach14

Go get yourself a hamburger or a ribeye steak. The fat will do you some good. You need it. Sit down and give it to yourself as an assignment. Also, get some professional help.

Veropal

Hi,
It is a good sign you acknowledge your problem! Binging, guilt, and fear of the scale are major signs that you do need help. You can try a support group or a counselor. I think many people who loose a lot of weight can be obsessed with gaining it back. You need to eat more as your doc suggested. If you cannot, please see a support group or therapist.

98777

You're a very strong man and we're all very proud of you. I have a friend who I fear is anorexic, as he is 5'11" and 112 lb. And I have no clue how I could possibly help him.

PJPrimrose

*Whew!* I'm glad you're seeing a medical professional and coming to terms with your eating disorder! I pray every good health and progress with this!

1tiamat

I think possibly getting rid of the scale could help. I know it sounds simple, but it could at least keep you from judging yourself by a number. I look at that stupid thing way too much too.Talking to a professional will do some good aswell. If you are worried about getting "fat" would you possibly enjoy doing weight training?

The reason why I suggest weight training is that if you gain weight, but start to see that weight go into definition and strength it might make it fun for you. Just a suggestion though, but I wish you the best.

RHachicho

The first step is realizing you have a problem. I wish you well because I know just how bad an eating disorder can be. I was the other end of the scale a pathological comfort eater. Breaking it is the single hardest thing I've ever had to do. Try working up to it slowly. Perhaps sit down with a certified nutritionist and let him give you a new "healthy" weight to aim for on the scales that might help. Perhaps you have convinced yourself that your current weight is healthy. But perhaps if you get given a new target you can work towards attaining that instead? Just a suggestion. But perhaps if you know your "upper limit" as it where you might feel more comfortable gaining weight?

Graelwyn75

I am glad you are seeing someone and that you are aware you have a problem. Time to get a grip on it before you spiral even further. It can be so very damaging to your body longterm to be following this pattern of restriction. I suffered anorexia on and off from the age of 14, hitting my low point, and almost dying, at 18 when I was 72Ibs at 5'11. It has been a constant struggle for many years since as getting over the unhealthy thought processes is something that tends to be ongoing.

I suggest getting rid of the scale for a start, even though that is probably terrifying to you right now. You will feel fear at first, but eventually, you will find yourself feeling much more relaxed without the constant obsession with that number. It does not define you. You are not a number. I also suggest exploring why you have fallen into this eating disordered behaviour, as there is usually an underlying reason that needs to be dealt with. Part of it for me, was needing to feel in control of something, when I did not feel I controlled much else.

Please work on adding some fat into your diet, it will not make you fat and there are plenty of healthy fats to be had. Your health depends on it. Avocado and nuts/seeds along with fatty fish such as salmon are very good sources and I eat those things daily.

prattiger65

I have no advice to offer. However, I want to tell you that I am glad you are taking action and I wish you well!!!

manda1978

Firstly a big congrats for seeing your Dr and opening up on here. Admitting there's an issue is the hardest. I udnerstand the 'obsession' with losing weight, I got that way too. I feel empowered when the numbers went down each week but the ended up binging, restricting etc.

I agree with gthe PP's, please seek professional help.

astartig

Men get eating disorders too! Try to see a professional about this, sooner than later.

This! Everyone here always wants to help (well except the trolls of course) but there isn't much anyone on a forum can do. It's time to enlist the professionals.

This... eating five bananas is hardly a binge to be ashamed of. I don't think this is a borderline problem. you aren't eating enough and your body is craving the nutrients it needs. that's what you're impelled to eat five bananas. they're full of vitaminy goodness. you need it. your health is more important than a couple pounds.

MizMimi111

I have no advice to offer. However, I want to tell you that I am glad you are taking action and I wish you well!!!

Same here. Please find help.

kdeaux1959

Fat is essential to process oil soluble vitamins such as Vitamin A and E. Choose good fats. Balance in all things. Best wishes on your every success. You've got this.

BTW: Food is fuel for the body. You are a marathon runner... This is awesome... I would that could go that distance (at least I am back up to a 5K)... However, you need to EAT to make this happen. Get online and find a BMI scale and find out where you SHOULD BE... (For those of us who lift, BMI is not terribly accurate but for a runner it should be pretty good)... Try to hit the center of that range... For me at 6'3", I should be about 180 or so except that I lift weights so I am trying to maintain a little heavier weight and maintain a healthy body fat percentage... Too much of a good thing is a bad thing... You can do this. best wishes....

cmoncmonshake

Throw out your scale.

I know this is going to sound like the worst possible thing to do in your head, and you are NOT going to want to do it. When I was younger and diagnosed with an EDNOS, the first thing that went was my scale. Also, it was written on my doctors notes to never allow me to see what the scale said as I was being weighed in the doctors office. It's normal to feel as if the scale controls you, and you will act accordingly (binging, purging, fasting) to what your scale will tell you.

I'm glad to hear that you're getting help from your doctor, but also talking to a therapist may help. It gets easier. Take it one day at a time and help yourself.

AshleyArleneNP

Couseling and therapy. Those are not normal responses to food or weight. The focus of diet, exercise, and weight management is health. Your behaviors are causing damage to your heath. Your primary care should be able to refer you. I recommend someone who specializes in eating disorders.

MagnumBurrito

OP, I can see from your profile pics, you lost some fat. Good Job. Now the second part of the journey is to put on slabs of muscle. Lift heavy and eat above maintenance. Get big. The good kind of big.

For some motivation, check out Victor Pride's site.

http://boldanddetermined.com/2012/08/24/11-bodybuilding-tips/

"As a big man you will get respect from people. People who would not have thought anything of you before. Big men, as in not fat, are rare and command respect. People will defer to you. People will get out of your way. Little girlies eyes will pop out of their heads and their jaws will drop as they stare in awe. You will get big, bright smiles form the little cutie in the cereal aisle. Girlies will say “Whoa, you’re big like Vin Diesel“.

ibleedunionblue

Thank you for support. I made a call to our health insurance provider today and they will help me locate some counselor. Should get back to me on Tuesday. I also intend to seek out the help from a nutritionalist as well. Thank you.

Edmond_Dantes

Glad to hear you are taking the steps to heal. If it were easy, there wouldn't be counselors and support groups. Please know that you can find support here too! Good luck.

aylajane

"Woke up and had sweated through the sheets which is a frequent occurance"

This can be a sign of nighttime hypoglycemia. Talk to your doc, but having a snack of protein and fat with carbs (not just carbs alone) just before bed can help (peanut butter on an apple for example). Feeling the need to eat in the middle of the night when this happens is your body trying to get your blood sugar regulated. Ask your doc if it is possible this is happening to you. The solution is of course diet related, so no real help there - you need professional nutritional guidance, and you need to actually follow it - just let yourself accept they are the experts and you are not, so you need to do what they say... You wouldnt hire a plumber to fix a leak, then secretly go sabotage it to break again or argue that the plumber should do it differently than they are explaining. The only reason I ever set foot on a treadmill is because my trainer tells me too - I am paying him to know more than me, so ignoring his advice and instructions would be pretty stupid. Same goes for doctors... unless you have an MD, you should be listening to them and just do what you are told. Take away your choice a little (give up control) and you may find it to be a relief to let someone else be in charge of your body for awhile so you can stop thinking about it...

SnazzIT

I have read about organic coconut oil and how it can help with your low fat intake...just research it...it may help. I use a lot of coconut milk in my food also avacado when I need a snack...:)

SLLRunner

I've come to the acceptance that I have a borderline eating disorder. Or maybe, I have just become obsessed with losing weight. One or the other.

My Doctor told me I am too light, and I am not eating enough fats. My fat macros are typically under 10% a day. My weight was under 132 yesterday. I wish I could accept going back to 135, but when I last seen 134 on the scales, I ended up restricting intake for a couple days to get back down.

Doctor said that my low fat intake is causing some health issues. He wants to take more tests in 2 weeks, but he tells me I need to increase my fat intake over that time by using olive oil for dressing, and taking omega 3 fish oil, and adding some nuts / seeds. Also suggested going off vegetarian diet for 2 weeks and eating low fat meats such as lean turkey, lean chicken breast, and cod. Health issues include some numbers out of range on blood work. These numbers suggest problems with my liver. My level of testosterone also is also 10 time too low. Sorry is this is TMI, but I havent been able to be intimate with my wife since October.

I have a food "binge" then I feel ashamed. Last night I had one of those binges. Woke up and had sweated through the sheets which is a frequent occurance. I was having muscle cramps, so I ate a banana, then I ate 4 more bananas in the middle of the night. Wasnt even hungry. So today, all I've had was 80 calories of greek lowfat yogurt. When I have a binge, I will severely restrict calories for a couple days. And I have an anxiety attack every time I step on the scales.

So I ranted on here. Cant talk to family members. I am getting enough criticism from my brother and my Mother calls and goes on and on about shes afraid I've lost too much weight. But at least I could confess and come clean on here.

I am so glad you've been to your doctor and that he is working with you on this.

A thought: you might want to ask him to refer you to a group treatment program as well as individual therapy, which were the only things that helped me recover from my eating disorder (bulimia). Whatever bring us to the point of eating disorders is beyond our control. it's important to find out what is beneath the behavior of our eating disorder.

Hang in there. You've taken some steps to help your work through this: you're working with the doctor and you're sharing your feelings. My thoughts are with you.

ibleedunionblue

My weight was down to 125 pounds this morning. I actually did well yesterday, ate 2000 calories, had 42 grams of fat. But still the scales went down. My weight is down considerably in just 1 week after I put severe restriction on diet after a binge day. Hopefully tomorrow I can get weight up some.

sweetcurlz67

Thank you for support. I made a call to our health insurance provider today and they will help me locate some counselor. Should get back to me on Tuesday. I also intend to seek out the help from a nutritionalist as well. Thank you.

I'm sooooo glad you're seeking help! please take it easy and take the advice of the professionals. I also see you ate 2000 calories yesterday - GREAT job! just don't overdo it and make yourself sick.

blessings... :flowerforyou:

ibleedunionblue

One thing to keep in mind: when I say I ate 2000 calories, I run long distance, so I also run an AVERAGE of 10 miles every day.

prattiger65

I know I already posted but, OP, I want to commend you on your willingness to be open with this community. I want to be very careful with what I say because I don't know anything about disordered eating and its treatment. But I have to think that the fact that you are being proactive lends to you having a healthy recovery. But thank you for sharing your story, I am certain that you are helping someone else even as you are seeking help yourself. I hope this makes sense.

SunofaBeach14

One thing to keep in mind: when I say I ate 2000 calories, I run long distance, so I also run an AVERAGE of 10 miles every day.

You run an average of 10 miles a day and only eat 2000 calories?

dapunks

I can't offer anything more then my support.

lizzyclatworthy

I think you are amazing for admitting it and for doing the right thing and getting help.

nothing I can say will top the advice you've already been given but I wanted to add another voice of support and respect! :flowerforyou: