Frequent Family Disagreement
Tabithas_Transformation
Posts: 93 Member
Every few weeks or so, I seem to have a debate with my mum and sister about how to successfully lose weight.
I am of the belief that successful and sustainable weight loss is about eating a balanced diet, being careful with portion size and exercising more. I'm working on the exercise bit as well as trying to have a more balanced diet - and I've managed to lose 20lb since January so it's getting there (albeit slow and steady).
However, if they ever see me eating something that is traditionally considered "unhealthy" like a bag of crisps or (in this case) using pre-packaged sauce on my stir-fry, they always have to say "I thought you were trying to lose weight" etc.
I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
I am of the belief that successful and sustainable weight loss is about eating a balanced diet, being careful with portion size and exercising more. I'm working on the exercise bit as well as trying to have a more balanced diet - and I've managed to lose 20lb since January so it's getting there (albeit slow and steady).
However, if they ever see me eating something that is traditionally considered "unhealthy" like a bag of crisps or (in this case) using pre-packaged sauce on my stir-fry, they always have to say "I thought you were trying to lose weight" etc.
I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
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Replies
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they are ignorant, calorie deficit/100
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Stop debating.
Let your success speak for itself.
If they comment in the future, let your ONLY reply be "okay, thanks!" or "I guess we'll see!"
No arguments, no explaining, no debating.0 -
"I thought you were trying to lose weight."
"I am." (Smile sweetly and sincerely.)
"You won't lose weight eating those foods."
"Ok, thank you." (Nicely and not sarcastically.)
It's hard to argue with someone who won't be baited. It's just rude for your family to make comments comparing their weight to your weight. Congrats on the 20 lb loss.0 -
I suppose cutting out certain foods completely may work faster in the short term, but the way you're doing it is more sustainable. Nobody can cut out things like cake and ice cream FOREVER.0
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Stop debating.
Let your success speak for itself.
If they comment in the future, let your ONLY reply be "okay, thanks!" or "I guess we'll see!"
No arguments, no explaining, no debating.
This!0 -
Stop arguing! It's not worth it. You can tell them nicely that you can eat anything as long as it is within your calorie allowance.
Even if you only eat ice cream for the day and tomorrow bacon.
I get the same comments. I was annoyed at the start, but now I always say: it is within my calorie allowance. What else is there to comment?0 -
Every few weeks or so, I seem to have a debate with my mum and sister about how to successfully lose weight.
I am of the belief that successful and sustainable weight loss is about eating a balanced diet, being careful with portion size and exercising more. I'm working on the exercise bit as well as trying to have a more balanced diet - and I've managed to lose 20lb since January so it's getting there (albeit slow and steady).
However, if they ever see me eating something that is traditionally considered "unhealthy" like a bag of crisps or (in this case) using pre-packaged sauce on my stir-fry, they always have to say "I thought you were trying to lose weight" etc.
I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
Weight loss is math, if your family is not supportive I would just not share my goals with them. People like to think their way is the only way. What they probably do not understand is if they lost weight they did just what you are doing, by eating "healthy" they lowered their caloric intake... you are doing this too and your 20lb. Loss shows that.
As far as your sister goes, she was just being a brat with sibling rivalry. Sisters just make snide remarks sometimes, if you blow it off she doesn't get the confrontation that she wants.0 -
Sounds like you have a really good head on your shoulders and you are doing a great job. Congrats on your loss! Do what works best for you and your body. They may be slimmer but they might not be healthier. Keep it up and try not to debate where possible to just stop it. Gj
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I'd say keep doing what you're doing. If they aren't consuming enough calories/nutrients daily, they're more than likely losing the wrong kind of weight (muscle and water weight). You keep up your exercise, and your healthy eating, and yeah allow yourself those little treats every now and again. It takes time! 0
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I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
The best answer is probably the one given above about not debating them because you're probably never going to change their minds. That would be the smart thing to do. But if it was me, not being smart enough to follow my own advice, I'd ask them why, if their approach is so good, do they constantly need to lose weight? Why wouldn't they just follow their own advice all the time and not get to the point again where they have to lose weight?0 -
I get this too. I normally say 'oh well, don't care, I want the chocolate!' like a petulant child and don't bother explaining. It's too much effort.0
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As they say: you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family.
OP - Congrats on the 20lbs! You rock!! Do what works for you. I'd eat crisps in front of them all the time, just to make them cringe but that's me, ha! Good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
Just keep doing what you're doing, and they'll be green with envy when you lose weight and still have cake.0
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First, congratulations on 20 pounds lost this year. Good work!
Now here's how it went down for me...
I was having the exact same issues you describe with my own mother and sister (as well as a few well-meaning friends) when I was about 20 pounds into this process. Every time I chose to eat fast food or sugary treats, I would get the "I thought you were trying to lose weight?" comments. It frustrated me, but I usually just replied that it fit into my goals for the day, so I'm having it. Sometimes an argument ensued, but sometimes they would shrug and give me the look that said, "Okay, well enjoy staying fat!"
Now it's months later, and I still have about 30 pounds to lose. Not there yet. HOWEVER...
I have burned off nearly 60 pounds. I went from a size 18 to a size 12. I run into people around town who don't even recognize me. I can now run 3 miles faster than my triathlete sister.
And nobody criticizes my food choices anymore.
In my experience, the secret weapons in winning this battle are patience and perseverance. You can do it (you already are).
:flowerforyou:0 -
Many people tend to become overly zealous about what worked for them. And if we were simple organisms, that would be fine. But even though the basic principles and mechanics are the same, there are lots of individual factors, from our genetics to our mental outlook, that alter how we specifically will respond to any program.
When you have a good bit of weight to lose, you are going to need an approach that you can adhere to for a long time. You have to consider how much change you can deal with, and plan accordingly. And set short term goals or milestones where you evaluate and make adjustments.
While my husband is very supportive of my eating patterns, other members of my family (or even my friends) are often critical. I just have to let their comments go; I am being successful, and am healthier than most of them. I don't try to argue with them, or convert them to my way of thinking. I just know that I have a routine I can live with comfortably as long as I need to. Nutrition and exercise and weight loss aren't measures of our worth, so keep doing what is effective for you.0 -
If their way works so well how come they keep changing it up? why do they have to try something different every month?
apparently their way works to lose weight but not maintain it.
Weight loss experts are one thing, sure they know how to lose it but do they know how to keep it off?
I prefer to be an expert at maintaining my weight loss vs constantly losing the same 10-20lbs...0 -
"When you lose more than 20 lbs you can tell me what to eat"
That should shut em up.0 -
I know people like that too. Then they gain it all back and restart another diet for a month or two until they reach "x" weight. Imagine what they're putting their body through? (I might also add that they don't look healthy while doing it and they're miserable when they see everyone else eating cake....)
You're doing great! Stand your ground!0 -
Funny thing about life everyone has a different opinion, and from my experience some family members like to argue just for the sake of arguing :-) but that's off topic.
When it comes to loosing weight, it is one of the rare times that it's ok to be selfish and think only about yourself because it really affects you the most. If what you are doing works for you, and I am of the exact same mind set as you are of not depriving ones self, then stick with it. There is no reason to argue, it works for you and you don't need to change, your success speaks volumes!0 -
Congrats on your 20lb weight loss so far. You are doing great. Everyone seems to be an expert on weight loss. I have several in my family alone. You are going for a lifestyle and sustainable change. Keep doing what you are doing Its slow going at times but will work in the long run. Just smile and change the subject that's what I do.0
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Ignore it?0
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"well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
Hmmm...well, your sister just described me! And you know what? I used the SAME approach you are using: moderation, some treats, watch portion sizes, and be patient and stick with it. And about 50-60% of my daily intake came from carbs (mostly fruit).
Just keep doing what you're doing and ignore the oboxious noise.
Best wishes! I'm looking forward to seeing your success story post in the future!0 -
Every few weeks or so, I seem to have a debate with my mum and sister about how to successfully lose weight.
I am of the belief that successful and sustainable weight loss is about eating a balanced diet, being careful with portion size and exercising more. I'm working on the exercise bit as well as trying to have a more balanced diet - and I've managed to lose 20lb since January so it's getting there (albeit slow and steady).
However, if they ever see me eating something that is traditionally considered "unhealthy" like a bag of crisps or (in this case) using pre-packaged sauce on my stir-fry, they always have to say "I thought you were trying to lose weight" etc.
I've tried to explain that I allow myself little treats to avoid a binge and that sugar isn't the enemy - but they're of the belief that when they want to lose weight they have to cut out as many carbs and as much sugar as they can. Last month it was a juice cleanse, this month its a vegan diet.
In my head, I want to believe I'll be successful long-term - but they are actually slimmer than me so the debate always ends with "well... I'm gonna go ahead and trust the people that have actually successfully lost and maintained weight..." (quote from my sister today).
I think the all or nothing mentality leads to the crash and burn syndrome. Your idea of moderation to go the long haul seems to be a good one that will lead to long term success.
Congrats on your loss.0 -
And, as I just browsed through other poster's replies, just take a look through the people replying to your post, look at the weights some of them have lost, many tickers are 20, 30, 50, 75lbs down, theirs is good advice to listen to. They say the best way to be successful (and I think you are) is to look to those who have attained the level of success you want or have reached the goals you'd like, and follow their methods - this applies to many areas of life.0
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"I thought you were trying to lose weight."
"I am." (Smile sweetly and sincerely.)
"You won't lose weight eating those foods."
"Ok, thank you." (Nicely and not sarcastically.)
It's hard to argue with someone who won't be baited. It's just rude for your family to make comments comparing their weight to your weight. Congrats on the 20 lb loss.
Yeah. My family is into a lot of fad nutrition. And whatever it is, it changes. Once in a while I respond skeptically. They know I am skeptical and sometimes I can see that hesitation and disclaimers when they tell me stuff. But, mostly I just try not to let food be a topic, and then things are pleasant. And it's not a big deal because the food they eat tastes really good. Whatever they have going on, they are good with making yummy food. So, I focus on the positive. Some family members are more fanatical about stuff, others are like that but a little more moderate. Then I have other family that isn't like that. They are into eating well and healthy in the moderate, meet all your food groups way. And the more fanatical family members judge them. Silly to focus on that. The thing I find perplexing is the focus on healthful food, while they are continuing to drink with life threatening alcohol related disease. I just see that everyone in my family cares about food and health in their different ways (and they struggle with addiction). My family members are active in physical arts and weight lifting.0 -
I think there are so many "myths" circulating about how to lose weight - if I have learned anything by joining this site, and being diagnosed with diabetes earlier in the year, it is not about avoiding any particular foods per se, rather if anything it is more about healthy eating (and making small changes to current lifestyle). For a while sadly I used to believe some of the myths (eg "people with diabetes are not allowed sugar" - how so very untrue - this couldnt be further from the truth!)
I have been pointed in the direction of the "eatwell plate" as I'm sure plenty of others will have also - http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Goodfood/Pages/eatwell-plate.aspx - at the moment both MFP and the eatwell plate are helping strike more of a healthy balance, and lose weight in the process - yay!0 -
A smart person knows what to say, a wise person knows whether or not to say it.0
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Original Poster,
Please don't let anyone deter you from what you are doing. Obviously what you are doing works for you. You are losing and you are keeping it off. That's what counts. There are thousands of people who have lost weight by eliminating certain foods from their diets and when they get to their goal weight, they assume they are done and it is perfectly alright to add those foods back. That's when they start putting the pounds back on.
I know you have read and heard this so many times, that this is a lifestyle change. If you feel deprived and cannot think about doing this for the rest of your life, then what you are doing will not be sustainable.
I do agree with those who have told you not to get into the debate. I do believe your results speak for themselves.
Best of luck to you. Continue with what works for you.0
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