I hate myself.
Replies
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I hate to break this to you, but losing weight isn't going to magically make you love yourself. I'd not stress out over the situation. It is what it is. Accept it, and start working on finding things you love about yourself. Find things you can do to show love to yourself. Feed yourself the appropriate amounts of food with the appropriate amounts of nutrients. Get out and be active with yourself.
Fall in love with yourself on your journey. Stick with it. It will be OK. xoxox0 -
Sent you a friend request - let this community build you up and remember, its all one day at a time. Every little decision adds up so, when you make a bad decision, compensate by making a good one the next time around.0
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While I totally agree with Penny who is a genius with words:
One thing I noticed in your original post is that you refer to emotional situations as an excuse for your weight gain. Such as your mother in law picking on you. Though there's no question that emotions can be a huge factor for some people in maintaining momentum, you need to change the way you view those situations and not view them as something that somehow has power over your free will. They are not to blame and if you take responsibility for your actions you'll be stronger in the long run.
I hate to see people sabotage themselves. Your support system begins with you. And you sound pretty great.0 -
OP, you need to work on your mental game every bit as much as you need to work on your physical game, if not more. Learn to be kind to you in ways that do not indulge yourself in self-loathing and self-pity. Find an active hobby. You need not, heck, "should" not go out and try P90x or any of the other intense cardio programs out there. Instead, get out and simply go for a walk. Also, learn to cook healthy meals and portion control. Finally, work on learning to be positive in your self talk.0
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What is your main struggle with trying to lose? Emotional eating? Craving sweets? Salt? Lack of motivation for exercise?
If you can pinpoint your main barrier, we can offer tips on how to work on that and get over that hump.
Hating yourself isn't going to get you anywhere, though. Loving yourself is important to getting healthy -- physically and emotionally.0 -
Try not to think of it as a "diet" but instead a life-style change. We've all had times like that, that is why we are here, but keep working at it and you will get it.
Surround yourself with positive people and keep reminding yourself that you are working toward confidence and health.Your support system begins with you. And you sound pretty great.
This is so well, said!0 -
Thanks, everyone. I woke up feeling a bit better today. Really looking forward to this afternoon. We're going to get rid of the junk in the kitchen then go shopping to get good stuff. We're going to focus on veggies, fruit, beans, whole grains and lean meats.
My husband is disappointed that I don't want to keep the junk on hand anymore but I told him its too easy to grab when I get hungry while feeding the baby. I believe my 2-year-old will adjust just fine. Fruit is her favorite food group and she eats most veggies including raw baby spinach.
I'm doing better eating today, too. Still some bad choices but I made some good ones also. And even when I did make the bad choices today at least I had some self control and didn't go overboard. I'm calling it success so far.
I didn't read this before responding, but let me add that you don't have to make a full 180 overnight. If you can't moderate or portion control the "junk" then fine, get rid of some of it, but many of us found success by moderating it rather than flat out refusing to satisfy our cravings. The real key here is portion control and you have to learn it at some point. 1 or 2 cookies didn't put you in your current position, for example, so don't think that you suddenly have to eat the "perfect" diet. Shoot for better rather than perfect.0 -
I hate going out in public because I feel like I'm being judged by everyone.
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Just think of your goals and progress on a day to day basis, at least for now. And if you had a bad day with food, just start over tomorrow. It has happened to all of us multiple times, I promise. Good luck with everything!
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any day now OP. You still there?
That's pretty condescending. This isn't about a lack of knowledge. This is about an individual expressing emotional despair and needing support. If she wants advice on the how, she knows how to ask. Try to be more sensitive to the heart of the message.
Actually, I think she's being really helpful.
Did I miss something where she expressed that she (OP) is knowledgable about nutrition and calories required to lose weight?
Maybe she is feeling like she will fail because she has set an unrealistic deficit for herself. If that's the case, pointing her in the right direction is much more helpful than patting her hand and saying, "now, now dear"0 -
any day now OP. You still there?
That's pretty condescending. This isn't about a lack of knowledge. This is about an individual expressing emotional despair and needing support. If she wants advice on the how, she knows how to ask. Try to be more sensitive to the heart of the message.
Wow, you sure told me didn't you?
That was not meant to be condescending. I got the heart of her message. I think she feels overwhelmed.
I sincerely beleive that if she does her numbers and sees that she will actually be able to eat something much more than what she probably imagines a lot of the emotional turmoil and pressure she is feeling will subside. It will seem much more doable.
I ask again OP, thanks for checking back but you did not do the TDEE calculator. Can you try to do it and forget that ugly connotation this other poster tried to give it and accept it as a tool to help you see your goal as much more attainable than it probably currently seems?
Here it is again.
http://iifym.com/tdee-calculator/0 -
any day now OP. You still there?
That's pretty condescending. This isn't about a lack of knowledge. This is about an individual expressing emotional despair and needing support. If she wants advice on the how, she knows how to ask. Try to be more sensitive to the heart of the message.
I don't know, when I read the OP my first thought was why does she think she failed? A lot of the times it's because people put crazy restrictions on the calories they should intake or the foods they are eating. Even her followup indicates "bad" food and good food. I'm wondering if she is placing unrealistic expectations on herself, essentially setting herself up for failure. IMO, if she is doing this, helping her realize that is as helpful as offering the moral support others have.0 -
any day now OP. You still there?
That's pretty condescending. This isn't about a lack of knowledge. This is about an individual expressing emotional despair and needing support. If she wants advice on the how, she knows how to ask. Try to be more sensitive to the heart of the message.
Actually, I think she's being really helpful.
Did I miss something where she expressed that she (OP) is knowledgable about nutrition and calories required to lose weight?
Maybe she is feeling like she will fail because she has set an unrealistic deficit for herself. If that's the case, pointing her in the right direction is much more helpful than patting her hand and saying, "now, now dear"
Thank you for understanding me. This is why we are friends.:flowerforyou:0 -
It really is all about one day at a time. Making a change in your life can never be about standing at the beginning and looking at the goal. Just tell yourself it's all about the first step. If you can just take that first step, you've really accomplished something, every time. "One step, and then the next gets you where you're going." Even if you take a step backwards now and then, if you look behind you, you'll see all the steps you took to get you where you are already, and you can use those accomplishments to strengthen yourself to take that step again.
Now that you're here, look around you. You should see other footsteps alongside your path. Those are our footsteps as we walk along with you. Just remember that you never journey alone. When you start to feel like you are alone, reach out to us as we walk alongside you, and we will support you. That's what this journey is all about.0 -
any day now OP. You still there?
That's pretty condescending. This isn't about a lack of knowledge. This is about an individual expressing emotional despair and needing support. If she wants advice on the how, she knows how to ask. Try to be more sensitive to the heart of the message.
I don't know, when I read the OP my first thought was why does she think she failed? A lot of the times it's because people put crazy restrictions on the calories they should intake or the foods they are eating. Even her followup indicates "bad" food and good food. I'm wondering if she is placing unrealistic expectations on herself, essentially setting herself up for failure. IMO, if she is doing this, helping her realize that is as helpful as offering the moral support others have.
and also for you :flowerforyou:0 -
I hated myself also. I went on a beach trip with hubby and two adult children. They were all a pain and I felt like a referee the whole trip. I had gained weight and was miserable. I couldn't stand any of them, the way they were acting. Hubby who is usually good was grouchy also. I thought right then well I might not ever like any of them but I can certainly like myself so I went on to work on me and Yes, Now I like myself! Log those calories, the weight will come off,you can do it!0
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A negative attitude will always get you negative results. Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't let you weight define you. Focus on the positive things in your life and take it one day at time. Don't diet ... Just make small positive changes everyday that will ultimately lead you to your goal. It is truly a lifestyle change! And remember it will take time. Be committed to the long haul. And remember "A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE WILL NEVER GET YOU POSITIVE RESULTS! SO TELL THE NEGATIVE COMMITTEE THAT MEETS IN YOUR HEAD TO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!
I know it's hard, but you can do it.
God bless you on your journey!0 -
+1Thanks, everyone. I woke up feeling a bit better today. Really looking forward to this afternoon. We're going to get rid of the junk in the kitchen then go shopping to get good stuff. We're going to focus on veggies, fruit, beans, whole grains and lean meats.
My husband is disappointed that I don't want to keep the junk on hand anymore but I told him its too easy to grab when I get hungry while feeding the baby. I believe my 2-year-old will adjust just fine. Fruit is her favorite food group and she eats most veggies including raw baby spinach.
I'm doing better eating today, too. Still some bad choices but I made some good ones also. And even when I did make the bad choices today at least I had some self control and didn't go overboard. I'm calling it success so far.
I didn't read this before responding, but let me add that you don't have to make a full 180 overnight. If you can't moderate or portion control the "junk" then fine, get rid of some of it, but many of us found success by moderating it rather than flat out refusing to satisfy our cravings. The real key here is portion control and you have to learn it at some point. 1 or 2 cookies didn't put you in your current position, for example, so don't think that you suddenly have to eat the "perfect" diet. Shoot for better rather than perfect.0 -
Every little step, every little second that you spend walking, playing with your kids, running errands......and telling yourself that you are worth busting your *kitten* for.....is worth every bit of pain, frustration, fear, anger and feeling of hopelessness.
Keep going!!
The best thing that I did for myself was to READ LABELS!! If the ingredients in something aren't food....then leave it at the store!!!
Also, I started looking at and thinking of food as fuel, rather than taste and comfort.
I'm not saying that this will work for you.....we are all so different and motivated by different things.....BUT!!!!
YOU ARE HERE!!! You have taken the first steps and that is often......the most ignored step...
So keep going!!!!! You have so much to be so proud of already....0 -
Congratulations on coming back today! I'm so glad you didn't give up. There is a LOT of great advice offered on these threads, even if it doesn't seem like good advice at first. The most successful people will change their mindset & viewpoints over time and see that even though at first it seemed like people on here might be being mean, they're actually just offering tough love which is generally much better than hand-patting and sugar-coating it.
I'm glad you were able to take your first step, getting rid of all that food must have felt like a huge step forward for you. But keep in mind that there are no "bad" foods, you can eat anything you want as long as you're able to eat it in moderation and maintain a calorie deficit. My advice to you is don't try to make a permanent change unless you think it is something that you can maintain for a lifetime (or at the very least for more than a month) If you don't think you can go the rest of your life without a chocolate chip cookie, then don't bother giving them up completely now.
Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
and now some practical advice OP...
get started with these links:
here's a very brief introduction into what's important for weight loss:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/952996-level-obstacles-lose-weight-target-fat-easy
here's a longer introduction covering some of the same topics in more detail:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
be patient. set realistic goals. log everything accurately. be diligent. stick to it. the weight will come off. don't be too hard on yourself if you have a bad day or a bad week... we all do. your path from point A to point B will not be a linear one. it never is for anyone.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/ihad/view/the-path-of-success-631437
stay focused and don't give up.
there are some people on here who have lost 300+ lbs. there are even more who have lost 200+ lbs. and you almost can't move around in here without tripping over somebody who has lost 100+ lbs. so your goal is ABSOLUTELY obtainable. the information you need to know can be found here in the forums, in the groups, and on your friends list.0 -
and if your hubby wants junk food, tell him to take it downstairs or somewhere out of sight because he needs to support you. My hubby did this for a while and then he got on board and lost weight also.0
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and if your hubby wants junk food, tell him to take it downstairs or somewhere out of sight because he needs to support you. My hubby did this for a while and then he got on board and lost weight also.
I wouldn't encourage anyone to tell their spouse what they "ought" to do in terms what he/she eats. That's not a lack of a support. That's choice.0 -
and this one too. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1235566-so-you-re-new-here0
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for another, slightly different suggestion. if you have trouble sleeping get tested for Apnea.
None of my weight loss was possible until after I treated my apnea.
None.
The rest came after I actually relearned what sleep was. What I thought for years was just depression, was all induced by my body waking up 67 times per hour. ask a doc just in case.0 -
and if your hubby wants junk food, tell him to take it downstairs or somewhere out of sight because he needs to support you. My hubby did this for a while and then he got on board and lost weight also.
I wouldn't encourage anyone to tell their spouse what they "ought" to do in terms what he/she eats. That's not a lack of a support. That's choice.
OP said her hubby was disappointed she did not want junk food around. I know if I started losing weight I would appreciate my spouse putting his junk food out of sight, I would do that for him also. I think this is being supportive. I would not drink around an alcoholic when they first got sober. I needed extra help in the beginning. I had to learn to take care of myself for a change Instead of everyone else. It is easy for Moms to lookout for everyone else and not ask for what they need.0 -
and if your hubby wants junk food, tell him to take it downstairs or somewhere out of sight because he needs to support you. My hubby did this for a while and then he got on board and lost weight also.
I wouldn't encourage anyone to tell their spouse what they "ought" to do in terms what he/she eats. That's not a lack of a support. That's choice.
OP said her hubby was disappointed she did not want junk food around. I know if I started losing weight I would appreciate my spouse putting his junk food out of sight, I would do that for him also. I think this is being supportive. I would not drink around an alcoholic when they first got sober. I needed extra help in the beginning. I had to learn to take care of myself for a change Instead of everyone else. It is easy for Moms to lookout for everyone else and not ask for what they need.
OP has enough challenges to tackle lets not put on her agenda changing her entire family as well. She can make the changes she needs without putting demands on or starting war with ppl in her home. Once she sees how much she is entitled too cals wise it might now make sense to throw out all the things in the world that came in a package.0 -
and if your hubby wants junk food, tell him to take it downstairs or somewhere out of sight because he needs to support you. My hubby did this for a while and then he got on board and lost weight also.
I wouldn't encourage anyone to tell their spouse what they "ought" to do in terms what he/she eats. That's not a lack of a support. That's choice.
OP said her hubby was disappointed she did not want junk food around. I know if I started losing weight I would appreciate my spouse putting his junk food out of sight, I would do that for him also. I think this is being supportive. I would not drink around an alcoholic when they first got sober. I needed extra help in the beginning. I had to learn to take care of myself for a change Instead of everyone else. It is easy for Moms to lookout for everyone else and not ask for what they need.
OP has enough challenges to tackle lets not put on her agenda changing her entire family as well. She can make the changes she needs without putting demands on or starting war with ppl in her home. Once she sees how much she is entitled too cals wise it might now make sense to throw out all the things in the world that came in a package.
Agreed. She would be better spent focusing her efforts internally than requiring everyone else to do what she wants in the name of "support."0 -
Each day is a new beginning at one point all of us here have slipped off or fallen off the wagon completely don't think big.. start on the small swap things out full fat for low fat cut down your portions as your stomach shrinks go a little bit further and limit junk foods and soda. Set small achievable goals say 10 pounds at a time it is less daunting that way . Make sure to reward yourself when you hit your target you are definitely in the right place xx0
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and if your hubby wants junk food, tell him to take it downstairs or somewhere out of sight because he needs to support you. My hubby did this for a while and then he got on board and lost weight also.
I wouldn't encourage anyone to tell their spouse what they "ought" to do in terms what he/she eats. That's not a lack of a support. That's choice.
OP said her hubby was disappointed she did not want junk food around. I know if I started losing weight I would appreciate my spouse putting his junk food out of sight, I would do that for him also. I think this is being supportive. I would not drink around an alcoholic when they first got sober. I needed extra help in the beginning. I had to learn to take care of myself for a change Instead of everyone else. It is easy for Moms to lookout for everyone else and not ask for what they need.
OP has enough challenges to tackle lets not put on her agenda changing her entire family as well. She can make the changes she needs without putting demands on or starting war with ppl in her home. Once she sees how much she is entitled too cals wise it might now make sense to throw out all the things in the world that came in a package.
Agreed. She would be better spent focusing her efforts internally than requiring everyone else to do what she wants in the name of "support."
If I'm the type of person to eat every last cookie till they are gone (I am), I too might consider asking a roommate to please enjoy their treats outside of the house, or lock them away somehow. I won't always need this crutch but why not leverage it to success while I can?0
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