Talking behind people's backs

gkauf744

Thanks for all the ideas...

We're not going walking today, but I probably will walk with her again at some point. There really aren't that many people in my organization who work out over lunch break.

prettygirlstorm1

I would definitely say something to her. Knowing me it is going to be sarcastic and she will know exactly how I feel. I would tell that not everyone can be naturally thin and fit some of us have to work a little harder. You make a personal choice to do what you do and the other co workers have done the same. Who is she to judge anyone. I hate to be around people like that. If you say nothing she may feel that you agree and she won't stop. If you don't feel comfortable saying something to her then find an excuse not to walk with her.

paulawatkins1974

She probably won't care/believe what you tell her about the why. I'd just tell her that you prefer not to talk about other people on your trips. Or if she's turned you off, just say you've decided to become one of the non-exercisers so you can't join her anymore.

So much of this!!

I definitely wouldn't bother trying to "enlighten" this woman but I would let her know that I'm not a member of "Team Holier Than Thou".

Most of my female friends are really great about NOT dissing others behind their backs. A few still have a long way to go in that area. I am not saying that I never ever gossip...if someone just made a horrible life decision or said something really rude to another friend, I'll probably have a catty little conversation with my closest girlfriends about it. Not gonna lie.

But I am not into cheap shots on peoples' weight, clothes, hair, etc. When I'm around them and they start in with that stuff on someone else who isn't present, I make a point of saying something nice about the person and dropping the topic. They almost always notice and shut up. Sometimes I'll even say something about staying positive, or remind them that we've all had our moments like that bad perm or whatever.

This is definitely something I have noticed as we all age. In our 20s my friends and I were more likely to rake another friend over the coals for her bad outfit and now we're like "Yep, that's Kate...she does not give a f*** sometimes" and just laugh in a nice way.

I wish there were more women like you in my area to be friends with! I am the same way! And when I tell ppl I don't really like to talk about ppl, They're like "Oh she thinks she's better than us" So ya can't win! Sure, If someone personally pisses me off, I may rant about it to others but not about stupidness that's none of my business

dayzeyblue

The next time she brings up this topic, I would relate it to yourself as her friend. I would tell her how it has been hard for you to lose weight and the difficulties you have seen and dealt w/ emotionally and physically. If she has never had to deal w/ it why would it not seem like just a matter of "why don't they just stop eating" to her. As someone who has grown up the fat sister compared to my 2 naturally thin sisters it suprised them how difficult my life has been over theirs in this one area and how much it impacted me emotionally. If after having a dialogue with her she still seems to think she is better than these heavier ladies you may want to just let her know that it bothers you as it hits a personal nerve and see if she wants to grow as a person or lose a walking buddy.

likitisplit

Just smile and say "I know better than to judge other people on their struggles." If she keeps it up, point out that it sounds ugly.

gkauf744

Thanks. I like that idea, at least trying to explain to her how hard it has been to lose the weight.

Calliope610

If you want others to mind their own business and not talk about others, maybe you should do the same.....

Yeah, and find another walking buddy.

margannmks

You could invite one of the overweight coworkers to walk with you im sure shed stop then. But seriously ,if your just walking with her cause theres noone else then just stop,but if she has other qualities that you do like then tell her it bothers you, no explanation just change the subject.

AglaeaC

It really depends on the person. If she's aggressively pushing the topic each time she sees you, I'd calmly say something well-thought through to make her stop talking about it when you meet. If it's a rarely broached topic, I'd smoothly steer the topic to something more neutral.

I don't think adults can be schooled and if they behave like *kitten*, it reflects on them alone. If they are open to be schooled aka ask questions rather than make statements, I might grab the opportunity to "enlighten" them, but otherwise in my humble opinion it's a complete waste of my resources. Whatever she thinks affects my life neither directly nor indirectly apart from what she says when we meet and even that I can choose to ignore; my ears might hear the words that come out of her mouth but I can choose not to take them to heart. And I walk away to greener pastures, not weighed down by her black-and-white ideas. Choose one's battles and all that jazz.

skippygirlsmom

Like I tell my 14 year old daugther, if you want to stay friends with people who are talking about someone, you need to say "hey don't we have better things to discuss than so and so" and change the subject. If that doesn't work, you need to excuse yourself from the conversation and move on. She has done this a few times and each time she has had to do it someone else in the group says, "you're right" and the whole conversation moves on.

gkauf744

Like I tell my 14 year old daugther, if you want to stay friends with people who are talking about someone, you need to say "hey don't we have better things to discuss than so and so" and change the subject. If that doesn't work, you need to excuse yourself from the conversation and move on. She has done this a few times and each time she has had to do it someone else in the group says, "you're right" and the whole conversation moves on.

This is great advice!

disneygallagirl

I like this quote...

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

^ this explains a lot. Love it!

brianpperkins

I go walking over lunch break with a woman who has perhaps never had a weight problem. I'm down to about 6lbs overweight, and I look almost like I'm a healthy weight and I exercise a lot. So this woman keeps bringing up the subject of "fat people" and complaining about people in the organization who are "too fat" and who don't exercise. And I feel really uncomfortable. Should I try to explain how hard it is to stop eating to someone who has maybe never experienced that before?

So it's bad for her to talk behind people's back to you but it's ok for you to go online about her behind her back?

Stating that she "perhaps never had a weight problem" indicates that you do not know if she was overweight or not in her past ... at least you've made your assumption on that topic to bolster your position as you mimic the behavior you rail against.

levitateme

Like I tell my 14 year old daugther, if you want to stay friends with people who are talking about someone, you need to say "hey don't we have better things to discuss than so and so" and change the subject. If that doesn't work, you need to excuse yourself from the conversation and move on. She has done this a few times and each time she has had to do it someone else in the group says, "you're right" and the whole conversation moves on.

This is great advice!

I agree. I generally dislike gossip and will tell people "I am neutral on that topic" and change the subject and it tends to work. If they continue yammering, just say "it'll be a great day if it doesn't rain." That usually confuses people and it's easier to steer them away from a topic. If it's already raining, it will confuse them even more.

seltzermint555

Like I tell my 14 year old daugther, if you want to stay friends with people who are talking about someone, you need to say "hey don't we have better things to discuss than so and so" and change the subject. If that doesn't work, you need to excuse yourself from the conversation and move on. She has done this a few times and each time she has had to do it someone else in the group says, "you're right" and the whole conversation moves on.

This is great advice!

I love it for any age!! YES!

seltzermint555

I go walking over lunch break with a woman who has perhaps never had a weight problem. I'm down to about 6lbs overweight, and I look almost like I'm a healthy weight and I exercise a lot. So this woman keeps bringing up the subject of "fat people" and complaining about people in the organization who are "too fat" and who don't exercise. And I feel really uncomfortable. Should I try to explain how hard it is to stop eating to someone who has maybe never experienced that before?

So it's bad for her to talk behind people's back to you but it's ok for you to go online about her behind her back?

Stating that she "perhaps never had a weight problem" indicates that you do not know if she was overweight or not in her past ... at least you've made your assumption on that topic to bolster your position as you mimic the behavior you rail against.

Whether OP's coworker ever had a weight problem or not is kind of irrelevant in my opinion...if she used to weigh 450 and now is a size 2 that still doesn't make it all cool for her to rag on fat people. Amirite?

RockWarrior84

just sabotage her, when you are offered unhealthy food, give it to her. She will be thankful, but in your mind, you will be thanking her for eating it for you .

Win Win situation.

1911JR

I go walking over lunch break with a woman who has perhaps never had a weight problem. I'm down to about 6lbs overweight, and I look almost like I'm a healthy weight and I exercise a lot. So this woman keeps bringing up the subject of "fat people" and complaining about people in the organization who are "too fat" and who don't exercise. And I feel really uncomfortable. Should I try to explain how hard it is to stop eating to someone who has maybe never experienced that before?

Just laugh and move on, they won`t get it after you do. Only outcome will be, you will be moved to the "behind the back" list. HA HA HA HA.....

in_the_stars

I like this quote...

"Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Madame_Goldbricker

Do you work in an environment where the health/weight of co workers can impact on other members of staff?

If not then then I'd nip it in the bud now & tell her you don't really want to discuss other members of staff. Bottom line every work place people ***** about something. If it wasn't weight it'd probably be something else.

However people will always hold their own opinions & if you try & explain to her how you feel she may/may not take it on board. I wouldn't think it's worth getting into. Just make it plain you don't appreciate that topic of conversation.