VERY SERIOUS QUESTION 2 ASK! PLEAZ READ EVERY 1!!

CHANGES4ME

I NEED 2 ASK EVERY 1, ANY 1 THAT READS THIS! PLEAZZZ HELP ME... HOW MANY OF U OUT HERE HAVE KIDS, ARE FOSTER PARENTS, ARE GRAND PARENTS, ARE RAISING YOUR GRKIDS ?
NOW FOR THE QUESTION; HOW MANY OF U ARE RAISING, OR HAVE RAISED KIDS WITH OUT SPANKIN YOUR KIDS? HOW WELL DID THEY GROW UP? HOW DID YOU SUBSTITUTE PUNISHMENT FOR SPANKING? , I BELIEVE THAT U CAN TAKE THIER CELLS AWAY, PUT THEM ON RESTRICTION, ETC; U DONT HAVE 2 SPANK!!!!! PLEAZ ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, I WILL B WATCHIN TILL ABOUT 1 15 FOR ANSWERS!!! TY, PAMMY

SJSchwartz

I'd say at that age they are too old for spankings. Taking privelidges away is what I would do. What's the most important thing in their lives right now? Cell phones, extracurricular activities, computer time, hanging out with friends, etc... Make them earn it! It's not a RIGHT that they have, it's a privelidge. And be CONSISTANT. If you tell them they have to do this or that, and if they don't then they can't use the computer for a day.. then stick with it! Don't give in to their tears because they're just playing you when they try and cry their way into getting their own way. In the long run, they'll respect you if you're consistant. If you're not, they'll look at you as a weak doormat.

princessmikayla5

I was spanked as a child. I have turned out just fine, no resentment towards parents or anything like that. I am a good person, good student, hard worker. I also respect my parents. I am not afraid of my parents in any way. I know that they only spanked me when necessary NEVER JUST TO HURT AND NEVER MORE THAN ONE SPANK! My parents actually talked to a psychologist and learned the "right way" to spank. I see no problem with it whatsoever.

heymommy0

I have to agree spanking at those ages are to old, I have 3 children 7, 4 and 1 I do delieve in spanking as a last resort, there are so many other things that you can do to punish them. Good luck I hope everything works out for the best.

princessmikayla5

That's true about the ages. I stopped being spanked when I was probably about nine as far as I can remember. After that it was things like no TV or not being able to have sleepovers at friends' houses. I never was spanked that often anyway. My sister and I were usually pretty good kids.

rundgrenfan

A man spanking teens and preteens is questionable. It doesn't work, and it is kind of creepy.

FemininGuns

Corporal punishement is unacceptable.

I don't have kids, but I have 2 nieces & 2 nephews. All four of them have been brought up with time outs and 'losing priviledges' as well as given rewards for acceptable/example behaviours. Unfortunately, spanking is an option for those who are doing the best they can with what they know. Most likely spankers were spankees and were never tought other tools to manage frustrations and parenting tools.

I cringe when I see adults treating children with violence (hitting/spanking is a form of violence) and it continues the cycle of violence. It's showing our children that when you love someone (like parents often tell their childre) you can hit them if they don't behave the way you want them to. I also cringe when I see adults speaking to children with violent communication (i.e. anger in their voices, using foul language etc...). We need to show our children how to love, and that is with hugs, respect and talking things out. Yes, this method takes more patience and time - but is it not what parenthood about?

gnastro

Hi Pammy,
I have 4 children ages 19,16,15 and 13. The only time I ever layed a hand on them was when it was open defiance. I once spanked my daughter when she was much younger and that is it. I feel taking something away works much better. Depending on their age. Losing their cell phone, no tv, not seeing their friends. Spanking should be the last resort. It makes your kids terrified of you. They don't learn anything. I rather they not like me because I took something away then be scared to come to me. Speaking calmly and finding out why did something happen makes so much more sense.Spanking is done out of anger not out of trying to help the child. There has to be consequences for certain actions.
The man in your life sounds like a bully. Either do what I say or I'm leaving you. It doesn't seem like he really cares about your feelings.

peanut352

You can def discipline without spanking! You take privileges away, the things they care about the most and they will start to listen up! Every now and then they might need that firm grip of the arm to get their attention, but I dont think hitting does a damn thing.

I have a 21 yr old son, and an 18 year old daughter, both are in college and working. My husband and I were fairly strict parents, but only by words, never by spanking or hitting. Your just teaching them to hit when you do that.

I dont think "the man in your life" deserves to have any say on how you discipline.

fitterpam

I am not any of the above, but I was raised in a house with a very clear view on the subject. I was never spanked. Also, I've applied to adopt and here there is a full week parenting course that prospective parents have to take on how to discipline your chiildren without spanking. At the ages you're talking about, if it hasn't been how they have been raised, my guess is that it would not be a good idea to start, especially since you aren't their parents. I don't know the story, but if a chlidren's agency has ever been involved then if you spank, you run the risk of losing custody of the children immediately (or you would where I live). They have a zero tolerance policy.

Let's just say that coming out of a home with no spanking, I am a productive member of society with good morals, values and a strong work ethic. I have a healthy respect for my parents but absolutely no fear. I do have a fear of disappointing them though. I know though, from having this discussion with a multitude of people, that this is a subject that many people feel very strongly about and it is possible that you and your guy will not come to an agreement on the topic.

LindaSueBakk

Too old to spank, plus there are much better ways to discipline. Spanking a child that age is humiliating and just plain wrong!

jeanineadele

I would be VERY worried that this man wants to spank your grandchildren. Unfortunately kids don't get to pick who their parents bring in their life.

Alysgrma

I feel for you....I know what you are feeling. I had a daughter and then married another man and had a son with him. He also wanted me to spank her....but never wanted his son spanked.
I refused to spank either one because there are other ways of dealing with things. Looking back on things I can see it was his way
of showing her who was boss..meaning him.
I would not let him spank even though he was her step dad and I surely wouldn't let anyone else spank her., if he is using that as a threat he is bullying you into something you may feel is wrong so why worry about if he stays or not? I know for me I have had
bullies and I refuse to have anymore!
Good Luck

Mary

Christy4027

"The man in your life" has no legal right to lay a hand on those children. If he touches them, he may well face assault charges and you may well face losing custody for allowing it to happen. All it takes is for one of the kids to tell a teacher or a friend's parents and have it reported. A man who is trying to convince you to allow him to hit people you love, against your wishes, needs to be shown the door. Or at least make sure he is never alone with them.

tattoodfreek

It appears to me that the man in your life is trying to be just as controlling over you, as he is over your grandchildren. A man who loves you and cares for you doesn't threaten to leave because he can't hit your grandkids. A discussion over how they should be punished is appropriate. Threats to leave are not. And IMO, step parents/step grandparents/ boyfriends/ etc should not be he ones doing the punishing anyway. It creates resentment between the child and the step parent. In my life, a man who wants to hit my kids can just see his way out the door.

My husband used to spank, and I am not a spanker. We have 5 kids, 2 his, 2 mine, one ours. Most of them in the same age ranges as yours. And I agree that spanking, whether you believe in it or not, is not appropriate at this age regardless.

RoadDog

Your problems are deeper than spanking. You and your mate need to resolve your own issues first. Have to meet this problem with a consolidated front.

Secondly, I'm not a proponent of spanking, not do I believe that there might not be a need. I rarely spanked my children. I can count the spankings I gave my girls on one hand, and that was when they were very young. On the other hand, my wife and I discuss every situation together and when we cousel/punish/reward our children we do so together. We don't hash it out in front of them.

Here's the kicker, though. When we come to a decision and go forward, whatever we decided IS GOING TO HAPPEN. We give respect, we expect respect, but in our home, we are definitley in charge.

A little discipline, whether corporal punishment, or grounding/restriction, etc., is good for your child. They'll be better off for it and they'll thank you later. Ours did.

CHANGES4ME

TY ALL OF U FOR YOUR ANSWERS, I LOOK 4WARDS 2 READING MORE OF ANSWERS TO THIS POLL QUESTION! HOW MANY OF U'AL'S KIDS WERE SPANKED WHEN THEY REPEAT SUM THING THEY WERE PUNISHED FOR... LIKE SNEAKIN OFF, OR TO GO SUM WHERE.

animatedbecca

I see no problem with a swat or two with a young child that is acting out and being defiant. At the age your grandchildren are, spanking is a waste of time. They are going to get angry and thats about it. Take away whats important to them, cell phone, video game or whatever. I use to also have my teenagers give me an essay, report or whatever explaining why what they did caused the punishment and why it was unacceptable behavior. Those papers were meant to assure me they understood, sometimes they had alot more insight than I had even thought about! I also have a HUGE problem with a man wanting to spank teens who are not even related to him! Red flag!!

jesse14472

I have spanked in the past, but only as a last resort and only maybe a handfull of times for either of my children. I think your grandchildren are too old and will only resent the fact, thus promoting more acting out. Revoking privileges works well with my son @ 12 yrs old. I also assign a dreaded chore. The one that they both hate.....picking up the dog poop in the back yard! Good luck!

Marla64

The issue on the table is not discipline-- it's this guy trying to tell you what to do with your grandkids???? Huh? And there's even a question? Tell this bum to hit the road. How is there even a question in your mind?

amstein18

Spanking is the lazy mans solution to dealing with problems & behavioral issues!!! NEVER SPANK YOUR CHILDREN!!! youre setting an example that hitting and violence are okay!!!! i know that a lot of people would argue that they were spanked & turned out fine & i'm sure that is accurate but WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU TAKE THAT CHANCE?!?!? kids CAN be reasoned with (ESP AT THAT AGE). people use spanking as a tool to teach, yet when your child hits someone you yell at them, right? TOTAL DOUBLE STANDARD! i have a degree in psychology & have studied a lot about this issue.. bottom line is... do NOT use physical punishment!!!!

JennaM222

Sorry, but IT IS A FREAKING SPANKING. samck on the butt. I remeber being spanked twice when I was younger, my sister and brothers as well. When we were VERY naughty, we got spanked, and you better believe we didn't dare do whatever got us in trouble in the first place again.

My father, who is the most caring, generous, and gentle man in the world got the belt when he was younger. People are so concerned with the violence, kids growing up to be violent. Letting your kid watch TV unsupervised or play all those outragious xbox games is worse than a spanking or two. Balogna.

michie1979

YOU should leave HIM!!!!!
He has NO right to spank YOUR GrKids!!!! How would their mother feel about that!!!! He sounds very controlling. Negative punishment is not the way to go, however I do believe a spank on the bum if a child has crossed some boundries, and needs to learn a lesson in order to keep them safe in the future (e.g. i got spanked for going on Train Tracks when I was 5, and i deserved it! I sure as hell didnt go near them again! I could have been killed!)
Plus, they are waaay to old for spanking. They could accuse him of assault if he did hit them, and he could probabaly end up in jail.

I would definitely be worried about a grown man wanting to spank teenagers that arent his?!?!?!?!

Brat3073

... THE MAN IN MY LIFE IS TELLIN ME THAT HE IS GOIN 2 LEAVE CUZ I WONT LET HIM PUNISH MY GRKIDS...
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First off, 11 and 13 are too old to be spanking. Second....the man in your life....so i take it that you are not married to him...that so means HE HAS NO RIGHT to spank them, punish them or lay a hand on them. However, he does have a right to put his opinion out there. I think taking privileges from the kids is fine. when my 15 year old was little, he got a few spankings, but mostly it was time out and redirection......and to be honest, my timeouts were rough, he would have rather had a spanking! LOL I dont feel spanking are bad, in fact im a firm believer in them and my 19 month old even gets a pat on the hind end when needed (if he is doing something that is going to hurt him or someone else). I was spanked as a child....whats good for the goose is good for the gander. I think you need to tell the man in your life that they are your kids and you will punish as you see fit, hes got no right to lay a hand on them. Im sure you dont want him to leave, but if he cant RESPECT your decisions on discipline for the kids, then maybe he dosent respect yo.......just a though.

CHANGES4ME

MY FRIENDS FROM WORK BELIEVES THAT AS U GET OLDER, U NEED TRUST 2 LEARN THINGS, U DONT GO BEHIND THIER BACKS, SNOOPIN IN DROORS; UNLES THEY GIVE U A REASON TOO... & THE TYMES THAT THEY WERE SPANKED, IS LESS THEN THE FINGERS ON 1 HAND... WHEN IT COMES 2 DISAPLINE, THIS THE ONLY, THE ONLY THING WE SEE DIFFERENTLY.....

VCStarr

I don't think this has anything to do with eating nutritiously, exercising, and losing weight. This conversation should not be posted here.

JennaM222

I also agree with other posters. 11 & 13 are too old for spankings.

GinaB30

He's not even related to these kids right? He has nooo right to lay his hands on them.
Besides, they are way too old for a spanking! I got a few as a kid and I turned out (in my opinion) pretty good...but I wasn't spanked after the age of 8.
I'd be concerned about this guy.

Brat3073

Sorry, but IT IS A FREAKING SPANKING. samck on the butt. I remeber being spanked twice when I was younger, my sister and brothers as well. When we were VERY naughty, we got spanked, and you better believe we didn't dare do whatever got us in trouble in the first place again.

My father, who is the most caring, generous, and gentle man in the world got the belt when he was younger. People are so concerned with the violence, kids growing up to be violent. Letting your kid watch TV unsupervised or play all those outragious xbox games is worse than a spanking or two. Balogna.

i do not agree....this man is not their father or even grandfather, he has no right to spank them. As for the Xbox games....my kids play them.....they dont hurt kids.....i choose the games that are bought......the games you are talking about....yeah, they are not the best...but thats on the parents for buying them to begin with!

GinaB30

She seems pretty upset and frantic...probably wasn't looking at where the right place to post was.

Yasmine91

I was beaten when I was a child, be it with slippers, belts, or hands. I was even caned. On my mothers side, in Morocco, beating your children is nothing abnormal. My cousin is 22 and she still gets beaten. And from what I have seen, constant beatings results in fear to do anything, so we are obedient but only out of fear. I am 19 now and I don't get beaten that much, maybe the occasional slap in the face or head but I'm used to it so it doesn't hurt as much.

All I'm saying is that beating your kids isn't the best of methods, I don't know about kids of this generation because from what I've seen, they just don't care if you beat them or take their things away.