Those with kids - did you always know you wanted them?

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  • j3rmwarfare
    j3rmwarfare Posts: 243
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    THANK YOU!! Booger on the sleeves absolutely. I can't even stand to change a pooped diaper. You're going straight to the tub kid. I don't want to go near that. My family laughed at me because I bought a case of latex gloves for changes when I was getting ready for kid #1. Like I said, kid #2, no need for gloves, you're getting a hose down.
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    Holy cow, i admire your effort! Do you really bath and/or hose your kid down every time they have a poopy diaper!? I think that takes alot of work. I feel lazy just wiping them down with a wet wipe and slapping a new diaper on.
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
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    I never wanted kids. I (stupidly) married a male who did. After 12 years of marriage, I got pregnant. I was NOT happy, and the husband had this doofy grin on his face when told of the pregnancy. Not only did I not want kids, I didn't want a boy, but said husband did. As you might conclude, I had a boy. I was 41 at the time. That was 12 years ago. The best thing I did for myself, and my son, was get rid of the husband and achieve the stability that my son and I needed and deserved. The main reason I never wanted kids was that I correctly assumed that kids would just be one more thing for ME to take care of. I was dead-on accurate. But I'm keeping my boy and he is the focal point of my life until he is off to college/military/whatever as a young adult. He is an awesome person.

    At 21, I think it's crazy (my opinion) to be even thinking about marriage, let alone kids. 20 years older than you are now, I still wasn't ready, but knew it was my total responsibility to raise this child as best I could. I completely, utterly, unconditionally love my son and would not change where we are now. FWIW

    THIS! Your son is one handsome young man!
  • Lisa1971
    Lisa1971 Posts: 3,069 Member
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    I never wanted kids either. Now I have the best daughter and son in the world. I love love love them to death! I just wish I would've had them earlier!
  • msbeeblebrox
    msbeeblebrox Posts: 133 Member
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    I've always known I didn't want children. I didn't sign my marriage certificate until I was positive my husband to be felt the same way. I'm twenty six, and I've been married for four years.
  • paulawatkins1974
    paulawatkins1974 Posts: 720 Member
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    You're 21. You don't have to figure it out right now. Your soon to be husband doesn't have it all figured out either. He might want kids with you in 10 years when his son is older and he misses the cute early years. Unless the man you are marrying is medically compromised, I have to :laugh: at his assertion that he'll be too old to handle things so you'll have to do most of it. It's your life, your marriage, you obviously have to work out what works for you both. But to me it's a little dubious that if you don't have a baby now, you'll get double the work. If you have a baby this year, are you still going to be doing double the work when the kiddo is 7-8?
    And I must add, as evolved as we think we've come, most (& I'll say most as to not offend those rare few) most of the time, the woman will be doing most of the work anyway. Whatever age. My hubs is great about helping. Or trying to, but when I get home from work and ask if our son has eaten, he's like ya we had some chips, a slice of toast, some cookies, crackers etc. And did you brush his teeth? Oops forgot. And I work afternoons he's on days which means most nights my son is in bed before I'm fifnished with his teeth not brushed.
  • JBfoodforlife
    JBfoodforlife Posts: 1,371 Member
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    Whether you want kids or not, once you have them, you cannot imagine life without them... I never had a strong urge to have kids, but knew I would love to have them... I have a son... :)
  • Adw7677
    Adw7677 Posts: 201 Member
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    I didn't think of this when I replied originally...

    I got married at 22. My husband was like 40, 41. We had kids. That was 13 years ago and he's still able to interact with them and whatnot. Your man should be perfectly capable of being a father in 10 years, when and if it's what you want.
  • Cheeky_and_Geeky
    Cheeky_and_Geeky Posts: 984 Member
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    I never wanted kids, but got pregnant at 22 (too young), but of course I adore my daughter & husband. Kids change your life. I'm a better person because of my daughter & have never been happier.

    You're still young, enjoy being newly weds & re evaluate in 5, 7, 10 years. You don't need to make a decision for a long time. I know plenty of older parents. Being an older parent, you typically have more financial stability, and patience. Adoption is also an option if you want a child, but don't want to birth a child.

    Good luck!
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    Yes. I'd have 10 or more if I had the money to support them all and wasn't getting so damn old . . .
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,520 Member
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    Yes, when I was 21 I knew I wanted to have kids. I was dating my husband at the time (just not married).

    21 is very young though, you have plenty of time to decide either way. You may feel differently a decade from now; maybe not.

    I may have plenty of time to decide, but he doesn't. And if I were to wait a decade to have children with him, then I'd be saddling twice as much of the work. He has made that very clear. I'm asking this question mostly because when I express my desire to NOT have children, women brush it off as, "Oh, you'll change your mind", yet they would NEVER say that to a man who says he doesn't want children. :huh:

    Your soon-to-be husband is what 33?! That is not old!! I'm 34. But seriously, he has plenty more time to have more kids...he's got another decade. 43 is still (kind of) young.
  • cheliekayy
    cheliekayy Posts: 37 Member
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    My first child was an accident (at 17). I'm pro choice, but abortion wasn't a choice for me. I don't regret having my daughter at all. However, I will say this ...
    At 21 I met and married a man 12 years my senior. Think hard about it. The age difference wasn't an issue then. Some 15 years later... It's a huge issue.
    I also know his feeling of having his kids far apart and agree with him. I had a second child at 27 (my kids are nearly 11 years apart) and I'd not recommend it to anyone.

    That said, I love my kids. Never thought about did I want them or not - they just happened. But had I to do it over Id have considered the age difference A LOT more (and ultimately probably not done it ) and the long term issues it could cause. And I'd have aimed for not such a huge age gap.

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