Big boned

amberj32

So for years, I used to say this. "I'm just big boned, that's why I look so big, right?" But I finally stopped believing that and I have been working hard to bring out my smaller person inside.

Recently I hit my 50 lbs lost. I was super happy. I posted before and afters here and got such an encouraging response, I felt giddy. I'm not at goal yet, but not too far off now. My problem is the people around me now are unintentionally bringing me down. After I posted my before and after pictures I got several comments from friends that I know were not meant to be mean or insulting, but they really brought me down.

My coworker after see the pictures kept saying that she was happy for me but couldn't see the 50 lbs lost. She said that she never saw me as "that big before". This small comment threw me off. I thought, is it really not that noticeable? Is all my hard work

My running partner and also another coworker told me the other day during a run that she thinks I'm just one of those people who are just big boned. Yet again, an innocent comment but since that used to be my excuse for my fatness I was upset. Does that mean I can never be the slim size I am aiming towards? Will I always be a bigger woman?

And lastly, my boyfriend, my wonderful, sweet, caring boyfriend. He tried to cheer me up when I was feeling down last week after these comments, but instead I felt worse then ever after our conversation on the phone. The other night after telling him about my friends comments and how they brought me down, he tried to help. He said that I had done a great job and he was proud of me but... he said he thinks I'm just one of those people with "a child bearing frame, a bit of a bigger girl." He tried to back track after that, but I was in tears.

I know that everyone is built differently and I'm not aiming to look like a model, but I feel like what they are saying is that I can never look like a slim person. I don't want to give up, but this has really brought me down and for the first few days after this I obsessed over my calories and exercise in an almost unhealthy way. I've quickly snapped out of that, but I could use some advice. Does anyone else ever feel this way? Am I just being stupid?

I came across your before and after pics last week. I think you look great and there is no way looking at those two photos and not seeing a difference! Congratulations!!! The dress in your after pic is super cute!!

98777

Yes, I have felt this way and I believe it is an illusion you must break.

Stop looking at pictures of skinny girls for motivation! They are not any better looking than bigger women who are in shape.

In fact, I cannot believe I used to think that way. When I hear "I will never look like a supermodel," to me, that is not a bad thing at all, nor is it good. This is what I hear: "I will never be skinny and beautiful. I will be curvy and beautiful."...or something like that.

Women have been harassing each other for so long that now they have convinced themselves and even some men that being bigger is a negative, but once again, that is an illusion.

zeal26

Even when I was a slightly underweight teen, I was s till pretty big from my hips down. The weight always just keeps coming off my waist and stomach. We all have different bodies and I don't think it's an ''excuse'' to say you'll never ever size X and still be healthy because it's true for lots of people!

Nachise

I am genuinely big boned. I am just a shade under 5'4" and I have a long trunk and short legs. I suffered from a medical condition that reabsorbed calcium from my bones, and my large frame kept me from getting osteoporosis. I had surgery last year to correct this condition, and now my large frame is really helpful in weight training and getting back into shape.

Here is a link that will help you determine if you are big boned:
http://www.ehow.com/how_5168157_measure-size-see-big-boned.html

This test doesn't mean anything. There is a more accurate one that measures your elbow as well.

I was looking for that. I remember doing that, and it solidly puts me in big boned territory.

fatalis_vox

OP, you look amazing, and you will only continue to improve as you continue to work for it. 50 pounds is an incredible difference, and you should be incredibly proud of yourself for all your hard work.

I'm not really sure if I'm "big-boned" or not. I'm 5'1, I have broad shoulders and broad hips, as well as very muscular legs. (I consider myself to have an "atheletic frame.") and I will NEVER be thin.

And that's awesome. I know a lot of very thin girls. I think they're beautiful. Most of them wish they were curvier. I know a lot of curvy girls. I think they're beautiful. Most of them wish they were thinner. I know a lot of fat girls. I think they're beautiful. Most of them wish they were thinner, and had hourglass-ratio curves.

I think that everyone is insecure about their body type, wishing it could be different.

Personally, I love being curvy. My physical ideal is very 1950s kind of classic. It could be because at my best, that's the body type I have. Small waist, broad shoulders and hips, very shapely legs. But when I stand next to one of my very thin friends, I feel so awkward and lumpy, and I wonder if I look like a graceless oaf in comparison with these delicate, willowy women.

At my biggest, I got up to 150. That is...pretty big for a woman of my height. I've lost twelve pounds now, (My profile says 5; I had already lost 7 when I got back on MFP) and I'm starting to feel better about myself. Other people don't notice, they tell me that I've "always been" and "Where did you lose it from?" and "no WAY you were/are THAT HEAVY." And that can get hurtful. They mean well, but it can really crush you after an accomplishment (Like for me, breaking the 140 mark and getting the response, "I don't know where you could have lost 10 pounds from.")

Whatever your goal is, wherever you feel the most beautiful, the most healthy, the most energetic, the strongest, whatever; that's where you should be. I don't care if you're "big boned" or "curvy" or whatever you want to call it. You work hard, you've gotten incredible results, and you will get where you want to be.

thatawesomechick82

Story of my life! I battle with these thoughts regularly!! Just keep your chin up sista and try to remind yourself it isn't about how others see you, it is about how YOU see you!!!

p.s. you look GREAT!!!

thatawesomechick82

Correct me if I am wrong but... (IMO) being 'big boned" doesn't have much to do with losing weight or being healthy. It is just the way your body is laid out (so to speak).

I never bought in to the big boned, small boned thing.

Linnaea27

OP, there is a big difference between your before and now photos! I agree with others who have said that the person that apparently barely noticed your weight loss must either be jealous or not very perceptive.

You might find, as you get close to your goal and your body fat percentage gets a lot lower, that you are smaller framed than you think. . . or not. Either way is good. Personally, I thought for years that I had a "medium" frame, and that was why I seemed to be a little plump all the time with a 29 1/2" waist at 5'1" (which I thought was too big around). I didn't think I could get much smaller than a size 8. That was before I realized I was really unhappy with my looks and started losing weight. In the process, I think I've discovered that I actually have more of a small/medium frame, and I am now solidly in size 4. So I was wrong about my frame size-- I just was heavier than I needed to be.

And, losing 50 pounds is a humongous accomplishment! Wow!

Linnaea27

OP, you look amazing, and you will only continue to improve as you continue to work for it. 50 pounds is an incredible difference, and you should be incredibly proud of yourself for all your hard work.

I'm not really sure if I'm "big-boned" or not. I'm 5'1, I have broad shoulders and broad hips, as well as very muscular legs. (I consider myself to have an "atheletic frame.") and I will NEVER be thin.

And that's awesome. I know a lot of very thin girls. I think they're beautiful. Most of them wish they were curvier. I know a lot of curvy girls. I think they're beautiful. Most of them wish they were thinner. I know a lot of fat girls. I think they're beautiful. Most of them wish they were thinner, and had hourglass-ratio curves.

I think that everyone is insecure about their body type, wishing it could be different.

Personally, I love being curvy. My physical ideal is very 1950s kind of classic. It could be because at my best, that's the body type I have. Small waist, broad shoulders and hips, very shapely legs. But when I stand next to one of my very thin friends, I feel so awkward and lumpy, and I wonder if I look like a graceless oaf in comparison with these delicate, willowy women.

At my biggest, I got up to 150. That is...pretty big for a woman of my height. I've lost twelve pounds now, (My profile says 5; I had already lost 7 when I got back on MFP) and I'm starting to feel better about myself. Other people don't notice, they tell me that I've "always been" and "Where did you lose it from?" and "no WAY you were/are THAT HEAVY." And that can get hurtful. They mean well, but it can really crush you after an accomplishment (Like for me, breaking the 140 mark and getting the response, "I don't know where you could have lost 10 pounds from.")

Whatever your goal is, wherever you feel the most beautiful, the most healthy, the most energetic, the strongest, whatever; that's where you should be. I don't care if you're "big boned" or "curvy" or whatever you want to call it. You work hard, you've gotten incredible results, and you will get where you want to be.

Oh my, you sound just like me! Same height, same figure type. I also love retro/vintage style and even late Victorian style and art because I think my appearance/figure is most like the ideal of times past. And I also sometimes envy very thin girls, and feel kind of pudgy next to them-- even though, now, I am pretty thin myself. I still don't have the willowy, long, tiny waist I have always admired in others, but that is OK because I'm beautiful the way I am. As are you, I'm sure!

One of my best friends is fairly tall and has always been a bit heavy. But she looks like one of those women in Art Nouveau illustrations, and has a really nice figure. It's not necessary to be thin to be attractive, though we're strongly conditioned to think so.

ValGogo

Wow, I was actually feeling for you.

Big boned....I'm big boned....the doctor x-rayed my arm when I busted my *kitten* falling years ago and he said "my, you have big bones."

In the heavy picture, you still look good. I see a difference, hell yes.

But that's got to be rough when people say that to you. You're not stupid; people are just insensitive, well meaning though they may be.

You know what....don't show anyone photos anymore, unless they are like-minded, fitness oriented people who will be on the same page.

Keep up the good work.

fatalis_vox

Oh my, you sound just like me! Same height, same figure type. I also love retro/vintage style and even late Victorian style and art because I think my appearance/figure is most like the ideal of times past. And I also sometimes envy very thin girls, and feel kind of pudgy next to them-- even though, now, I am pretty thin myself. I still don't have the willowy, long, tiny waist I have always admired in others, but that is OK because I'm beautiful the way I am. As are you, I'm sure!

One of my best friends is fairly tall and has always been a bit heavy. But she looks like one of those women in Art Nouveau illustrations, and has a really nice figure. It's not necessary to be thin to be attractive, though we're strongly conditioned to think so.

Wanna be friends? XD