Struggling with a toxic environment

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Replies

  • rach_melb
    rach_melb Posts: 4
    Two months ago I walked out on my entire family.
    Similar environment. Drugs, alcohol, untreated mental illness in my brother, verbal and psychological abuse, violence in other ways not directed at people (smashing objects and the house).... and to top it off a narcassistic mother who enjoyed playing family members off one another and constantly playing the victim. UGH total nightmare.

    The best thing I ever did was leave. I will never look back. I am total no contact... not for lack of their trying to contact me.
    Live for yourself... be happy. Its really amazing how freeing it is when you dont have that kind of drama to deal with anymore and you can get on with your life without all the bs.

    Good luck!
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    I come from a very problematic family and what I can tell you is to run so you can save yourself. They can drink themselves to death, might succeed in committing suicide, might set the house or fire or whatever. It is not your fault. You cannot prevent it. You cannot change who they are. If you get much older and financially stable (not anytime soon) you can force them to e.g. get into a hospital after a suicide threat. Still you cannot save them. If at any point they decide to seek help, you can support them. You cannot make them want help, you cannot be responsible for them. You can end up like them by staying in this environment. If this is not the future you want, leave and do not look back. You are not responsible for your mother or your sister. Ideally you should have no contact, to save your sanity, no matter how much you love them. If you can, find a therapist to talk to, for your sake, not theirs. But, repeat to yourself: this is not your fault and no matter what happens, you cannot do anything to help.
  • messiahs
    messiahs Posts: 40 Member
    Next question... why hasn't your father stepped in sooner?

    A couple years ago we had a falling out. We didn't talk until last September, and I was the one who started talking to him again.

    Thanks for the replies, guys. @rach_melb Yep! My situation *is* similar. They seem to feed off drama and my mom gives me vibes that makes me believe she loves the attention, even if it's negative.
  • JCPinTX
    JCPinTX Posts: 1
    I grew up with a mentally ill, alcoholic, abusive father. My mom was too beaten down to leave. I left when I became an adult and moved 4 hours away. My sibling stayed close be them. I went to therapy. He didn't. I prayed A LOT. He doesn't. I stayed away 16 years. I visited often and talked to my mom nearly every day but I was not there in the middle of the chaos and anger and drama. I will always have issues and guilt. Leaving was so hard but if you are unwell you are no good to anyone else. My brother has a very messed up life and I think it's because he never was able to leave. So fight the urge to stay. You are not being disloyal. Move away just far enough to be out of easy reach. Pray and find good, kind friends. Go to therapy. You will need to be strong for your family one day, as I was in my parents' old age. But you have to do some healing first. God bless.

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