Long...but serious stuff. Need advice!! :)

firfeous

I just can't believe anyone would want to keep their kids in Bridgeport schools. Move to Shelton or Fairfield or Trumbull. None of them are more than 20 minutes from Bridgeport with traffic.

Unless it's stipulated in your divorce agreement that you have to stay in Bridgeport, just move, then tell him afterwards your new address, don't make a bigger deal out of it than it has to be.

sweetcurlz67

Can I reply without reading it?

It is quite lengthy (

It's like a Lifetime movie of the week!! LOL!

Be careful with this clown, mental abuse is every bit as serious as physical abuse and it often leads to the physical abuse. Joking aside, if you’re not careful this could turn into a “Lifetime movie of the week.” If he is as vindictive as you say he is then you need to be extra careful.

QTF - and from experience!

IPAkiller

Hooray, another one sided story with a ton of accusations about a guy that none of us know. Yet, the judgments fly and insane "advice' is given. Boy, I sure hope my ex-wife starts a thread about me so everyone on the internets can paint me as the worst person in the world. Not saying things aren't bad for the OP, just suggesting this might be the wrong place to air your dirty laundry. Certified internet lawyers and psychologists aren't going to help you. The only advice given that I agree with, is get your butt into mediation. If it's as horrible as you claim, the councilor will make the proper recommendations to the court with YOUR KID'S best interests. But be prepared, if you happen to be the crazy one or both of you are just plain nuts, it could end up in the court making decisions either you or both of you might not like. I hope the best for your kiddo's.

TamTastic

I appreciate all the responses.. it is a tough situation and not as easy because he does love the boys. I don't doubt that. And he can be fun with them. They talk sports, etc. He's not great at stability and creating calm. Never has been. So that is my job.

He does have bipolar, severe ADHD (to the point he was told he should never own a driver's license), and is a recovering alcoholic, among other things. He did go to hospitals as a sociopath in his teens too. And to reform school. Just a long, troubled history. And yet he can be a big goofball, and just easy going. The next day, something sets him off. I've never understood it and could almost see when the moment happened. He'd stop looking at me, and start looking at the ground, baring his teeth..and I could see the wheels in his head over thinking and making everything worse. Jekyl and Hyde. His sister wants nothing to do with him because of his treatment of her.

My goal is to just create calm, consistency and a healing environment. I don't even date. I work full time, take care of them, have friends that my boys love too. I'm keeping a low profile! Just too exhausted for much else!!!

Some people keep saying "It'll get better, he can't be this obsessed about it all forever". I have been saying that for four years and it does get calmer and better and then something sets him off again. It's so unpredictable and it creates an unhealthy environment. Now because I want to move 15 min away into a better school district, it's creating ww3 again. When does it end?

gelendestrasse

I agree with moving as soon as the school year is over. Gives you the summer to settle in and the rest of the BS to settle out. It's not like you're moving out of the area so mediation should be successful. And you're right about Bridgeport, it's really bad. The mediator will know that too.

Sorry you're being hurt by all this. But you're on the right side of the issue, do what's best for you and the boys.

TamTastic

Hooray, another one sided story with a ton of accusations about a guy that none of us know. Yet, the judgments fly and insane "advice' is given. Boy, I sure hope my ex-wife starts a thread about me so everyone on the internets can paint me as the worst person in the world. Not saying things aren't bad for the OP, just suggesting this might be the wrong place to air your dirty laundry. Certified internet lawyers and psychologists aren't going to help you. The only advice given that I agree with, is get your butt into mediation. If it's as horrible as you claim, the councilor will make the proper recommendations to the court with YOUR KID'S best interests. But be prepared, if you happen to be the crazy one or both of you are just plain nuts, it could end up in the court making decisions either you or both of you might not like. I hope the best for your kiddo's.

I understand what you're saying. There certainly are two sides to every story. I am not posting this for attention. I sincerely need advice because I just don't know what to do. My hope was that others may have dealt with this and mediation worked for them. The one thing is that mediation can lead to a home study which can be my best friend in this situation. As much as I vented, I left a lot out!!

Thanks!

PennyM140

I did read it. I don't have any advice. But I'm sending good wishes for you and your little boys.

KseRz

Tell his *kitten* to suck it up. I moved and then drove 11hrs each way to pickup and see my kids.

Hes lucky hes not in jail or gets his *kitten* beat.

You should be able to move wherever you want. Its not your fault hes an assh0le

PinkyFett

I read it all! I'm sorry you went through that and I have been in a similar situation, though not as bad to where I left.

I'm in awe that he was in NURSING SCHOOL? He's that much of a ****head and he's a nurse?! Are you freaking kidding me? Makes me sick.

Anyway. If you're looking to move, I'd do everything legally. If you have to go to court, then I would. Who cares what he does or how he acts? He doesn't control you, not anymore. Take care of you and your kids and do what's best for you guys. Forget him.

rjmwx81

Move. The farther the better. His past record is enough that they can't force you to stay. But don't ask first, just go and ask permission afterwards. The longer it takes for him to make a move the better the chances are the courts will just leave it alone. That is, you can prove the kids have it better where you are, with you and away from him.

WORST. ADVICE. EVER.

Packing up the kid in violation of a court order is a good way to pick up a kidnapping charge. Even if the ex is unstable, if the court says he has to be notified/give approval, then he HAS to be notified and give his approval. By all means, move, but lawyer up and do it the right way.

scarrletti_girl

my mom has to deal with an ex just like that. I'm sorry. no one should have to deal with that. I would go to mediation anyways and if moving away is what's best for your kids i think you should do that as well (legally of course). you and your kid's life shouldn't revolve just around a controlling manipulative person. if you don't move it's just him controlling you all over again. he is toxic and i applaud you for leaving him and getting the courage to fight. good luck on whatever you do and i wish you and your kids the best.

jkandktmom

I had a very similar situation and I was told I could not move. We went to mediation and the mediator report back that we "could not agree". She in no way influenced the judge one way or another. We were forced to take it to court- I backed down because I didn't want my kids to have to go through the court process.

I’m not saying this to discourage you. I just wanted to point out that it’s not as easy as picking up and moving. He can, and probably will, file a contempt motion against you. This could mean a fine or time in jail. Be prepared to go to court. Make sure you have documentation on everything you are saying.

TamTastic

Well the good thing is he does have a record with the courts already...and DCF. And I am looking to move 15 min OUT of a bad area and into a better one with better schools. A mediator may be able to help him see reason about that. What father would force his child to stay in a not so great school system? Especially when the distance is nothing crazy. And again, he does owe thousands in back rent. THAT is the reason he doesn't want him to change schools. He puts himself and his needs above all else.

Regardless of whether I do mediation or just file a preemptive motion at court...I will do it all legally. I have to set the example for my boys and keep it all cool. He doesn't control me and I would think a Bridgeport judge would be able to see through the nonsense. I guess we'll see.

THIS is the reason I'm a cardio addict. Endorphins help me get through the stress of it all and keep me happy anyway! :laugh:

TamTastic

I read it all! I'm sorry you went through that and I have been in a similar situation, though not as bad to where I left.

I'm in awe that he was in NURSING SCHOOL? He's that much of a ****head and he's a nurse?! Are you freaking kidding me? Makes me sick.

Anyway. If you're looking to move, I'd do everything legally. If you have to go to court, then I would. Who cares what he does or how he acts? He doesn't control you, not anymore. Take care of you and your kids and do what's best for you guys. Forget him.

He was a journalist and then got into PR. Then was talking about becoming a lawyer then a teacher...and settled on nursing school. He's a big guy, 6'4"...and seems to be doing well in the psych ward! lol I guess it makes sense. I just want him to get into a stable job as he has not had one in about 5 years. Most everyone who knows he's a nurse asks what hospital he'll be at so they can be sure to go elsewhere.

karmac0matic

Have to go out now, saving to read later.