Discover what's new & improved in the MyFitnessPal app!
We’re dedicated to helping you achieve your health and nutrition goals. And our newest features and updates? They do just that. Learn how we're making tracking your progress easier, faster, and more motivating than ever.

I need to gain but I'm scared

Options
I'm supposed to gain weight for health reasons but I'm so scared and I'm terrified I'm going to get too big. I am pretty sure I ate more than my meal plan today and I'm so anxious and on the verge of tears. I need support but I don't know what type. Please help.
«1

Replies

  • karmac0matic
    karmac0matic Posts: 285
    Options
    Does your family show you any support? How about your friends?

    I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)

    What exactly is making you anxious about gaining weight? Is it the thought of having more fat on your body? Or looking at yourself in the mirror? If you focus in on what's causing the anxiety, you can start to work on easing that anxiety.
  • julz_130
    julz_130 Posts: 10 Member
    Options
    Its okay if you eat too much you can just exercise some more or go harder the next day. I'm unsure why you are scared. What every you put on can come off with hardwork and eating right.
  • PeacefulBalance
    PeacefulBalance Posts: 473 Member
    Options
    They're supportive but don't say the greatest/most helpful things. I just want honesty, that's all I'm looking for. Or maybe I'm looking for someone to just let me know that I should lose a bunch and confirm my thoughts.
    Does your family show you any support? How about your friends?

    I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)

    What exactly is making you anxious about gaining weight? Is it the thought of having more fat on your body? Or looking at yourself in the mirror? If you focus in on what's causing the anxiety, you can start to work on easing that anxiety.
  • PeacefulBalance
    PeacefulBalance Posts: 473 Member
    Options
    I have to gain around 15 lbs...and I'm not sure if I can make it look better. I want it to look like I didn't gain anything, like I'm still 105.
    Its okay if you eat too much you can just exercise some more or go harder the next day. I'm unsure why you are scared. What every you put on can come off with hardwork and eating right.
  • karmac0matic
    karmac0matic Posts: 285
    Options
    The point of gaining is to ensure things are working properly in your body. You WILL look a little bigger... but still very thin at that weight.

    Nobody is going to "confirm your beliefs" because they are not realistic.

    edit: I'm not trying to be sassy or mean, I'm just saying you're very thin and everyone (except you, I'm presuming) can see that.
  • PeacefulBalance
    PeacefulBalance Posts: 473 Member
    Options
    I definitely did not think you were being sassy or mean! at all. I appreciate honesty, completely. It's more helpful to me than I can say. I've struggled since I was 4 years old so it's hard for me to break this mindset and these thoughts. I appreciate having a dose of reality, thank you.
    The point of gaining is to ensure things are working properly in your body. You WILL look a little bigger... but still very thin at that weight.

    Nobody is going to "confirm your beliefs" because they are not realistic.

    edit: I'm not trying to be sassy or mean, I'm just saying you're very thin and everyone (except you, I'm presuming) can see that.
  • eatonize
    eatonize Posts: 6 Member
    Options
    I don't know if you have a workout routine in place or not but maybe you could consider sticking to mainly resistance (heavy weight) training with just a little cardio. That way the foods you eat will be used to gain muscle and not fat. Lean is a very flattering look for women and lifting weights can be a very rewarding activity. And no you will not look like some jacked up bodybuilder, my partner and I have been lifting as part of our weight loss strategy for almost a year now and she is looking fantastic, not muscular, just lean and HOT!
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Options
    If you lift heavy weights while you are gaining, it will become muscle. This means you will not really look any fatter. It also means your metabolism will be better at goal weight.

    Find the ETP Eat Train Progess thread for more specific instructions.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Options

    I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)

    you're right, they don't. Usually it takes a trained professional to know how to help people with these things, hence the replies "get help"

    having suffered from mental health issues myself (not eating disorders, but many things about them being the same such as it being hard to accept that I was ill and needed help), I don't think telling people to get help is bad advice. If someone posted about having all the symptoms of meningitis then people would tell them to see a doctor... you wouldn't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with meningitits, unless one of them happened to be a doctor, and even then the doctor would say "this sounds a lot like meningitis, go to your nearest accident and emergency department right now".... they can't help someone over the internet. So you can't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with an eating disorder. Same with other mental health issues. I know (from personal experience) how hard it is to take that step and actually get help, but looking back it's absolutely the most important thing to do and a major step towards recovery.

    OP: if you're really that afraid to gain weight, then you need to talk this through to a professional.... talk to the person who's given you the meal plan about how you're feeling, they should be able to either help you or direct you to someone who can help you.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Options

    I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)

    you're right, they don't. Usually it takes a trained professional to know how to help people with these things, hence the replies "get help"

    having suffered from mental health issues myself (not eating disorders, but many things about them being the same such as it being hard to accept that I was ill and needed help), I don't think telling people to get help is bad advice. If someone posted about having all the symptoms of meningitis then people would tell them to see a doctor... you wouldn't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with meningitits, unless one of them happened to be a doctor, and even then the doctor would say "this sounds a lot like meningitis, go to your nearest accident and emergency department right now".... they can't help someone over the internet. So you can't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with an eating disorder. Same with other mental health issues. I know (from personal experience) how hard it is to take that step and actually get help, but looking back it's absolutely the most important thing to do and a major step towards recovery.

    OP: if you're really that afraid to gain weight, then you need to talk this through to a professional.... talk to the person who's given you the meal plan about how you're feeling, they should be able to either help you or direct you to someone who can help you.

    so much of this. so very very much of this.

    Gaining weight is hard- very hard- even when you have a healthy relationship- it takes a lot of confidence- you need a lot of moral support when you are coming from a not so great place and NEED to gain weight. You need as much support as you can get- and as advanced and professional- unjudgemental support. Please get help.
  • PeacefulBalance
    PeacefulBalance Posts: 473 Member
    Options
    I've talked with them about my meal plan but if I go to deep they'll put me in higher care. I just need to build lean muscle and avoid much fat gain.

    I don't know that many of the people here really know how to support those with eating issues (I've posted numerous times to the response "gET HElp!!!" over and over, not helpful in the slightest!)

    you're right, they don't. Usually it takes a trained professional to know how to help people with these things, hence the replies "get help"

    having suffered from mental health issues myself (not eating disorders, but many things about them being the same such as it being hard to accept that I was ill and needed help), I don't think telling people to get help is bad advice. If someone posted about having all the symptoms of meningitis then people would tell them to see a doctor... you wouldn't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with meningitits, unless one of them happened to be a doctor, and even then the doctor would say "this sounds a lot like meningitis, go to your nearest accident and emergency department right now".... they can't help someone over the internet. So you can't expect lay people on an internet forum to know how to help someone with an eating disorder. Same with other mental health issues. I know (from personal experience) how hard it is to take that step and actually get help, but looking back it's absolutely the most important thing to do and a major step towards recovery.

    OP: if you're really that afraid to gain weight, then you need to talk this through to a professional.... talk to the person who's given you the meal plan about how you're feeling, they should be able to either help you or direct you to someone who can help you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Options
    If you lift heavy weights while you are gaining, it will become muscle. This means you will not really look any fatter. It also means your metabolism will be better at goal weight.

    Find the ETP Eat Train Progess thread for more specific instructions.

    if OP is suffering from an eating disorder, strenuous exercise probably isnt a good idea?
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    Options
    If you lift heavy weights while you are gaining, it will become muscle. This means you will not really look any fatter. It also means your metabolism will be better at goal weight.

    Find the ETP Eat Train Progess thread for more specific instructions.

    if OP is suffering from an eating disorder, strenuous exercise probably isnt a good idea?
    OP, MFP is a GREAT place to get support. If you tell us you want to gain, people will be there to congratulate you when you eat enough and remind you to eat more if you go under. People will be there to hear you freak out about how gaining weight is really scary at times, because we've been there.

    However, MFP is NOT a good place to get medical advice. There are a couple of people here who are very knowledgeable about ED recovery, and if you meet them you should listen, but for the most part, people here can't give you accurate medical information. This is why you'll see people encourage you to go to a doctor. It's not because we're unsupportive -- it's because we know that many times, people need more care than an internet forum can provide.

    For example, "lift heavy" is the first thing people say when someone wants to gain weight. 95% of the time, that's the right answer. However, it's not the right answer for people in ED recovery. (Note: I'm NOT saying that you have an ED! You might, you might not, I don't know). People with active EDs and people in recovery are at increased risk for a number of very serious medical issues, including heart attacks. In that case, it can be very dangerous for someone to start lifting, and the only person who should be recommending any kind of exercise is a doctor.
  • PeacefulBalance
    PeacefulBalance Posts: 473 Member
    Options
    I am in recovery from anorexia and I've been part of a treatment program for about 4 years now and still see a therapist and dietitian. I know what I need to do, I'm just scared and I don't know how to get over this fear. I guess the point of my post was to let my fear be written down, have honest feedback from people and possibly just get some uplifting feedback. I appreciate everyone's response, so much. I was in the moment of a freak out and it happens quite a bit. I guess I just need reassurance or something. I don't even know.
  • Linnaea27
    Linnaea27 Posts: 639 Member
    Options
    I recently came across this amazing website: http://www.youreatopia.com/blog/2011/9/14/i-need-how-many-calories.htm

    I haven't had an ED myself but I have a friend who does/has. I think this website ^ is really excellent.

    Since you have been in a treatment program for a few years, you may know of that website or the information in the article already, but I think it is excellent information. The whole site is very worth reading and I think will help you with the fear of eating more and other troubles.

    Listen to what your doctor/nutritionist tells you. They can help you the most of anyone other than yourself. :) And it sounds like you do need to work on your own mindset more so you can keep recovering, though clearly if you are in recovery you've already improved a lot. Good for you!!!
  • shell0891
    shell0891 Posts: 14 Member
    Options
    Hi tobehappy07, I'm not sure I can really offer advice as such because I am in the exact same position as you right now, I wont go into numbers too much as it doesn't help but suffice to say I'm very much in need of gaining more than 20lbs as my health is suffering yet I am so scared of becoming 'fat' its a constant battle. What we need to keep in mind though is that health is SO much more important than a number on the scales and there's no point being thin and dead. I wish you all the luck in the world with getting to a healthy weight and if you need any support from someone going through the same thing please feel free to message me or add me as a friend. We can beat our eating and body issues, it's not easy but then not many things are. I hope this post is ok, though I joined this site a while ago its only really yesterday I've fully started posting and using it. Good luck with your goals. Xx
  • lkphilley
    lkphilley Posts: 18 Member
    Options
    he is correct and the more muscle mass you have you can weight more and look smaller and your metabolism willkeep you heathy.you need NOT to look at the scale and look at how you feel we always look larger than we think we are.as far as how you think and your fears it needs to be someone who has overcome the same problem they can give good advice and TRUELY UNDERSTAND because they have walked in your shoes good luck and it will all work out
  • lkphilley
    lkphilley Posts: 18 Member
    Options
    There you go looks like you both can help each other:smile::smile:
  • synchrohobbit
    synchrohobbit Posts: 58 Member
    Options
    Here's the deal: you won't get over the fear, and the anxiety won't stop, not for a while. Having a plan, even if that plan is for the specific purpose of weight gain, is very helpful for recovery. Although I don't know your sepcifics, often times eating disorders are about exerting control when other aspects of your life feel out of control. Being able to still keep track of what you are eating and being able to make decisions about how you are reaching your calorie goals can be empowering.
  • ChriJMitch
    ChriJMitch Posts: 70 Member
    Options
    Best way to put on healthy weight is to just make sure that you are adding muscle as well as a bit of fat. Perhaps get in the gym and do some weights 3 times a week, and try to keep the cardio to a minimum until you get closer to your goal weight? Best of luck with your recovery, lots of support here on MFP