I need to gain but I'm scared

sarwatf

Please also try to remember that when you're in recovery, you're not just either gaining fat or muscle. You're rebuilding your bones and repairing damage to your organs. The rules that apply to "healthy weight" people when they try to bulk don't apply to you, so some of the advice you'll get on the forums will be wrong for you. Especially in the beginning, your body needs the extra calories to strengthen your bones and your heart, etc. Unless you really understand the differences, biologically speaking, between bulking and anorexia recovery, you need to be getting as much accurate medical information as possible from a credible source, and not from someone on the internet who doesn't understand why your situation isn't the same as theirs.

^^^^^^^ THIS

this x2

QuietBloom

OP, please ignore the people trying to tell you to exercise. If you have questions about that, please ask your team if you are healthy enough first. Exercise burns calories, and you are already having a hard time getting enough of them. Focus on that first. And talk to your team about your anxieties - I am sure they are normal for someone in your situation, and that they will ease as your body and your mind get healthier by gaining weight.

spacelump

Your feelings are valid. You are still very much in control of your body and how you gain the weight needed. If you weight lift while you gain, you will still look slender and your body will happily use up those new calories you're giving it. Again, you are still in control! For me, that was the hardest part to remember.

PeacefulBalance

Thank you everyone, it really means a lot. I did fairly well on my meal plan today (missed only a couple things) but I have been focusing more on my future and what I want. I want to have kids someday soon and I want to be a dietitian that can help kids with eating disorders. I guess I just need to re-evaluate the terms I'm using to myself. Instead of thinking of gaining weight I'm going to think about getting stronger so I can do all of the things I used to before. Last summer I did SO well with recovery and this year just sort of happened but I want to have energy and be able to workout again. Cooking my own meals with fresh ingredients always his me focus on health as well. I just needed to be put back into that mindset and I truly appreciate every response to this thread/topic. Thank you!

likitisplit

Thank you everyone, it really means a lot. I did fairly well on my meal plan today (missed only a couple things) but I have been focusing more on my future and what I want. I want to have kids someday soon and I want to be a dietitian that can help kids with eating disorders. I guess I just need to re-evaluate the terms I'm using to myself. Instead of thinking of gaining weight I'm going to think about getting stronger so I can do all of the things I used to before. Last summer I did SO well with recovery and this year just sort of happened but I want to have energy and be able to workout again. Cooking my own meals with fresh ingredients always his me focus on health as well. I just needed to be put back into that mindset and I truly appreciate every response to this thread/topic. Thank you!

I think this describes a generally healthy mindset no matter what a person's goals are. Focusing on performance (while avoiding injury) seems to help people make more balanced choices than focusing on what we see in the mirror. Most people are challenges with seeing themselves accurately - it's like listening to yourself on tape. Even people with beautiful voices tend to avoid it.

superhippo95

i suggest you seek medical advice and professional help

Spiderkeys

I'm in a similar situation, suddenly I've lost too much weight, nearly 20 pounds under my goal, I'm looking awfully thin, but afraid if I decide to gain even a little bit, the needle on the scale just won't stop rising and before you know it, Ill be very fat again, if I wanted to gain weight, I rather new muscle weight than new fat weight.

rose313

I think you are doing a good job so far! Keep sticking to your meal plan, your dietician and therapist know best. I hope your therapist is helpful to you, therapy can be a wonderful thing. It stinks that you can't just instantly feel better and "get over" a mental illness. It takes a lot of work and a lot of time. You can do this. Do it for your health and so your family can enjoy having you around for a long time. Talk to your therapist about these concerns.