♡A Year Loving Myself♡

SugaryLynx · May 2014

This picture was the motivation both times I tried to lose weight.

Okay, every time I tried. After high school, I fell into this black hole of depression. I had disappointed my parents by not completing college, moved out. I felt like a failure. My weight started to climb in 2007.

Before MFP, I tried what I thought was eating less but you know, intuitively. That didn't work. The second time was after gaining 50 lbs after my first son. It took me a year to build up the courage to even go outside. I was afraid of what the world thought of me. What I thought of me was a crutch enough. Literally a percentage away from obese, I knew I had become unhealthy. I was ashamed of me..that I had done this. When my first son turned one, I found the MFP app and lost about 40 lbs. I didn't feel any different. I went down maybe a size or two but I was the same person I started off as. Not confident and fizzling.

On May 9th, 2013 my mother in law passed away. She was only in her 50s. No one could have ever foreseen it. The world shattered around my family. My husband, his sister, his younger brother of only 16 lost their mother and their father had passed when my husband was only 16 as well. In exactly the week following, I gave birth to my second child. It was a little light in the darkness. It got me thinking.

Our lives are fleeting. We're only on this earth for so long. I wasted 6 years of my life dreaming within this shell I'd become. My mother in law was so full of life. Constantly happy and looking in the positives in even the bleakest of situations. While her passing saddened my heart, she taught me one critical life lesson. Never give up and never sit idly by.

I was 190 lbs at the end of my second pregnancy. At my 6 month post partum check up, I was 170 lbs. I wanted change. I thirst for it. So, I took up MFP again. My brother in law had no where to put his bench and weights, so fate handed me my weapon of choice. I picked up weightlifting. In retrospect, that was the one thing, when all else failed, I followed to a T. I love weightlifting with all my heart. The power you feel under that barbell, the monumental pride you get from pushing yourself further than you ever expected. This was why I wanted to get my life together. To live through a passion.

There were people throughout this year I cannot forget or in truth, ever repay. Sidesteel is one of them. His information that floats around the getting started section, the Eat, Train, Progress group. USMCP, Sara, Pat, Mireygal. ..you're all incredible bad *kitten* that inspire me every single day.

One year. One year I spent devoting my spare time to this and not a moment wasted. I don't care if it took me many more years to be where I am even now and I plan on spending the rest of my life doing this. This opportunity is ours to seize and not a single victory or loss is ever in vain. It's apart of this imperfect struggle. One thing, for me, has been the hardest of all. To love myself. It's so easy to point to flaws. I find myself wanting to do so every day but I fight it. Because I'm beautiful and I matter. I mattered 6 years ago just as much as I matter today. I don't want to look back on a picture and dream. I hope I made that girl from back then proud. I hope I made my mother in law proud and in her passing know she helped someone live. So, thanks for a great one year of enlightenment MFP. Here's to many, many more!

Stats:

5'3.5"
SW: 170 lbs
CW: 118 lbs

Goals for the future: general badassery and to be a superhero to my family.