I am no longer my daughter's hero

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  • Marcelynh
    Marcelynh Posts: 974 Member
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    It will pass. All kids go through stages. I saw this with all four of my kids. (the hardest was when one of my daughters at age 12 didn't want much to do with me but Dad walked on water. lol) In a few weeks she'll be wanting you and not wanting her father. I even see this with my grandchildren. One month the baby loves me, the next month I can't get near her because she only wants mom.

    Smile and know that your daughter is normal. And smile because it gives you a mini-break when she's snuggling with Dad. :) He does get the diapers during this time yes? lol
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    I don't have a child so no real dog in this fight - except for maybe the fact that I'm sure I told my mother I hated her a couple times during my childhood. We are very close now.

    But, I will say, people here are trying to help you put your situation into perspective in a very nice way and you are being pretty defensive. Maybe it's just the forums, or maybe you are like this in real life, but don't be so sensitive. A thicker skin will serve you well in life....and surely in parenting.
  • morag_p2014
    morag_p2014 Posts: 39
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    You mean 19 right.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    I'm pretty sure I made my parents rue the day they had sex from 14 until college.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    You mean 19 right.

    19?

    That's an adult. Bye, bye.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    I don't have a child so no real dog in this fight - except for maybe the fact that I'm sure I told my mother I hated her a couple times during my childhood. We are very close now.

    But, I will say, people here are trying to help you put your situation into perspective in a very nice way and you are being pretty defensive. Maybe it's just the forums, or maybe you are like this in real life, but don't be so sensitive. A thicker skin will serve you well in life....and surely in parenting.

    You're right, I shouldn't be so sensitive. Thank you for your input, I just learned so much about myself.
  • morag_p2014
    morag_p2014 Posts: 39
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    You mean 19 right.

    19?


    That's an adult. Bye, bye.

    True. Goodbye Life. FML.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    I feel like we are getting off the topic of whether this is a normal occurrence (which it sounds like it is, yay!) and more on my "need" to be validated by my daughter. While I do not think this is the case, I will keep that in mind in all future interactions with my child, and hope that the some of the other parents or non parents were not being self righteous and judgmental. I will also state that Working a full time 40 hour a week job may be different than when I did not work and stayed with her 7 months ago, I have no choice to stay at home again. It sounds like I am doing all the normal parenting things, and she simply is looking for interaction with her dad, whom she misses. Thank you to the people who let me know this happens at this age.


    Alright everyone, lift your eyes above please ^^^^^^^:flowerforyou:
  • amarisstorm
    amarisstorm Posts: 26 Member
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    As others have said this is just a normal developmental stage, my youngest went through this at tis age as well. (My oldest didn't but he has autism, and missed this developmental milestone.)

    One thing I found helpful was integrating some fun activity that you can do every day, even when your working as time for you and your baby. For me it was a bedtime story, reading a book to my boys every night, evolved into a loved "Only Mom does it right" activity that made it easier to see how much they loved and needed me. I started this when I was pregnant with my second child to assure my oldest would have some dedicated mommy time even when the new baby came, but it was good for my ego and our relationship, because it made sure I wasn't only doing the no-fun stuff.

    It's funny how it evolved. I read to them when they were little, they read to me when they got old enough, and now we still have a tradition of reading a novel as a family when we have a vacation and everyone has time.

    Find something you love that you can share regularly with your child, and just remember you are loved. Even when it doesn't look like it, your baby would be devastated if you weren't there. Trust that and don't give in to depression.
  • meganjcallaghan
    meganjcallaghan Posts: 949 Member
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    I don't have kids, but speaking as person who was one once upon a time, I preferred the company of my father when I was young because he was the easy going one and my mom would get upset and angry about things easily so we gravitated more towards him. That said, for whatever reason, to this day as a 33 year old woman if anything hugely upsetting happens and I don't know what to do about it, my first thought is always ''I want my mom". I don't know why. So, I'm sure it'll turn around for y'all too.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
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    I agree with so much of what has been said already, and that you have clearly stated that you learned and understand.

    i also want to add that it is normal to feel concerned and to have questioned and to have looked into it. I can see the concern is for your daughter's well being. You are a good mom. You cared, you reached out, you learned. Parenting can be stressful sometimes with worries. This phase will pass. You are doing well. It's good to get advice from people you can trust. And it's good to have outlets for your own emotions. You might want to consider some affordable counseling options.
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    What is it about 14? My teenage boys are insane. At least they are past the point where I have to force them to take showers and now shower ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME! LOL! I swear I'm time-locking my daughter so she never hits puberty.

    OP - Your daughter sounds like she's developing normally. Other posters have already mentioned about her changing her focus from her primary caregiver to others. You have obviously done a good job as her mom because she is able to share her love and excitement to her father and others, which she would have learned first from you.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    What is it about 14? My teenage boys are insane. At least they are past the point where I have to force them to take showers and now shower ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME! LOL! I swear I'm time-locking my daughter so she never hits puberty.

    OP - Your daughter sounds like she's developing normally. Other posters have already mentioned about her changing her focus from her primary caregiver to others. You have obviously done a good job as her mom because she is able to share her love and excitement to her father and others, which she would have learned first from you.

    Well, not to be gross, but it makes sense they are showering all the time. I mean, what do you THINK they are doing in there? Better than socks...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    Last bit of advice: you'll likely feel this way on & off again for the next 18 years or so. Although no 2 kids are exactly alike, getting some information / education on childhood development will probably help you and your child very much.
  • morag_p2014
    morag_p2014 Posts: 39
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    What is it about 14? My teenage boys are insane. At least they are past the point where I have to force them to take showers and now shower ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME! LOL! I swear I'm time-locking my daughter so she never hits puberty.

    OP - Your daughter sounds like she's developing normally. Other posters have already mentioned about her changing her focus from her primary caregiver to others. You have obviously done a good job as her mom because she is able to share her love and excitement to her father and others, which she would have learned first from you.

    Well, not to be gross, but it makes sense they are showering all the time. I mean, what do you THINK they are doing in there? Better than socks...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    O.M.G :blushing: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,568 Member
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    She's used to you, she misses them. Take it how you will.

    Pretty much this. She sees you the most.
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    What is it about 14? My teenage boys are insane. At least they are past the point where I have to force them to take showers and now shower ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME! LOL! I swear I'm time-locking my daughter so she never hits puberty.

    OP - Your daughter sounds like she's developing normally. Other posters have already mentioned about her changing her focus from her primary caregiver to others. You have obviously done a good job as her mom because she is able to share her love and excitement to her father and others, which she would have learned first from you.


    Thank you very much, I appreciate the advice.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    What is it about 14? My teenage boys are insane. At least they are past the point where I have to force them to take showers and now shower ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME! LOL! I swear I'm time-locking my daughter so she never hits puberty.

    OP - Your daughter sounds like she's developing normally. Other posters have already mentioned about her changing her focus from her primary caregiver to others. You have obviously done a good job as her mom because she is able to share her love and excitement to her father and others, which she would have learned first from you.

    Well, not to be gross, but it makes sense they are showering all the time. I mean, what do you THINK they are doing in there? Better than socks...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    QFT.
  • FatSerenity
    FatSerenity Posts: 1
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    Love to you <3

    When my kids were that age, they had a phase where they preferred one parent over the other. Maybe she prefers her dad right now because she doesn't see him as much as she sees you? It definitely stings, but they equalize eventually. :)
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
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    You haven't seen anything yet.

    Wait until she turns 14 - you'll be a wreck.

    What is it about 14? My teenage boys are insane. At least they are past the point where I have to force them to take showers and now shower ALL THE FRIGGIN TIME! LOL! I swear I'm time-locking my daughter so she never hits puberty.

    OP - Your daughter sounds like she's developing normally. Other posters have already mentioned about her changing her focus from her primary caregiver to others. You have obviously done a good job as her mom because she is able to share her love and excitement to her father and others, which she would have learned first from you.

    Well, not to be gross, but it makes sense they are showering all the time. I mean, what do you THINK they are doing in there? Better than socks...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :sad: :sad: :sad:

    I live forever in denial, and a giant cloud of that nasty Axe body spray they think smells good. :drinker:

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