475 lbs and terrified

Deborah271

Hey there, don't be so hard on yourself, just take one day at a time and one pound at a time, remember we're not perfect. I believe that each and every one of us has his/her cross to carry in life, mine happens to be food addiction, I'll always be a food addict. I to am trying to lose weight and I also struggle with depression if I don't look after myself, today I started to exercise, I managed to do 40 minutes of walking but If I could only do 10 minutes that would of been better than nothing. I find exercise is not only good for weight loss but also helps me with bouts of depression. I'm wishing you all the very best, you can do this!!! Add me as a friend if you like, take care and hugs to you.:flowerforyou:

geminirooster2013

So I guess I am here, 32 years old, 475 lbs, gay, and pretty much unhappy but optimistic, to ask for help, just like I was on that Craigslist forum. This is monumental. I cannot do this by myself. Losing 280 lbs is going to be a helacious roller coaster. I am terrified of failing and of doing poorly but I'm even more scared of becoming bed ridden.

Don't worry about what some *kitten* on CL said about you. They don't know you and mean absolutely nothing. You can do anything you put your mind to! Are you working with a beriatric doctor also?

No, I don't think I could afford that surgery.

DistantJ

Lots of great advice here. If you screw up and have a day where your eating sucks, get back on the wagon the next day. Don't beat yourself up for it. Sounds like you're pretty hard on yourself. It's good to a point to be hard on yourself, but you don't want to do it to the extent that you have a gob of self-loathing. Makes it hard to find motivation to take care of yourself and realize that you deserve a happy and healthy life.

I'm going to second that you may want to get some bupropian (?) from your doc. It also goes by Wellbutrin. The others they offer first, like Lexapro, as someone else said, cause way too much sleeping to happen, take away any sex drive you might have and make you want to eat more. I'm a huge fan of Wellbutrin.

Best wishes!!

geminirooster2013

How's your first week been, OP?

One note: I'd definitely try to get some medical assistance, as in check in with your doctor and maybe see a nutritionist. If you're given the clear to work out, maybe see if there's a trainer who can help you get started on basic, appropriate exercises for you.

Also, remember: perseverance. You might have heard the phrase something along the lines of "you didn't put the weight on in a week, so it won't come off in a week." Keep this concept in mind when it seems like everything is slow-going.

If anyone criticizes you or makes fun of your weight, etc, know that it reflects more on them than on you. His or her insecurities are on display, not you. A friend of mine was about 260 pounds when she started doing crossfit and lost about 25 pounds last year and has gained a ton of physical strength. When she was working out at a park with her crossfit gym recently, so idiot yelled at her, something like "look at the fat girl run." Her response? "At least I'm out here doing it." Know that you, too, are making the changes you need to make for a healthy you.

Thanks for the post! I just started today!

cebreisch

I started at 376 in April, 2011.

I've heard people say "you are where you are because that's where you want to be." Well, I never wanted to be 376 pounds. People don't want to be 475 pounds either. We know how we got there but didn't know enough about what to do to change our path.

I battle depression too. It's part-and-parcel of this weird hormone imbalance I have. So I take happy pills (anti-depressant). It is NOT a sin to do so - particularly if it helps you not be such a stinker around your family.

Losing weight has more to do with what you put in your body than what you do with your body. Exercise is a good thing, but learning how to eat better is more important, especially starting right out of the gate.

Getting a therapist to talk to would be a GREAT idea. Particularly someone who has "been there". The guy I see has had gastric bypass surgery and was about 450 when he started ( I think....I know he was in the 4's).

See a dietician. They can help work with you towards making better choices.

Here's some things that have helped me along the way:

Focus on protein, and the fats/carbs will take care of themselves

If you have a snack, have something protein or fiber (preferably both) before you have something carb/fat.

Drink lots of water.

Get a fitbit. It'll tell you how many calories you've burned vs. how many you've eaten, and it syncs with MFP. It really is true that it's all about calories in vs. calories out. This way, if you go over on what MFP tells you (for example 1500 calories) and you're still a little hungry, you can have something worth about 100 calories because you know you'll have burned about 2000plus for the day and not feel guilty for going over the 1500. Hope that makes sense.

1 snack I keep around is light string cheese. Another I use is chocolite protein bars (www.healthsmartfoods.com and you can get coupon codes off of www.retailmenot.com). Those help with fiber too.

Greek yogurt is also great.

It's trie too - if you can portion out things like pretzel's into snack bags (20 pretzels is a serving and is about 120 calories(, then it makes things easier.


Really - you can do this. If I can, anybody can. It just takes being willing to be uncomfortable enough to get started.

farfromthetree

So I guess I am here, 32 years old, 475 lbs, gay, and pretty much unhappy but optimistic, to ask for help, just like I was on that Craigslist forum. This is monumental. I cannot do this by myself. Losing 280 lbs is going to be a helacious roller coaster. I am terrified of failing and of doing poorly but I'm even more scared of becoming bed ridden.

Don't worry about what some *kitten* on CL said about you. They don't know you and mean absolutely nothing. You can do anything you put your mind to! Are you working with a beriatric doctor also?

No, I don't think I could afford that surgery.

If you have insurance, it may be fully covered.

LoupGarouTFTs

I just wanted to add a wonderful person to this wonderful place. Please don't be so hard on yourself--it's so hurtful to yourself that you call yourself horrible things. When you think those things you can even talk yourself into a downward spiral and toward failure and you know inside your heart that's not what you want for yourself.

I agree with so many of the people here who say not to worry about what you eat, but to concentrate more on portion control and logging. I'd also be less worried about the kind of exercise you get and the duration and just worry about getting out there and exercising at all. If you can spend five minutes walking that's five fewer minutes spent stationary. Those five minutes can become 10 and later 15. It's just a matter of getting started and sticking with it.

Please keep up updated on how you're doing. You're among friends here and we really want to see you succeed.

Roaringgael

Its all been said.
Focusing on health has been more successful than superficial stuff like looks for me.
Slow and steady wins the race, strangely enough.
I didn't exercise to start with, if you want get one of those step counters try that but honestly calorie deficit loses more weight to start with.
I now swim cause its great for joint protection and has zero impact.
You will lose weight. At the moment I am still losing but my thinking says not fast enough.
We aren't always our own best friend.
I didn't bother to mention my changes to anyone around me (to start with) as they are full of advice good and bad, its confusing.
On MFP most advice is based on what has worked for someone, try what sounds appealing.
I sincerely hope you can make something work for you.
Not eating between meals can sometimes help create order out of the chaos of over eating - not forever but merely a small step in the right direction.

Savemyshannon

So I guess I am here, 32 years old, 475 lbs, gay, and pretty much unhappy but optimistic, to ask for help, just like I was on that Craigslist forum. This is monumental. I cannot do this by myself. Losing 280 lbs is going to be a helacious roller coaster. I am terrified of failing and of doing poorly but I'm even more scared of becoming bed ridden.

Don't worry about what some *kitten* on CL said about you. They don't know you and mean absolutely nothing. You can do anything you put your mind to! Are you working with a beriatric doctor also?

No, I don't think I could afford that surgery.

Depending on your insurance, this may actually be covered. And Bariatric docs don't just do surgery, some will actually create a customized weight loss plan with you and make appointments to keep you on goal. I know for me, it's a lot easier to stick with it when I know I am going to have someone checking the scale and examining my intake with a fine toothed comb!

Again, pointing back to your insurance, it's good to have your attempts at weight loss documented with an actual medical history. Then if you try to go back for other surgeries related to weight loss (like your foot reconstruction or skin removal or even gastric bypass) then you have a detailed history of your commitment to taking care of your body and the insurance company is more likely to work with you.

Just a thought!

gramarye

Here comes the hard part: logging calories. it takes time, energy, thinking. When you are new you don't know how many calories something has. it takes ages looking them all up, adding them... but after a few weeks you start to get a body of things you always eat, so you don't have to go looking, they're in your favourites.

that's when life starts to get a bit easier.

As you log and as you weigh and as you lose it gets easier.

This. It was so hard at first, and it took me months to really get into it, but eventually it'll become second nature.

Good luck! It's hard, but it's totally doable, and you'll do great.

chrisgirl74

God bless you honey! Although my weight loss goal is not the same I understand your struggle and am here to offer support. You can do it! You are never alone on here.:flowerforyou:

annross59

My name is Lilly and I have as much to lose as you except I am much older than you (54) but I believe in taking it one day at a time and remember to track what ever you place in your mouth. We can do this. We have to. Some if you fall down just keep getting up and eventually you mind will see that and you will believe it. God Bless.:happy:

BeagleHQ

Welcome. No two people have the same journey, but I do understand a little of what you are saying. I am, and always have been, my own worst enemy. I have no idea why, but I self-sabotage like a boss, and so my weight is something I've battled for quite awhile.

I'm so sorry someone felt compelled to write such cruel things to you, but perhaps they have unwittingly done you a favor. Please recognize that anyone who would be so unapologetically unkind to another person has some very serious issues of their own, the difference is that they are choosing to inflict those malfunctions on others. That right there is reason enough to toss anything they say to you directly into a virtual waste bin.

And the person who said you are the same as everyone here is right. You are so much more than a number on a scale.

I wish I could give you some magic words that would fix whatever it is that causes you to work against yourself, but since I've not yet been able to figure out why I do it to myself, I'm hardly qualified. What I CAN say is that you deserve to celebrate every single positive change you make in your life, and that the journey must be about much more than weight. The weight loss needs to be the byproduct of the lifelong self improvements you make, be they in diet, activities, or anything else you want to change about yourself.

And last, but not least, you are so far from being alone. Countless other people struggle just as we do, and for every heartless jerk out there, there are 5 people who would love nothing more than to lift you up and see you succeed.

Have you heard of the app Lift? It's designed to help people develop positive new habits and I really like it. Take it slow and give yourself all the time you need.

Heartfelt hugs from me,
Julie

cookjl124

first off you are not a fat ugly slob, dont tell yourself that, you are an amazing person!

i am added you, i know you can succeed, and i want to see your progress!

1 lb at a time you will get there.

bandxgeek13

The fact that you are even here proves that you're worth it. And in case you haven't noticed by the immense amount of comments on this post, you definitely have so much love and support here for you. Sending a friend request your way, OP. Don't let yourself forget that you will never be alone here.

dsb188

You can lose the weight trust me. This entire community has been so helpful with me losing weight. I was at 360 and rising and I'm down to 303. So you can do it. It was not easy but you can do it I know it. It doesn't matter how you got here its where you go from today. I would suggest tracking what you eat first. Even if you go over your calories ITS OKAY. that worked for me because I got to see what I was eating. I did that for about a month than I started to take things away slowly.

I did keto for a while which is low carb but now I'm back on carbs. Do what works for you. I still have sugars and I eat bread but not as much. Take small steps. Don't let someone bully you because you are a special person and no one can take that away from you. Take small steps. You can add me as a friend if you need support.

Please don't give up hope. Like I said the people on this site are so helpful.

dsb188

Also I wanted to add that if you start taking certain things out of your diet or you go over your limit DONT STOP. I have had so many days where I haven't been on track but got on track the next day. You have the power and it will take some time but you can do it.

pusheen12

I read the success stories for inspiration.

At your weight you could lose very easily and painlessly, it really isn't all that hard. If I were you I would consult a doctor as you want to do it correctly and not make any mistakes along the way like a lot of people do.

I lost by sticking to a reduced calorie diet and began walking. I gradually built my exercise up, listen to your body. For you swimming might be a good start as it will put less strain on you body.

Beating yourself won't help matters, just start and be happy that you started your new lifestyle! I don't think of this as a diet, I think of it as a healthy lifestyle change, that is permanent. You can still have a little of things you enjoy as long as they are within your calorie goals for the day.

I personally don't eat fast food or anything fried. Cut out junk food and sodas, just drinking water can go along way. Perhaps see a counselor about the depression issues and why you eat in excess. If that is out of the question you can find a ton of information right here. There are many kind people willing to help, you are not alone and you can do this!

I feel terrific since starting exercising and losing lbs. I have had some minor setbacks too, such a tendonitis and plantars fasciitis but I haven't given up and adjust to these situations so that I can still achieve my goals. I am very close to goal so losing has really slowed down, but that's ok, since there is no end...it's a lifestyle, right?

Hope this helps! If you really want to lose weight you will and only you can make that happen!! Best of luck.

SideSteel

I believe you can do this.

missomgitsica

Getting physically healthier will do wonders for your depression. I have a long history of depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder and even though I haven't lost a lot of weight since my heaviest, even those 13 pounds have made a big difference.

My advice is to start slow. Just focus on your food intake. When you have as much to lose as you do just start with the basics and focus on creating a calorie deficit.

Best of luck to you! Regardless of how many times you've failed in the past there is still always another chance for you to succeed! You can do it!

Markguns

There are folks on here who HAVE DONE THIS & are maintaining.... cut calories and start walking!!

DayByDayGetStronger

You sound really overwhelmed, and it breaks my heart. Do you have resources to seek counseling from a psychologist? You have so much pain and sadness, and no amount of calorie counting and exercising is going to get to the core of your eating issues. You've made a great step is realizing that your life needs some changing for the better. I commend you for this.

The hardest journey you will ever be on is figuring out why you are filling something in your soul with carbohydrates, fat , and protein. A great counselor will help you find real ways of feeling complete and getting the peace your mind deserves.

You will always have our support here!

karen0214

Bump

LoveMyLife_NYC

I know it seems overwhelming, but the weight will come off! Slowly, but it will come off. Try not to focus on the 280 pounds. That's intimidating for anyone. As others have said, start by setting small goals. "i'm going to eat fruits and veggies as a snack instead f sweets." "I'm going to go for a walk today."

Log everything and look back at your diary for small changes you can make. It may be as simple as cooking your own food instead of getting take out.

And maybe your first weight loss goal is not "I'm going to lose 280 pounds," but maybe "I'm going to lose 15 pounds so I fit into the next smaller size clothing." Then buy yourself something nice. Be kind to yourself!

You can do this!

tisa1fwuh

Hey Love, Its okay...You have to remember that losing weight is mental mostly but physical thing as well. You have to strengthen your mind in order to lose weight. You have to tell yourself I want to be healthier more than I want this cookie,pizza, and anything you can think of . I have faith in you because I use to be you. Depressed and sad but the only person that can make you happy is you.

jeanstudies

Hi there, thank you for being so brutally honest about how you feel. I also want to thank you, because in the past twenty minutes, while trying to think of something encouraging to say to you, I've been realizing all the cool things that have been happening since starting MFP. I've only dropped a little bit so far, but 1) I can already feel better when I walk and 2) being able to drop any weight without WW, doctor's fen-fen, etc. etc. has been a RUSH.

Besides, from what you looked like in the picture of you in a suit, not only are you CUTE, but you have a bit of really cool, postive-snarky, attitude! That will definitely help. I will send you a friend request, go get em!

Jess_Forever_After

First of all, please try not to take the negativity of other people to heart. You have enough negativity to battle on your own. You are a person and just as valuable as everyone else in the world, regardless of your weight.

Don't try to focus on how far you have to go. Make an attainable goal, like getting to 400 lbs.

Don't radically change your diet to something overly complicated at the start, instead start to learn about calories and protein content, and learning to fit the foods you like within your goals. You can still eat the foods you are comfortable with, just in smaller portions. If you choose to try and do low carb, clean eating, or paleo in the future, leave that until after you have a better understanding of nutrition, which you can gain from tracking your nutrition on this site.

If you f**k up (and you will) that's fine. Start again with the next meal. And keep starting over again and making healthy choices after you mess up. If you don't give up on the long term goal, you will see progress.

Finally, as someone with severe and long term depression, self-esteem, and anxiety issues I sympathize with you deeply. Losing weight may help but won't fix those things. What will help you most - and I KNOW this from experience- is a cleaner diet and some exercise. If you're willing to try medication, wellbutirin (bupropion) worked well for me and also promotes weight loss.

I sent you a friend request. I believe you can do this.

P.S. - I looked at your face picture and although I may not be your type, I would definitely consider you an attractive person.

Neliel88

Oh my gosh, PLEASE don't go cutting the carbs out! You want to keep your carbs from fruit, vegetables and potatoes, rice and pasta high and keep the daily fat low! The fat you eat is the fat you wear.

ywalchle

Most of us have been to the point you are at. Hating ourselves for various reason's. Finally something snapped in our brains or with us physically and we HAD to make a change. As another poster said, he was going to be put on blood pressure meds, I WAS put on blood pressure meds at age 35, I was told to lose weight and I MIGHT be able to get off them (due to genetics, I know it's not likely and if nothing else over the years I might have to be on MORE meds). But I'm doing what I need to do to make me be a better me.

And that's what YOU need to do. There's been a ton of helpful wonderful advice given to you already so I'm not going to add to it. But I am going to add you as a friend to cheer you on and watch your progress.

dwarfiegodsmack

you can do this!

i'm here to cheer you on :drinker: