Fitter than your partner?

ilfaith

Just wondering if most people here are at around the same level of fitness as their significant other, or whether one of you is in better shape, and/or at a healthier weight than the other.

In my case I work pretty hard to eat well and exercise and try to stay in shape. Hy husband, while I love him very much, is about 60 pounds overweight, claims he has no time to exercise, and travels for business frequently, meaning lots of restaurant meals which have done a number on his waistline. I do get frustrated by has lack of willingness to focus on his health. I know he works hard in a demanding job, but I also know other people make the time to workout and are more conscious about what they are eating. I try to be supportive, set a good example, and prepare healthy meals when he is around, drag him out for walks so he gets moving a bit more. Mostly I want to to be healthy for our children, but I will also admit that I am less attracted to him since he's put on so much weight. He was a little chubby when we met and married, but now qualifies as obese.

tinkbaby101

When we met, my husband was overweight, and I was a healthy weight. 6 years of marriage, 2 children, and 1 bariatric surgery later, he's much "fitter" than I am. He gained probably 100lbs when I was pregnant with our first, and qualified as morbidly obese. He had surgery, and is within spitting distance of being a healthy weight. I, on the other hand, am now the one needing to focus on eating well and exercising to get back in shape, since I'm now overweight. Weird shift of dynamics!

You can't force him to eat better or take the steps you think he should take to become healthier. That has to be a decision he makes in his own time. I can relate to being less attracted, when your spouse is obese. That doesn't mean you stop loving him or supporting him, though! He'll come to the decision in his own time to choose to become healthier. Meanwhile, just keep focusing on the positives, encouraging healthy changes for your whole family, and being his biggest fan and advocate.

rdennisjr

we are a mixed bag. I'm the more athletic and work-out oriented one and she is the better eating one. So we try to encourage each other in the ways that we are good at and improve in our weakness. Sounds good in theory but it means we are probably just annoying each other half the time. I know I'm in way better shape than I was when I met her actually. Doesn't mean I get lucky more, but at least I look better when I get rejected 8)

MityMax96

I would prolly be in better shape....
But she isn't overweight, and eats fine, and worksout.

JBfoodforlife

I currently dont have a SO but I have had a couple of relationships over the past few years... I can say I have been on both sides of the fence...
One woman was a runner and would always be at my home at the crack of dawn trying to drag me out running... Of course working 2nd shift meant going to bed at 1 or 2 am... and being woken up at 7 am was not working for me, lol... We compromised when we could, but mostly it was that she was a morning person and I was not...
Then there was one who just didnt want to work out at all... She worked a lot and only wanted to lay together on the couch and talk... Which was great... But if I mentioned going for a run or even a walk, I was crazy (said in a sweet way), lol... which was quite frustrating to me and led me to fall back into lazy habits...
Needless to say neither relationship lasted... Not that fitness was the issue in either case, but it certainly did not help... It would be nice to find a woman who is at the same level as I am, or at least willing to help build each other up...
I feel for you and what you are feeling... Of course you know you cant change someone, they have to want to change themselves... Hopefully he comes to realize how important it is to you to be healthy and wants to be healthy not only for himself but you also... The best you can do is tell him exactly how you feel and continue to cook and live a healthy lifestyle... I wish you the best of luck in finding the answers your looking for...

ponycyndi

I was always fitter than my husband. I have medical reasons to watch my diet. He has extra weight around his middle, and has since I met him.

Sometimes he talks about needing to lose weight, until he gets hungry for donuts, lol. Then he remembers he loves food more than being in shape.

His weight has never affected my attraction to him, and I've never said anything about his weight, except to support his desire to lose weight. Weight is such a personal issue for many people (most, I'd say) that I would never tell anyone, let alone a spouse, that they needed to lose weight. If you're fat, you already know it.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

Well, I think about exercise and diet more, and my husband drinks and smokes, but he's still stronger and can lap me on the track.
I really think that the negative energy that some people exert internally, outwardly and often over a long period of time, in the attempt to change someone else, has to be the the most detrimental thing we can do to our state of health and happiness.

Linnaea27

I used to be a lot less fit than my fiance. He's a naturally thin person with nice muscles (developed from years of building houses, though he has more sedentary work now). I got sick of being fattish and lost weight and got to exercising a lot more. Now, I think I might be fitter in terms of cardio since I garden, run, and bike regularly, while he goes for short runs only a few times a week and works in the garden less than I do. But he will probably always be stronger than me, since he's a foot taller and 40 pounds heavier than me.

So I am a lot more focused on exercise and outdoor activity than he is, at least right now.

Galatea_Stone

We argue about who is in better shape. I probably am, but he's pretty competitive, so he might be next month.

SunofaBeach14

My wife called me fat!

Derp_Diggler

My wife called me fat!

At least she didn't call you old.

skyblue2001

OP, I literally could have wrote your post word for word myself. I have tried to talk about it, but the defensiveness shuts me up quickly. It is very frustrating.

PennyVonDread

My boyfriend is a cyclist. He goes on grand trips for fun, just because, biking all over the state and touring with his buddies. He works a hard job lifting and sorting heavy cases of fresh produce all day.

I lift and train for distance running. I guess I'll be biking soon, too, because you can't date an avid cyclist and not have him build you a touring bike apparently.

We're different, but we're both in a healthy BMI range and take care of ourselves and each other. He's got a lower BMI, but also a lean frame and I'm all curves. I'm lighter than he is, but we goof around and lift and carry/piggyback each other all the time with relative ease. We consider ourselves pretty equal in most respects. We're physically trained for endurance and pretty well matched and even make the same income. I'm not physically attracted to people, so it's never bothered me what someone I'm dating looks like as long as my partner has good chemistry with me. Though, it is nice to have someone who genuinely shares your lifestyle habits. It's nice to have someone who doesn't make fun of me or worse- pity me- for having diabetes and doesn't make a big deal about how much meat I eat, etc. It's just my life, how it's always been, not something to pity. I've never known life without insulin problems, and all the women in my family have them.

This is the first relationship I've been in with someone who will go on adventures with me. Hiking or kayaking or SUP, anything and everything, and not just someone who is a homebody. I have indoor hobbies, too, but it's seriously not the same experience. It's not that I care if either of us is fit"ter" than the other (can that actually accurately be measured?), but it's nice to have someone active and willing to make an effort.

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

My wife called me fat!

At least she didn't call you old.

Of course she didn't, because he's not old. He's merely "middle-aged" whatever that means...

rdkstar

Your story sounds almost identical to mine. I started out fit and him obese so can't complain too much. However, i started copying his lifestyle which is why i'm here now. I'm not expecting him to get really fit. However, he is starting to have health issues relatec to his weight so i would like him to drop some. But he refuses, keep coming up with excuses. I plan to keep getting fit in the hopes, he will want to copy me.

KeishaGettinFit

Me and my boo decided to get in shape at the same time. I needed it way more than he did but we do it together. I love it

devil_in_a_blue_dress

He's fitter, I'm sexier -- it balances.

Lilly_the_Hillbilly

He is probably more fit than I am but I'm working on it.

I created humans. The best he can say is that he's infantry.

seltzermint555

I don't really view it as a person's weight = fitness, honestly. Just throwing that out there.

My ex husband and I were both morbidly obese when I was married to him, but I was still MUCH fitter & healthier. I had loads of energy, didn't need Rx meds, regularly went walking & swimming & so on. He smoked, had somewhat serious weight-related health problems, didn't like to go places or even really walk around much. We were not compatible.

My current husband is much fitter than I am, although we're at similar good health levels. He has better endurance, strength, and stamina. My energy level is similar to the Energizer bunny, but I'm just not as fit as he is. I am still overweight by around 20-30 lb, and I think he's considered maybe 10-15 lb overweight but I really don't think he is at all taking into account his height over 6', his huge bone structure, etc.

Mr_Bad_Example

He's fitter, I'm sexier -- it balances.

*nods*
True story.

QueenBishOTUniverse

I'm definitely in better shape right now because I've been working on it since august. Husband has recently decided I'm starting to get in too good of shape and is now grumbling that he needs to start working out because I'm not allowed to be the sexy one in our relationship :laugh: . He'll do what he wants, but I secretly do hope he sticks with it, if only for the sake of his HBP and migraines.

shrcpr

I would say we're about the same. We are both carrying about 20 pounds more than we did when we were younger (both mid-40s) but are both pretty active so it hasn't really affected us too much. I definitely pay more attention to what I eat and do more formal workouts (and am trying to lose the 20) while he does more playing (basketball, other sports) but eats pretty poorly. Not sure how I would feel if we were very different in weight/fitness level. Agree that you can't change someone, sometimes all you can do is just continue setting a good example and hope he sees for himself the benefits.

margannmks

My husband is for the first time in his life,getting chunky, while i have battled it all my life. He has a very physical job so he dosent think he needs to exercise and thinks he just needs to do some situps to get rid of the gut. I tell him that if hed just eat what i fix and not all that other crap hed be healthier. Hes the only person i know that can eat fried everything,full fat anything,bacon,chicken livers,fast food stuff and have normal cholesteral. Im at the best bodywise ive ever been, hes at his worst but after 32 years it is what it is.

Fittykitty11

I definitely am more fit. To what degree varies depending on the fluctuation of my own fitness motivation.

The worst part is he doesn't see himself as 'less fit' despite his own family members commenting on his yearly weight gain or pointing it out in pictures.

I hate to say it but he is built like his father who has a quite large beer belly and I worry about him looking like that. Not to be shallow, but....well, I'm not attracted to that. I'm attracted to HIM but we can all be honest in saying physical appearance helps.

What I hate too is his lack of fitness and healthy eating greatly effects me as I don't like to feel alone in my journey and I'm surrounded by dinner dates, fast food, junk food etc.

It's nice to see some others in the same boat.

sugarlemonpie

My boyfriend and I kind of flip flop, right now both of us are trying to be healthier and work out. For once our paths have crossed! We both have a fair bit we want to lose, but are still attracted to each other either way. Mostly for vanity and health reasons we want to lose weight, and are just at a great point in our lives right now for it. Start good habits now, and hopefully they'll stick if we keep at it and motivate each other!

ponycyndi

He's fitter, I'm sexier -- it balances.

*nods*
True story.

And together we're the perfect "10"

chrisdavey

We both include fitness and training into our regular lifestyle. We pretty much train the same, I do the cooking and she eats very well. Both at healthy BF%. If by fitter you also mean actual fitness, then yes I am a little bit more cardio fit, not by much though. (probably not for long as she is doing lots of boxing now)

us

Cathalain

My husband is much fitter than I am (he's about 21% BF right now, a number I can only aspire to, heh!). He's always been lighter than I, and he's blessed with the ability to lose weight quickly if he does put it on. But until we both discovered fitness and health, he was... I don't want to say "skinny fat" or anything, but he'd polish off six Dunkin Donuts with absolutely no problem (or hesitation). He didn't eat healthy, and of course that also didn't help me.

Once I was diagnosed with T2, though, everything changed. I had to eat differently - he didn't have to and I made that clear, but he ended up altering his lifestyle anyway - now we both exercise regularly and eat right. He's lost 50 pounds over the past 18 months, and ... well, my ticker is below (though it took a lot longer than 18 months, heh).

I'm proud of both of us and how far we've come.

dakotababy

Both my boyfriend and I were about 100lbs over weight. When we first met, he was about the same weight/size that he is now, and I was about the weight/size that I am currently. Over the years, I ate like him. Of course, I gained a lot of weight and shot up to 250lbs.
I have since lost 65lbs, and he continues to stay the same. I am more "in shape" and healthier when it comes to eating.

Luck for him, I find bigger guys attractive. I have started to question whether or not that will change when I get closer to my goal. At this time, when I see a bigger guy and a beer belly, I am still attracted to that.

I dont nag him to change at all. Now...if his health began to deteriorate or he became physically dependant on me in any way - I would then speak up. Regardless, I love him as he is. He was big when I met him, and he may remain bigger until I am on my death bed and that is ok. It helps though too, knowing that despite me gaining 70lbs since we met...he always stayed with me and appeared content about my appearance (so if I do become pregnant/ill...I do not have to worry that I will lose my partner because of it.) I will return the same respect.

redheaddee

He is more physically active than I. He is a firefighter and a farmer. I am a vocational counselor.

I was 40+ pounds heavier when we married. He had more hair and less forehead.

I am still overweight but in significantly better shape now. He has shaved his head and now has no hair.

He can firefighter carry me and squat me 10x. Its fcking sexy as hell.

When we wrestle, it's an actual challenge for us both. And THAT is sexy as hell.

Point: Who cares. You love him or you don't.

/story.

redheaddee

us

And THIS. This is fcking sexy. Grrr baby, very grrr!!