How do you deal with unsupportive significant other?

happyjack1976

Negativity is toxic. You need to detox.

^ YUP

thepetiterunner

I don't know how these conversations go, but as you mentioned, they sometimes get "heated". Have you tried having a honest and non-defensive conversation with your SO? Like actually saying "I wish you could be supportive of my goals and I feel like you're not at times." And outline exactly how you feel when she says things in a non-threatening, non-defensive stance? (I know, this is difficult.) But maybe going in with a "I want to understand why my working out/cutting/bulking/whatever phase upsets her" will probably be more productive than just trying to ignore it (because she'll just keep saying the same thing until she feels you understand) and better than arguing, especially if you guys have kids around.

Veil5577

My now ex husband was the same way. I took Ephedra for years and went from size 18 to size 4, and nearly killed myself doing it.. and he loved me at that weight. When I gained it all back due to being on Lyrica for back pain, I started hearing how unattractive I was and how I had no sex appeal.

I realized that I didn't want to be with someone who was that shallow and that he didn't love me for who I was. And that if he couldn't support me in this, he couldn't support me in any other areas that mattered.

I'm not saying you should break up, but the problem here isn't with you. Your SO needs to deal with her issues.

Chezzie84

Reading this makes me grateful I do have a supportive OH.

Archon2

OP, why don't you just try giving her a little more attention? Obviously you have made a lot of changes that are positive for your body and mind. But maybe it seems to her that you care more about that then her. All these workouts are you focusing on you. Once a week, do something special for her. See how that works. Experiment. If it doesn't, then maybe it is time for a "talk."

I'm glad my wife is excited about my dieting and fitness efforts; but everyone isn't as lucky as I am (haha).

kvansanity

Your partner probably just feels left out of everything since this isn't a goal for her. While her attitude isn't justified by any means, maybe it would help to see it from her point of view. I imagine it's something like this. Imagine you want to go get a drink one night and one friend decides to go with you. Then, once you're at the bar, your friend decides they don't want to drink, for whatever reason. Now of course that's totally acceptable, but I bet you might feel a little awkward drinking by yourself. Hopefully, being a reasonable person, you wouldn't take out this awkwardness on your friend. It sounds like that's what she's doing.

My friends tend to get annoyed at me when I go out with them and obsess with making healthy choices. It's really easy for what we're doing to come off as an obsession to others. 90% of the time I'm told I care too much about getting in shape.

My advice would be to try and indulge just a little bit. Take a step back and see if maybe you are putting too much of an effort into this. At the same time, see if maybe by doing so you're not putting as much effort into your relationship. There should be a balance, especially if your relationship is important to you. I'm not in anyway saying it's more important than your health, but nothing should keep you so sidetracked from the things you love.

Encourage that she spend time doing "indulgent" activities with her friends. See if this helps things. Try and let yourself lose a little bit from time to time and consider if you might be a little too obsessed. I'm sure she's not so unsupportive as she feels either left out or ignored.

vmclach

When I turned fitness crazy, I was living with a smoker. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this person. If I really loved him, I probably could have.

Bottom line, do you guys really love each other? Is she someone you are willing to support through her ups and downs & life changes? If so, does she know how important she is to you?

Maybe she's just scared you're going to get bored or leave her & she's insecure. How unsupportive is she really being? Have to talked to her about how you used she was more supportive?

Does any of this even matter to you?

Maybe it's just a fling and I'm getting too deep.

Bottom line is, if you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person, there will be challenges greater than you picking up a new hobby. If you don't want to/can't work through that together, then yeah, it's likely not worth it,


I've been in your shoes, and yes, in the end, I ended it. I didn't love him. I didn't want it to work. I was young. Oh well!

marcon125

Much of what I was going to say has pretty much been mentioned here. My guess would be that she misses spending more time with you. Since more of your time and focus is devoted to becoming/being fit, she probably doesn't get as much one-on-one time as might have happened in the past.

Like others have suggested either invite her to join you at the gym (if that doesn't work) maybe make an effort to do something nice for her or devote some time just for her.

I wish you the best of luck! You are definitely not in an easy situation. :flowerforyou:

moya_rargh

Her friends are now checking you out and that just won't do! :laugh:

RaspberryKeytoneBoondoggle

Her friends are now checking you out and that just won't do! :laugh:

Yes this!:)

DianeinCA

Clearly the problem is not simply that you're working out (unless your workouts are so long and so involved it's interfering with family/couple time). This is the symptom of an underlying issue -- what that issue might be, no one here knows. She might not even know. But both of you need to do some open and honest communicating about this.

martinel2099

If you're trying to lose weight and be healthier than your significant other should understand and be supportive. Now if you're going from couch potato to gym rat and never seeing her then that might be a problem.

Tell you what, how about go out for a nice dinner and discuss the issue in detail. Odds are I guarantee you haven't taken the time to properly address this and to help your partner know how important this is to you. Guarantee your problem isn't just about your weight loss but maybe communication in general.

Phoenix__Rising

Sounds like she has a competitive streak and
you've now shown you out proform. She's
maybe insecure as well. Gratz on your loss
and your success since. Get support from your
mfp pals. Good luck with this situation though.

Some_Watery_Tart

Divorce is the only answer....

Or you could decide that this is important enough to you that you'll continue to progress while seeking some counseling for you and your spouse to repair the broken channels of communication.

Flab2Fab27

Problem with posting advice for relationship issues on an internet forum is that it's biased and one sided.

Communicate with your partner as opposed to complete strangers on the internet & if you aren't able to do that, seek couples counseling.

It's not just about how you feel with the situation but what they are feeling too.

healthygreek

Reminds me of the zen koan:

If a man does something in a forest, and no woman is there to observe him, is he still wrong?

One more

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him..... how does he know he is wrong?

Off topic, but I love your shepherd! I've had 2 in the past and I really miss them!

tiptoethruthetulips

Between work and the gym are you still pitching in at home? How much of your together time has been lost? It may be that she is actually resents carrying the home load by herself or is missing you. Make sure you are pitching in around home and still having time together.

vmclach

Divorce is the only answer....

Whoa a bit extreme

Some_Watery_Tart

Divorce is the only answer....

Whoa a bit extreme

Zekela

Divorce is the only answer....

Whoa a bit extreme

In for extreme measures to solve extreme problems... DIVORCE!!!!