How Do You Approach Friends About Weight Loss?

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Replies

  • mlanders22
    mlanders22 Posts: 140 Member
    I would never bring it up. Ever.
    All of my friends are fit and healthy, and I was the odd one out being obese for years. Not one of them ever mentioned anything about weight loss to me.
  • _Zardoz_
    _Zardoz_ Posts: 3,987 Member
    I'm not that big but we all have bigger friends. You know people close to you. How do you approach them about getting fit in a way they will listen?
    I don't it's up to them if they ask me fair enough but preaching at them wont make them do anything they'll just be ex friends very soon
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    I wouldn't ever. Because I value my friendships.

    They all see the changes I have made, and they know I'm willing to talk openly if they have questions. That's all I can or should do.

    Naturally, I can also support them as best I can if they feel like they need to make changes in their lives.
  • alexlabenz
    alexlabenz Posts: 4 Member
    I've got to agree. It won't be appreciated if you try to initiate this discussion. You're friends know, if they wanted to talk to you they would. The assumption you should make is that this isn't a conversation they want to have with you. And really, the motivation DOES have to come from within. You can inspire, but, unfortunately, you can do nothing about motivating them to want to make these types of changes.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    I don't.

    I set a good example, by being fit, and healthy and happy.

    If they want to change, they ask.
    If they are happy as they are, then I say all the power to them.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    I'm not that big but we all have bigger friends. You know people close to you. How do you approach them about getting fit in a way they will listen? My friends aren't into the idea of scanning bar codes and recording work outs. If they were they'd already be doing it. Any ideas? A lot of you guys are going to say the motivation has to come from with in. I don't know, I golf with a group of guys and I've asked a few if they were curious to know what their diet actually did for them which is met with jokes about me being a calorie counter in a negative way. But what I see is the guy who has wings, fries and beer before golf and polishes the round off with some burger king. He constantly reminds us that he should stop smoking as it's killing him getting up the fairways. And all I can think is I can so help my friend. It's so easy. The first step is just committing to wanting it. Maybe I'm just a jerk.

    He seems to be focused on quitting smoking first and foremost. It's a good goal. If I were you I would support him in this goal that he has already chosen for himself first. Email him links about that that you came across and thought of him since he mentioned it at golf.

    Then once he quits if he's still having trouble getting up the fairways he will look to other causes and might think about his weight/eating habits. Cal counting isn't the only way to lose so at that time whatever his method is support his efforts. As long as it's not diet pills or prancersize or other idiocy b/c freinds don't let friend's fen-phen.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    If they ask I will answer any questions that they have but I don't dare bring it up first.

    Last year my best friend asked me to help walk her through how to use MFP. I showed her all of the features and explained the calorie goal and gave her some tips on how to lose weight. That lasted about two weeks if that. I never brought it up again even when she called last week telling me that her doctor wants to test her for diabetes and brought up her weight. It's hard sometimes because we don't want to see our friends deal with health issues but at the same time she is an adult and has to make the choice for herself.
  • runningagainstmyself
    runningagainstmyself Posts: 616 Member
    If they don't want to hear it, they're not going to. If they didn't ask for advice, you shouldn't be giving it. All that ends up doing in the long run is alienating people you care about, which, to be honest, likely isn't what you are seeking to do. It sounds like you have the best of intentions.

    I have found in my journey that if people want to know how to help themselves, they will generally come to you and ask how you did it. All you can do until then is support them in the best ways you know how without rubbing their nose in your successes and/or their lack thereof.
  • Claremoak
    Claremoak Posts: 75 Member
    Don't, it will not be appreciated. If they approach you tell them what worked for you, and be willing to help when asked, but everyone has to find their own will to do it.

    My husband had heart bypass surgery last year and needs to loose about 40 pounds, but doesn't want to give up his eating style, even though he knows he should. He knows what I do to lose, but I don't preach at him, tempting as it is. I was the obese one for 35 of the 42 years we were married and he was in great shape until the last 7 (after he quit smoking). He never nagged me, so I return the favor.
    You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink!
  • EddieHaskell97
    EddieHaskell97 Posts: 2,227 Member
    jabba.gif

    Show them Return of the Jedi. When Jabba starts talking, pretend your friend is speaking to you, instead.
  • jenniferv38
    jenniferv38 Posts: 44 Member
    You want to see how fast your friend can drop 152 pounds? Approach him about his weight and tell him he needs to go on a diet. He will drop you so fast, you won't know what happened...lol. Honestly, I would leave him alone and just be a good friend. He is not blind. He knows he is overweight and he notices the choices you make and the benefits you enjoy. You're not being a jerk (not yet, anyway)...you live your life, let him live his. If he wants your opinion, he will ask for it.
  • Booksandbeaches
    Booksandbeaches Posts: 1,791 Member
    I don't.

    It's a topic I won't touch with a 10 foot pole. Their body their life. Unless they ask me outright for advice, I don't give advice on fitness.
  • thatjosiegirl
    thatjosiegirl Posts: 362 Member
    You don't. It will be a waste of your time and could potentially ruin or strain your relationship with these friends.

    I say lead by example! It's really the only card you have to play. :smile:
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    I'm not that big but we all have bigger friends. You know people close to you. How do you approach them about getting fit in a way they will listen? My friends aren't into the idea of scanning bar codes and recording work outs. If they were they'd already be doing it. Any ideas? A lot of you guys are going to say the motivation has to come from with in. I don't know, I golf with a group of guys and I've asked a few if they were curious to know what their diet actually did for them which is met with jokes about me being a calorie counter in a negative way. But what I see is the guy who has wings, fries and beer before golf and polishes the round off with some burger king. He constantly reminds us that he should stop smoking as it's killing him getting up the fairways. And all I can think is I can so help my friend. It's so easy. The first step is just committing to wanting it. Maybe I'm just a jerk.
    It's not my place to talk to others about weight loss because it's their deal and their body. However, if they ask how I lost my weight, I will share my journey and leave it at that.
  • _KitKat_
    _KitKat_ Posts: 1,066 Member
    Never but if they are complaining about physical ailments, I will suggest a visit to the doctor. Hopefully the dr. will say something.

    If they complain about weight, then complain they get too tired or looks and still refuse to even attempt or ask questions, most likely I wouldn't be friends with them. Sorry, but true. I prefer people that attempt to change things they don't like and to better themselves.
  • asciident
    asciident Posts: 166 Member
    True change does have to come from within oneself.

    I don't think anyone other than doctors and very close family should bring it up. I would be irritated with any of my friends if they felt like bringing up my weight and that's even after I started working to change it...
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Don't underestimate the power of just being a good example. It's taken some time (like a couple of years) but I finally have some friends that are trying to better their overall health and well being largely because they've seen what I've done and they've seen me stick to it having maintained now for over a year. I never said anything to them save for inviting them out on occasion for a bike ride or hike or something...took awhile, but I finally got some, "yeah...that might be kinda cool" responses from some of them.

    Unfortunately I also have other friends that have no interest...but I will continue to be an example regardless.
  • Ang108
    Ang108 Posts: 1,711 Member
    I don't, unless I am specifically asked for advise or help. Just like I don't like people/friends interfering in my life and state of health, I don't interfere in theirs
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  • nicjustine
    nicjustine Posts: 37
    This is a tough topic. I, too, have people close to me who could benefit health wise from diet and exercise- and I'm talking like they already have issues from it, be it back pain, diabetes, etc. However, you can't just approach them with "You need to lose weight." That is, although in their best interest, rude and hurtful; it'll get you know where. If you are genuinely worried about them, I'd say the way to go is to ask them to go on walks together, ask if they want to start training for a fun run/ do a fun run with you, or do other physically active stuff with them. People don't do things they don't want to, so maybe the added buddy system would be a great motivator for them, and you might get a rad workout buddy out of it! I know that's what helped me the first time I lost weight.

    If you are genuinely worried about them and just asking them to make healthier choices with you doesn't work, depending on how close you are with said person, a delicate conversation may be the way to go. Just remember that maybe they're happy with the way they are, and they're weight is really their business. They need to make the decision to get healthy on their own. It's sad when you see such a quick and dramatic drop in health in the people you love, but you can't do it for them. Just continue to be a positive, supportive, and inspirational figure in their lives and hopefully they'll be able to pull themselves out of it.
  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
    Advice says ONE thing... BE more like me... & it's only helpful if it is asked for... note.. I am NOT advising you.. merely sharing MY perspective...

    if I have read your topic correctly.. it's like telling your "friends" YOu really need to go back to school and get a degree in philosophy because it will make you a better person... or hey... instead of going to church ... you should join a seminary...

    nEXT topic... this one's ridiculous
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
    For me, none of the "talking to's" in the world would have made me move in that direction. My siblings even wanted to do an "intervention". My dad talked them out of it saying that when I was ready, I'd do it.

    It took an event for me to get my whack on the head for me to decide to do something.

    He knows he should do better. But it takes more than knowing you should to warrant taking action.
  • Tanie98
    Tanie98 Posts: 675 Member
    strong this

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