The "I have stretchmarks, there's no point..." mentality.

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Rachifloon
Rachifloon Posts: 129 Member
in Motivation and Support
Just... How do you get past that? I have a LOT of stretchmarks on my body: Upper arms, breast, all around my waist/hips, thighs, and even the back of my calves. They're very noticeable, thick, "old", white stage marks so I pretty much have them for life without much hope of improving them. Of course, my main reason for getting fitter and healthier is for the internal benefits but... C'mon, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to look good showing skin. Still... Most people see stretch marks as disgusting. Even if I do get slimmer and am a "socially acceptable" size, my scars will always be ugly and judged. I haven't been pregnant so I can't change to the "I'm a tiger who earned her stripes" mentality to try and make it something to be proud of. Only thing I ever gave birth to were "food babies" from eating too much, :laugh:

Some days the proudness of me losing weight and seeing positive changes outweigh the scars, other days they're all I can focus on and see a "ruined, hopeless husk" that makes me think "what's the point?" and dive under the covers with some B&J's Cookie Dough.

Just curious if anyone else is/has been like this and how do you deal with it?
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Replies

  • FireOpalCO
    FireOpalCO Posts: 641 Member
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    Well you could always starting saving up money to have them removed by either laser or surgery if they bother you that much. If doing that stops your negative feelings about your body, starting socking money into a savings account.
  • tinkbaby101
    tinkbaby101 Posts: 180 Member
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    IMO, it's just a mentality you have to combat. Everyone has body issues and insecurities. If it weren't stretch marks, it would be something else.

    Stretch marks aren't disgusting, and *most* people wont give a flying squirrel about whether or not your body has them. You just have to direct your attention to those things that make you confident, and focus on that. Focus on things you CAN change, rather than those that you can't.
  • LazSommer
    LazSommer Posts: 1,851 Member
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    Stop caring, no one else does.
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,299 Member
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    I am sure given time they will stop being so strong and probably disappear. You and your skin is young. Try to change them into a badge of honour for the time being. Because you are not as large as you once were and you have gained these. By the way we always see our own spots and dimples far more starkly then anybody else does. Hang on in there, this is an achievement.

    You could start saving to have them removed, but this could possibly leave different issues, with luck by the time you have the free funds the problem will have gently gone. I am not talking years maybe one. For me a year is nothing but I am in my 60's a year to you is probably a life time.

    Be brave, you are fine
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I would love to give you some good advice and I'm sure many will. With all the people running around with tatoos on their bods--and frankly some are ugly---try to look at it that way (body art--natural). If you can't get over it, I agree to look into having them removed, or lightened in some way. However, you may want to wait until you have children, because you may have to do it all over again. You're skin is probably very delicate. I wish you the very best--good luck. :smile:
  • Swiftlet66
    Swiftlet66 Posts: 729 Member
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    I have tiger stripes on my butt... At first, I didn't really like how it looked but over time, I've come to accept them as part of me. Whoever says they are disgusting on you, dump that person(s). If you yourself (and only you) say they are disgusting, then this is more of a personal, self-esteem issue. It's not disgusting; its a natural thing to have.
  • belfastbarbie0206
    belfastbarbie0206 Posts: 1 Member
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    Hi Rachel, You are perfectly normal, it is social media, celebrities, photoshop that have created the tinted world we live in today, it is this that is abnormal. We are human after all not plastic Barbies! They have created unrealistic images that make us ladies (and men as well) analyse ourselves wasting our time, creating anxiety and may lead to getting depressed. Break away, you look beautiful as you are. If another woman criticises you that is her insecurity and she has her own pain with trying to keep up with the impossible .... let her go, if it is a male step aside and let him go too. Work on your inner self, self belief, self esteem, wear a smile and beauty will radiate from you. If you don't work on your inner self trust me if you do have say laser treatment to reduce the marks you will find something else to criticise. My life has been in fashion, at 44 years old trust me I have the wisdom now. Enjoy your life and fill it with the right people don't waste it on this. Look in the mirror and look at what is right and not what is wrong everyday and soon these stretch marks will be a distant memory. Barbie (Seriously that is my name :))
  • Rachifloon
    Rachifloon Posts: 129 Member
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    For those that have suggested surgery... I have thought about that a fair bit. Still, I have that OTHER mentality that believes excessive amount of money should only be spent on practical, useful things so yeah, the two mentalities definitely combat each other. :laugh:

    As for someone else who bought up waiting until after children... Again, something else I considered. Why waste money if in the future I would like children and the marks come back as they mostly, and naturally, do with the stretching of skin?

    I think I just need to learn to up my self-esteem and get out of my own head. People DO notice their own flaws more than others... I think I just wanted to vent a little about the matter and get some advice. And advice I got so thanks to everyone who chipped a word in., I appreciate and am taking it all on board. c:
  • knra_grl
    knra_grl Posts: 1,568 Member
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    http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Rid-of-Stretch-Marks << who knows if any of this helps but hey, if anything you will have healthy hydrated skin :flowerforyou:

    Honestly we are our own worst critics and the appearance of your stretch marks may not be as bad as you think.
  • Otterluv
    Otterluv Posts: 9,083 Member
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    You do know that you are complaining about tiny lines on your skin that are just colored slightly different than the rest? Seriously, they are no big deal. They sure as hell aren't "disgusting". I can guarantee that the only person noticing them on you is you.

    Don't be so hard on yourself.
  • nikkylyn
    nikkylyn Posts: 325 Member
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    Please listen to this...

    Hi Rachel, You are perfectly normal, it is social media, celebrities, photoshop that have created the tinted world we live in today, it is this that is abnormal. We are human after all not plastic Barbies! They have created unrealistic images that make us ladies (and men as well) analyse ourselves wasting our time, creating anxiety and may lead to getting depressed. Break away, you look beautiful as you are. If another woman criticises you that is her insecurity and she has her own pain with trying to keep up with the impossible .... let her go, if it is a male step aside and let him go too. Work on your inner self, self belief, self esteem, wear a smile and beauty will radiate from you. If you don't work on your inner self trust me if you do have say laser treatment to reduce the marks you will find something else to criticise. My life has been in fashion, at 44 years old trust me I have the wisdom now. Enjoy your life and fill it with the right people don't waste it on this. Look in the mirror and look at what is right and not what is wrong everyday and soon these stretch marks will be a distant memory. Barbie (Seriously that is my name :))
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    Honestly, they're not disgusting at all and anyone who says they are has no place in your life.

    Like all scars, they're there for a reason. So you ate too much and gained a few? You're not the only one. It may seem like this but I'll tell you the reason why that is...because people are insecure about their own and so they cover them up...magazines and media sources won't show celebrities and stuff with them, they'll airbrush them out because they're deemed as "disgusting" thus creating an unrealistic image. Well, maybe if people stopped hiding them away and accepted them for what they are, a natural thing that a great % of the population has to some degree, people would be less ashamed. Maybe then people can let go of things that are making them feel bad and be proud of what they love!

    You deserve more than the feeling of despair when you look at your "flaws" and you deserve to make healthy changes in your life without holding yourself back by things you can't control.

    I have stretchmarks, nothing major and they don't show in normal clothes because they're right at the top of my legs/hips, but they'd probably show if I wore a bikini. I don't care, and I don't believe I should.

    ETA: If you saw another woman on the beach, in a bikini, and she had a lot of stretchmarks. Or maybe someone on a hot day in shorts and strappy top, and they had some showing...would you judge them for it, think they're disgusting and should be covering them up? I think that's your answer right there.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    I have them too. I put on a lot of weight in a short amount of time when I was 21 (after a diet). They're less visible than they used to though (except my belly, but nobody's going to see that with all the loose skin anyway). Honestly though... they don't even bother me. I looked way worse two years ago, I'm 36, I'm a mom of two... frankly nobody cares what I look like anyway.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    Most people see stretch marks as disgusting. Even if I do get slimmer and am a "socially acceptable" size, my scars will always be ugly and judged.

    Nope. Not really. "Most" people see stretch marks as normal as "most" people have them in some form or another including a lot of non-mothers.
  • justcat206
    justcat206 Posts: 716 Member
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    I felt the same way about mine - why bother getting a bikini body when my tummy is gross. Then we got a membership to the local water park and almost ALL the ladies there in bikinis ad stretch marks and cellulite and love handles and they didnt' care a bit. And frankly they looked great. It definitely gave me the courage to consider uncovering a little and being proud of my work instead of embarrassed about my 'flaws'.
  • them_and_me
    them_and_me Posts: 60 Member
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    Hiya! I have a lot of stretch marks and loose skin around my stomach and arms which means even when I do get to my goal weight, you probably wont see me hanging around in a bikini. However, there are a lot of outfits that don't need to show skin to be sexy. That's why I keep going, one does need to shed the clothes to look amazing. I also know that I definitely see my flaws more than anyone else, it's like that Abreva commercial where they shine the light on her cold sore :p

    good luck!
  • Wonderob
    Wonderob Posts: 1,372 Member
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    Hi Rachel, You are perfectly normal, it is social media, celebrities, photoshop that have created the tinted world we live in today, it is this that is abnormal. We are human after all not plastic Barbies!

    I'm not so sure you can blame the modern world for these unrealistic images. A thousand year ago Chinese women had their feet bound to portray an unrealistic image of beauty. 100 years ago women were strapped into dresses made of whale bone until they could hardly breath to portray an unrealistic image of beauty.

    Lots of people are just obsessed with looking good - some might say that they are on MFP for health reasons, but by far the biggest motivation to diet and work out seems to be appearance - it's no good saying that appearance doesn't matter because it clearly does. I guess the answer is being able to deal with how we look, and like me, find someone who likes you as you are - your confidence soon grows when that happens

    Wander over to the Chit chat section of the boards and you'll see how obsessed so many seem to be with looks! At any point in time you'll see similar to how it looks now

    Hot or not @ person above you part 19

    Person above: meh, beautiful/handsome, or just plain sexy!

    Pass, hug, spank, marry, date pt 34

    Rate the person above you part 46

    I need me some Man Candy!

    How do you like your boobs?

    Would you grab the person above you?

    In fact, if you suffer any sort of insecurities about the way you look - don't dare enter any of those threads! I wouldn't!
  • eggomylegos
    eggomylegos Posts: 146 Member
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    It is a daily struggle. I have to be mindful of my tendency to put myself down. The truth is that I care about my stretch marks, and surgery scars, and jiggly parts FAR more than anyone else in my life.

    Some days it is hard to believe. The constant love of my friends and family is my proof that my value is not rooted in physical appearance.
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    Every single human being on the planet has stretch marks. It's just a part of life. I have a lot on my thighs and boobs and they're kind of sunken now, but I've finally grown to realize that they are okay. Ask anyone. They will tell you they have stretch marks somewhere on their body.
  • Llamapants86
    Llamapants86 Posts: 1,221 Member
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    I've got lots of them and loose skin, an assortment of scars, a tattoo I don't really like. My point is, the only one who notices it is me because I spend a lot of time looking for them, remembering them, feeling bad about them. There are days where it is work to not focus on the bad but it gets easier. And now that I've gotten through some of the fat, and improved my health I can counter that mentality with things like "but now I can run comfortably" or "I can sit on a bus and I'm my take one seat".

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