Co-worker looks anorexic. Help with ideas please.
Replies
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Different people have different ideas of what's considered 'anorexic'. Unless there are clear health issues being displayed, you can't assume somebody has it. Even if they're tiny.
A couple of people have wondered if I'm anorexic before (as well as a lot of people stating that I'm too skinny and need to eat more). My BF is like 12%(ish). Something I have noticed is that every single one of these people have been rather overweight. Makes me wonder whether a lot of people just automatically view anyone that's significantly thinner then them as anorexic.
That's an intriguing observation. From personal experience, two of my sisters never ate much food growing up, and I remember one of them fainting a lot, from undereating.
And this may be why you have this issue. The person that accused me of bulimia (I have never been bulimic, but have always been a hearty eater and small) had sisters that struggled with eating disorders. So, she projected her own unhealed issues onto other people.0 -
Great advice everyone. Thank you
We are a very close circle of people at work and it is not uncommon to behave like friends more than co workers. I just want to be proffesional. I'll just mind my own business and try an be supportive instead of giving advice. Always trying to better myself.
You have responded very well to the advice in the thread. :flowerforyou:
"Very well" doesn't describe it. More like incredible and gracious in light of the pile-on responses she got. I am seriously impressed with her tolerance and patience.
Agreed, I think the OP has handled this very well.
Not everyone knows how to function perfectly in social/work situations, asking advice is great, taking it on board in a calm manner is wonderful. Good answers have been given also.
Kudos.0 -
One of my co-workers (a super nice person), looks way to skinny to me. He sais she eats burgers every day, but I am not sure how many of them. I understand that is none of my business but two days ago she was talking about how she was trying to get in shape and, she is doing stairs now with weight on her ankles, and running more. I told her if anything she probably should just lift and not do any cardio as she does not look like she needs it. I was afraid of saying anything else because I understand that it is tricky. I just could not support her decision on cardio.
Have any of you ever found themselves in this situation? Can I help in any way? I hope I can, or at least not make the situation worse. Thank you in advance for all your feedback.
You are right, it is none of your business. Unless she asks for your help or advice, mind your own.0 -
I have to ask... how would you feel if a coworker said you were anorexic but you weren't?
I don't know! I never made any comments about her figure except for when I told her she seems that weight training would benefit her more than cardio. I also do not asume she is anorexic.
Titles thread "coworker looks anorexic".0 -
x infinityGreat advice everyone. Thank you
We are a very close circle of people at work and it is not uncommon to behave like friends more than co workers. I just want to be proffesional. I'll just mind my own business and try an be supportive instead of giving advice. Always trying to better myself.
You have responded very well to the advice in the thread. :flowerforyou:
"Very well" doesn't describe it. More like incredible and gracious in light of the pile-on responses she got. I am seriously impressed with her tolerance and patience.0 -
How about everyone stops pretending to be experts on other peoples lives.
That might work.0 -
Seems most people are still missing the part where OP said she wasn't going to get involved. No need to keep telling her she's wrong when she agrees and is dropping the issue.0
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Worry about yourself and your family. At work, you should be working not worrying about others.0
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I have to ask... how would you feel if a coworker said you were anorexic but you weren't?
I don't know! I never made any comments about her figure except for when I told her she seems that weight training would benefit her more than cardio. I also do not asume she is anorexic.
no, you just said she LOOKS anorexic.0 -
Some of you are so rude!
'Is this for real? Well - I'd tell you to shove it up your *kitten*'.
Have you ever worried about someone being in trouble and wondering if you can help? Because it surely sounds like all the rude voices belong to the people who mind their own bums, yes and... don't give a heck about people they like!
The OP is not trying to preach his co-worker, the OP is simply concerned about someone he likes!
OP - not much you can do. If you are friendly enough with her, you can take her to the gym, for a session of weight lifting. Who knows - she might decide she likes this routing and adds it to her regime. Apart from that - it is sadly her choice and if she has ED, she will have to find the way out herself. The only thing others can do, is to watch the person they like carefully and help her if it looks like she needs it/is looking for it/ ok to receive that help (it certainly helps that you are concerned and not selfishly MYOB only!).0 -
Wow, people are rude on here, this person was asking for advice not to be e-beetoch sl*pped.
My .02, is the similar. Just keep your thoughts to yourself, unless she asks for your help you shouldn't discuss her weight or eating habits with her.
All the best0 -
you can't tell by looking at someone whether they're anorexic or not.
you don't know what she's eating... she says she eats burgers and you don't believe her... really?? you can tell if someone eats burgers by looking at them?
also, everyone should work out and try to get/stay in shape, exercise is for health, it helps with losing fat, but it's not healthy to be sedentary and everyone should do some kind of exercise/physical activity (barring any medical issues that make it inadvisable) - a lot of people in the healthy BMI range are actually carrying too much fat, because they're sedentary and eat a poor diet. They might not look fat in clothes but they still need to get fit and improve their body fat percentage.
Anyway, my advice is to not give advice, and also not to make assumptions.0 -
Some of you are so rude!
'Is this for real? Well - I'd tell you to shove it up your *kitten*'.
Have you ever worried about someone being in trouble and wondering if you can help? Because it surely sounds like all the rude voices belong to the people who mind their own bums, yes and... don't give a heck about people they like!
The OP is not trying to preach his co-worker, the OP is simply concerned about someone he likes!
OP - not much you can do. If you are friendly enough with her, you can take her to the gym, for a session of weight lifting. Who knows - she might decide she likes this routing and adds it to her regime. Apart from that - it is sadly her choice and if she has ED, she will have to find the way out herself. The only thing others can do, is to watch the person they like carefully and help her if it looks like she needs it/is looking for it/ ok to receive that help (it certainly helps that you are concerned and not selfishly MYOB only!).
No, what is rude is to assume someone is anorexic and ask how to help her, when she has not asked for help. That is rude. I've been his co-worker and was acitvely gaining weight in a healthy manner. I'm trying to help the OP not offend his/her co-worker by sticking his/her foot in their mouth with tips that were not asked for, when she may or may not be anorexic and may be working to gain weight on her own, in a healthy manner.0 -
I just have to say that I did laugh a little when the op said that she says she eats burgers, but wasn't sure how many. Like she is supposed to order three burgers at a time. Sorry, just made me laugh.0
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A couple of people have wondered if I'm anorexic before (as well as a lot of people stating that I'm too skinny and need to eat more).
+ 1Makes me wonder whether a lot of people just automatically view anyone that's significantly thinner then them as anorexic.
i knew i wouldn't have to search long to find my story typed out for me by someone else. MFP is great for that, even for the minority of gainers. :flowerforyou:
looks deceive.0 -
Edit: Btw, my brother is super skinny and tall. He's been this way his entire life. I can't take him to any buffet because he never stops eating. Me? I look at a brownie and I gained an extra thigh. Don't be so quick to judge.
I agree with most...MYOB. I immediately thought of my son when I read this. He is 6' tall, and weighs about 140 lbs. He eats anything and everything he wants, and can't gain weight. He's very self conscious about being too thin. Everyone is different, you can't assume.0 -
I kind of don't see anything rude in wondering if the person is hurting themselves with too much cardio. Having ED is a first thing that springs to ones mind these days (in the past it probably would be cancer). This is not rude, this is a sign of concern. OP just wonders and OP might be wrong... or right. The said person might be taking hormones, she might have a super fast metabolism, she might struggle with IBS, but she also might be overexercising & under-eating. And OP likes the person and so is concerned.
What would be rude - OP gossiping with other co-workers as to if the described person is anorexic.Yes - rude indeed. It would be rude if OP started suggesting to the person described 'here, have a sandwich, you look like you haven't eaten for a week' be it in private or (very rude) in front of everyone. As far as I am aware - OP hasn't done either and is not planning to.
What OP seems to be doing is making sure that if there is anything they can do to help - they will. If the help is actually needed, because OP also takes into account - that there might be no need for it at all, that the problem might be something completely different.
Really no need to bash OP on the head for that - and some replies were a lot harsher or (wait for it, because it's pretty ironic) ruder, then the OP actually being concerned an expressing thing as simple as a concern.0 -
I kind of don't see anything rude in wondering if the person is hurting themselves with too much cardio. Having ED is a first thing that springs to ones mind these days (in the past it probably would be cancer). This is not rude, this is a sign of concern. OP just wonders and OP might be wrong... or right. The said person might be taking hormones, she might have a super fast metabolism, she might struggle with IBS, but she also might be overexercising & under-eating. And OP likes the person and so is concerned.
What would be rude - OP gossiping with other co-workers as to if the described person is anorexic.Yes - rude indeed. It would be rude if OP started suggesting to the person described 'here, have a sandwich, you look like you haven't eaten for a week' be it in private or (very rude) in front of everyone. As far as I am aware - OP hasn't done either and is not planning to.
What OP seems to be doing is making sure that if there is anything they can do to help - they will. If the help is actually needed, because OP also takes into account - that there might be no need for it at all, that the problem might be something completely different.
Really no need to bash OP on the head for that - and some replies were a lot harsher or (wait for it, because it's pretty ironic) ruder, then the OP actually being concerned an expressing thing as simple as a concern.
I didn't read all of the replies, but I know I not once bashed the OP. I said, and most replies I read said, if she did not ask for help, do not freely give it. That is not bashing. That is giving advice where it was asked for.0 -
On internet forums people read a post and have a reply. That can end up in piling on. It just happens. It helps to understand and recognize that. And not everyone has been rude. I had an initial reply. Then saw the continued responses. I made sure to express to the op that they were responding well.
I sort of wonder how this would go if the OP had said that they had a co-worker that looks obese, but talks about wanting to go to the bakery.
Also, we don't know what the person looks like, so we certainly don't feel comfortable thinking she could look anorexic.0 -
How about just leave her alone and let her make her own decisions about how she chooses to live her life?
Right!0 -
The bottom line is that you can't do anything about her anorexia....IF she even has it. Only SHE can help herself when and if she wants the help.
There is a difference between being a caring friend and being a codependent who tries to solve everyone's problems for them. Focus on yourself and just be there for her if she ever wants your help.0 -
People would often accuse me of being anorexic, even my own doctor because I was not in the recommended goal range. I ate everything in site and still love to eat. I love sports and being active, all my vitals, medical, and mental capacities are normal, I need no medications, still get accused of being in my 20's (by my college classmates as well), and I have been told by my doctor I am in excellent health. The difference between me and my co-workers, is that I have a very petite frame for someone who is 5'6". So what appears to be anorexia by others and what is actually anorexia are two different things. My doctor assumed I was not eating, but I would put my brother under the table when it came to food and he said I was extremely healthy. Some of us have a higher metabolism than others even though our thyroid may be in the normal range. I am 47 now and I still get accused of being anorexic, because I am too thin in the eyes of others, but my weight is just right for me and when you look at my family, you would see that I am built just like the rest of them. So it is best to stay out of it. Anorexia is a psychological issue, where a person refuses to eat or reduces portions because they don't want to gain weight to the point that they need help and should be evaluated by a medical professional.0
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I would give her a huge box of ding dongs and a copy of Karen Carpenter's biography. Then elaborate on the idea that eating disorders are total BS and that she is not gaining weight because she doesn't want it enough. Then produce some kind of Dr. Oz type supplement and tell her it should help put "meat on her bones."
...or just let her be.
^^^^^ Love this!0 -
It always blows me away how someone feels the need to tell someone who is thin that they are too thin and they need to put on weight but very few will tell a large person the opposite. Has she dropped a lot of weight in a short amount of time, is she chundering in the toilet? Is there any actual evidence other than what you perceive that she may be what you are implying? What does an anorexic person look like just out of curiosity? Plus advice given without request is not about the person receiving its about the person giving, so they can feel better about themselves, mind your own p's and q's! How would you feel if she told you to stay off the donuts!0
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I do think that if you are close with someone and you notice them getting rapidly thinner and thinner, and emaciated, and you notice that they are depressed or manic, and they aren't eating or their eating habits suddenly change, it is of course ok to check in with them kindly if you are worried.
It's just that on mfp, most often we hear from very healthy people getting falsely accused of an ED or being too thin, and it is said in a very rude way (not helpful at all).0 -
Wow everyone needs to give the OP a break. I know personally how invasive it feels to be told I'm "too skinny" (for what? is what I'd like to know) I know how invasive it can feel ... but OP's heart is obviously in the right place and she's taking your knee-jerk responses like a saint so... relax.0
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If she asks you for input, tell her to eat whole foods, complex carbs to assist her in her excercises and that will easily put good weight on her (muscle weight)
complex carbs - rice, Oatmeal
Fats - almonds, pistashios, peanut butter
Protein - chicken and turkey
otherwise, it isn't any of your business, no
Shes on her own image journey like we all are, focus on your own goals. 0 -
Wow everyone needs to give the OP a break. I know personally how invasive it feels to be told I'm "too skinny" (for what? is what I'd like to know) I know how invasive it can feel ... but OP's heart is obviously in the right place and she's taking your knee-jerk responses like a saint so... relax.
I kinda wanted to throw poo at the OP when I first read her post, but she did handle it well. OP, you may want to report your thread and get it removed, because these things have a way of slowly, but inevitably, spinning out of control.0 -
True... I apologize... just out of curiosity have your other co-workers mentioned anything?0
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