Support from your Partner

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  • Fit_Fox88
    Fit_Fox88 Posts: 410 Member
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    My husband is supportive but he doesn't participate on MFP anymore. He will eat healthier meals with me but then he will snack a lot, too. I don't say anything b/c I've tried and it has done nothing so I'll let him come around again on his own. When he's marinating dinner he will weigh my portion of meat (if I remind him). He compliments me and tells me he's noticing differences in my body. But he doesn't discourage me from doing it b/c he's not on board with it.

    I hope your SO comes around soon. I know it can be challenging, but stick with it! You'll feel much better in the end :flowerforyou:
  • Live_To_Win
    Live_To_Win Posts: 340 Member
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    What is this strange thing you call support??? None here, just me and my MFPers
  • Sailatsorf
    Sailatsorf Posts: 161 Member
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    When I started losing weight, I was with a guy who was totally unsupportive and refused to even so much as go for a walk with me when I asked. During that time, a friend of mine had a huuuge crush on me, even though I was at my heaviest.

    And, well, now we're married. He always tells me that he thinks I'm beautiful just because I'm me, and that the reason he likes my weight loss is because of the confidence it has given me. He takes walks with me every day, eats the low fat meals I make with gusto, and of course, warns me when he thinks I might be going on a snack binge I might regret. He's my rock.

    If you're with someone who doesn't support the good things you're doing for yourself, maybe you've outgrown them. You want someone you can grow with, not grow out of. I hope things change for the better for you soon!
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
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    Meh, I do my own thing. I don't need support from anyone else. I've got it under control by myself.
  • kcmcd
    kcmcd Posts: 239 Member
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    Yes. He's not enthusiastic about, but he doesn't complain about healthy meals. He's not coming to the gym, but adjusts his schedule if I need him to (and pays for the membership). He is (or at least acts) interested in and happy for my victories. If he wants to go to dinner he doesn't mind me choosing the place we go.

    So... he's not, you know, holding my hand - but he is aware and supportive, yes. I think so.
  • MegE_N
    MegE_N Posts: 245 Member
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    My fiance more or less leaves me to my own devices on the weight loss front. As long as I'm doing well he lets me do my thing, and if I start to slip he'll drag me out for walks more or make gentle comments like 'We really need to watch what we eat'. That said, he is quick to applaud my successes.

    I don't think he's too fond of the smaller portions at dinner, though. :P
  • AwesomelyAmber
    AwesomelyAmber Posts: 1,617 Member
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    My husband is supportive of most all things that I do to make me happier. He supported me when I was 250 pounds, he supports me now at 160.
    He supports my choice to make different versions of dinner for each of us, by assisting with the extra dishes.
    He supports that while he is watching tv and the stationary bike is too loud, he may need to turn up the sound.
    He supports my 5K participation by asking me how it went on those rare occasions that he has something better to do than stand at the finish line (not often that he isn't there)

    Support doesn't mean that he does it with me... heck, I 'support' his love of hunting... I don't do it with him. :flowerforyou:
    You gotta do YOU, he's gotta do HIM. When everyone is happy, life is so much smoother.
  • Katleskin
    Katleskin Posts: 111 Member
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    My husband is an utter star. He listens to me prattle on about MFP and tries all my new recipes. He loves walking with me, though I don't think I'll ever get him in the pool (he's a cyclist). He bought me a Fitbit and a Cross Trainer (better than flowers/chocolates any day!). He's always encouraging me and is totally supportive of my goals. It's incredibly motivating to know that what I'm doing is coming from a place of positivity (getting healthy/having fun) and not because of some paranoia that he'll 'go off me' if I don't lose weight. I've never had a negative weight-related comment from him in our 14 years together. So long as I'm happy, he's happy (and vice versa). His only minor concern is that my bum will shrink so he keeps asking if I've done my squats LOL.

    Whatever I lose, it's just as much down to his love and support as it is to my own hard work.
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
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    My hubby supports me, but isn't interested in doing a similar thing for himself. He doesn't really remark much on how I look, but he will offer to take on extra kid duties so I can go to the gym early. He'll remind me if I haven't been to the gym in a couple of days or ask me if I really want that 3rd beer.

    I can tell he is playing with the idea of starting to go to the gym again, but isn't really sold. He had lost over 100 lbs before we met 8 years ago. He's kept most of it off, but did regain about 35 lbs when I had our babies. He will eat whatever I put in front of him, but frequently follows up dinner with a bowl of ice cream. lol.
  • runforestrun35
    runforestrun35 Posts: 480 Member
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    He tells me I am beautiful if I am fat or thin... so I never really know if he is being honest.... but I love that he will tell me I am doing great !
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    Sure, support is great, but do you really want it if you have to prompt him for it? That's like giving your friend money to buy you a birthday present. Why bother.

    I say dump him.
  • helenarriaza
    helenarriaza Posts: 517 Member
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    My ex used to be awful to me, I was not even at my highest weight and she told me I was getting huge, that no clothes were gonna fit me, that I was going to drop dead. When I joined the gym and started eating better she complained night and day that if I lost weight I was not going to be interested in her, that I was sure cheating on her and that's why I took care of myself, that I was eating rabbit food etc. Awful.

    My partner is supporting me, and doing this with me she's weighing a bit over 300 so we both need to get ourselves in shape.
    We rather cook than eat out, we go for walks and we have our fitbits and challenge ourselves.

    It's great to see the change in both of us.
  • qwicherbytchin
    qwicherbytchin Posts: 42
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    My husandhas been great. We joined a gym together and tho he doesn't need to lose any weight (his bodyfat is already at 18%), he supports me. We go together when we can and he shows me new weight lifting techniques, and pushes me when we're on the weight machines. He's tried to change the way he eats, but that is hard for him. I cook a lot healthier and he hasn't complained yet, he just stops at gas stations on his way to work to get his "goodies". I make his lunch every day and his sandwiches are now on whole wheat bread and no mayo, just mustard. I wish he'd let me add lettuce, but he hates it on sandwiches!
  • Cycle4Life99
    Cycle4Life99 Posts: 86
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    First and foremost, you are on this weight loss journey for you and no one else! If he is actively sabotaging your efforts, then it is a toxic relationship and get out of it. Let your results speak instead of actively searching for validation from him. You might find that as you get healthier, he'll champion you. If not, get rid of him.

    I'm lucky in that my girlfriend and I are on this journey together and we encourage each other. She maybe has 25-30 pounds to lose and I have around 62 or so remaining. Our successes and struggles make us stronger. She has an adopted a vegetarian (mostly) lifestyle and I've found many of the dishes she prepares to be delicious and actually feel better to eat then their meaty equivalent.
  • WrenAlive
    WrenAlive Posts: 23 Member
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    Support comes in lots of different Forms. My husband isn't working out with me anymore, And He's always the one to suggest ordering Pizza and Other junk food. He knows I'm working out more and eating better, and but I can tell he'd rather not hear about it too much. We've had to come to a happy medium since he hurt himself - I keep a lot more to myself, but a little less information adds to the mystery, and that's a good thing.

    But I can't say he's not supportive, because he is a fantastic husband, He response well when I fish for complements (even though he knows I'm fishing) And he always lets me know he finds me sexy (fishing or not), I know he wants this for me, but I've learned that pushing him to accommodate me or my diet only backfires.

    I'm not losing as fast as when we were a team. But I had to find a way to do this on my own. Initially when he got hurt I gained almost all the weight back that we had lost together. So I'm retraining myself, to motivate myself on my own. He may join me again one day, but I need to be in a place where it doesn't matter. Where the up's and downs of the people closest to me, don't dictate my results. In the end, him no longer 'supporting' me may be the best for me to build the strength and confidence that I need.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    Sorta. He's supportive of my eating mostly paleo, and he likes the shape I've become, but I cannot talk about weight lifting with him at all. He'll do cardio with me any time and we've tried (but failed due to childcare) to go to the gym together. But things are weird between us when it comes to lifting and I don't know why. I get the feeling that if I manage to start taking martial arts it'll be weird as well. I'm not sure why he clams up when I talk about fitness, but it happens just about every time. He's in good shape himself - runs every morning and no longer lifts but is super strong from farm stuff, so it's not a "he's not into the lifestyle" thing. ANYway - good luck figuring things out with your SO too!

    I can relate to this. We love hiking, walking, talking about fitness and food together, but...

    He wants me to lift heavy and do some "advanced" Parkour moves (rolls make my dang back hurt bad) and pushes me hard.

    Part of me goes the heck for it because I'll reap the benefit of a hard workout and impress him.

    But more often than not 1)the workouts make me sore for days, miserable and 2) they make me gain weight to boot

    So... yes, he is technically trying to be very supportive.

    I'm a fat lady. He's a marathon runner.

    There's a curve there that we need to come to an agreement and understanding on.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
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    My husband is an utter star. He listens to me prattle on about MFP and tries all my new recipes. He loves walking with me, though I don't think I'll ever get him in the pool (he's a cyclist). He bought me a Fitbit and a Cross Trainer (better than flowers/chocolates any day!). He's always encouraging me and is totally supportive of my goals. It's incredibly motivating to know that what I'm doing is coming from a place of positivity (getting healthy/having fun) and not because of some paranoia that he'll 'go off me' if I don't lose weight. I've never had a negative weight-related comment from him in our 14 years together. So long as I'm happy, he's happy (and vice versa). His only minor concern is that my bum will shrink so he keeps asking if I've done my squats LOL.

    Whatever I lose, it's just as much down to his love and support as it is to my own hard work.

    Haha! Mine listens to me prattle about MFP too!

    We even log back into the forum to see my conversations some days together!

    He wants to make an account.
  • WonderWhitney11
    WonderWhitney11 Posts: 78 Member
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    Hi. Have you asked him for your support? Sometimes, men can just be plain dense. :) If he doesn't realize you need encouragement, he probably won't give you any.

    I actually had a weird problem with my husband at first... he likes the extra "fluff" because it's soft and squishy. Ha! But I think I've finally gotten him to realize how much getting in shape means to me, so he supports me fully. He actually is pretty excited now to see how I look when I've completed my journey...

    Long story short... talk to him! :) The biggest problem with communication is the misconception that it's happened...
  • Chmarly
    Chmarly Posts: 27 Member
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    I have asked him but didn't seem to register with him....I don't think it helps that I am a bit down at the moment and where before him given me no support wouldn't really bother me but with the way in feeling it is affecting me as in taken it personally xx
  • janicesweetness
    janicesweetness Posts: 22
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    my boyfriend loves me to death but he is not trying to lose weight right now. he is supportive to the fullest when it comes to me losing weight and working out but he is still making terrible food choices and he always says that if he really gets into it he'll lose weight instantly but I'm like, what are ya waiting for.,do this with me for crying out loud. lol

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