Mothers Day And Grandma
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My husband doesn't care.... He just agrees when his mom goes "your buying me ---- for mothers day" the MIL is the one who initiates everything... in fact shes going so overboard with Fathers day its STRESSING THE FATHER out.I guess I Just have no idea about mothers day... My family growing up didn't celebrate it... I made my mom something... and that was it... We didn't go out to eat... My mothers mom was dead... My father usually wasn't talking to his mom... and no one was willing to wait in lines to go to dinner... there was no taking out the aunts, or cousins.... so Mothers day was me making something for my mother was the end of it. This mothers day... I was the only one who told my mother happy mothers day, (including the fact I have a older brother)... and she felt bad for forgetting to call me earlier to tell me happy mothers day first.
It's not a big deal to everyone but from what you have said, it is to your Mother in Law. And it also seems that your husband feels it is important.
He also did the same for you according to your OP.
You also referred to it as your husband "respecting his mother". Obviously he cares about her feelings somewhat.0 -
I just didn't realize it was normal behavior to include everyone... somehow I thought it was about my relationship with my daughter.As a mother of children who are grown up and busy with children of their own, I feel qualified to tell you the time your family spends with her on Mother's Day means more to her than you can imagine. Time flies- you may be in her position someday.
Thank you for that... This is the only post of the night that has givin me helpful advice without making me feel like a jerk.
I meannnnnn
You're kind a jerk? Not being mean or anything (I'm a jerk too, so no hate) but let's call a spade a spade. You want to steal a holiday that you claim isn't important to you form someone who it is important to just the for the sake of it? That's straight jerk behavior.
OK... but can you see how it is also about your mother-in-laws relationship with her son? You don't stop being a parent just because your kids grow up... In fact days like Mothers Day become more important in some ways, because you no longer have the day to day physical contact, the silly little gifts, the constant contact...0 -
I just didn't realize it was normal behavior to include everyone... somehow I thought it was about my relationship with my daughter.As a mother of children who are grown up and busy with children of their own, I feel qualified to tell you the time your family spends with her on Mother's Day means more to her than you can imagine. Time flies- you may be in her position someday.
Thank you for that... This is the only post of the night that has givin me helpful advice without making me feel like a jerk.
I meannnnnn
You're kind a jerk? Not being mean or anything (I'm a jerk too, so no hate) but let's call a spade a spade. You want to steal a holiday that you claim isn't important to you form someone who it is important to just the for the sake of it? That's straight jerk behavior.
How does your relationship with your daughter, have any bearing on your husbands mom spending mothers day with her only son??0 -
I just didn't realize it was normal behavior to include everyone... somehow I thought it was about my relationship with my daughter.As a mother of children who are grown up and busy with children of their own, I feel qualified to tell you the time your family spends with her on Mother's Day means more to her than you can imagine. Time flies- you may be in her position someday.
Thank you for that... This is the only post of the night that has givin me helpful advice without making me feel like a jerk.
I meannnnnn
You're kind a jerk? Not being mean or anything (I'm a jerk too, so no hate) but let's call a spade a spade. You want to steal a holiday that you claim isn't important to you form someone who it is important to just the for the sake of it? That's straight jerk behavior.
And about your husband and his mother.
Even now it seems like you don't get that and that is why you seem like you may be kind of a jerk. Just saying.0 -
I just didn't realize it was normal behavior to include everyone... somehow I thought it was about my relationship with my daughter.As a mother of children who are grown up and busy with children of their own, I feel qualified to tell you the time your family spends with her on Mother's Day means more to her than you can imagine. Time flies- you may be in her position someday.
Thank you for that... This is the only post of the night that has givin me helpful advice without making me feel like a jerk.
I meannnnnn
You're kind a jerk? Not being mean or anything (I'm a jerk too, so no hate) but let's call a spade a spade. You want to steal a holiday that you claim isn't important to you form someone who it is important to just the for the sake of it? That's straight jerk behavior.
So then, why can't your husband's mother's day be about his mother...0 -
How many times do I have to point out that I HAVE NOT PROBLEM with my husband going out with his mother on mothers day... just not sure if me and my child are meant to be involved in that or if we should have our own mothers day.0
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How many times do I have to point out that I HAVE NOT PROBLEM with my husband going out with his mother on mothers day... just not sure if me and my child are meant to be involved in that or if we should have our own mothers day.
That's something you and your family need to talk about it.
If it was me, the more moms the merrier0 -
How many times do I have to point out that I HAVE NOT PROBLEM with my husband going out with his mother on mothers day... just not sure if me and my child are meant to be involved in that or if we should have our own mothers day.
...
Really?0 -
Like...I don't think she's reading what we're saying...and she definitely doesn't have the capacity to comprehend....
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How many times do I have to point out that I HAVE NOT PROBLEM with my husband going out with his mother on mothers day... just not sure if me and my child are meant to be involved in that or if we should have our own mothers day.
While I think it would be great to just get together and have a nice mothers day (hell, invite your mother too.) you certainly don't have to do stuff with your MiL.
But that also makes you kind of a jerk.0 -
How many times do I have to point out that I HAVE NOT PROBLEM with my husband going out with his mother on mothers day... just not sure if me and my child are meant to be involved in that or if we should have our own mothers day.
Yes you should be involved.
GrandMOTHER - to your daughter
MOTHER in law- to you
MOTHER- to your husband
She is a mother to all of you.
So yes you should be involved.0 -
How many times do I have to point out that I HAVE NOT PROBLEM with my husband going out with his mother on mothers day... just not sure if me and my child are meant to be involved in that or if we should have our own mothers day.
...
Really?
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I guess the underlying problem is I feel so pressured to make everything about the MIL, and get the baby ready for my MIL's pictures with my baby... the day wasn't about me at all, Maybe it will be better when My daughter is old enough to know whats going on.
Maybe I just feel like My MIL acts like she's the only mother in the family?0 -
the HATE is strong with this one0
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the HATE is strong with this one
uy cucuy.0 -
We always had the morning for just my mom and then in afternoon went to grandparents to see grandma, aunts etc. We did the same for Father's day. The holiday is for all mom's and you and your husband should work out something that works for everyone. No one wants to feel left out on a holiday.
Now I live across the country so I send a card and make a phone call.0 -
the HATE is strong with this one
It's some...well it's something.0 -
I guess the underlying problem is I feel so pressured to make everything about the MIL, and get the baby ready for my MIL's pictures with my baby... the day wasn't about me at all, Maybe it will be better when My daughter is old enough to know whats going on.
Maybe I just feel like My MIL acts like she's the only mother in the family?
Oh the irony.0 -
Here is what I think, and you probably won't like it.
I think you're being incredibly selfish.
You're throwing a fit because your husbands mother wants to spend time with him on MOTHERS DAY??!?
SHE HAS NO ONE ELSE.
Get over yourself.
^ He gets it.0 -
Okay....I am going to rain on this parade a little bit, but I wish my mom and my mother in law were still around to celebrate Mother's day.
But they are not.
Why? Because my mother in law passed away in 2007, my mom in 2009.
I am a mom to a two and a half year old and Mother's day this year consisted of me working a split shift from 8-1, 4-close and I only got to see my kiddo long enough for a lunch (thankfully my husband brought him up to see me on the little break I had). I would have given anything to be able to spend the entire day with him, but I was thankful to have the time I could spend with him.
Case in point: do something with your kiddo and something in the afternoon with the MIL, or have your husband be with her and you and the kiddo spend the day together. I understand not wanting to be left out, but come to an agreement that will work for everyone.0 -
I guess the underlying problem is I feel so pressured to make everything about the MIL, and get the baby ready for my MIL's pictures with my baby... the day wasn't about me at all, Maybe it will be better when My daughter is old enough to know whats going on.
Maybe I just feel like My MIL acts like she's the only mother in the family?
Well, until this year, she was....0 -
Mother's Day in my family has always been for ALL the mothers, not just the most recent ones. It's usually a big family thing.:ohwell:0
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All I can say is, being that I'm almost a thousand miles away from ALL of my family members (except my bf), I have come to really value the time I do get to spend with my family (holidays, etc). I know I'm also fortunate that I still have my grandparents (being that I'm almost 30). I guess what I'm trying to say is, (without being too morbid) time is limited and everyone has a limited number of days, so why not spend as many as you can with the people you (and your spouse) care about the most? And I'm sure that your husband's mother probably really enjoys spending mother's day with your whole family.0
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GRANDPARENTS day demotes her. She was a MOTHER first and a grandmother second because her son decided to knock up an ignorant, selfish person...
She gets Mother's Day. /thread
/thread
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Mother's day is meant to honor all mothers. Not just a single one.
Consider this OP, you are not your husband's mother. Does that mean he is not required to do anything special for you?0 -
Mother's day is meant to honor all mothers. Not just a single one.
Consider this OP, you are not your husband's mother. Does that mean he is not required to do anything special for you?
Only the child is obligated. Good luck getting a date from a 2 year old.0 -
Do what you want on your birthday. And be happy you have people that love you on your birthday. Mothers day isn't actually about you.0
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Waiting for the day that your own kids have this same conversation with their SO's..........................because they learn from what they see.
See now This one sounds Awesome... But I guess I'm a horrible person because I think we spend enough time with Grandma... she comes over Once a week... we take her to the chiropractor once a month... and every holiday but the ONE I get to spend with my family...Maybe make Mother's Day just a special day between you and your kid? Have exciting adventures together. Let the husband spend the day with his mother.
So glad my wife LOVES to spend Mother's day with my mom, just as much as I love spending it with my MIL. And of course our DD sees this and loves to see both grandmothers.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Your mother in law is a mother, and therefore should be granted all the rights and privileges she is due.
And really, you're going to have the rest of your life to be a mother. Are you REALLY going to leave a widower who birthed your husband ALONE on Mother's Day?
I WISH I still had my mother-in-law; she passed away eight years ago. The woman treated me like her own flesh & blood and I called her Mom. Our celebrations may not have always been on the Sunday of, but we always made sure to do something special for both her and my own mom, to thank them for bringing us up right and for giving everything they had to their children.0 -
When you had your baby, you husband's mom didn't stop being his mom. She did host a dinner and I assume she cooked and/or provided food for you and everyone who attended, which is a lot of work.
In my situation my Mother is the Monarch of the Family, I may not always want to celebrate every holiday the way she wants to but it is my duty to attend and show her the respect she deserves because I love her. One day that position maybe passed down to me and I would hope my daughter and future children would show me the same courtesy.
You may not have the same emotional connection to her since she isn't your mother but your husband does, as her son. It is his job to be there for his mother whenever she wants and your obligation, as his wife, to support him.
You aren't wrong for wanting to feel special, you are human and new to motherhood. In the future you will just need to communicate better and if you want to do something special with just your husband and child/children just plan it the day before or after. It shouldn't matter what day it's on, as long as you are appreciated.0
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