Mothers Day And Grandma

MyChocolateDiet

OP it's taken me a minute to formulate what bothers me "scares" me about your post.

It's the fact that Mother's day has passed. Long ago. And this is still gnawing at you.

Also that you started to wonder only when you told your friend? Like that's what prompted it to bother you.

Then that it could bother you enough to make this thread?

And that you will want to act on this in the future.

And that your MIL is likely innocently and completely unaware that you are harboring resentment this long after the fact.

Mostly because you didn't even feel bad at the time but only after an ensuing convo got you thinking?

I feel like if it didn't bother you at the time, you should not let the opinion of others (your friend) sway you.

That is scary to me. That a person I interacted with could LATER decide they didn't like what transpired. It makes reading people and the current situation almost null?

Please treat your MIL with the same respect and generosity and graciousness you did this year. It's not her fault you got mixed up along the way.

_KitKat_

She is a mother, she has a right to be celebrated by HER son. Honestly, I have ....hmmmm.....not always the nicest mil, but I could not even imagine thinking of telling my husband I wanted my mothers day to be about me, and he can go but I want to be with only my child. Are you insane!?!!? I have been married 17 years, there are just some things you don't mess with and a main one would be your husband and his mothers relationship, and you never distance yourself from a family gathering. I am also positive she would want to spend time with her first grandchild, the child of her only son. Even contemplating behavior like this does not speak well for the respect you have for your marriage.

Here is a little thing my husband said this mothers day....he was giving his mom the presents he picked out, and I jokedly asked where my present was, he turned and looked at me and said " I have no idea, ask your kids.....do they even have any money? Well lucky for my mom I do" He was JOKING, he always gets me a gift from him as the mother of his children and then he helps the girls get me a gift. Joking or not, in a basic way he was right.


Op, I celebrate with all the moms on mothers day, but I do get time for just me....I have never asked, this was something my husband has done since the first year. We do extended family for breakfast/lunch and later we have a nice dinner and maybe go do something with just us and our girls.

OP I have to ask, are you upset about having to spend part of mothers day with the mother of your husband, or was it more...your husband did not make you feel special for your first mothers day? I ask because you commented, that he got us each a gift...what we told him to buy....it sounded a little jaded.

I do think a husband should honor the mother of his children on mothers day as well as the one responsible for the man you know and love.

Also 45, that's half a lifetime that he never had to consider another mother except his own on mothers day.

andeey

As a mother of children who are grown up and busy with children of their own, I feel qualified to tell you the time your family spends with her on Mother's Day means more to her than you can imagine. Time flies- you may be in her position someday.

Thank you for that... This is the only post of the night that has givin me helpful advice without making me feel like a jerk.

I meannnnnn

You're kind a jerk? Not being mean or anything (I'm a jerk too, so no hate) but let's call a spade a spade. You want to steal a holiday that you claim isn't important to you form someone who it is important to just the for the sake of it? That's straight jerk behavior.

You. I like a lot.

OP - how about you talk to your husband about this and figure out what works for both of you and then make it happen. I think you're in the weeds here trying to analyze the holiday and what "should" and "shouldn't" be happening. And the funny thing is, I sort of "get" what you're saying if you didn't celebrate it this way when you were a kid; you haven't built in the traditions that others have. But, figure it out and move on. You don't want to spend it with your MIL? Then don't and reap the backlash. You want it to be all about you and your husband? Go ahead. You don't have to be traditional. You don't have to be gracious to her. You can be whatever you want. But in the end, you have to just make a decision and go with it and be prepared for the consequences.

madhatter2013