Things all women (and some men) need to hear!!
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I found this amazing blog entry and thought I would share it with all you lovely MFP people!!
Its a bit long but go with it it is amazing!
For years, Jes has worked in this sphere of reminding people and especially women of their right to feel beautiful. She's a mental health professional, a speaker, a writer, and a photographer who created this beautiful photo series called "Body Image(s)."
Below are 14 absolutely true things she wants fat girls to know, or as she prefaced:
Things that I wish I knew earlier. Things that I've learned in real life.
Things people really need to talk about more:
1. Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone. Lets just get this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, I've had over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large naked in my bed and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You wont believe this... ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS. Not one was exempt. Even my super fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from the project... so quit thinking they're bad, and try accepting (dare I say embracing?) yours!
2. When people say "you're gorgeous", believe them. I tend not to, and it's a cryin' shame. When people genuinely compliment you, it's because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as wrong and assume that you know better. They see all of you. We see our flaws. Believe them.
3. "Arm flab is embarrassing." No its not, go f**k yourself. No, not you. The people who tell us that, silly.
4. You're not stunning despite your body. You're stunning because of your body. There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem "unattractive" women as "special spirits". A degrading categorization that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside. Well, yeah. We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside. I am of the firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true "beauty".
5. A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won't break his back. "Wait, whaaaaaa Jes? You're full of *kitten*." Nope. This just happened to me for the first time in... six years? I'm considerably heavier than I was 6 years ago (like... 70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air... it left me breathless. I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didn't suffer any injuries and walked away unscathed.
6. You don't need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself. Many believe that someone who's fat needs to exercise as much as possible in order to prove that they're committed to becoming "less fat". As if accepting one's body as is would be a sin, and that's just silly. Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you don't owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless you wanna. You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period.
7. You're allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that's okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesn't make you narcissistic. It doesn't make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word.
8. It's also okay to have days where you don't love yourself. Read this. No really. Read it. And then realize that we've grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay our entire life. For me, that's 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing. It's going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking, and it's definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to have "weak" days. Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward because you're a warrior.
9. Everyone's boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven. Don't stress. This is totally normal.
10. There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large. I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who accepted my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself. Not only are there people who adore "thick" women, but a LOT of them who prefer it. This eventually ends up in an interesting territory which Marianne talks about here, but the point that I'm trying to make goes back to the "despite vs because of" argument. Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to settle for a lover who is "okay" with your body. You have the right (and millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman!
11. Fat chicks bang hot guys... ALL. THE. TIME. I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the "universally attractive" kind of hot. Y'know, the kind fat chicks don't deserve? We want to pretend that we don't know what I'm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that "fat chicks bang 'hot' guys" was one of the most powerful realizations I've had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn't personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks? Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin': through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were chomping at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred.
12. Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides. Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false.
13. Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says "Does this shirt make me look fat?". Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life.
14. You are beautiful. I'm saying this with a straight face and seriously meaningful look where I maintain eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. I know you don't feel like you fit into the category of gorgeous that our world creates. I know that its hard. I know that its a daily battle. But f**k their fascist beauty standards. The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start looking at YOU... is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you are beautiful.
Say it with me.
I wish I had written this myself but I cant take credit It is by a lady called Jes baker AKA The militant baker
Its a bit long but go with it it is amazing!
For years, Jes has worked in this sphere of reminding people and especially women of their right to feel beautiful. She's a mental health professional, a speaker, a writer, and a photographer who created this beautiful photo series called "Body Image(s)."
Below are 14 absolutely true things she wants fat girls to know, or as she prefaced:
Things that I wish I knew earlier. Things that I've learned in real life.
Things people really need to talk about more:
1. Everyone has rolls when they bend over. Everyone. Lets just get this out of the way right off the bat. In the last few months, I've had over 30 women ranging from rail thin to extra large naked in my bed and I would routinely ask them to hug their knees. You wont believe this... ALL OF THEM HAD TUMMY ROLLS. Not one was exempt. Even my super fabulous professional model 6 foot tall and some amazing Katie had rolls. The stomach pictures turned into some of my favorite images from the project... so quit thinking they're bad, and try accepting (dare I say embracing?) yours!
2. When people say "you're gorgeous", believe them. I tend not to, and it's a cryin' shame. When people genuinely compliment you, it's because they really see it. Try to not dismiss their perspective as wrong and assume that you know better. They see all of you. We see our flaws. Believe them.
3. "Arm flab is embarrassing." No its not, go f**k yourself. No, not you. The people who tell us that, silly.
4. You're not stunning despite your body. You're stunning because of your body. There is a distinct difference. I grew up in a culture that would deem "unattractive" women as "special spirits". A degrading categorization that implied that the only thing worthwhile was whatever was inside. Well, yeah. We are all much much more than our bodies, but our bodies are a beautiful part of us too. Beauty comes from the inside AND the outside. I am of the firm belief that every person is beautiful, and so this leaves the inside to be the part that is the most telling when it comes to true "beauty".
5. A guy can pick you up off your feet, and it won't break his back. "Wait, whaaaaaa Jes? You're full of *kitten*." Nope. This just happened to me for the first time in... six years? I'm considerably heavier than I was 6 years ago (like... 70 pounds heavier) and so when I ran up to my friend Eric for a hug and he picked me up with my heels in the air... it left me breathless. I had forgotten that it was possible; I had accepted a life void of being lifted. So exhilarating. Eric didn't suffer any injuries and walked away unscathed.
6. You don't need to exercise every day in order to feel better about yourself. Many believe that someone who's fat needs to exercise as much as possible in order to prove that they're committed to becoming "less fat". As if accepting one's body as is would be a sin, and that's just silly. Yes, exercising has wonderful physical and mental benefits, but you don't owe it to anyone else to make an effort to change your body unless you wanna. You do not have to alter yourself to be okay. Period.
7. You're allowed to fall in love with yourself. I promise. This will be the scariest thing you will ever do, and that's okay. It will also be the most amazing (albeit super gradual) experience you will ever have. It doesn't make you narcissistic. It doesn't make you vain. It is liberating in every form of the word.
8. It's also okay to have days where you don't love yourself. Read this. No really. Read it. And then realize that we've grown up learning and internalizing that we are not okay our entire life. For me, that's 26 years of self-hate indoctrination and brainwashing. It's going to take a lot longer than you think to reverse this thinking, and it's definitely not going to happen overnight. Allow yourself to have "weak" days. Cry, mourn, sob, yell, throw things. Whichever. Then get up, brush yourself off, give the media the finger, and move forward because you're a warrior.
9. Everyone's boobs are uneven. If you have a lot of boobs, they might be way uneven. Don't stress. This is totally normal.
10. There are people who prefer large ladies. And I mean all sizes of large. I thought that my best bet in life was to find a partner who accepted my fat. Pause. Give me a minute to hang my head and shake it at myself. Not only are there people who adore "thick" women, but a LOT of them who prefer it. This eventually ends up in an interesting territory which Marianne talks about here, but the point that I'm trying to make goes back to the "despite vs because of" argument. Here is what you need to know: you do NOT need to settle for a lover who is "okay" with your body. You have the right (and millions of opportunities) to find someone who is infatuated with your body. You deserve to be worshiped, woman!
11. Fat chicks bang hot guys... ALL. THE. TIME. I know that hot is relative and all inclusive depending on who you chat with, but for these purposes, lets talk about the "universally attractive" kind of hot. Y'know, the kind fat chicks don't deserve? We want to pretend that we don't know what I'm talking about, but lets be real; we totally do. The fact that "fat chicks bang 'hot' guys" was one of the most powerful realizations I've had thus far. In line with the above paragraph, I knew that there would be someone that would find me attractive but the pool would be small (because of my body) and potentially full of guys I didn't personally find sexy. So I would have to settle for anyone that would take me. After all, how could a conventionally gorgeous man (tall and with tattoos of course) like fat chicks? Weh-he-hell, let me tell you somethin': through various sites, events, parties, and corner store meetings, I found myself with over a hundred men who were chomping at the bit to get with this. I was the one who had to sift through and pick the hottest of the hot. Ladies, over a hundred.
12. Riding during sex will NOT collapse his insides. Just trust me on this one, what you fear is totally false.
13. Wearing whatever you want is a political statement. Join the revolution. Throw style rules out the window. Wear the tutu. Wear the horizontal stripes. Wear the turquoise skinny jeans. Wear the see-through blouse. Wear the bikini. Wear the sweat pants. Wear the shirt that says "Does this shirt make me look fat?". Wear whatever it is that makes you happy. This is your life.
14. You are beautiful. I'm saying this with a straight face and seriously meaningful look where I maintain eye contact for an uncomfortable amount of time. I know you don't feel like you fit into the category of gorgeous that our world creates. I know that its hard. I know that its a daily battle. But f**k their fascist beauty standards. The second you stop looking for a skinny model in your mirror and start looking at YOU... is the second you will start to appreciate what you are. Stop looking for flaws. Stop looking for differences. You are perfect. You are more than enough. You are the best thing that has ever happened to you. And you are beautiful.
Say it with me.
I wish I had written this myself but I cant take credit It is by a lady called Jes baker AKA The militant baker
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Replies
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Okay I gotta play devils advocate here because, well, it's Friday the 13th and there's a full moon tonight. As I agree completely with this post, I must also point out the contrary. It's posts like this in the media that make some people think it's okay and sometimes even better to be unhealthy. Now let me explain before the uproar happens. I'm not saying all fat people are unhealthy. There have been many proven cases where obese people are perfectly healthy. Contrary to that, there are many proven studies that show how being obese can directly cause health related issues. I'm also not saying that you shouldn't be secure with your body. The only point I'm trying to make is that blogs like these make some people, who would normally think that their not at a healthy weight, now all of a sudden think that they just shouldn't care to be at a healthy weight. I see the point with both points of view. Be okay with yourself and love yourself just the way you are but also strive to be a better you for you and no one else.0
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I get you point Some people dont seem to feel the need to get healthier. As someone who has been known to have self confidence issues I want people to realize its OK to love yourself during your journey not just when you finish it.0
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I dunno, maybe these sorts of blogs help some women feel better about themselves. But it just rings hollow to me. There's something condescending about it. Imagine a similar post directed towards conventionally beautiful women. It wouldn't make sense. Even if some conventionally beautiful women have self-esteem issues, it still wouldn't make sense to be that condescending. Yet it makes sense when condescension is directed at fat women. Funny that.
edit: it's also not talking to any fat person in particular, just fat women in general. Many of the points are vacuous due to that, points such as "you're beautiful". How does he know given that he's not talking about any one in particular?0 -
I did think the 'fat' thing was a bit off when i first read it but when i looked past that to me it made sense. If it doesn't to anyone else then that fine. I wasn't trying to be condescending, I know some people who are conventionally pretty you know skinny perfect skin and hair. They have some of the same body hang ups as I do I've shared this with them to.
Anyway I'm not going to go on any more just thought it may help someone if anyone finds it offensive then im sorry.0 -
I call shenanigans0
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This reminds me of the fat runner chick blog thingy.0
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I am not reading all that.0
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I agree with the parts about being beautiful and loving yourself. And #9 is totally true
However, there are so many photos and blogs that support the idea of accepting yourself being overweight. To me it's like you are celebrating failure and not encouraging a healthy lifestyle or success.0 -
chicks are weird.0
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chicks are weird.
Everyone is weird.0 -
chicks are weird.
Everyone is weird.
sure, but dudes just keep quiet about it.0 -
chicks are weird.
Everyone is weird.
sure, but dudes just keep quiet about it.
I find it hilarious that you don't think it makes you "weird" to say things like "chicks are weird".0 -
I agree with the parts about being beautiful and loving yourself. And #9 is totally true
However, there are so many photos and blogs that support the idea of accepting yourself being overweight. To me it's like you are celebrating failure and not encouraging a healthy lifestyle or success.
This post was from one of those acceptance sites.
The first comment I read on that site yesterday was by someone emphatically stating they are perfectly healthy at a size 20. The rationale? They can hike 5 miles and their doc says all blood markers are normal. Never mind the overwhelming evidence that being that weight puts you at tremendous risk for a hundred different diseases and disorders. But hey, if the bloodwork is fine today...then why change right?
edit: lol, read the rest of the comments. Its several hundred people repeating that same insane thought.0 -
And about this article, not all fat women need to hear this. Women with unrealistic exceptions, low esteem and poor self image? Yes, they probably need to hear it. But let's not pretend like all fat women are those things and no thin woman isn't.0
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chicks are weird.
Everyone is weird.
sure, but dudes just keep quiet about it.
I find it hilarious that you don't think it makes you "weird" to say things like "chicks are weird".
educate me.0 -
chicks are weird.
Everyone is weird.
sure, but dudes just keep quiet about it.
I find it hilarious that you don't think it makes you "weird" to say things like "chicks are weird".
educate me.
Why would I do that? You amuse me with your sexist drivel, please, continue on.0 -
chicks are weird.
Everyone is weird.
sure, but dudes just keep quiet about it.
I find it hilarious that you don't think it makes you "weird" to say things like "chicks are weird".
educate me.
Why would I do that? You amuse me with your sexist drivel, please, continue on.
sexist drivel? Is this like white privilege?
you obviously missed that I was being sarcastic.0 -
I think this is very insightful, and ALL people who aren't where they want to be in their fitness level should read. I personally do not 'look' for women who are overweight, but I have had some AWESOME connections with women who were. Confidence without conceitedness is VERY sexy. Loving yourself, smiling, and loving others is always attractive. Thank you for the reminder that we don't all have to be 'perfect' according to the world's standards. Beauty definitely comes from the inside!0
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Things a̶l̶l̶ no women (and some men) need to hear!!
FIFY0 -
I think this is very insightful, and ALL people who aren't where they want to be in their fitness level should read. I personally do not 'look' for women who are overweight, but I have had some AWESOME connections with women who were. Confidence without conceitedness is VERY sexy. Loving yourself, smiling, and loving others is always attractive. Thank you for the reminder that we don't all have to be 'perfect' according to the world's standards. Beauty definitely comes from the inside!
by connections you mean you put overweight women in the friend zone? lol. jk dude.0
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