Just a question for all of you out there with big weight los

crbirt

For me, it started when I was pregnant with my first child (I have 3 now) and I started allowing myself to eat ice cream every day, and basically whatever I wanted when I was preggie, because I was ALLOWED to gain weight. I didn't listen to my hubby, to my doctor, who tried to tell me that I might be gaining too much weight (my hubby told me politely, the doctor not so much). Then when I had my baby, I developed post partum depression that turned clinical before I got treatment. I started to lose weight, I got back down within 15 pounds to pre-baby, then the meds helped me gain that weight back. From there, I sort of gave up, and with each baby I put on more weight. By the time I had my youngest, I weighed 275!!! I just remember thinking this is unacceptable. I was eating as much as my husband! My eating was totally out of control. I would eat and hide it, because I didn't want people judging me for how much I ate. One of my coworkers, who was older, decided to try this HcG diet, and I decided against that diet, but I used that to push me to lose weight. Basically I didn't want to be pushing 50 and still overweight! I also didn't want my kids to be ashamed to be seen with me because I was fat! They can be embarrased to be seen with me for other reasons!

I'm now actually thinner than I was before I met my husband, leaner not lighter. I'm still about 20lbs to my goal weight, but I'm not sweating it too much at this point. I am no longer worried I'll pull a Kirstie Alley. You know, lose a ton of weight and within a year, gain it all back. I feel that I wouldn't/couldn't do that to myself again. I'm told I look 10-15 years younger, and I definitely feel younger. I feel that I'm saving my own life by my weight loss, and I would not go back.

My goals/rewards
SW - 275 lb 6/19/09
CW - 144.4 lb. 11/5/10
GW - 125 lb. 12/15/10 - I'm going home for Christmas!


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jdsouthernbelle

I literally gained 100lbs being on the depo shot for 2 years. The pounds slowly crept on...5 here, 10 there, etc. I didn't notice until my Dr. reviewed my records and then it was like a slap in the face. But during that time I also went thru deaths in the family, divorce, moves, etc.

knittygirl52

Frankly, for me it was trying to be TOO thin.

Before I had my children, I lost 56 pounds on Weight Watchers. I became a WW lecturer, and kept the weight off for over a year before I became pregnant with my son. I carefully monitored my weight gain during my pregnancy, allowing myself to gain ONLY the 25 pounds that the doctor said was the minimum I should gain. (Actually, because he felt I was underweight at the beginning of my pregnancy, he wanted me to gain 35.) All my careful calculations told me I should wind up with only 5 or 10 pounds to lose at the end. Well, I wound up losing only 10 pounds giving birth to a child who weighed just under 7 pounds, so I had 15 to go. With breastfeeding, my bra size went from a 32AA before I got pregnant, to a 34D at the height of breastfeeding. Not that I ever admitted it to myself, but those puppies had to weigh SOMETHING!

I was totally unable to shake the last 10 pounds. In retrospect, I was healthier and looked much better with them than without them, but I could not accept anything less than "perfection." I threw in the towel. By the time I got pregnant with my second child, I weighed as much as I had when I first joined WW, and of course I went up from there. My second child is now 26 and says I am the thinnest that she ever remembers seeing me. (Actually, I've been a couple of pounds lighter than this in what should be her memory, but obviously I was there for such a short period of time that she dismissed it from her mind.)

The morale of this story is this: your fit weight is not a number carved in stone. You are not "bad" if you weigh 5 or 10 pounds more than you did in high school. Maybe you are more muscular. Maybe you have just finished developing your adult body. Maybe you were too thin once. The name of this game is to get fit. That means eating right and exercising to a strong, healthy body. You might even decide to stop when you still have a little bit of pudge. That's okay if you are eating right and exercising--as long as it is not putting you in the obese category.

blel0906

Wow thas a deep question...I slowly put on weight over 20 years with the worst of it over the past 5. I wasn't taught bad eating habits and I wasn't heavy when I was younger. I think some of my issues started with a bit of rebellion LOL. We were not allowed soda in the house growing up and fast food was treat we had maybe twice a year..When I got out on my own I freely endulged in these things which eventually led to some really bad habits. I'm also lazy at heart.

Whille I've always been self concious of my weight, I was always concious of my appearance..The last 5 years have been very stressful and led to some depression..One day I looked in the mirror and was not happy with the image looking back at me...What happened? I looked like someone that no longer cared, its not the image I want to present to the world. I've been slowly working on rebuilding my self esteem over the past year and its time to refocus on this area of my life.

I know I'll never be a fitness/nutrition fanatic, I am lazy at heart...I may not ever have a perfectly proportioned body again and thats OK...For me this is a lifestyle change and as i repair the inside, i want the outside to reflect that as well. I want to be healthy, confident ,vibrant and strong.

chandnikhondji

How did it start... well i was always overweight, not much but still. Started with my parents teaching me how bad it was to not eat it all "tomorrow will be rainy if you don't eat" and remember i did not want to be blamed from all the people not liking rain, until a certain age i even believed that rain was caused by not-all-eaters.

But it got worse when my depression started. I stopped to care about myself because in my really down times i did not feel like it does matter how i look nobody liked me anyway. Then there came people who liked me but they did despise how i looked, so there was no need to change anything. On the contrary it got even worse, nobody seemed to mind, plus my ongoing depression and the "not caring for myself" side-effect were still in place.

It was really bad already when i went to a second chance school, i collapsed and got diagnoed diabetes with a weight of about 500lbs. A doctor said if i don't change anything i won't reach my 40th birthday. I got frightened but it was not enough to actually change something i don't know why.

In the last 2 years i gained more weight, my depression got worse until i hit rockbottom. My chair collapsed under me, the first and second time i still pretended that the material just sucked.. but after the 4th i really cried all night i knew it was me. But i didn't change still. Then there was this one evening, i was still in a really low point of my depression, my poor boyfriend had to endure this for over 8 years now and was devastated that he could not help me.

Well i wanted to stand up from my chair and supported myself on a shelf that is next to my desk, as i always do. This time the board collapsed under the weight and all my books and organizers fell out of it. I was crying instantly.. to calm down i wanted to take a shower and got stuck in the doors of it, only with some severe squeezing i got in. When i came out and sat down again, still crying i clenched my fists and said out loud "It's enough, i can't take this anymore."

I told friends about what happened and one of them told me of MFP, that was the evening i joined and the next day started my new life.

SMJ64

I was overweight my whole life and was very depressed about it from about age 14 to present. The only way I could see to "medicate" my chronic depression was through food, usually sugar. I believe it's an addiction to the endorphins one feels from sugar/food. It is a guaranteed free/legal high...with consequences. I'm 46 now, it's been a long road that included bulimia for 10 years. Healing takes time, effort, faith and help from outside sources. I never was really conscious about 'giving myself permission to gain weight'. It was totally UNCONSCIOUS and about survival.

s.

bsexton3

chandnikhondji

Thanks for your story. May you find the strength and joy to stay on this path to new life.