Helpless and Hopeless.
TMNolan19
Posts: 5 Member
How do I change my habits? I did good for the first couple weeks but I fell off (as I normally do). I have no sense of portion control. I tend to binge eat with instant remorse. I am a complete emotional eater...I always have been. I drink soda and I think I'm addicted lol I hate that girl looking back at me in the mirror!! It's starting to take a toll on me mentally and this is taking a toll on my relationships. I feel helpless and hopeless! Has anyone felt like this? How did you push yourself? What was your breaking point? Please help....I can't live like this anymore. I need to shed my "fat suit" Skinny Tonya is screaming inside!
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Replies
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You're not helpless - you have to help yourself.
You should not be guessing portions - you should weigh everything you eat and measure all liquids. Drink soda if you want soda - just have a smaller meal if you're drinking regular soda.0 -
Start with small changes- they feel less overwhelming at the time. I weigh and measure all of my food because my eyes always wants more than my stomach needs. you can do this
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You've gotta be completely honest with yourself! I know it's hard to do. But you have to. It took me a health scare back in 2010 to kick my butt in gear. But then I steered away from my goals again. You've just gotta keep moving forward. I end up losing track a lot, but you have to do better the next day! As long as you have that fight in you it will lead you where you need to be. I'm being more and more organized with my journal and my food diary. I've got a lot planned out. Sometimes pre planning my day is the best way to go. If you find yourself slacking like I do, find a quote that really sticks to you! I wrote it down and I keep it on my fridge and in the bathroom on the mirror. You can take baby steps until you see what works for you. I learn a lot everyday as to what I can and shouldn't eat. But most of all, you have to do it for you! Good Luck!!!!0
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DON'T GIVE UP!! I have struggled all my life with my weight, and finally have got to the point that I need to do something about it. I won't lie, it's hard. Especially when the family goes to Dairy Queen and I just have to sit there and watch. But it's about me this time, too bad if there are no chips or cookies in the house. I found that I need to have those 100 calorie snack packs around, so when I get in a mood, there's something to grab that won't totally destroy my goals for the day. And up your fruit and veggies, basically can eat all the veggies you want. as for portion control, take what you're going to eat. no seconds. I find if I dish out the meal, then immediately pack up the rest and put it away, it's alot easier to say I'm done at the end of the meal. It's work to bring it all out again. Hope that helps, good luck !!!0
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Breaking old habits, starting new ones, and changing the way you view food, portion sizes, etc. is all going to take time. You can't just wake up one day and change everything and expect it to stick.
I'm an emotional eater. It's taken me a long time to find alternate ways to channel those emotions into something other than food. And after a couple of years, I still catch myself reaching for food when I get really, really anxious. Look for other outlets. Journaling, coffee with friends, yoga, kickboxing, hot baths, painting, whatever it is that works for you to get your emotions into shape.
It helped me in the beginning to take it one day, even one hour at a time. I'm not going to overeat right now. I can wait an hour/day and see what happens tomorrow. Usually the urge to eat passes and I get busy with something else. Sometimes I give in and have a snack but keep it small and under control.
And stop thinking of things in terms of on the wagon or off the wagon. There's a whole spectrum between perfect dietary habits and horrible ones. Some days you're going to have off days. That doesn't mean you've failed unless it stops you from doing better the next day. Lifestyle changes take time. But they're worth the effort.0 -
First - and probably most importantly - realize that if you get to be "Skinny Tonya" you will probably still have the same emotional unhappiness and unhealthy relationships you do now. Being skinny isn't the magic pill to being happy - despite what those commericals on TV tell you.
About 2 - 3 years ago, I was big - like BIG at almost 70% BF. I was unhappy, grouchy all the time, fighting with my SO constantly and so on. But then we broke up and I had all this time on my hands to devote to me. And I did - one day at a time. This isn't about a 6 month, 8 month, 2 year project . . . it's the rest of your life to make these changes and they will not happen over night. Start with small things - like reducing your soda intake. My SO and I used to eat out 4 - 6 times/week. When I start this journey we were still broken up but when we started talking again and trying to work things out I made it very, unmistakedly clear that I do not eat that crap any more. I am not saying you shouldn't - but for me, it's my weakness and I had to cut it out of my life at first in order to stay on track. Slowly but surely I can eat out now without being thrown right back into it but it took 2 years to do that.
I work out at least 4, usually 5 days/week. I feel great when I'm done and remembering how great I felt last time is my motivation to get up the next morning and go. Bottom line, you have to want to do it. Do you want to be able to run a 5K? Power lift? Whatever your goals are, set one big one (whatever it may be for you) and then work backwards to set those little goals. In my experience setting one BIG goal is good, but not having little ones along the way makes that big one seem so much further away. Like one of my big goals is 20% BF, I am not there yet but I set goals to hit 50 and then 45 and then 40 and so on. It's also important to measure NSV such as having to buy smaller pants or being able to fit into jeans you previously couldn't or whatever.
It's not an easy journey, if you'd like to add me please feel free because I know what it's like but you definitely have to be happy and love you before, during and post-weight loss because being "skinny" won't make you happy!
Good Luck!
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going through same thing last year I lost 50 lbs I charged my eating to more healthy foods n went to gym 3 times a week I started feeling grat about myself until some stuff was said about me n I stopped caring n gave up all together last week I started working out at home this time I push myself to do at less a hour worth n trying to change my eating habits which I do sum I bing eat ill go all day without eating anything n then dinner I eat way to much n its only been a week I lost a lb wasn't uch n I feel everything im doing isn't going to go anywhere I feel like given up I need to loss 50 lbs n ill be happy with that but trying to keep myself on healthy deit not even a deit but healthy eating n keeping to work outs seems sooo hard n the scale is evil I want to go on it every day which I know wont show me any good answers got to keep at it0
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I just hang out here and log even when I'm not feeling it.
Than sometimes I just totally snap into it.
I don't know.0 -
Two things that have really helped me:
1. Small, frequent meals (vs. 3 large meals). By eating more frequently, I find I'm going into meals less hungry and have a lot more willpower to stay under control. I divide my calorie goal for the day into 5 and eat breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner (double meal) and evening snack. So I'm basically eating every 3 hours or so...
2. Eliminating all sugar (at least for a time). I found the more sugar I ate, the more sugar I wanted. I call it the sugar roller coaster. After 3 miserable days off sugar (headaches, moodiness, fatigue) I broke free and felt so much better. Now I can have some sugar in moderation but I'm still really careful with it.
For me personally, I avoid soda because I just can't make my numbers with those calories in the mix. Plus it fuels the sugar roller coaster. Now I drink unsweetened tea and lots of water.0 -
You need to find another way to deal with your emotional issues outside of food. Therapy, spirituality, exercising whatever you need to try to find a way to deal with those issues. It will be an uphill battle if you dont.0
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I have been where you are 1,000 times over.... I feel for you, and just want to encourage you to keep trying. You have two options: give up.... and let your health continue to degrade over time. Or keep trying until the positive changes stick. Trust me.... if someone like me could make the changes permanent, than anyone can!!!
I still struggle with emotional eating, and certainly don't have all the answers. The thing I would encourage you to start with is just to log everything you eat. Even if you blow it and eat 1000 calories over your goal every day, just get used to logging. Studies show that just the act of logging causes people to lose weight, because they're more aware. You'll probably be surprised at how choosing to log everything may keep you from having that 4th piece of pizza, or eating late at night if you're already over your calories.
For me, logging consistently is where I started. And over time, I was able to gradually make more healthy choices and lose the weight.
Hang in there!!! You can do this!!0 -
i feel the same way every time i dress to leave the house and my pants don't button. I have resorted to wearing leggings that way it fits and i don't feel like hiding in the house. My kid now refer to me as fat lady, i get depressed and start the old habit again. I don't have any support just friends who ask why am i getting fat... I usually start of well and then end up at square one and i think its making me gain more weight. I have joined here yesterday and i am hopeful that i can find people who understand what i'm going through. Hopeful i can motivate someone and find motivation myself.0
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One of the things that has helped me tremendously has been to reduce my added sugar intake. It's one of the things I carefully track throughout the day.
This is not to say I NEVER eat sugar, because I do. I had a big breakfast on Sunday which was followed by a piece of Mississippi mud pie. lol But I did fit it into my diet that day and it works. On most days I watch my added sugar intake and it has helped to reduce my cravings for food overall.
I try to stay within or under the WHO recommended amount of 25 g per day. (This does not include the sugar which is found naturally in fruit, veggies or milk). This means looking at everything I buy and reading the labels.
But yeah, I used to be really good and then binge - usually on sugar-laden foods. But it has all but stopped since I started watching my sugar intake. I'm not saying it will solve your problem, because everyone is different, but it might be something to check out. Good luck to you.0 -
I agree with all the people who have made an effort to kick out the sugar it will help your overall cravings and honestly, if emotional eating is your issue you need to really sit down and consider what your triggers are and avoid them if you cannot avoid them you need to learn some healthy alternatives to eating. easier said then done I realize, have you considered yoga?0
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It's not about a breaking point. It's about finding a new point from which to launch yourself.
If you define yourself as helpless and hopeless, your mind will work its hardest to keep fulfilling those definitions.
Try defining yourself differently. That's when the magic happens.0 -
I've never felt helpless or hopeless...but I have felt overwhelmed.
Do you feel overwhelmed and that feeling has you confused about where to start or how to renew?
If that's what is happening, pick one thing. Maybe it's increase your water. Or giving up that pop. Maybe it's taking a walk every day. Just pick one thing and do it regularly, until it becomes part of your routine.
Then pick something else.
You might pick something to try and find it isn't for you. That's ok - if it's not sustainable, you're probably going to give it up eventually anyway. Pick something else. Do that instead.
One thing at a time. At the end of a month, look at the changes and feel good.
And empowered.
And in control.
And full of hope.
You can do it...if you want to.0 -
I've never felt helpless or hopeless...but I have felt overwhelmed.
Do you feel overwhelmed and that feeling has you confused about where to start or how to renew?
If that's what is happening, pick one thing. Maybe it's increase your water. Or giving up that pop. Maybe it's taking a walk every day. Just pick one thing and do it regularly, until it becomes part of your routine.
Then pick something else.
You might pick something to try and find it isn't for you. That's ok - if it's not sustainable, you're probably going to give it up eventually anyway. Pick something else. Do that instead.
One thing at a time. At the end of a month, look at the changes and feel good.
And empowered.
And in control.
And full of hope.
You can do it...if you want to.
This is fantastic! I completely agree! A while ago (like 10 months, maybe) I tried the couch to 5k program and let me tell you - running is not for me and I commend those who can do it. Then I tried spin with a friend and have been addicted ever since.
It's small changes over time that add up to big differences - besides, you've got the rest of your life, this is a lifestyle change NOT a diet. And, 80% or more of your success in weightloss will come from what you eat.0 -
I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through. The best way I deal with all of those feelings is by truly loving myself and appreciating everything I am as a woman. Once I began to love myself, it became a second nature to only want the best for myself which means a healthy lifestyle. Even by loving myself and being positive, I have started to go tired of toxic relationships and men and they are on the way out of my life next.
Also, I started a food journal and writing down everything I eat and how I feel when I am eating. So when my emotions get the best of me and I binge, I can later go back and see what I was feeling and what triggered the emotion. It truly helps to put a cap on it. I also found friends that I can talk to who pass no judgement... we go for walks and get spill all of our emotions. So we are getting a little exercise in and negative feelings out!
I am still a work in process but I believe that I am now fighting my own personal war with the best armor!! Good Luck! Feel free to write me if you just want to talk! I am a good listener.0 -
You are not helpless unless you chose not to help yourself. I also think hoping for change is passive. Instead work for change and have faith (which is active) that the work you do will change you for the better.
All the best!0 -
emotional eating is what caused many of us to become overweight... you need to have veggie trays on hand at all times, make them yourself or buy them but have them ready to use when you are wanting to eat and know you shouldn't. Also sugar free/low calorie candies have them on hand... I use Werther's Original Sugar Free Caramel Chocolate... 5 pieces = 40 calories I put them out on my desk in the morning and that's all the goodies I can have that day... some days I don't even eat them anymore and I was a sugar freak!
Soda pop... OK I happen to rarely drink regular but even Zero's/Max/Diet are triggers and I use to drink a 2 liter of those a day!... so my rule is simple I cannot have any soda pop unless I am out getting a to-go meal. If I'm inside sitting I get a water. My soda pop at first I'd buy 1 - 2 liter bottle of soda pop and it had to last me 2 days, then 3 days then all week. At home I buy sparkling water, they come in all flavors and they give the feeling of drinking soda pop and studies have found sometimes that is all you are craving, the sparkle/bubbles. Those have now become something I rarely drink too, maybe a glass with dinner otherwise I stick to my plain water although I do add flavors often.
Don't beat yourself up, just take baby steps and remember you will find what works for YOU, we are all different and different things work great for one group and not for another, hence why there are so many diets out there, they work- just not for everyone.0 -
Thank You ALL so much! This is why I love MFP! So many encouraging people and so many ideas and motivation. YES!!! That is what it is....OVERWHELMING! My entire 33 years I have had these eating/exercise habits (or lack of). So it started very young and its all I've ever known. So I know what I want and I know I'm capable. I just don't know where to begin or what road to take or how to stay on that road. There are so many ideas and changes that I end up taking them all on at once and failing miserably. It doesn't help that my family turns their head at the idea of "diet" foods and healthy habits either. I don't expect it to be easy either. So, I will try to take it one day at a time. One change at a time and hopefully one pound at a time Thank you and please add me. I need all of the help I can get! 0
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Oh sweety its ok! that happens to the best of us! remember, ROMA WASN'T BUILD IN A DAY!! you are going to need time and LOTS OF PATIENCE! internet can be a good friend! there are trillions of tips to make a soft change on your habits that makes the process a lil less shocking, you love soda? ok then grab some sprinkilng water and frozen fruits and drink that! or orange juice and sprinkling water, there are ways, you just have to search for your own!
again: PATIENCE AND CONSISTENCY ARE THE KEYS TO SUCCESS0 -
I know exactly how you feel! For the past two years I've been eating healthy with the occasional treat for a week or two and then end up bingeing on sweets and refined carbs on the weekends. I tend to overeat when I am stressed or sad. Sometimes it helps to get some fresh air, or talk to family or friends in these situations before I turn to food, but not always. I would tell myself things like "it's ok to eat all this because I need to feel better" or "eating will help me to de-stress and relax." But after overeating I would feel so angry with myself, and I would end up being more stressed than I was before! Yet in a week I would do it all over again.
Overeating had become a habit, and that's all it is. Habits require time and repetition, so if you overeat once you're more likely to do it again, and if you stop yourself from overeating you're more likely to resist next time too.
Something that has really helped me is the BECK DIET SOLUTION. It's actually not a diet at all though. The Beck Solution is a a form of cognitive therapy and it targets the psychological aspect of losing weight. I have never read the book, but their blog and daily diet tips are extremely helpful to me. Here's the URL
http://www.beckdietsolution.com/
The blog is especially helpful because it follows other dieters who are struggling with the same thing. Some of the key concepts include learning to respond to "sabotaging" thoughts and giving yourself credit for good choices.
It might sound kind of different, but it's honestly the most helpful thing. I hope you find it helpful too, and good luck!
"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger" - John F Kennedy0 -
I really feel for what you're going through and I'm very sorry you feel that way. I have felt that way so much and most of my life have been an emotional eater too. It's a constant battle and you feel like you're in your own prison. I'm on my way though, to figuring things out in my head, which is helping with my emotional eating. I know all the the right things you're supposed to do--so much I could write a book--but my brain was never connecting with my heart. That is, until I got counseling and started talking things out, and keeping not only a food diary, but also a diary of my emotions and what was happening in my life. Until I started doing those things I kept hitting brick walls. Now I do have hope and I am able to see the value I have in myself. Maybe doing those things would help you, too. I hope so. 0
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First off, you need to correct all negative self-talk. When you think, "I'm helpless" IMMEDIATELY correct yourself: "No, I'm not helpless. I am powerful. I am going to eat all I want for my cheat meal on Saturday, and quell my temptation in this moment by taking a walk."
1. exercise every day- or at least 6 days/week, even if it is just walking
2. track what you eat, all the time.
3. positive self-talk only.
4. remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint. There is no reason to hurry, there are lots of reasons to take it slow.
5. Cut yourself some slack and allow a cheat meal once per week to look forward to. That way you're not telling yourself "no," you are saying "not yet."
You are powerful enough to make better choices. You CAN do this. :flowerforyou:0 -
First off you need to discover a way to begin liking and loving yourself because the only way you are going to establish a long term healthy lifestyle is to believe the person you see staring back in the mirror deserves that kind of love and affection from you. AT that point you should be ready to take control of your life and begin accepting that, no one makes you feel anything but YOU... THAT the only person in your way.. IS YOU... there's no if, or buts... NO excuse, no barriers.. except for those you impose upon yourself... I can't.. will disappear from the dialogue going on between your ears... THEN you have ot learn to forgive... yourself... for NOT understanding this earlier in your life... and EVERYONE you thought was holding you back... the forgiveness part.. is probably the toughest thing toconfront because it is so much easier to pin your situation on someone else....
anyway... in a nut shell the world you see from behind your eyeballs, IS in fact the world you created for yourself... the only person out of the 7+Billion currently wandering this world capable of making the changes you want... stares back at you in every reflective surface you can find... learn to like that person.. then learn to love that person and there will be NOTHING stopping you from becoming who you want to be.0 -
You're not hopeless unless you give up hope. You've already figured out the root of your problem: emotional eating. That's an accomplishment in itself. Now you need to figure out how to stop it. That's harder, because as others have pointed out, knowing the source of the problem doesn't automatically fix it, and even if you manage to break the link between emotional stress and food, the stress will still be there and you'll need to figure out another way to deal with it.
Logging your food is a great habit to adopt. Another one, though, is to ask yourself before every snack (and before taking seconds at meals): "Am I really hungry? Or am I eating for some other reason?" If it's for some other reason, wait a bit, and if you still want some, take as little as you need to be content.
I'd recommend checking out the latest book by Dr. Yoni Freedhoff, The Diet Fix: Why Diets Fail and How to Make Yours Work (http://www.thedietfix.com). I don't necessarily agree with all of his advice (I don't need to eat a little every 3-4 hours), but it's one of the best weight-control books I've read. The advice to eat as few calories as you need to be content comes from him. See if your library has it. John Walker, The Hacker's Diet, is another good book (free online at http://www.fourmilab.ch/hackdiet/e4/). Walker focuses on weight loss and maintenance as a problem for engineering and management, not as a matter for guilt and shame.
And again, try to get help for the emotional side of things. If you successfully control your weight, your other challenges aren't going to go away. But succeeding at something that's very hard (losing weight and keeping it off) can give you the confidence and the tools to tackle other big challenges.
(Edited to fix broken underline tag.)0 -
Agree with most everything everyone else has intoned, going to throw my two cents out there as well.
Here is what has worked for me:
1. Taking it slow. I cut back 100 calories each week until I hit that -1000 mark. So it took me roughly 2 1/2 months to get there, but it made eating that way SO much easier for me. I think it allowed my stomach to gradually shrink down so I've never felt like I was starving this whole time.
2. I didn't give up anything I wasn't willing to never go back to, for me it was smoking and drinking regular soda. I don't do those things anymore. I never plan on doing so again. I still eat my favorite foods, but I make sure that if it's going out to eat I try to order half portions and avoid things I know are unhealthy, I ask for things prepared healthier - most restaurants don't have a problem doing this, (like no salt, or could they just put the toppings on the side) especially if you just tell them it's an allergy thing, lol.
3. I log everything. Cooking at home has been way easier for me, because it allows me to weigh everything more accurately. I do my own shopping separate from the rest of the family. That way I can make sure I have healthier snack foods in the house, and not be tempted to give in to little debbie.
4. I gave up on the scale. I will let the weight fall off as it will, the thing I am more concerned about is FAT loss, not weight loss per se. I was amazed at how I really started to shed the lb's once I adopted this mentality. I think before weighing in I was stressing myself out, my cortisol would go through the roof, and no weight would come off.
5. Speaking of weighing in, I do so every two weeks now rather than daily. I was obsessed before, and it was unhealthy, as simple as that.
6. Drink more water. I could drink a few two liters of soda a day, when I first started this lifestyle change, I hadn't replaced that with water. I started drinking more, and my whole world changed. My digestive system is healthier, the weight comes off easier, I just feel better.
7. I do it for me. I'm not trying to please or displease anyone, if they have good advice I listen, if they try to discourage me I simply walk away. I have things I want to do with my life, and those things would make me much happier if I were skinnier and healthier to enjoy them. Simple as that.
That's about it, I'm sure I could go on and on, but hopefully some of what I typed hits home a little and helps.0 -
It helped me in the beginning to take it one day, even one hour at a time. I'm not going to overeat right now. I can wait an hour/day and see what happens tomorrow. Usually the urge to eat passes and I get busy with something else.
This ^^ is very helpful for me also. When I'm really craving something that doesn't fit my goals, I just wait. Wait until Friday or the weekend or tomorrow. And then if I reevaluate and might put it off another day or week. Often, I just forget it about until the next time I crave it. BUT, if the weekend comes and I still really want it. I have it. And I savor ever bite.
I think it would also help to stop using words like helpless and hopeless. Those can be dangerous labels that become excuses for overeating. You are in control. You make the decisions. Even if it's a bad decision, own it. You ate that. It's hard to change the problem if you won't admit that you are the problem.0 -
I agree you have to take one step at a time. Start with 1 meal. For me I start with a healthy lunch. After it becomes a routine, add another meal or a workout. Finally if you have a bad day, or weekend DON”T LOOK BACK! That is the hardest part for me. One bad weekend doesn’t have to turn into a bad month. Think about healthy habits not diet.0
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