A Different Kind of Transformation
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xiamjackie
Posts: 611 Member
So this post is a little different from others that might be posted on here. Everyone that knows me knows that I'm a huge advocate for self-love and extremely against any type of negative thoughts such as "I'm fat," "I have thunder thighs," "I hate the way I look," etc. but I am not sure everyone knows WHY I am SO adamant about my standpoint on these things.
The pictures below are 4 years and 15 pounds different. Picture one was August 2010, picture two was this week. They don't look too different. I doubt anyone would really be able to tell I'm 15 pounds heavier in the 2nd photo, but there is a HUUUUGE difference in my demeanor, even if you can't see it.
In the first picture I was extremely depressed and 90% of the reason for my depression was appearance-based. I feared food. I feared going out to eat. I had the same exact routine every single day. I had a G2 gatorade for breakfast (60 calories), would go to work, class, etc. Then workout for about 2 hours- run for one hour, lift light weights for another hour. Then I would have a bowl of watermelon around 3:00 PM (about 70 calories). Then, I might have had whatever was being served for dinner at home or at school, but made sure to only fill up 1/3 of my plate with it, and more times than not it was a salad. If I knew I was going out to eat that night, I made sure not to eat a thing all day. I'd have water, that's it. I was certain that happiness would come through being skinny and I wanted that at all costs. I remember going on vacation and crying because I didn't want to put on a bathing suit or refusing to leave my room because I couldn't find anything to wear that "looked good on me." I remember wondering how anyone could like me or even want to date me because of how hideous and "fat" I was. I remember when people would take pictures of me or with me and I had to have them take multiple photos and look through them to "approve" them to share with anyone, just to make sure I looked okay. I lost good relationships and good friendships because of the way I thought about myself and the way I affected others with my constant focus on appearance and food.
The funny thing, to me, is that there is such little difference between these pictures physically, but there is a GIGANTIC difference mentally and emotionally. I don't count calories, but I would guess I eat between 2000 and 2500 daily, probably more like 3000 on the weekends. I have done so much research over the last 4 years on how to be healthy, eat right, exercise right, and get over my fear of food. I am amazingly happy and incredibly healthy both physically and mentally. I rarely look in a mirror now. I workout on my lunch break from work and if I don't have time, I don't have time. I never feel guilty for eating ice cream or CHINESE FOOD. I rarely weigh myself, unless I go to the doctor's (which has been happening a lot lately, which is the reason I know my weight at this moment). I LOVE lifting and get my cardio through Zumba (I'm an instructor). I don't ever force myself to work out in any way that I don't want to anymore. If I don't want to go for a run, I'm not going to go for a run. If I'd rather sit on the couch and cuddle with my fiance and dog, that's what I do. However, just from being so positive and encouraging to myself with my growth, I have a new-found motivation for fitness and staying healthy, which is why I love to go to the gym. I love eating. I love exercising. I love MYSELF, which took a really, really long time to be able to say.
PS. If you can't tell much of a difference..... that's the point. I know I'm going to get responses that say "I don't see a transformation". It was mostly mental. With a little bit of muscle growth.
I want EVERYONE to know that if you are struggling, I am here. There are many others like you here. I went through it, I have friends who have gone through it, and I never ever in a million years thought I'd make it to the other side. I can stand here truthfully today and say that I love every part of myself inside and out- something I couldn't say years ago.
One of my favorite quotes- "I don't care how lean you are, how much you can lift, or what your body fat percentage is. If you aren't happy, you aren't healthy."
You need to love yourself. YOU need to love YOURSELF. You NEED to LOVE yourself! Whatever way you have to get that into your head, do it.
I've been working on a mini bulk for the last however many months. Obviously not keeping track of calories or macros haha but still putting as much work in at the gym as I can. I'm going to attempt a mini cut now.. We'll see how it goes...... I like my food
Current back/arms and leg pics.... because I've been working damn hard.
TL; DR: I used to starve myself, now I don't. And I grew some rockin' muscles somewhere in between.
The pictures below are 4 years and 15 pounds different. Picture one was August 2010, picture two was this week. They don't look too different. I doubt anyone would really be able to tell I'm 15 pounds heavier in the 2nd photo, but there is a HUUUUGE difference in my demeanor, even if you can't see it.
In the first picture I was extremely depressed and 90% of the reason for my depression was appearance-based. I feared food. I feared going out to eat. I had the same exact routine every single day. I had a G2 gatorade for breakfast (60 calories), would go to work, class, etc. Then workout for about 2 hours- run for one hour, lift light weights for another hour. Then I would have a bowl of watermelon around 3:00 PM (about 70 calories). Then, I might have had whatever was being served for dinner at home or at school, but made sure to only fill up 1/3 of my plate with it, and more times than not it was a salad. If I knew I was going out to eat that night, I made sure not to eat a thing all day. I'd have water, that's it. I was certain that happiness would come through being skinny and I wanted that at all costs. I remember going on vacation and crying because I didn't want to put on a bathing suit or refusing to leave my room because I couldn't find anything to wear that "looked good on me." I remember wondering how anyone could like me or even want to date me because of how hideous and "fat" I was. I remember when people would take pictures of me or with me and I had to have them take multiple photos and look through them to "approve" them to share with anyone, just to make sure I looked okay. I lost good relationships and good friendships because of the way I thought about myself and the way I affected others with my constant focus on appearance and food.
The funny thing, to me, is that there is such little difference between these pictures physically, but there is a GIGANTIC difference mentally and emotionally. I don't count calories, but I would guess I eat between 2000 and 2500 daily, probably more like 3000 on the weekends. I have done so much research over the last 4 years on how to be healthy, eat right, exercise right, and get over my fear of food. I am amazingly happy and incredibly healthy both physically and mentally. I rarely look in a mirror now. I workout on my lunch break from work and if I don't have time, I don't have time. I never feel guilty for eating ice cream or CHINESE FOOD. I rarely weigh myself, unless I go to the doctor's (which has been happening a lot lately, which is the reason I know my weight at this moment). I LOVE lifting and get my cardio through Zumba (I'm an instructor). I don't ever force myself to work out in any way that I don't want to anymore. If I don't want to go for a run, I'm not going to go for a run. If I'd rather sit on the couch and cuddle with my fiance and dog, that's what I do. However, just from being so positive and encouraging to myself with my growth, I have a new-found motivation for fitness and staying healthy, which is why I love to go to the gym. I love eating. I love exercising. I love MYSELF, which took a really, really long time to be able to say.
PS. If you can't tell much of a difference..... that's the point. I know I'm going to get responses that say "I don't see a transformation". It was mostly mental. With a little bit of muscle growth.
I want EVERYONE to know that if you are struggling, I am here. There are many others like you here. I went through it, I have friends who have gone through it, and I never ever in a million years thought I'd make it to the other side. I can stand here truthfully today and say that I love every part of myself inside and out- something I couldn't say years ago.
One of my favorite quotes- "I don't care how lean you are, how much you can lift, or what your body fat percentage is. If you aren't happy, you aren't healthy."
You need to love yourself. YOU need to love YOURSELF. You NEED to LOVE yourself! Whatever way you have to get that into your head, do it.
I've been working on a mini bulk for the last however many months. Obviously not keeping track of calories or macros haha but still putting as much work in at the gym as I can. I'm going to attempt a mini cut now.. We'll see how it goes...... I like my food
Current back/arms and leg pics.... because I've been working damn hard.
TL; DR: I used to starve myself, now I don't. And I grew some rockin' muscles somewhere in between.
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Replies
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I love this success story! You're very inspirational and I really like your attitude. Plus - you look fabulous! 0
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Great personal atory. Thank you for sharing.
Your shoulders and arms look freakin awesome too!0 -
Thank you for sharing this. You look amazing, those thighs!!!!!
You hit it on the nail, you need to love yourself exactly how you are.
Again, thank you for sharing. This was needed today.0 -
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I think you'll help a lot of folks who are in the same place in life that you were. Congrats on ALL of your successes. :flowerforyou:0
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Great Inspiration! Thanks for posting!0
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You're beautiful, woman!
Course, you already knew that. =P I think self image is something a lot of people have issues with. Men and women both! I'm glad you have learned to love yourself. I'm working on the same journey, as well.
Great post 0 -
Love your post. So positive!0
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Thank you so much! You have no idea how helpful this post is - congratulations on your success - ALL of your success - mental/emotional as well as physical!0
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You definitely have muscle definition in the 2nd picture, although you physically look/ed great in both! It is awesome that your self image has improved and that is worth more than anything else. Congratulations on your transformation and keep up the great work.
Thank you for this post, it started my day off great!0 -
I love this so much!! Sometimes people forget about the mental transformations that happen, and they're just as important as the physical ones. You look great and I'm happy to hear that YOU are happier :happy:0
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Great post! I'm always happy to see ladies not afraid to eat and lift! No one should ever starve themselves...0
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I LOVE this post, OP! Thank you for sharing. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0
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I have had several young friends on here who felt the same about their bodies. Several said when I reach this weight goal I will be happy. But reaching a goal did mot make a one of them happy.
You are very lucky to get away from that viscous cycle.
Congrats....0 -
Truthfully, you look beautiful in both pics. What I'd like to know is how on earth were you able to work out for 2 hours on just a 60 calorie Gatorade beforehand??0
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This really inspired me to not care about being the skinniest, but the healthiest I can be physically and mentally. Thanks so much for sharing this story because I feel like women need to see why it's important to be mentally healthy too. 0
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I have had several young friends on here who felt the same about their bodies. Several said when I reach this weight goal I will be happy. But reaching a goal did mot make a one of them happy.
You are very lucky to get away from that viscous cycle.
Congrats....
this! Well done!0 -
Thank you for this post. A healthy attitude toward exercise and food and appreciation for your powerful body will serve you well. I'm 51 and it has only been in the last 10 years that I was able to get rid of a lot of my negative baggage re. body image. Give yourself a pat on the back for being light years ahead of most in terms of your strength of charactor and wisdom.
Now you can get down to the important business of living your wonderful life.0 -
Thank you for sharing your story! Congrats on your transformation 0
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Thank you everyone for your kind words. :flowerforyou:0
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