Incredibly sad

1Cor1510

Thank you for the advice, I am going to get some cognitive help. What qualifies as such?

I really appreciate your words, I just want this to go away for good. And I will do anything to change it. I will work harder if I have to, I just want it to be promised to go away. I will look into the book you've suggested as well. Many hugs.
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You need to look for a therapist that specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I googled that for my area and a bunch of people came up., This is the link I used for Grand Rapids, MI, you may be able to find one by putting your area in:
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?city=Grand+Rapids&spec=293

As someone who's been through it, I want you to know, it doesn't TOTALLY go away. You are the sum total of everything that has happened to you and you can't change your past. What you CAN do is change your present and therefore your future. Remember, it takes a lot of creativity and imagination to be who you are right now, and who you will be once you have the right tools under your belt, and you don't want to lose those parts of you in search of perfection. (We tend to want perfection, too, right?)

Your past, and your mind, and your experiences will only make you stronger, and I dare say stronger than most of the people around you! ((((HUGS))))

Colli78

Oh honey! I wish I could hug you and at the same time shake you and make you take a hard look at yourself.

You have the classic signs and symptoms of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I just spent the last 10 minutes looking through all your old posts since you have been a member here and it's heart breaking. This isn't for attention. This is truly how you feel. There is almost a tinge of joy to some of your posts and then the depression takes back over and you become so incredibly hard on yourself.

Find a new doctor, ASAP. One that you feel comfortable with, but that will address the issues that you have. Your current therapist doesn't sound like she is quite cutting it. I'm sure she is awesome, but this may be out of her specialty.

You need help love. You really do. And please understand that I am not saying that in a negative way. I am honestly concerned for you.

Feel free to friend me if you need someone to talk to or reach out to. I worry about where this road is going to take you.

HeidiCooksSupper

I'm in my sixties with years of clinical depression and therapists. I still take meds, use a SADD light in the winter, and see a counselor when I'm off the rails -- but them's just the cards I got dealt. I just had lunch with my long-term friend who finally, last year in her late 50s, got her diagnosis for being bi-polar and having PTSD from her military service in the 1980s -- but them's just the cards she got dealt. We've each, like you, been in the horrible dumps, and people told us to just buck up and get over ourselves but our brains just wouldn't cooperate. So I understand where you are coming from.

You have an advantage in that you have started with treatment as a young adult (whereas I spent too many years "self-medicating" with alcohol just like my father). You will, over the years, probably go through many therapists as you find those whose methods fit you for a period of time. They are like shoes. Sometimes we can't go barefoot so we need shoes (and therapists). Some shoes are comfy at first and then become uncomfortable so you stop wearing them and find other shoes. Some shoes hurt at first but your feet must adapt to them and then they are good. And, as you and your feet change, and as the shoes wear out, you get new shoes.

So, don't give up the fight. Consider that your brain has an illness that you must treat. Just like someone with a pancreatic disease that manifests as diabetes, you take your medicine and visit your clinician so you can lead as normal and happy a life as possible.

Know that you are not alone. Many of us who seem normal are dealing with mental demons. It takes work and it's a lifelong battle but the game is worth the candle.

Be well and try to be good to yourself.

MyChocolateDiet

I'm sorry you're feeling this way and that it sounds so intense and pervasive.

One additional advice I have is to call your therapists office to inform that you are feeling this bad in between visits.

:flowerforyou:

kellyw63

Fugeela, you don't really know WHAT this overly thin woman goes through in her own mind. And she doesn't matter, you do. The thing you need to remember is that God made all of us and He does NOT make mistakes. We make the mistakes ourselves as we mature and think wrong thoughts. Psalm 139:14 from The Message (MSG) says:

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.

My mom suffered from body dsymorphia her whole life because she was "always overweight and a chubby baby". People who loved her told her that and it shaped her life to a point where she did not want to go talk to old friends from high school at a wedding reception because "they were probably thinking how fat she looked". That hurt me to the core when she told that to me because she was an absolutely beautiful woman. It wasn't until several months prior to being diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer that she and I worked on a bible study together to help with healing her self image. When she passed away 4 months after being diagnosed, she actually told me that she wanted to be buried in a sleeveless dress she had recently worn to her and my dad's 50th anniversary celebration and this was from a 71 year old woman who refused to go out in public without sleeves covering her "ugly arms" for her whole life! She was able to get past it finally and won that victory in her mind. I have no doubt that you can put this 'behind you' if you chose to do it and never look at yourself like that again. Don't waste your life saying negative things about a perfect child of God (YOU) and take up your music and enjoy who you are so others can enjoy that too! Keep up with therapy, you just may need to choose a new therapist or be more honest with the one you have now.

caracrawford1

I feel sad for you. I wish I could say something to make it better for you , but you have to learn to love yourself and that takes to e. You are a 100 lbs lighter. That is incredible. Please try and see at least the positive in that. I wonder, if you lost the weight you still want to lose, would you truly be happy?

psuLemon

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