[Rant] Guilt tripping grandparents
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Married before THEY die?! Do they plan on dying anytime soon??? Tell them THEY will just have to plan on
living a lot longer! Good luck!0 -
It will never stop. Once you get married it will be why don't you have children....................0
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Do what I did. Tell your grandparents you are gay. Conversation over.0
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It will never stop. Once you get married it will be why don't you have children....................
Exactly this. Either come up with something sweet to say in retort, or smile and nod.0 -
Next time they say something like that start faking a seizure or do something really bizarre and outrageous that gets their attention. Say "See? This is what happens to me when you start talking like this. Leave it alone. I'll get there when I get there".
Sounds odd, but it will get their attention, and they won't forget the reaction. Make them think you're crazy. People don't talk *kitten* to people they think are crazy loll. Hell, say something mean to them if you have to. I know they're your grandparents, but they're not going to stop unless you grab their attention.
Lol I do realize my advice is bizarre, but I have a weird way of dealing with things. Others may or may not decide to take the same approach.:)
You could also avoid them. And if they start wondering why, you can tell them it's because you're sick of their comments.
They love you. But they're old and sometimes old people, just like everyone else, can be aholes.
ETA: you need to develop a love for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a nice looking guy, don't sell yourself short. And i'm not being creepy (well, i'm not trying to be lol), i'm just saying. You are more than capable of getting a great girl.0 -
My grandpa is says the exact same things to me.
He also says stuff like this:
When he visited me and noticed I'm the only white guy in the building "the KKK was right we need to protect the white race"
He has 11 kids and this his advice on planning for retirement "Have as many kids with as many woman as you can, one of them will be rich and take care of you."
He also likes to tell me I'l burn in Hell if I don't accept Jesus into my heart. lol good times grandpa...
Just smile and nod old people are crazy.0 -
My grandpa is says the exact same things to me.
He also says stuff like this:
When he visited me and noticed I'm the only white guy in the building "the KKK was right we need to protect the white race"
He has 11 kids and this his advice on planning for retirement "Have as many kids with as many woman as you can, one of them will be rich and take care of you."
He also likes to tell me I'l burn in Hell if I don't accept Jesus into my heart. lol good times grandpa...
Just smile and nod old people are crazy.
Is it just me or are some of those statements very contradictory? KKK and Jesus?0 -
Gawd some people just need to get a life! My parents are kind of like this......so dang obsessed with other people, and they seriously need to get a hobby! It's embarrassing! Lol
My advice is....tell them you're losing weight so you can go into the trapeze arts so you can join a traveling circus act. This will distract them from the relationship thing for a while. Sadly this sort of thing actually works on my dad.....I will tell him something sometimes in jest and he will legit go into a full blown rant about it.....it's great, like he talks to argue with himself so I don't have to participate LOL0 -
This is one of those situations where you grab them and hug them tight and say I love you and appreciate the advice,.... BUT I have to live my own life and make my own mistakes. Just like they sound like a broken record, your response needs to sound just as equally broken and repetitive.
Why?
- They are older.
- They are set in their ways.
- Things WERE different when they were younger, not necessarily better, just different.
- They expect others to live like they did.
- They repeat the same things over and over and can't remember if they've already said them or not. Heck, half the time they tell you something you told them thinking it was their idea.
- They can't remember if you ever answered them.
- You aren't going to change them.
- All you can do is love them.
- All you can do is listen to them and appreciate them for what they are.
- All you can do is not let them get to you through whatever means works for you OTHER THAN avoiding them. Why? Because they won't be with you very long and you will regret every moment you missed.
Nanna... I love you. Thanks, but I guess I just have to make my own mistakes and live my own life.
Nanna... I love you. Thanks, but I guess I just have to make my own mistakes and live my own life.
Nanna... I love you. Thanks, but I guess I just have to make my own mistakes and live my own life.
Nanna... I love you. Thanks, but I guess I just have to make my own mistakes and live my own life.
Nanna... I love you. Thanks, but I guess I just have to make my own mistakes and live my own life.
Nanna... I love you. Thanks, but I guess I just have to make my own mistakes and live my own life.
Change subject.
I would like to add... it never hurts to ask them for advice on something where it doesn't matter. That is... Pops, what do you think about these new XYZ cars. I was thinking about buying one. Nanna, I am trying to pick out some new clothes what color do you think looks best on me... or could you teach me how to make those wonderful fried pies.
This...exactly this!! Except them not remembering. My grandma was sharp as a tack at 98 years old. I sure do miss that woman and all of her complaints. Would give anything to hear them again. Good luck with your grandparents and good on you for actually maintaining a relationship with them. Also, awesome job being so close to goal weight! The right relationship will come when you are ready for it.0 -
Yeah I know how you feel. I really hope that I feel better with myself at my goal weight though, will have to wait and see.
you need to love yourself regardless if your weight... losing a few more pounds wont magically make you into a different person.
Sooooo much of this.0 -
The tone of your post suggests that you don't necessarily disagree with what they say, but you dislike their tone and wish they would stop nagging you about it.
From my personal experience, there is nothing I can do or say to stop older people acting like they do. I found it was easier for me to change how I deal with their actions / criticism. Most days I nod and hug people (the ones that I know are doing it with good intentions) and subtly change the subject. It usually works for me. I don't know your grandparents, but it's safe to assume they feel they're right and they won't change their ways just because you ask them to. They love you and they feel nagging you is a way to get you to change for the better and be happy.
Remember that they made comments on your weight in the past and now you're currently working on it. Now they look at you and see you're looking leaner and more attractive, so their logical conclusion is you MUST get married and have a kid. You probably don't see it that way and don't feel ready to put yourself out there, but I kinda see their point. Judging by your photos, you're a great catch - not just because of how you look now - but because you're actively working to feel better about yourself.0 -
Next time they say something like that start faking a seizure or do something really bizarre and outrageous that gets their attention. Say "See? This is what happens to me when you start talking like this. Leave it alone. I'll get there when I get there".
Sounds odd, but it will get their attention, and they won't forget the reaction. Make them think you're crazy. People don't talk *kitten* to people they think are crazy loll. Hell, say something mean to them if you have to. I know they're your grandparents, but they're not going to stop unless you grab their attention.
Lol I do realize my advice is bizarre, but I have a weird way of dealing with things. Others may or may not decide to take the same approach.:)
You could also avoid them. And if they start wondering why, you can tell them it's because you're sick of their comments.
They love you. But they're old and sometimes old people, just like everyone else, can be aholes.
ETA: you need to develop a love for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a nice looking guy, don't sell yourself short. And i'm not being creepy (well, i'm not trying to be lol), i'm just saying. You are more than capable of getting a great girl.
This is quite possibly the greatest advice ever. I was cracking up reading this, so thank you.0 -
Now if your reason for not pursuing a relationship is that you simply don't desire one at this time or because you don't feel mentally and emotionally ready to put the needs of another person above your own, then that is completely different.
I'd say you hit the nail on the head with it there. I've only really had one relationship (even at 26) due to my weight and that didn't last longer than a month so it will be quite a step to get out there seriously.0 -
I think a lot of old people are like this. They seem to just expect everyone to be slim and beautiful and get married young and start having kids young because that's probs how they would have did it in their day.
Try explaining to them that you want to feel good about yourself before you start looking for a girlfriend and tell them that their constant picking at you isn't helping.
Or failing that, ask one of your girl pals to dress really really slutty and unladylike and take her over to meet your grandparents saying shes your girlfriend....see how quickly they'll want you to be single then! My cousin did this with our gran - worked perfectly!
Good luck!0 -
Next time they say something like that start faking a seizure or do something really bizarre and outrageous that gets their attention. Say "See? This is what happens to me when you start talking like this. Leave it alone. I'll get there when I get there".
Sounds odd, but it will get their attention, and they won't forget the reaction. Make them think you're crazy. People don't talk *kitten* to people they think are crazy loll. Hell, say something mean to them if you have to. I know they're your grandparents, but they're not going to stop unless you grab their attention.
Lol I do realize my advice is bizarre, but I have a weird way of dealing with things. Others may or may not decide to take the same approach.:)
You could also avoid them. And if they start wondering why, you can tell them it's because you're sick of their comments.
They love you. But they're old and sometimes old people, just like everyone else, can be aholes.
ETA: you need to develop a love for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a nice looking guy, don't sell yourself short. And i'm not being creepy (well, i'm not trying to be lol), i'm just saying. You are more than capable of getting a great girl.
This is quite possibly the greatest advice ever. I was cracking up reading this, so thank you.
Haha! Glad to help!
Really, just start flopping around the floor, or run around in circles screaming with your arms in the air. After that, all they'll remember is that one time you started flopping or running. They will be scared to bring it up again hhaaha:laugh:0 -
ETA: you need to develop a love for yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a nice looking guy, don't sell yourself short. And i'm not being creepy (well, i'm not trying to be lol), i'm just saying. You are more than capable of getting a great girl.
Thanks, I appreciate the kinds words
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Remember that they made comments on your weight in the past and now you're currently working on it. Now they look at you and see you're looking leaner and more attractive, so their logical conclusion is you MUST get married and have a kid. You probably don't see it that way and don't feel ready to put yourself out there, but I kinda see their point. Judging by your photos, you're a great catch - not just because of how you look now - but because you're actively working to feel better about yourself.
Yeah I can see their point of view in that regard. If it worked once, try again! I think I just need to be comfortable in myself then I will be happy to get out there and meet someone, just need to get my esteem together!
And thanks for the kind words 0 -
Or failing that, ask one of your girl pals to dress really really slutty and unladylike and take her over to meet your grandparents saying shes your girlfriend....see how quickly they'll want you to be single then! My cousin did this with our gran - worked perfectly!
Haha I honestly think my granddad would high-five me if I did that!!0 -
They used to knock you about your weight and they switched to knocking you about not having a girlfriend. I think it's your grandparent's way of telling you that you've lost enough weight to start looking for a girlfriend. And I agree with them, though you really need to work on your self confidence if weight is the only thing holding you back (because it wont be your weight holding you back if you go out and try, it will be your lack of self-confidence).0
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I just want you to know that I got married 10 pounds shy of my heaviest, gained ten more pounds, and THEN realized something was wrong and started counting calories and trying to lose weight. You may or may not want to get married, but if you are looking for a steady and positive relationship, that person will love and desire you no matter what your body looks like. And in fact, they won't love you despite your body, but will love your body as it is.
Also, this makes me miss my grandparents (all dead). My father's mother gave me two PSAT study books for my 16th birthday. She was very ambitious for us.0
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