Almost 10 year old daughter

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  • DBoone85
    DBoone85 Posts: 916 Member
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    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.

    Buy a book so 'they' can read?
    This is a parent's responsibility. A child asked the question the child deserve an answer..fitting for their age.

    +1
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,523 Member
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    Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....
    Oh I WANT to tell her. Just need some tips on how to approach it.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
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  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
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    Ask some questions first to understand where her question is coming from. This should help you with your answer and not give more information than is needed.
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
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    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.

    Buy a book so 'they' can read?
    This is a parent's responsibility. A child asked the question the child deserve an answer..fitting for their age.

    At 10 I expect my daughter will be able to read books. It's my job to answer her questions AFTER she has made some effort of her own to find out information from a credible source.

    She won't need her hand to be held through life, but she will be assisted when she needs it.

    EDIT: It is also my job to help provide a credible source of information for her.
  • cstringfellow2013
    cstringfellow2013 Posts: 172 Member
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    My 10 year old daughter already knows how it works and tells me she plans on adopting. FINE WITH ME!

    Seriously, after being honest with her, make sure she knows she should come to you or your wife if she has questions. Remind her that her friends don't have the real answers to these adult type questions and that a lot of times they discuss things they don't understand and make up reasons for it. I constantly remind my children that their friends are still trying to figure out life like they are and that it's better to ask a trusted adult a question than their friends.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,523 Member
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    May be worth asking what prompted the question - it could be simpler than you think. Definitely talk about mutual consent and self worth, be honest, talk abou the biology and try not to euphemise
    Yeah, I don't want to "over inform" her.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,089 Member
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    My Son is almost 10. We have just recently had our rottweiler puppy fixed, after having her first cycle. So that sparked many questions. My Son first asked why do female dogs bleed and what it meant, that led up to the "mating" question. I basically let him ask the questions, and I answered them the best way I could. It's an awkward conversation, but I just kept my composure and tried to be as honest as I could, but still age appropriate.
    After the initial conversation , he has come back with several more questions. So basically I'm taking it as it comes and explaining it in the most appropriate way I can.
  • mathjulz
    mathjulz Posts: 5,514 Member
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    Now is the time to start talking about it. She's going to be getting maturation education in school soon (here, they offer it to girls starting in 4th grade).

    You don't have to go into too much detail. Put it simply, but use accurate anatomical names. Don't try to gross her out, either! (Some parents do that to try to get their kids to wait longer before having sex, but I think it causes shame instead). But it's perfectly fine to let her know that it is something that is not appropriate at her age. We've taught our children it's something special to be shared with someone you love (we want them to wait until marriage, so we say it's for husband and wife, but that's totally up to you).

    If you answer her calmly and simply now, she'll be more likely to come to you later when she has more questions. If you gross her out, embarrass her, or brush it off, she will most likely get information from someone else - and who knows how accurate that will be!

    (FWIW, I have a teenage daughter and son and a pre-teen son, and we've fielded questions from all of them, and also brought up the topic when we felt it appropriate)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,523 Member
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    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.
    I'm SOOO cheap though.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Free info and advice is much better.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • jessk81
    jessk81 Posts: 3 Member
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    I bought my 10 yr old daughter a book from American Girl. It's called The Care and Keeping of You.They have 2 editions. The 2nd is more about the sex conversation. I went through it with her and answered any questions she had. Now if she gets curious she can go through it herself or ask me. I think it's a good starting point.

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834
  • Sasssy69
    Sasssy69 Posts: 547 Member
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    My oldest was seven when she asked me. Her step-mother was pregnant at the time, and apparently the step-mother told her babies were "a gift from God and God put the baby in my tummy." I was like, Uh, no. They are a gift from God, but there is a very biological function that happens to get babies there. I was honest and open about it. She had a LOT of questions, and I answered them honestly and without embarrassment. At the end she said, "That's GROSS." So yeah.
  • JonnyMacAwesome
    JonnyMacAwesome Posts: 770 Member
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    I'm pretty sure there's a book you can buy that they can read so it's not so awkward.
    I'm SOOO cheap though.:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Free info and advice is much better.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    LOL I agree with you on the cheap part, but my daughter is about to turn 1, not 10...so I have some time to get that one haha
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
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    has just asked me about how sex works. I shcluffed it and told her we'll speak later on it because it takes time to explain.


    NOW WHAT?:sad: :sad:


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    I know it feels awkward, but it's terrific that she's comfortable enough to ask you, and it's definitely time. They make books that walk you through the best way to explain it (not the ones for younger kids), and I'd go that route given that it's a child of the opposite gender (which does make it a little harder). Being accurate, honest, and fairly thorough is best. If you can get through that, it likely won't have to happen more than once.
  • laurie04427
    laurie04427 Posts: 421 Member
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    Reason #5,000,000 I'm glad I don't have kids.
    Same here. Mortified for you OP. Good luck.
  • kumitejs
    kumitejs Posts: 34 Member
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    I also had and used these books for both of my girls. There is a lot of useful information in both of them and I think it is a great starting point to give some of the basic information they might need, without over-informing. Now in high school, my kids come home with expressions *I" wasn't even familiar with !!
    I bought my 10 yr old daughter a book from American Girl. It's called The Care and Keeping of You.They have 2 editions. The 2nd is more about the sex conversation. I went through it with her and answered any questions she had. Now if she gets curious she can go through it herself or ask me. I think it's a good starting point.

    http://www.amazon.com/The-Care-Keeping-You-Younger/dp/1609580834
  • nygrl4evr
    nygrl4evr Posts: 196 Member
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    If she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know. Tell her, then let her know that if she has ANY questions, what so ever, she should ask you and not her friends at school as they may not really know what they are talking about. She should probably be instructed to not bring it up to her them and to tell any friends who may ask HER to ask their parents instead. Good luck.

    This is very good advise. Better she talks to you and receives the correct information. Also wouldn't you prefer to know that she feels comfortable talking to you? She needs to know that no matter what she can talk to you about anything. It will help later in life. My daughter asked in kindergarten after she found out her stepmother was pregnant. I gave her the very basics and asked if she had any questions. I left it up to her if she needed to know more which didn't happen for quite a few years later. That open communication really helped when she started dating and I wanted to make sure she wasn't messing around. I would rather she talk to me before it happened than later when she ends up pregnant. She just finished her sophmore year in college and she has choosen to wait.
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
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    YMMY. For my first son, I kept the initial conversation more about the science, using all the proper atomically correct terms. Explained to him that people have intercourse because it's not only a basic instinct, but it felt good. Broke down the negative things that can happen if you're not careful....stuff like that. I probably could have done it better, but he was 7, and I wasn't prepared to have that conversation just yet. With my other two boys, I haven't had the conversation per se, it's been more answering the questions they have after talking to their brother(s). I know it shouldn't matter if the child is a daughter or son, but that's easier said than done. Just be ready, because one thing I've learned in the 21+ years of being a parent, kids don't sugar coat it and will ask some direct questions.
  • Athena98501
    Athena98501 Posts: 716 Member
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    May be worth asking what prompted the question - it could be simpler than you think. Definitely talk about mutual consent and self worth, be honest, talk abou the biology and try not to euphemise
    Yeah, I don't want to "over inform" her.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    She's old enough that she should have pretty complete info on the subject, and it's much better she hear it from you.
  • Hophead43
    Hophead43 Posts: 1,634 Member
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    Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....
    Agree 100%!! Always best to get the information from a parent!!
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
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    I taught 5th grade. There was an "educational" night for girls/moms and one night for boys/dads. The ONLY male teacher had to give the presentation to the boys. He was thoroughly embarrassed.

    Just keep putting off her question until a female family member takes her to "puberty night" at the school. Way less embarrassing this way.

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