Almost 10 year old daughter

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Replies

  • aledba
    aledba Posts: 564 Member
    May be worth asking what prompted the question - it could be simpler than you think. Definitely talk about mutual consent and self worth, be honest, talk abou the biology and try not to euphemise
    Yeah, I don't want to "over inform" her.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    Cover periods, pubescent hygiene and basic terminology/conception process. Consent, strangers touching etc...should already be something chidren are taught from a young age.
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
    May be worth asking what prompted the question - it could be simpler than you think. Definitely talk about mutual consent and self worth, be honest, talk abou the biology and try not to euphemise
    Yeah, I don't want to "over inform" her.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Exactly - my daughter is 14 and sometimes what I think she asks or wants to know isn't what she's talking about. Also tell her whatever you tell her is between the two of you and not to be discussed with her friends, saves you getting a phone call from her friend's parents :angry:
  • CoolDad67
    CoolDad67 Posts: 324 Member
    Talk to her on a 10 yo level. You don't have to get into specific details; but be honest and open with her. If she knows she can talk to you about that topic then she'll be open to talk to you about anything.

    If possible, you want her to find out from you as a reliable source rather than from her friends.
  • holliebevineau
    holliebevineau Posts: 441 Member
    My eight year old daughter asked my mom if she and my dad "did" sex. That's how I knew it was time for the talk. My parents are in their 70's.
  • jstavix
    jstavix Posts: 407 Member
    I think you need to sit down with her and let her ask questions. I speak from experience. For 6 years I worked at a school for pregnant and teen girls. The youngest I had walk into my room was 11. I know 11! She was gang raped by 6 gang members and if she didn't get pregnant she was in the gang, if she did, they kicked her out.

    When she told her mom and dad she was pregnant( Where we they? Letting an 11 year old run wild?) and she wanted to put it up for adoption, they said no and made her keep it. I ran into this scenario over and over again. Little girls with parents who didn't want to have the talk so they didn't and then ended up pregnant. It was heartbreaking because very few of the girls I dealt with were prepared to be moms, much less teens :(

    She will hear all sorts of things in school, better you set her straight now and avoid all the bull later. I remember my 10 year old asking me when I was making dinner if it was true that a wife had to show her breasts to her husband whenever he wanted because her friend Ashely told her they did. It is amazing what kids will come up with!

    Good Luck!
  • AndiGirl70
    AndiGirl70 Posts: 542 Member
    My daughter will be 11 next month. You probably have more complicated and detailed answers in your head to give her than she is really seeking. Take a long drive for icecream and just talk. Let her lead the discussion and keep your answers truthful but you don't need to have full disclosure necessarily unless she is really pressing you for facts. Keep the convo open, honest, and easy. You'll both do fine, promise.

    A side note, my oldest son recently thanked me for being open with him and using correct anatomy terms when we talk after he went through the sexuality unit in his high school Health class. Apparently too many of the kids had "cookies" or "wee wee's" and were clueless! LOL (parenthood=delayed gratification :)
  • kinkyslinky16
    kinkyslinky16 Posts: 1,469 Member
    Step 1 : turn parental control off
    Step 2 : tell her to google it
    Step 3 : explain to her that the nice lady wasn't in love with all fifteen of those men
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    Have your wife discuss this with her. If that is not an option, just be honest with her. Give her the basics now then give her more information as she gets older. With a daughter, it is really better coming from her mother but if she is not available or willing to discuss this with her at the moment, then honesty is the best option. After all, it is all really just a body function... a private one but a body function none-the-less. Naturally, you will want to address your family's moral stand on the proper management of this issues.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    Thanks for the tips everyone. I'm pretty good at conversation with my daughter. Just looking at tips from those who have already gone through the conversation with their kids and what to maybe expect.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • glowgirl14
    glowgirl14 Posts: 200 Member
    My son just turned 10 last month, and we just had the conversation a couple of months ago. I'd been dancing around the topic with him for a while already. Mostly asking questions to see what he knew first. :)

    It turned out to be not as awkward as I'd thought. And a lot more moments of me stifling giggles at the things he believed/assumed. With him, I explained it more on a semi-scientific level. The particular conversation that led to the full blown Talk came from a video they watched at school about animal reproduction. (Where he learned that babies "come out of their moms' butts".) After the slightly sick look when I told him where they really came from and his incredulous response "They come out of a girl's weiner???" We talked about genitals and how boys and girls were different. He already sort of knew this. We have dogs of both sexes, and we talked about that because It seemed easier for him to understand.

    Then we moved to the "how" and this was actually easier than I thought...he's already been getting erections, and had some idea that these were involved in the mysterious act. :) I kept it simple. He's comfortable and articulate enough to ask for clarification on things he is interested in...so I gave basic info and let his questions guide us.

    What surprised me was the questions he actually had...he wasn't disgusted like a lot of kids seem to be. After the mechanics were explained, he had wanted to know about how more babies can be made when they've already "cracked the egg" they live in in mom's tummy. He also was under the impression that every time people had sex, a baby was created. (Thank GOD that one isn't true!) He asked why people do it more often if they're not making babies, and I told him it feels good and can be fun.

    And like the "teachable moments" mom I am, I brought it back full circle. The film they watched in school was about animals and insects...and I told him that sex is for people (and animals and amoebas and bugs) who are sexually mature. And that we aren't supposed to have sex until we are sexually mature.

    I realize we're not done with the sex talks. I realize that telling him this will not stop him from having sex. I didn't go into condoms or periods or anything like that. He's ten. When the time comes that he's getting to spend time alone with girls, I'm sure there will be more questions. But I feel like this was a good start and a good opening for more conversation when it's age/maturity appropriate. :)
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
    My daughter just turned 10 in April, and we've had the sex talk. She asked, and we have an open relationship. We probably had the menstrual conversation when she was about 8. I'd rather she hear the truth from me than from someone at school who may not have all the facts. *shrug* It depends on the kid, though.

    Like the poster above, it wasn't as awkward as I thought it'd be.

    Also this year in school, they started Family Health where they learned about male and female bodies and development. They already have an idea about sex at this age, even if they don't know exactly how it works.
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
    Just tell her. Give her the basics. Better she get it from you than from someone else....
    Oh I WANT to tell her. Just need some tips on how to approach it.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness industry for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Be open, honest and explain about your feelings about talking to her. Most important be up front about how good it can be and the consequences.

    Think of it this way, she was open enough to come to YOU (that took some nerve). Something tells me you have a very special young lady if she has that much trust in you :-)
  • triciabh1
    triciabh1 Posts: 126 Member
    I agree with being open and honest about it but maybe keep it more simple at this age...you can always revisit the subject again when she's a little older. I think it's so great that she felt comfortable enough to come to you and ask about it...that shows how much she trusts you...I was so embarrassed to talk about this with my parents I absolutely dread this conversation with my kids though but I know how important it is to just be honest...like when my boys asked me how their little sister was going to get out of me. ha!
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    Reason #2 I'm glad that I have three boys.

    ^ This, but I have two boys.
  • Linli_Anne
    Linli_Anne Posts: 1,360 Member
    I haven't read any of the other responses, so my apologies if this has already been mentioned.

    1) Expect this to be a conversation you will have multiple times and with varying levels of detail. Make sure your daughter knows it isn't a one time talk either, and she can come back with more questions.

    2) Ask your daughter what she already knows about sex, and where she learned it. Friends/TV/School.

    3) Give very high level information first, and then ask your daughter if it answers her question, and if there is anything else she wants to know.

    4) If you treat this conversation like it is no big deal, it will be no big deal for your daughter to want to ask you more detailed/more personal questions. Also, if the topic of sex isn't taboo in your house then chances are she'll be less hurried to experience it.
  • joybedford
    joybedford Posts: 1,680 Member
    I agree with tell her. I have twins who are10 and they asked me how babies were made in the toilet at the motorway services, I swear the whole place went quiet. I started to bumble on about daddy's seed meeting mummy's seed when Lydia said matter of factly "oh do you mean sex", Piers nearly fell off the toilet laughing and I figured out they knew it all anyway. Apparently they talk about it at school. I was hoping that I would be the one to tell them. I live in the Uk and work as a midwife, my town has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the country i don't want that to happen to my kids so I am totally honest with them. I also worked in an STI clinic for a while so condoms will be discussed at a later date too.
  • joybedford
    joybedford Posts: 1,680 Member
    My 10 year old daughter already knows how it works and tells me she plans on adopting. FINE WITH ME!

    My daughter has known how babies are born for a few years and she says she is paying someone to be a surrogate, not sure where she found out about surrogates. As I said above I am a midwife so I have discussed the birth of my children with them and they have heard me mention my work. One day we were at dancing and one of the mums had a newborn with her. All the girls were cooing over the baby but Lydia looked horrified I asked her what was wrong and she said quote "and that came out of down there I don't think so". She is now sure she is using a surrogate.
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
    Be very honest and use all of the scientific terms. I'm surprised you haven't taught her before 10.

    Then give her the "it's YOUR body and YOU decide what to do with it" speech. That one is even more important.

    I will talk about anything with my daughter because I don't ever want her to feel like she can't come to me FIRST. I would never give her false information just to scare her away from sex.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    It's science. Just tell her the basics. Pretend you are a doctor, etc. And yes, mention that people have sex for fun and not just to make babies but that it's best if she wait until she's a grown up and in love with her partner. Mention birth control and that she should feel able to come and talk to you or her mother when and if she needs it, and she should start taking it BEFORE she starts having sex, condoms too because you can pass sicknesses through sex as well. Also, tell her that she should never let any one pressure her into having sex before she is ready. She can wait forever if she wants.

    This would be an easy conversation for you to push off to your wife but don't. It's important that children can talk to both parents about these things.

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