Finding Happiness as an Adult
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Looking for the good in people. Most people are doing their best and face their own struggles. We're too quick to judge, and too slow to just accept that everyone is trying their best.
Being responsible for my own happiness. No one can make me happy. That comes from my own efforts and choices.
Having a greater purpose than just getting and spending. It doesn't have to be religion, but feeling connected to a great cause makes my life bigger.0 -
I dunno, I'm happy pretty much every day and I don't have to try for it.
I know I'm lucky. I have a good job and a kind boss, nice place to live, enough disposable income that I never worry about paying my bills or buying groceries, no kids to care for, a wonderful boyfriend and incredible friends, a small but loving family, good physical and mental health...and I am thankful every day for all those privileges.
I am into savouring little things too: cute fluffy dogs on my way to work, reading a new book, a drink on my sunny balcony, ten minutes cuddling in bed before I have to get up, making plans for weekend trips, wearing my favourite shoes, whatever.
I'm not rich/super successful/incredibly well-liked or talented/really attractive but I find I don't need to be. I have worked to make my life the way I want it and i am just really grateful every day that I have all the things I have, both material and intangible.
so happiness coincidences with your feelings of gratefulness - that certainly is something to be happy about.
and glad life is treating you well as well :flowerforyou:0 -
Looking for the good in people. Most people are doing their best and face their own struggles. We're too quick to judge, and too slow to just accept that everyone is trying their best.
Being responsible for my own happiness. No one can make me happy. That comes from my own efforts and choices.
Having a greater purpose than just getting and spending. It doesn't have to be religion, but feeling connected to a great cause makes my life bigger.
Be grateful. Life is a gift. Don't be a jerk. Be grateful.0 -
For me, at this point in my life, I am 46...... I realize something that makes me happy is knowing that phases, or stages of life are the way of life. Life changes, evolves....
I remember being in my youth and thought I would surf forever. I remember being an active Dad, and thought my children defined me. Then athletics, Running = Run for life! Distance Swimming- Amphibious for life! Triathlon- Tri for Life was my new mantra! haha on and on it went.
The thing was, I seemed to feel anxiety for some type of loss each time my interest would wear down or start to wain. Even feel guilty if a new interest started to take over.
Today, I am so happy to know, it's just another stage in the GREAT ADVENTURE. I don't worry for loss, nor do I pine for something new!
I'm down for the adventure.
The moment makes me happy!
sheesh, sorta deep.
Sweat Daily
Todd
Brilliant points as well - I likewise am feeling a pang of anxiety because I met the ambitious goals I had set out to accomplish - repeatedly, and I was talking to my brother last night asking how his golf game was with my father - and my father was saying how proud he was of the accomplishments we both achieved over the past few years - but I made those sacrifices thinking it would pave the way towards feelings of eternal happiness - and now I'm not saying I'm depressed or anything, but I just don't feel I made as significant a contribution into myself as I thought I did.
But life is an adventure, a journey and it is important to reflect and appreciate that.
Well it would be quite alright for you to set new goals for yourself. It's great that you achieved those goals, but if they have left you unfulfilled, then you need to set new goals for yourself that will take you in a new direction.
^yeah... I just keep meeting goals, setting new ones, meeting goals and each time I think -this is finally it! Once I achieve purchasing this, or getting this lady to fall for me, or getting that promotion I'll be happy - once you get there you realize how... not meaningless, but how insignificant it is - particularly when reflecting on our lives at the level of the cosmos. Very and sadly insignificant.
You have all the wrong goals, my friend.0 -
As I get older i find myself becoming more and more nostalgic, reminiscing about my childhood and my teens, early twenties, remembering all the fun memories and laughter I used to have.
Now in my thirties I enjoy time with family and have a few select good friends but I have definitely become someone who now enjoys time on my own away from people, just being me.0 -
Nothing. **** you for wanting happiness as an adult. Live is a long, slow swim upstream through a river of **** on a hot day. All you can do is treasure the rare breaks when you get to float on your back for a while.0
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Looking for the good in people. Most people are doing their best and face their own struggles. We're too quick to judge, and too slow to just accept that everyone is trying their best.
Being responsible for my own happiness. No one can make me happy. That comes from my own efforts and choices.
Having a greater purpose than just getting and spending. It doesn't have to be religion, but feeling connected to a great cause makes my life bigger.
^this I feel is what has made me the most happy in my personal life - serving others. That attitude I have seen in others, and I'm not overly fond of organized religion, but some of the most happy people I have encountered are poor preachers that have lived their entire lives sacrificing for the betterment of their communities.
@BrettPGH - yes that is a take on Crowleyism, and it runs parallel to my libertarian convictions on morality - it doesn't for me result in being happy though :sad:0 -
Nothing. **** you for wanting happiness as an adult. Live is a long, slow swim upstream through a river of **** on a hot day. All you can do is treasure the rare breaks when you get to float on your back for a while.
Glad to see Charles Bukowski uses MFP :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
appreciate your rawness and respect it.0 -
As I get older i find myself becoming more and more nostalgic, reminiscing about my childhood and my teens, early twenties, remembering all the fun memories and laughter I used to have.
Now in my thirties I enjoy time with family and have a few select good friends but I have definitely become someone who now enjoys time on my own away from people, just being me.
^that process of finding yourself - truly finding yourself resulted in you being happy?
And I can relate here - the older you get the less and less amount of people truly get to see who you are - not that, that is a bad thing - just an observation .0 -
Nature really makes me happy. I love to sit outside, and listen to the sounds around me, hike to overlook the city, lay outside in a hammock and see the stars.
That, and going to the gun range.
^I enjoy all of the above - particularly the latter -nothing like firing off my AK-47 at the range to take off some steam - the thing however is those are fleeting moments of happiness not a lifestyle of happiness.
It may be fleeting for you, but I don't think it is for me
I am naturally a very happy person. I feel sad, and angry sometimes, but it never lasts- even in ****ty situations. Stress, however, can really screw with my happiness. So, for me, I feel like my lasting happiness as an adult stems from things that can relieve the one lasting negative emotion I feel (stress).0 -
I believe it's all in the person. I find happiness doing simple things. Always making people laugh around me at work even though I see a lot of death in my career. Working out is a great stress relief for me and helps me daily. As far as true happiness it's at the dinner table with my family. My daughter. Snowboarding, golfing, fishing, camping, anything up in the mountains. I am always smiling or looking at the better side of any situation. I blame that on hitting severe rock bottom when I was younger. I appreciate everything now. I really do believe happiness is as simple as focusing on the positives of every day.0
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IMO...
I think you are ignoring a calling, and that is why you haven't found happiness with the success you have obtained.0 -
In addition to the obvious (coffee)
My husband (spending time with him working in the yard, on the house...going on little weekend trips together or getting together for happy hour after work....cuddling on the couch or in bed. Hugs...kisses.)
My two dogs. Dogs bring so much joy to me. They love you unconditionally-they're great company and protection as well.
Cooking and baking. Serving other people the yummy things I make and seeing someone enjoy a meal I prepared.0 -
As I get older i find myself becoming more and more nostalgic, reminiscing about my childhood and my teens, early twenties, remembering all the fun memories and laughter I used to have.
Now in my thirties I enjoy time with family and have a few select good friends but I have definitely become someone who now enjoys time on my own away from people, just being me.
^that process of finding yourself - truly finding yourself resulted in you being happy?
And I can relate here - the older you get the less and less amount of people truly get to see who you are - not that, that is a bad thing - just an observation .
Yes that is so true. As I get older, I let less and less people 'in' to me - I have always been a very reserved private person, don't get me wrong I really enjoy the company of others, just very few, and it tends to be those who have been close to me for a long time. In my mind, lifes too short to be everyone's friend. I'd rather have a few really good friends than many casual friends.
In regard to finding happiness - some days I think I am happy, other times I am really not. Its a constant battle with me. But thats just life in my eyes...0 -
I think you can't have happiness without unhappiness, joy without sorrow, good without bad. Life is always changing and the older I get the more I learn to go with the flow and be unattached to my emotions, even happiness.
Have you looked into meditation or eastern philosohy? I am not saying its the "answer" by any means, but for someone as questioning as yourself (I am the same way) it can lead to some deep insight.
One of my favorite spiritual authors OSHO:
"The ego is a puzzle. It is something like darkness – which you can see, which you can feel, which can obstruct your way but which does not exist. It has no positivity. It is simply an absence, an absence of light. The ego does not exist – how can you surrender it? The ego is only an absence of awareness."
"You cannot surrender ego, because it does not exist. You can bring a little awareness, a little consciousness, a little light. Forget completely about the ego; concentrate totally on bringing alertness into your being. And the moment your consciousness has become a flame, concentrated, you will not be able to find the ego."
Fulfilling goals might not create the happiness you are searching for as it is a way to feed the ego more than anything else and that ego will never be truly satisfied.0 -
I feel like it is easier to be happy now than in the past. At 37 I'm the happiest I've ever been. I have worked hard to set up my life in a way that will make me happy, in fact that's my main goal in life. Only then can I bring happiness to my family and friends.0
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I believe it's all in the person. I find happiness doing simple things. Always making people laugh around me at work even though I see a lot of death in my career. Working out is a great stress relief for me and helps me daily. As far as true happiness it's at the dinner table with my family. My daughter. Snowboarding, golfing, fishing, camping, anything up in the mountains. I am always smiling or looking at the better side of any situation. I blame that on hitting severe rock bottom when I was younger. I appreciate everything now. I really do believe happiness is as simple as focusing on the positives of every day.
I likewise am Mr. Charmer, always making people laugh, and smile - and I likewise can relate to hitting sever rock bottom when I was younger - homeless suffering from an addiction I forced upon myself in attempting to ignore the void that is inside myself - I think that is a great takeaway on finding the happiness in focusing on the positives of everyday because likewise I am truly blessed partaking in the golfing, fishing, camping etc. as well
Your point though reminded me of a quote I read as a child by Alan Moore
“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”
― Alan Moore
edit: spelled truly incorrect0 -
Happiness is simply the state achieved when the perceived positives in one's life outweigh the perceived negatives.
I say perceived, because reality is irrelevant. One can be unhappy as a billionaire on a yacht in the med surrounded by beautiful people that love you, and one can be happy living alone in a hovel eating cabbage soup. Sure, working to improve your reality is always smart, but if you fail to improve your perception, it will be for naught. In the same way, improving your perception can make you happier without improving your reality one jot - and is much easier.
Unfortunately in my experience many actively seek out the negative for multiple reasons -
> to appear 'deep' or thoughtful (the faux philosopher)
> to excuse perceived failures in their life (I coulda been a contender)
> to elicit sympathy (inability to differentiate between positive and negative attention)
At the same time, they miss or dilute all the positives.
Watch a child playing for a couple of hours to learn a bit about pure unbridled happiness. They aren't bogged down by years of perceived negatives. They can truly live in the moment, and envelope themselves in the joy of what they are doing right then. They are unbound by thoughts of what they should do, and completely free to do what they want to do. Of course, the inverse is also true. In the presence of negative stimulus, a child will be pure misery, unable to draw on past positive experience to outweigh the negative. Unable to hypothesize a positive future that may unfold from this negative experience. A child can find rapturous joy in an empty cardboard box, and soul destroying despair in a dropped cookie.
As adults, we can choose how we perceive and react to stimulus. For negative events, focus on what is required to overcome them, and choose to not fall into despair (an evolutionary device to attract assistance, back when negative events were often lethal). We can remember that hard times have come in the past, and been overcome. If an unpleasant task is necessary to obtain future happiness, then take joy in that task as earning the future happiness.
When there is a positive event, no matter how small, celebrate it. Wrap yourself in it. Celebrate not just your own successes, but those of the people around you. Be truly proud of yourself, your achievements and the achievements of others.
Being happy isn't hard. You just need to give yourself permission.0 -
IMO...
I think you are ignoring a calling, and that is why you haven't found happiness with the success you have obtained.
a calling - as in there is a predetermined/predestined calling we were meant to partake in?
I wish destiny was real - but events seem to be random, despite the coincidences that come along occasionally bringing smiles and a sense of uniqueness in us all.0 -
King Solomon said that he had done a great many things in pursuit of happiness - got knowledge, huge masses of wealth, lots of women, horses, built gardens and buildings, had the best entertainers, alcohol - and all of it amounted to chasing wind. The conclusion he came up with was that men are happiest when they obey God, enjoy the work God has given him to do, and enjoy his food and drink.
I agree with those three things.
So, when I'm washing dishes, which was my least favorite task, I am thankful for dirty dishes, because it means we had something to eat. I can enjoy the least pleasant aspects of my job. I had a fulfilling career with respect and prestige and ended up homeschooling my kids because my kids needed it. And God gave me the work and grace to truly enjoy this season of life with them. It's very fulfilling work.
The other is to stop trying to get people to understand me. Everyone has a different way of viewing the world, different life experiences, etc. So they probably won't "get me" all the time. That's ok. God understands me, and is kind to me anyway.
And, along that vein, being understanding of moods. When you're in a bad mood, it's like rain - it will pass, and its ok to have them. Plants need sunshine and rain to grow. Winter helps the ground to rest in order to be productive in Spring. So smile and cry and slow down if you need to. Be relaxed about mood changes in yourself and others.0 -
Happiness for me is not expecting too much from life while still hoping for a lot from life. Being grateful for what I've got but still having the will to dream big.0
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I am very much a happy person by nature, though I've struggled through years of being bullied, a possibly-narcissistic mother, eating disorders, and a nasty divorce thanks to a cheating husband. I've finally healed from my wounds, and I am happier than I've ever been. I take joy out of so much in my life. Just the fact that I'm eating and comfortable in my body and getting stronger every day makes me smile. So does my daughter's smile or my husband's random text. Working in the garden and smelling the earth, sitting outside with a fire in our backyard, finishing a challenging workout, getting the numbers to match the first time around (at work - I do budget), catching the sunset, seeing the sunrise, a morning when I get to sleep in, knowing God's love in my life, a good thunderstorm, our new refrigerator, a clean house, a good book, a fresh sheet of paper and a nice pen ...
I am just happy. And there is happiness and joy in every piece of my life. I am so blessed.
Ultimately, what brings me most joy is my family. My husband and daughter's health and happiness is absolutely what matters most to me.
I'm content. I used to think content meant boring and not happy - not unhappy but not happy.
Now I know it means peace and fulfillment.0 -
Happiness is simply the state achieved when the perceived positives in one's life outweigh the perceived negatives.
I say perceived, because reality is irrelevant. One can be unhappy as a billionaire on a yacht in the med surrounded by beautiful people that love you, and one can be happy living alone in a hovel eating cabbage soup. Sure, working to improve your reality is always smart, but if you fail to improve your perception, it will be for naught. In the same way, improving your perception can make you happier without improving your reality one jot - and is much easier.
Unfortunately in my experience many actively seek out the negative for multiple reasons -
> to appear 'deep' or thoughtful (the faux philosopher)
> to excuse perceived failures in their life (I coulda been a contender)
> to elicit sympathy (inability to differentiate between positive and negative attention)
At the same time, they miss or dilute all the positives.
Watch a child playing for a couple of hours to learn a bit about pure unbridled happiness. They aren't bogged down by years of perceived negatives. They can truly live in the moment, and envelope themselves in the joy of what they are doing right then. They are unbound by thoughts of what they should do, and completely free to do what they want to do. Of course, the inverse is also true. In the presence of negative stimulus, a child will be pure misery, unable to draw on past positive experience to outweigh the negative. Unable to hypothesize a positive future that may unfold from this negative experience. A child can find rapturous joy in an empty cardboard box, and soul destroying despair in a dropped cookie.
As adults, we can choose how we perceive and react to stimulus. For negative events, focus on what is required to overcome them, and choose to not fall into despair (an evolutionary device to attract assistance, back when negative events were often lethal). We can remember that hard times have come in the past, and been overcome. If an unpleasant task is necessary to obtain future happiness, then take joy in that task as earning the future happiness.
When there is a positive event, no matter how small, celebrate it. Wrap yourself in it. Celebrate not just your own successes, but those of the people around you. Be truly proud of yourself, your achievements and the achievements of others.
Being happy isn't hard. You just need to give yourself permission.
incredibly insightful - love this. "Celebrate not just your own successes, but those of the people around you." - I need to work on this big time, and I will - this may be a key I am missing.
I should celebrate more - I am a very driven person and I often overlook that process and it can be very healthy.
Unfortunately in my experience many actively seek out the negative for multiple reasons -
> to appear 'deep' or thoughtful (the faux philosopher)
> to excuse perceived failures in their life (I coulda been a contender)
> to elicit sympathy (inability to differentiate between positive and negative attention)
-I am actively seeking out positives - I think your point on attempting to elicit sympathy is fascinating, and it makes sense to me.0 -
I'll be 48 this year, and the same things that made me happy when I was younger still make me happy now, like waking up to the sounds of the birds outside, finding a song on the radio that makes me want to dance in my car, and spending time with my family and friends. Over the last few years, I realized I don't need a man to make me happy, because my dogs and my kids keep my heart pretty full.
I spent a long time being angry at my ex, and realized it was taking too much energy, so I just let it go. I don't let the bad stuff weigh me down anymore, so even when things are turning to crap around me, I'm still looking at what's good in my life, and that's where I find my happiness. My parents are healthy, and my kids make me laugh on a daily basis. The birds are still chirping outside my window when I wake up, and there's always a good song playing somewhere.0 -
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I'll be 48 this year, and the same things that made me happy when I was younger still make me happy now, like waking up to the sounds of the birds outside, finding a song on the radio that makes me want to dance in my car, and spending time with my family and friends. Over the last few years, I realized I don't need a man to make me happy, because my dogs and my kids keep my heart pretty full.
I spent a long time being angry at my ex, and realized it was taking too much energy, so I just let it go. I don't let the bad stuff weigh me down anymore, so even when things are turning to crap around me, I'm still looking at what's good in my life, and that's where I find my happiness. My parents are healthy, and my kids make me laugh on a daily basis. The birds are still chirping outside my window when I wake up, and there's always a good song playing somewhere.
Now that's what I'm talking about. Finding the joy in everyday life.0 -
King Solomon said that he had done a great many things in pursuit of happiness - got knowledge, huge masses of wealth, lots of women, horses, built gardens and buildings, had the best entertainers, alcohol - and all of it amounted to chasing wind. The conclusion he came up with was that men are happiest when they obey God, enjoy the work God has given him to do, and enjoy his food and drink.
I agree with those three things.
So, when I'm washing dishes, which was my least favorite task, I am thankful for dirty dishes, because it means we had something to eat. I can enjoy the least pleasant aspects of my job. I had a fulfilling career with respect and prestige and ended up homeschooling my kids because my kids needed it. And God gave me the work and grace to truly enjoy this season of life with them. It's very fulfilling work.
The other is to stop trying to get people to understand me. Everyone has a different way of viewing the world, different life experiences, etc. So they probably won't "get me" all the time. That's ok. God understands me, and is kind to me anyway.
And, along that vein, being understanding of moods. When you're in a bad mood, it's like rain - it will pass, and its ok to have them. Plants need sunshine and rain to grow. Winter helps the ground to rest in order to be productive in Spring. So smile and cry and slow down if you need to. Be relaxed about mood changes in yourself and others.
Omg. Ecclesiastes has to be one of the most brilliant books every every written hands down - easily would be found in my top 5 - Solomon is so relatable despite living so many years ago previous to us - it is frankly shocking.
I recently came to the conclusion that material goods do not bring happiness - It aided me in getting my life in order - but yeah it is a mute issue - women, entertainers, alcohol - fun for a season - but it is just a season so it does indeed pass.
I don't know if there is a God or not - but if there is I certainly don't understand why the worlds most brilliant mind would have left his convictions with him - particularly after receiving his blessing from him. My only conclusion is he came to the state of realization that God, and I say this totally respectfully, not bitterly - but that a God that allows the pain in the world, and the state of uncertainly and suffering can't be a perfect God for making such an imperfect creation - one wouldn't call an artist perfect if their art was riddled with mistakes. Likewise - being omnipotent, why not create a world void of the pain, yet still enable mankind to live with free will - being all-powerful would certainly allow this possibility - and prior to the fall in the garden I'm sure this was the case, so earth would have only needed a minor tweak. I just don't understand this.0 -
As I've gotten older (43) I don't worry so much about what everyone else thinks and I just do what makes me happy and spend time with those that I am happy with. A lot of it is getting rid of what didn't make me happy.0
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the child playing example reminded me of something my Sifu often tell us. Strive for zero, for nothingness.
As a baby we start at 0. We then learn a few things and try to up our value, become a 1 a 2 a5 and so forth. As some point we find the value is not an add on, but a realizing we alone are enough, a zero. And we start to drop value on things, events, people, and such in our lives.
It is when we are really just a 0 at best, pure, true, and enough, that we have achieved full circle and find enlightenment
I sorta like that.... it may take me a few trips around the horn, but I want to get there.
Right now, I like ot so stuff with people, and it makes me happy. At least I have started to learn a loose grip.0 -
^plus by brilliant mind I am referring to King Solomon - he forsook the Jewish faith.0
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