How to gain weight - overcome ED on my own ):

chene249

Hi everyone. I am 20 years old, 163cm (around 5"4?) and around 41kg (90lbs?) ...My question is exactly that - HOW do I start to gain weight - safely, healthily and perhaps in a way I can cope...

I really want to get over this disorder because it's pure suffering.

I have been in denial about this condition until i was in the fitting rooms today and just saw how emaciated I looked. I'm really scared because i do have this intense fear of food and I feel everything l eat, I'll just end up storing it as fat...

But nevertheless, I kind of realise i have to gain weight. But how do you begin? I tried to overeat for dinner today... 40-50 dumplings. That's over 3000+ calories right? Is this the right way to go about it...? But then I have this feeling tomorrow I'll just compensate by restricting again...It's endless.

Is there any advice you can offer, because I don't really want to share this with my family and I have no clue about professional help... Nutritionist? Psychologist? What's more effective? Will they even help...

And in terms of food/ meal plans, I read somewhere you meant to eat like 3000+ calories per day o.o - not to mention you eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING... the thought scares me.

): ): ):

Any advice is so very appreciated. I just need some guidance...

mom2aeris

Have you thought of talking to your doctor about this? They would have some good ideas for you, and help you figure out if you need to be eating such a massive surplus. I am NOT a doctor, but I imagine taking it slow would be a better option. Eat a little bit more than you normally would for a week, then a little more, and so on. Don't overdo anything right at the start, or you might wind up having a relapse. Just remember that you're trying to get healthier, too, so always keep that in the back of your mind. You can do it!

chene249

yes, I've spoken to my doctor around 2 months again... even had blood tests... But instead of starting recovery like I had hoped the appointment would force me to do, it in fact URGED me to continue this disorder. My doctor basically told me that nutritionally I was perfectly fine - based on my blood tests. Since i was on the pill, I was having my periods - so my bones were "protected." But that's so stupid, my periods are artificially created...

That wasn't something i wanted to hear. It was like she was telling me that my restricting calories/ starving/ food fear/ social isolation/ strict rules/ excessive exercising etc. WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL.

I was absolutely gutted because i had hoped an external force would propel me to take action against this illness - but she just basically told my stupid ED mind that I should just keep going, since I'm still "healthy." So I have no clue whether or not to trust professional voices ):

SO yeah, I spoke to a doctor ...

Do you know roughly how many calories I should aim for each day...and how often i should eat? To be honest, I've lost all sense of "normal" eating

AZKristi

Did you tell the doctor how many calories you were eating per day? Did the doctor tell you how many calories you should be eating each day? If not, get a second opinion. Just because you have not done damage yet does not mean you should continue your disordered eating.

Binge eating dumplings does not sound like a good idea either. It seems like it may just lead you down a slippery slope to a different eating disorder. I would use MFP to figure out what your maintenance calories are and then try eating that. If that doesn't have you gaining a bit of weight, then add 100-200 calories per day. Because you are not trying to lose weight you will be able to indulge more than the rest of us, but you should also try to make most of your food choices healthy and nutritious. You aren't going to make yourself feel better or healthier than by dumping 3000 calories of fast food into your body every day.

If you are exercising, make sure you are eating those calories back as well.

mom2aeris

Ouch, that sounds like an awful doctor. They do happen, you know. So I am sorry to hear about that. As I said, I am NOT a doctor, but I do agree that you should put your info into MFP and choose the option for maintenance and then just start from there and add up a little more each week.

LoupGarouTFTs

OP, you probably have never heard of Karen Carpenter, but to many people of my age she is a symbol of anorexia nervosa and the tragedy it can become. She was a beautiful woman, one half of the singing group "The Carpenters," who developed AN in her twenties. AN was less understood then than it is now and, despite having a doctor's care, she died of her disorder. She gained too much weight too quickly and died of heart failure. Today, many people are in recovery from AN and many of them do very well with it. However, the people who do the best at recovery are those who have a professional diagnosis and who work with a medical doctor, a therapist, and a nutritionist. It's admirable that you *want* to recover. In fact, it's AWESOME and speaks well for your success when you recover. But please, please, please seek the help from a medical professional who specializes in the treatment of AN.

I wish you well, believe me. You sound like a smart person who wants to take care of herself. Best of luck to you.

dutchmanswife

I'm not sure I had your problem in my teens and twenties. I ate whatever I pleased (a lot) and I weighed about 120 on a 5'9" frame. I tried stuffing myself to gain weight. It didn't work.

Now I have the opposite problem -- I'm trying to lose about twenty pounds to get down to ideal weight for my heaight. The cure was time, plus a few helpful medications that lower metabolic rate.

Here's my suggestion. Use the goals in reverse of what I'm doing. What should you weigh? The rule of thumb is every woman gets 100 pounds for the first five feet, and 5 pounds per inch over that. So, set your goal, learn what is the best number of calories to achieve this (a slow gain is best) keep your food diary and do your best. Stick to high quality protein and other healthful foods. And let yourself have a piece of cake. I think weight loss and gain are all in the head to begin with. Learn to enjoy your food -- it's not the enemy. It's fuel to burn, and it's the building blocks of your body.

Doctors tend to see with tunnel vision. You do what you need to do to get healthy.

earthboundmisfit

I think you should get another doctor! And a nutritionist. It's hard to overcome an ED on your own.

Pannna

I think you should get another doctor! And a nutritionist. It's hard to overcome an ED on your own.

This ^
Im doing it alone ,I cant afford a nutritionist $35 every 15 minutes :noway:
If you can afford it get professional help !!

earthboundmisfit

W

Charloo1990

yes, I've spoken to my doctor around 2 months again... even had blood tests... But instead of starting recovery like I had hoped the appointment would force me to do, it in fact URGED me to continue this disorder. My doctor basically told me that nutritionally I was perfectly fine - based on my blood tests. Since i was on the pill, I was having my periods - so my bones were "protected." But that's so stupid, my periods are artificially created...

That wasn't something i wanted to hear. It was like she was telling me that my restricting calories/ starving/ food fear/ social isolation/ strict rules/ excessive exercising etc. WAS PERFECTLY NORMAL.

I was absolutely gutted because i had hoped an external force would propel me to take action against this illness - but she just basically told my stupid ED mind that I should just keep going, since I'm still "healthy." So I have no clue whether or not to trust professional voices ):

SO yeah, I spoke to a doctor ...

Do you know roughly how many calories I should aim for each day...and how often i should eat? To be honest, I've lost all sense of "normal" eating

Sorry I have no real advice but I know how you feel on the doctor front. I'm overcoming my ED now but while recovering I went through an awful binge eating phase for over a year and it was out of control, I was so down about it so I went to the doctors and I started crying there and then on the spot in front of her just because her advice was so shockingly bad and I thought i'm just never gunna get the help I need. All she did was tell me to eat slowly and eat my 5 a day (talk about state the obvious). She also offered me anti depressants for bulimics even though I told her i'm not depressed so I declined. They just don't seem to want to help people with EDs untill it's too late. Good luck though hun, just take it one day at a time. Believe me, recovery is so worth it

drbiayasmin

Your doctor sounds like a quack. Or you didn't tell him the problem and he took you at face value. Unfortunately most primary care doctors are so focused on obesity, they miss anorexia.

You have gotten great advice so far. I will say that it will be extremely hard for you to do this on your own. Your mind (disorder) is going to get in the way sooner or later. I couldn't tell where you are located. IF possible find a team you can work with (therapist, psychiatrist if needed and nutritionist). It is a specialized disorder so you do want to find someone who treats it.

I could see if I can find referrals for you on my listserv, but I would need to know where you are located.

Pannna

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forkofpower

Go to a different doctor. Tell them explicitly that you have an eating disorder, and that you need help.

Ulwaz

the fact your bloods are fine is a good sign cause it means it hasnt damaged your body, i would go back though for some help, maybe some counselling since you need to overcome your fears

eat calorie dense healthy foods, milk, bread, rice, potatoes, rice, pasta, bananas, avocados, peanut butter, nuts, dried fruit, oatmeal, coconut, cheese, chicken, red meat, fish

but as for eating, eat whatever you want, log everything aim for 2500-3000 calories, slowly get up to this amount, start with at least 2000 as a minimum and work your way up

work out your fears and challenge yourself to one of them, dont do them all at once or your going to make your ED worse, i know how you feel since i was also an ED suffer

add me for support goodluck and well done for noticing you need to recover

grentea

Do you have any friends or family that you can share this with? Can you ask your parents if they would help you? It might be good to speak with a therapist and join a support group for people struggling with the same things.

liznotyet

Whatever you eat, whenever you eat, try to keep a balance of nutrients on the plate or in the glass, greens, other vegetables, protein, carbs, fat. If you don' t like greens it's okay to puree them hot or cold to get used to them. If you don't like meat try eggs, dairy, soy or nut protein.

Body awareness exercise that doesn't burn a huge amount of calories - tai chi, yoga, pilates - will help you quiet your mind and slowly build strength. Exercises that use your own body weight as resistance have helped me be more confident, perhaps it will work for you too.

Kefir is a great GI stabilizing drink that has a lot of calories, and can be a backdrop for sweet or savory smoothies.

Friend me if you need menu ideas, I have been maintaining since before MFP was born.

chene249

Thank you for your input everyone!

I live in Australia... do u know what could be effective? Medical, emotional and nutritional help? All three (which would be expensive as hell) or if you had to pick one, what would it be??

Also i can't seem to get over this mindset that even though i HAVE to get better, i can't. I was walking around campus today constantly debating whether or not to have a chai latte - something i used to love dearly and could drink 3-4 a week. LOL.I think sugar, carbs, empty carbs = fat. But then i think dairy, calcium, taste = should be good for recovery... i feel so much fear even with the thought of drinking a chai latte.... in the back of my mind I KNOW if i drink it it'll trigger a relapse the following day with more restriction...

I guess it's just I don't know where to start.

Do i just focus on eating whole foods. I think i'll just lose control on processed stuff.I just want nothing more to gain weight - but to do so in a healthy way...

The fact that my doctor told me I'm healthy isn't giving me any motivation to get better. It's true. I feel like there is no point because what i'm doing is "healthy" when i know it's not. I feel like in her telling me, I don't really have an "illness" and that if i gain weight.. I'll just get fat. I can see jagged bones and stuff but since its winter here in Australia everything is covered up - so I don't feel that sense of urgency to recover. Even though i know I should... MY mindset is f*** ): but i know i must recover.

Just HOW.

And being from an Asian family - it's very difficult for my parents to understand what an ED is.... it's really tough.

chene249

I guess i need a REASON to move ahead with recovery. With little family/ friend support it's difficult to find any desire to recover. And yes, health alone sometimes isn't enough. My mind refuses to see the consequences from the health complications - Its like sometimes i don't realise i'm wasting away, and some times, i do.... but those times are short-lived.

I don't even know if eating lots will fix things. Will it help me restore weight or is this illness just my "excuse" where i'll end up gaining weight ):

LoupGarouTFTs

If I had to choose one, I'd pick the psychological help. A psychologist or psychiatrist or therapist trained to treat EDs can help you examine the underlying cause for your disorder. You can treat symptoms forever, through eating and recording calories and such, but unless you treat the disorder itself, you're really not going to have permanent improvement.

tanzmitpalmer

Seconding the psychological help. They can help break down any subconscious myths about food and eating grounded in obsessive-compulsive tendencies or anxiety, which are extremely hard to break on your own. They wouldn't be medically qualified to give you a meal plan, but they might have some insights into healthy eating patterns to help start you off, if you can't get to a nutritionist immediately.

I don't have a medical background, so I can't really speak to the best way of overcoming an ED as far as general body health goes, however I would say this... don't shock yourself with eating way more than you're comfortable with, just because you think you should. 30-50 dumplings will definitely help put on some weight, but if it's too fast, it might not be physically or psychologically healthy. Treat it like others treat losing weight. Set small goals and work your way up. Just like with losing weight, gaining weight takes gaining a healthy lifestyle, which takes a lot of mental and emotional dedication. If your labs at the doctor came back clean, you should be fine to take it slow and ease into a new relationship with your mind and body.

chene249

Ah ^ thank you. That's very true. I can treat it like weight loss. LOL i guess I've always been dieting for like 15+ years of my life that weight loss has become so ingrained into me. I guess thinking that way to gain weight this time can be a help. It is true that eating on too much can just cause relapse. It did for me after that many dumplings - i see the bloat in my stomach and am freaking out. I'll try to keep a level head and take it slow. Set small goals without overwhelming myself aha

I'll go with the psychologist - it does seem that the mental side of things, once tackled, can have the ability to guide better eating behaviours.

Thank you for the support.

If there is any other forms of advice, please feel free to share. Im seriously all ears.. (and bones) aha

tiptoethruthetulips

Go speak to the university counsellors and ask for support. Some Australian universities also provide up to three sessions with various types of counsellors for staff and students.

Go see another doctor and get support, your GP will be able to develop a care plan for which some appointments will be paid by medicare...dietician, psychologist, counsellor. Find a doctor's that has the allied health care attached if you can, then the doctor, dietician and psychologist or counsellor can work together to support you.

In the mean time, go slow, increase your daily calorie intake very slowly...you can't do it all at once. Increase by 50 to 100cals per day this week and over the next few weeks increase by another 50 or 100cals and so forth.

anachronicles

I'm actually going through the exact same thing right now. I got down to 85 pounds before I realized I really needed to turn things around. My major problem was that during the course of my disorder I developed a lot of 'food fears' and even though I was committed to recovery I still had a lot of trouble eating these certain foods (eg. I had cut out grains, dairy, refined sugar, red meat...).

It's a slow process, but I suggest tackling recovery one step at a time, you'll feel a lot safer and more comfortable and probably be less likely to want to restrict as compensation for ridiculous overeating. The only way I could justify eating more food was if I stuck to a clean eating meal plan, that way I didn't feel guilty about my eating and didn't want to starve myself to make up for it

Here's how I started:
-Eat at least three meals a day. They don't have to be full meals at first, just get your body in the habit of eating at regular intervals
-Gradually increase portion size. Your stomach has probably shrunk while you've been restricting so you will get fuller faster, but just try to slowly allow your body to adapt to a higher food intake. For me I was still relying on safe foods at this point, but would make sure I tried to eat more. I would make bigger salads than I used to, or eat a few more pieces of veggies than before.
-Challenge yourself to break one ED habit each day. For example, I never ate after 7 pm when I was ill, but now I have a bedtime snack because it helps me sleep. Or try facing a food fear. Hopefully you can feel accomplished and proud of yourself after conquering a challenge each day and it'll inspire you to continue
-Try eating calorie dense foods. this way you can eat a small volume of food (thus not making yourself sick) but still intake a decent amount of calories. I struggled with this a lot because calorie dense foods were something that caused me major anxiety
-Distract yourself when you're having ED thoughts. I would always go down and play cards with my mom when I was feeling particularly bloated and wanting to restrict again. Eventually, the thoughts will lessen and things will get easier.

I'd love to add more but I have to dash to work! Message me if you'd like to chat at all!!

Hearts_2015

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AliceDark

This site has a ton of solid information about recovery:

www.youreatopia.com/

xmichaelyx

I'm not sure I had your problem in my teens and twenties. I ate whatever I pleased (a lot) and I weighed about 120 on a 5'9" frame. I tried stuffing myself to gain weight. It didn't work.

If stuffing yourself to gain weight doesn't work, then you're not actually stuffing yourself -- you're very temporarily increasing calories (and maybe not enough), deciding it doesn't work, and then going back to whatever already didn't work before.

We are all roughly the same, and can all reach our goals in the same way:
1) Figure out your TDEE
2) Each about that much to maintain, or that much plus 600-800 calories to gain, or that much minus 600-800 calories to lose.
3) Weigh everything you eat, and be consistent for at least 3 months. Tweak calories as needed at that point.

If you haven't consistently done this for at least 3 months, then you haven't even tried.

Also, see a doctor. If the one you talk to doesn't give you what you need or doesn't seem helpful, see another one.

heybebe88

First of all, good for you for WANTING to get better. That is the first step, and usually the hardest one to make.

Secondly, I know what you mean about Asian families and not being able to talk about / understanding EDs. In my family, "Oh my god, you're skin and bones!" is considered a compliment, but then they keep feeding you and make you finish your food, and then if you gain a pound, they call you fat! It's all very confusing. Maybe in Asia there are so few people who are overweight (or at least used to be, in our parents' generation, maybe there are more now) that the idea of being afraid to gain weight just plain doesn't register.

I would try to find support outside your family (as you are doing here) and avoid the topic entirely at home until you're well on your way. Check out http://thebutterflyfoundation.org.au/ - they have free one-on-one web counseling and they can help you find a support group near you. This journey starts with your mind and your relationship with food - until you are able to address those issues, it will be all too easy to slip back into old habits.

GOOD LUCK!

carlyraer

Im going through the same thing. Im 5 '5 and weigh 87 pounds. Just try to gain weight on healthy foods

carlyraer

:happy: Im going through the same thing. Im 5 '5 and weigh 87 pounds. Just try to gain weight on healthy foods

notmuchreally

Hmmm I'm not so sure about "over eat" as a solution unless you were just eating a teeny weeny bit! But I've added things that are nutrient and calorie dense I suppose. Like peanutbutter, nuts, bananas, yogurt, avocado. I'm a vegetarian btw so not sure what meats are best.
I believe other oils are good but I don't really use them, so look into what oils are good to cook with.
There's things you can add like that though to take your regular meals the extra mile so you're not having to "over eat." I just know my stomach is quite sensitive, I would assume it isn't a comfortable feeling to do.
Also eating more frequently helps. I've always been a frequent (but low cal) eater, so I made different choices with higher calories, protein, etc.
Also learned how to make a few smoothies.
Hope this helps!