Can you relate to this?

cppeace

Cannot relate much to this

Achrya

Interesting. I was over 225 pounds in high school and bullied pretty bad (was even spit on and hit) but even I can't relate to this as a grown *kitten* adult. Or as a teen, as most of my bullying stemed not from my weight but from inability to fit in.

CindyMarcuzAdams

I think I remember every comment and they still cut like hot knives thru butter. I thought when I got into high school things would change but no it got worse. I even had an employer say mean and rude things to me. Oh if I knew then what I know now.
I truly and sincerely hope karma has raised her head for these people. They deserve what they get...
Bitter much? Maybe but its made me the kind and considerate person I am today.

StephanieMClarkson

Friends:

I am the person who wrote the original story (I am not the person who illustrated it). You can see the full story here, including my complete submission to the site, that the artist drew from (heh) to create the comic: http://empathizethis.com/stories/street-sizeism/

First, I want to state that during the stories in question, depending where they happened, I ranged from 280 to 380lbs. This is not about people who are a little overweight, though I know for some of you, you will still have been harassed anyway.

Second, the shouting from the car happened about 6 weeks ago, as I was walking along Massachusetts Avenue in Cambridge, Massachusetts (yes, home of Harvard and MIT). The guy who followed me along the street has actually happened twice; once in Raleigh, North Carolina, once in Somerville, MA. The guy who told me I'd only get laid if I got raped was in Toronto, Ontario (Toronto was also the place where I had a tiny little German accented woman ask me, "Do you know that you are very fat?" before trying to sell me weight loss pills. It was left out because it was practically slapstick, and not threatening the way these other stories are).

It's actually happened to me in every city I've ever lived in. I once had a man mock me for my weight as I was leaving a Jenny freaking Craig in Atlanta, GA (I had, with JC's help, lost over 80lbs in the 7 months leading up to that time). I have lived over 3 years in all of the cities mentioned here; they're all east coast, but they're in 4 states/provinces and 2 countries, and both north and south of the mason-dixon line. This isn't just a problem in one place, or I'd probably have gotten past it.

In addition, I actually carry myself pretty confidently; even when dieting, I've been pretty happy to be me. It's only when I get harassed that I actually really notice my weight (well, and when I try and sit on those really cheap folding chairs). I have actually wondered if part of it comes from *that*. I currently have blue hair. I wear retro polka dot dresses. I am what I am. I rarely attract the attacks that studies show come from seeming nervous or weak. I *do* attract harassment from people who seem determined to bring me down a peg.

The point of 'Empathize This', the comic and website, is not to say, 'Boy, everyone's experience is JUST LIKE THIS', but instead to say, 'hey. This happens to people out there. Even if this isn't what happened to you, maybe you understand, or maybe you'll be aware, when you see it happening.'

'It has never happened to me (so it doesn't happen)' is anecdotal. I wrote this specifically because it keeps happening, everywhere I go (Ironically, it ALWAYS happens when I'm alone; if I'm with friends or family I hear nothing of this sort; it's a dominance game, that uses my obesity as the target, not necessarily about the fat itself. But I've never lived anywhere that, when there was a chance, there wasn't the possibility some **** would try this).

Good luck with your weight loss, but remember to love yourself in all your sizes. Your body is a continuum.

Blacklance36

It's the same at the other end of the spectrum too. When my sister was underweight complete strangers seemed to think it was ok to make comments about it, or tell her to eat a cheeseburger, etc.

There's a lot of ignorant people out there!

I have heard both sides....its sad.

Now I really want a cheeseburger though.....LOL

gypsy_spirit

I am glad to see so many speak out about not relating to this comic strip. I was overweight (by 100 pounds) for the last 25 years, I taught 5 year olds with no social filters, walked and ran at a local public track & went out in public all the time. Never once has anyone said or yelled anything like this to me.

I wonder if it's more about the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they project. People are bullied every day - not just overweight people.


ETA: I am in no way suggesting that the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they have gives anyone license to bully them.

jofjltncb6

Nope. I've never seen or heard anything like this. Where do you people live that this happens?

Iowa, USA is a good place to start. Specific towns would be Jefferson, Boone, Ames, Carroll, Des Moines, Cedar Rapids. If you're in Canada, St. John's, NL, is full of this, too.

I've never seen anything like this (outside of middle school) anywhere in Missouri USA. What are you people doing up there to the north?!?

FattyFatsoMcTubby

I've never had a stranger say anything like that to me that I heard. I'm pretty sure they would have been afraid that I would sit on them.

Achrya

I am glad to see so many speak out about not relating to this comic strip. I was overweight (by 100 pounds) for the last 25 years, I taught 5 year olds with no social filters, walked and ran at a local public track & went out in public all the time. Never once has anyone said or yelled anything like this to me.

I wonder if it's more about the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they project. People are bullied every day - not just overweight people.


ETA: I am in no way suggesting that the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they have gives anyone license to bully them.

I think you (and I at 225) weren't big enough to get it, assuming I'm understanding what the writer of the story is saying.

KaelaLee88

Oh yes, I think that most of us in our lives at some point have been on the receiving end of prejudicial abuse. There is a severe lack of understanding and empathy in our society that only looks to extremes of beauty as perfection and everything else falls short.

As a woman who has lived with obesity for a number of years, the abuse I have received did not decrease after leaving education. I have been pushed into parked cars, I have been shouted at, I have been pushed, shoved, grabbed, oggled and openly talked about. I even experienced this when my Husband was proposing to me!

I try to reserve my judgement of others, it's not up to me to criticise or assess them. I try, instead to empathise with people and understand what makes them who they are.

Kaela x

seltzermint555

I am glad to see so many speak out about not relating to this comic strip. I was overweight (by 100 pounds) for the last 25 years, I taught 5 year olds with no social filters, walked and ran at a local public track & went out in public all the time. Never once has anyone said or yelled anything like this to me.

I wonder if it's more about the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they project. People are bullied every day - not just overweight people.


ETA: I am in no way suggesting that the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they have gives anyone license to bully them.

I think you (and I at 225) weren't big enough to get it, assuming I'm understanding what the writer of the story is saying.

I wouldn't be so sure about it being a weight minimum or maximum. I have friends who have been screamed at from passing cars when they were exercising at just 15-20 lb overweight. I weighed 307 at my heaviest, as a 5'8" female, and didn't get comments of this level.

I also don't believe that the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they have is always a "protective barrier" against such bullying. But I think in some cases it is. I believe that to have been the case for me, anyway.

Galatea_Stone

I've only experienced tiny bits of this in a foreign country. Never in the USA. And never from the opposite sex.

emdeesea

Yep. Because there are some men out there who think that a woman exists to be a set of attractive body parts. And that we're somehow not doing our jobs if we're not aesthetically pleasing to the eye. And they feel it's their job to call us on this, sometimes using the "health" card, when in reality, we all know what the real reason is.

gypsy_spirit

I am glad to see so many speak out about not relating to this comic strip. I was overweight (by 100 pounds) for the last 25 years, I taught 5 year olds with no social filters, walked and ran at a local public track & went out in public all the time. Never once has anyone said or yelled anything like this to me.

I wonder if it's more about the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they project. People are bullied every day - not just overweight people.


ETA: I am in no way suggesting that the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they have gives anyone license to bully them.

I think you (and I at 225) weren't big enough to get it, assuming I'm understanding what the writer of the story is saying.

I wouldn't be so sure about it being a weight minimum or maximum. I have friends who have been screamed at from passing cars when they were exercising at just 15-20 lb overweight. I weighed 307 at my heaviest, as a 5'8" female, and didn't get comments of this level.

I also don't believe that the way a person carries themselves or the attitude they have is always a "protective barrier" against such bullying. But I think in some cases it is. I believe that to have been the case for me, anyway.

I agree. I think bullying in general can target what people perceive or know to be your weakness. Maybe my attitude was a protective barrier as well.

Elsie_Brownraisin

The bit about shouted comments, yeah. And I once had a group of young men come up to me and say something very aggresive and sexually graphic to me whilst walking through town with my then 2 year old.

Still, even when I was thin I still had comedy sized breasts and men thought it was ok to lean out of their window and scream things at me, even when I was 14 and in my school uniform (and clearly 14 and with my school chums, not a stripper...)

Come to think of it, I sometimes despise men.

1princesswarrior

Ironically I've only heard comments like that from my father of all people. Telling me I look like a "dough girl", asking me if I will fit in a booth at dinner, fatty, top heavy, and I could go on. And he wonders why I lack in the confidence category.

And then my ex-husband always threatened to leave me if I ever got fat. I'm glad we were already divorced before my weight ever became an issue.

It really makes me sad that the people who you should be able to trust the most are the ones who hurt you the most. I never heard comments like that from strangers though.

delicious_cocktail

The bit about shouted comments, yeah. And I once had a group of young men come up to me and say something very aggresive and sexually graphic to me whilst walking through town with my then 2 year old.

Still, even when I was thin I still had comedy sized breasts and men thought it was ok to lean out of their window and scream things at me, even when I was 14 and in my school uniform (and clearly 14 and with my school chums, not a stripper...)

Come to think of it, I sometimes despise men.

Some men are despicable.

Cranquistador

The bit about shouted comments, yeah. And I once had a group of young men come up to me and say something very aggresive and sexually graphic to me whilst walking through town with my then 2 year old.

Still, even when I was thin I still had comedy sized breasts and men thought it was ok to lean out of their window and scream things at me, even when I was 14 and in my school uniform (and clearly 14 and with my school chums, not a stripper...)

Come to think of it, I sometimes despise men.

Some men are despicable.

so are some women.

Blacklance36

The bit about shouted comments, yeah. And I once had a group of young men come up to me and say something very aggresive and sexually graphic to me whilst walking through town with my then 2 year old.

Still, even when I was thin I still had comedy sized breasts and men thought it was ok to lean out of their window and scream things at me, even when I was 14 and in my school uniform (and clearly 14 and with my school chums, not a stripper...)

Come to think of it, I sometimes despise men.

Some men are despicable.

So are some women. Its not just one sex that uses harsh judgemental words.

I have heard woman say about a friend I have that "he's too short to date", what is the difference? All comments like these are cruel.

Elsie_Brownraisin

The bit about shouted comments, yeah. And I once had a group of young men come up to me and say something very aggresive and sexually graphic to me whilst walking through town with my then 2 year old.

Still, even when I was thin I still had comedy sized breasts and men thought it was ok to lean out of their window and scream things at me, even when I was 14 and in my school uniform (and clearly 14 and with my school chums, not a stripper...)

Come to think of it, I sometimes despise men.

Some men are despicable.

so are some women.

Yep, I can think of a few. But on this topic specifically, no woman has ever thought she should, nay, had the right, to verbally abuse me in the street or shout sexually graphic things in front of a toddler.