My boyfriend is obese

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Replies

  • Deipneus
    Deipneus Posts: 1,855 Member
    That was one of the faster OP account deactivations.
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member


    The other country is China

    Hm. Might be an option. I don't like their rulers any more than I do ours, but the men are better looking on average.

    They eat bugs, though. You won't make it.

    So does every processed food eating American. Most just don't know it. I'd just have an easy time keeping my weight down. And my hypothetical husband would have to stock up on plenty of mouthwash for himself! Bug breath. Ew!
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member


    The other country is China

    Hm. Might be an option. I don't like their rulers any more than I do ours, but the men are better looking on average.

    They eat bugs, though. You won't make it.

    So does every processed food eating American. Most just don't know it. I'd just have an easy time keeping my weight down. And my hypothetical husband would have to stock up on plenty of mouthwash for himself! Bug breath. Ew!
    Mmmmmm...he looks like your type. Omnomnom
    eating-insects.jpeg
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member

    Mmmmmm...he looks like your type. Omnomnom
    eating-insects.jpeg

    So glad I wasn't planning on eating again tonight! :laugh:
  • aarnoldmcf
    aarnoldmcf Posts: 41 Member
    Wow, I feel for you. You see someone you love self-destructing right in front of you. A train wreck is ahead and you cannot stop it. I would not share with him the paragraph because that may anger him and push him further in the opposite direction. If his behavior is not compatible to yours, whether it's weight loss, drinking, character traits etc, you will have issues and I would not advise you to consider marriage unless you want to be stressed out on a regular basis.

    What I hear in your words is that you are not happy anymore in the relationship because you feel that you two are no longer compatible. Health and wellness is very important to you and you find it scary to love someone whom you fear you will lose due to lifestyle. If you are becoming a nutritionist, this is your passion and you don't see how you can be happy with someone who has a conflict with your life passion. In other words, someone like Dr. Oz would not be able to stay in a relationship with someone whose passion is cooking for taste and not health, like Paula Dean used to be. No offense to either of them, but they are at two extremes of the spectrum.

    You could see if he would consider being your fitness pal and tell him to eat like he wants to and put it in the journal, just to see what he's currently eating. This has worked for me with friends who did not believe me about poritions and calories. It was eye opening and they were shocked. I told them to eat normally and just track their food for a week. If he is not willing to do this, after you explain and have your heart to heart talk, I see no hope for you two to be happy in your relationship. Maybe he will know you are serious if you tell him you would prefer to be apart than watch him destroy himself. It's a scary movie that you'd prefer to not watch. If he is not ready to change, you cannot change him. All you can do is provide the information and be patient. Some times we get fed up in the process and have to move on.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member

    Mmmmmm...he looks like your type. Omnomnom
    eating-insects.jpeg

    So glad I wasn't planning on eating again tonight! :laugh:

    But is it paleo?
  • Ilikelamps
    Ilikelamps Posts: 482 Member
    Mmmmmm...he looks like your type. Omnomnom
    eating-insects.jpeg

    28J9IKe.gif
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
    I'm quite sure that if I were as young as you and not physically attracted to my partner, I would end the relationship. You also do not admire his values or lifestyle. So, what's the draw?
  • sickofbeinginpain
    sickofbeinginpain Posts: 4
    "Obese" means nothing. "Obese" does not mean not healthy. If he is being unhealthy, talk to him about what he can do to change his health. Don't judge him by the size of his belt.
  • hearthwood
    hearthwood Posts: 794 Member
    People can't change other peoples bad habits. Married or not you'll never change him unless he wants to. You can talk till you're blue in the face, you can threaten him, you can take him to a doctor and try to get him scared straight, but nothing you do or say is going to change him until he wants to change himself.
  • Listeninguponyou
    Listeninguponyou Posts: 507 Member
    Mmmmmm...he looks like your type. Omnomnom
    eating-insects.jpeg

    28J9IKe.gif

    Oh goodness that was the funniest thread posts I have read in a while. I love MFP.

    OP I would vote for a breakup, but you already broke up with MFP.
  • Clauduchinno
    Clauduchinno Posts: 26
    Is CLAUDUCHINNO a Male Or Female??
    The poster says he's Male but the profile says Female from Perth,Wa but in the About Me it says Perth, Western Australia :huh:
    If people are adding this person I would say they would think they were adding a Female by the name & pic, not a Male :indifferent:
    BTW...Only going by His own words of saying he's a "male"

    I am a female...? I was saying in this instance I would've been in the males shoes. Not quite sure what you're getting at love. But thanks for the stalk, it's quite flattering :)
  • Mpol2
    Mpol2 Posts: 442 Member
    Many of us will struggle with our weight all our lives and will have ups and downs. Sometimes we can control it for longer periods more successfully and others less so. We all feel we are less attractive when bigger. If you are actually repulsed by your partner during his up times, you may need to reconsider being together.
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
    You obviously don't love him if you aren't attracted to him and want him to change.

    Here is my story, I recently started back up in a long distance relationship from 7 years ago. It is going well now because we have had time to change and become better people on the inside. In those 7 years, I quit smoking, started therapy and have gone back to running. He still drinks, smokes but has dealt with his depression. He has gained some weight. I love him. He is very self conscious about his weight, but I don't ever pressure him to lose weight or quit smoking. I accept him for who he is and all of his faults. If he wants to change, he will do it himself. He has told me that he has seriously thought about quitting smoking and wants to lose weight. Let me reiterate, I have not said one bad thing about his smoking or weight. He wants to do it on his own. I am attracted to him because he is a good, kind person on the inside. He is loving and caring. That is what is attractive. I accept him for who he is, not what he could be.

    What I am saying is that don't pressure him to lose weight. It will only drive a deeper wedge between you. Eventually, he will grow tired of you constant needling and negativity towards him. If you don't find him attractive, that is your problem. Maybe it is time you reevaluate who you are as a person. He maybe negative and grumpy because whenever he talks to you, you sound like a negative broken record. Who wants to hear that? You need to sit down and have a talk with him about how serious this is. You shouldn't think about future with him if he don't love him fully. What if in the future you get pregnant and gain a ton of weight and he says he doesn't find your attractive and should lose a few pounds? How would you feel? Pretty terrible I would suspect.

    Do some soul searching and when you do talk to him, leave his weight out of the conversation.
  • Hell_Flower
    Hell_Flower Posts: 348 Member
    You cannot save people, you can only love them. And hope that will be enough to set him on the right track.
  • jaclync324
    jaclync324 Posts: 37 Member
    He is not the right man for you or you are not the right woman for him, however you want to say it.

    I have been married for almost 8 years. I have gained 50 pounds after the birth of 2 children. My DH is tall and sexy and when he's in shape, watch out!!!!!!!!! He has never once said anything to me about weight. He has seen me get hugely pregnant and has nursed me back to health after 2 c-sections. He has seen me at my ultimate worse and loved me anyway.

    My first husband was a total *kitten*. I weighed 150 and was 23 on my wedding day. Two days before our wedding he got mad at me for not wanting to go to the gym and said that at least one of us(him) will look good. Again, total *kitten* but not in love with me. He was in love with the idea of love and now that it is all behind me, I believe I never loved him either.

    When it's right you will love that person no matter what. They can gain 100 pounds, they can lose an arm, leg, eye, etc and you will love them forever and ever!
  • darbobo
    darbobo Posts: 53
    OP has deactivated there acct, I guess they did not like the advice....
  • jkwolly
    jkwolly Posts: 3,049 Member
    next time use paragr

    aphs
    Heck

    yes!
  • Icandoityayme
    Icandoityayme Posts: 312 Member
    He isn't going to lose weight if he himself isn't ready to do it no matter how much you encourage or nag or try to set a good example. If anything it will only make him irritated. I know that is how it works with me anyway. He is going to have to have something set him off in his own head to make him want to lose the weight. For me, I knew I needed to get off my butt and do something but wasn't motivated until I saw a picture of myself on the back of a harley. Poor motorcycle. Anyway, I cried when I went to bed and all day the next day and got mad at myself and I have been sticking to what I need to do religiously even on days I don't feel so motivated. It has to be his decision to do it. Nobody else's.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    OP has deactivated there acct, I guess they did not like the advice....

    their
  • skippygirlsmom
    skippygirlsmom Posts: 4,433 Member
    well 3.5 billion of that fish is same gender (assuming she is straight).

    of the remaining 2.5 billion, 1.0 billion are under the age of 18 (assuming she only seeks US legals).

    Of the 1.5 billion, 800 million are already married.

    of the remaining 700 million, 550 million live on other continents.

    of the remaining 150 million, 149 million live in other states.

    of the remaining 1 million, 985000 are registered sex offenders.

    of the remaining 15000, she is related to 14900

    of the last 100, 86 are obese, and the other 14 root for the New York Yankees

    I'll choose from the 14 Yankee fans - love the Yankees
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    well 3.5 billion of that fish is same gender (assuming she is straight).

    of the remaining 2.5 billion, 1.0 billion are under the age of 18 (assuming she only seeks US legals).

    Of the 1.5 billion, 800 million are already married.

    of the remaining 700 million, 550 million live on other continents.

    of the remaining 150 million, 149 million live in other states.

    of the remaining 1 million, 985000 are registered sex offenders.

    of the remaining 15000, she is related to 14900

    of the last 100, 86 are obese, and the other 14 root for the New York Yankees

    I'll choose from the 14 Yankee fans - love the Yankees

    of the 14, 9 are gay

    of the 5, 3 have diseases

    of the 2, one is Alex Rodriguez

    the last guy is a smelly taxi driver.

    good luck
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Hello all,
    I have a serious issue that I have been dealing with for many months now. I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now and I love him very much. Both of us were fit and healthy when we first started dating. I had just lost about 25 pounds a few months before we got together. He was also previously overweight. However, now he has gained almost all his weight back. His BMI puts him in the obese category. I want him to be healthy because I am worried that he isn't taking his health seriously. He let himself go. We are now in a long distance relationship because I am in college pursuing my dream to become a dietitian. We have talked about his weight and he keeps on telling me he will get the weight off. However, he is a truck driver and lives a sedentary lifestyle. He'd rather watch tv and relax instead of going to the gym or doing something active. I don't just mean an hour or so relaxing. It's many hours in a row. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am reaching out to you all because I'm trying to get different opinions. I am no longer sexually attracted to my boyfriend. Intercourse is painful because I just don't get excited anymore. I just have no interest in that area with him because of his weight. I know it sounds bad but it has recently become a major turnoff. I feel uncomfortable taking my clothes off in front of him. I don't know why. I love him and want to marry him someday, but I just don't know what to do now. I've tried everything I can to motivate him to go to the gym, eat healthier, use smaller portions, and drink lots of water. Since I am 400 miles away from him for weeks at a time, I have no idea what he is actually doing. His nutrition knowledge is a minimum. When I try to explain a certain point to him (such as why carbs are important), he tends to argue back with something that his friend told him or diet advertisement. I'm a nutrition major and I feel like he is not paying attention to me or doesn't think I know what I am talking about. Please can someone help me. I don't want to end our relationship over his weight, but I don't know how to boost his motivation.

    Uh, I think you just described myself and ~97% of the rest of America. Few people would actually really rather go sweat and pant it out at the gym than relax and have fun at home. As adults, we have the responsibility to do the things necessary to achieve and sustain good health and weight. The motivation to do that has to come from himself, it can't come from you, sorry. He'll do it when/if he's ready.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Him traveling for work so much does present a problem, though.

    In the interest of encouraging him as much as possible, ask him if he'd be willing to pack food with him when he's on the road working. (It would be a big job to undertake, packing enough food for a few weeks, but it could be done) If he's willing to try that, then suggest he only take a pre-loaded debit card with him on the road for personal expenses with a finite amount of money on it so he's not tempted to stop at fast food joints and diners instead of eating his packed food.
  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
    If you can't love him at his so-called worse, then you don't deserve him. You're a dietician major, great. He's not, so why do you feel that your way is the absolute best? If you can't "deal" or like the way he is living his life and you can't even stomach having sex with a man that's obviously in love with you, then I say let him go and let him find someone that will love him regardless of his obese status. Oh, I suppose you deserve to be happy with someone that loves fitness and is all about eating carbs too.

    This post really put me in a bad mood. Shame on you OP.
  • MexicanOsmosis
    MexicanOsmosis Posts: 382 Member
    If you can't love him at his so-called worse, then you don't deserve him. You're a dietician major, great. He's not, so why do you feel that your way is the absolute best? If you can't "deal" or like the way he is living his life and you can't even stomach having sex with a man that's obviously in love with you, then I say let him go and let him find someone that will love him regardless of his obese status. Oh, I suppose you deserve to be happy with someone that loves fitness and is all about eating carbs too.

    This post really put me in a bad mood. Shame on you OP.

    I was wondering if I was ever going to see a post along these lines. There was some other thread where someone was told by their boyfriend that he didn't find her physically attractive anymore. What came of that? Instant flame fest of said boyfriend who wasn't even able to provide his side of the story, or the tone of how he said it, or how it came up.

    Fast forward to this thread, woman says she's disgusted by her boyfriend, mostly supportive...:grumble:

    Anyway, as a few people have said, talk to HIM, not us. By telling us though, it really sounds like you want to end it already, so just get it over with and end the relationship.

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