How do you tell someone they are too skinny?

numberscolors

i wouldn't want someone (even someone very close to me) to tell me i'm too fat. i mean, i have a mirror and a scale and photographic evidence. if that someone was genuinely concerned about my health and wellbeing and they noticed some things (eating habits, destructive behaviors, withdrawing emotionally, etc...) in addition to my size, i would be more open to hearing their thoughts about my body. but it would still be hurtful.

i think i would feel the same way if i were much thinner.

are you worried about her health? is she exhibiting other signs of illness? is it worth potentially hurting her feelings for the sake of her health? or do you just personally dislike her appearance? how would you feel if someone told you that you looked like a hot mess at ANY size?

MisdemeanorM

I think that it is just as emotionally hurtful for someone to be called skinny as it is to be fat, but I think the difference is that friends you see getting overweight it is usually because they are eating too much food, not exercising etc. I think they generally speaking know that what they are doing is unhealthy and what they need to do to stop.

What IS different is if you had a friend who, say, you knew was overeating with the attempt to gain weight and gain a lot of weight. This could be a sign of something such as sexual abuse (trying to make yourself unattractive to your abuser) etc, and is great cause for concern more than someone you know has just slipped and is eating a lot of junk food. Likewise binging even w/out purging can be an eating disorder and a cause where you might speak up to an overweight friend.

Likewise, the instance of getting too skinny (or possibly too skinny) in this regards is different than commenting on someone being overweight.

A side note, if this person is not close enough to you to be comfortable bringing it up (there are definitely people I would vs wouldn't butt into their lives for - but for family and friends, really, that's what your're there for!), consider asking someone who is close to the person if they are concerned and if they can talk to them. This might seem like passing the buck, but it might not really be your place, whereas it might be theirs, and you can express your concern to this 3rd party in a caring and non-gossipy way and be very honest that you think they would know better if you or they should mention it to her/him.

loveusa

Don't tell anyone they are too skinny. It would contribute to giving them an eating disorder, so it would not be at all helpful or even thoughtful. There are numerous experiments with lab mice that show being under weight lengthens the life of mice. Also many people who have been overweight or never ideally thin as mother nature made us are uncomfortable with a thin body on anyone, so it's best not to pass one one's personal thinking onto others. Let them be. If a doctor makes a comment, it should come from him/her and not anyone else.

DancingYogini

Is this an actual person or is it just a theoretical case? You kind of implied that it was a "what if" kind of situation. Anyway, as someone that grew up skinny and was very self conscious of it, I would say that unless you really feel that someone is suffering from an ED, then I would not go there. And, even then, I would find a way to approach them through extremely gentle means. Now obviously if something were to happen to that person because of the weight loss/disorder, you would feel awful, so it is kind of a Catch 22? But...telling an anorexic that they look too skinny is like feeding a fire, so tread carefully. Even at my highest weight (pregnant) you could alway see my collar bones. My ribs have always shown, as has my spine, and my BMI is in the healthy range. I am built that way. What I don't have is sunken cheeks and dark circles under my eyes, which can be a sign of a nutritional deficiency. I have been called too skinny by people, in front of my kids (specifically my daughter), and it is embarrassing and alarming...I don't want my daughter focusing on weight. Anyway, that is my 2 cents.

I also hate when people say "just eat a (insert food of choice)!" I eat a lot and exercise a lot!!!(sorry that always hits a nerve). End of rant

EmpressB

I'd probably only mention it if I were friends with this person...if we were acquaintances, I wouldn't really say anything unless they asked me how they looked or something, I'd be honest and try to say it casually that "I actually think you looked very good when you were 10 lbs heavier".

If it were a friend, I'd also bring it up in a casual way. If we're friends, I'd rather you be angry at me for a while, and think about it than for me to ignore it and you hurt your health. We can't really make anyone do anything they don't want to, but in terms of friends, I'd say something.

My mom for example, ALWAYS brought up my weight saying she was concerned and I knew it was true but it felt annoying and condescending and I do think she could have done it in a better way, but it did get me thinking. I would be mad for a while but it didn't ruin our relationship and now, I have taken it upon myself to finally lose for good.