Would you be angry and if so, What do you do..?

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Replies

  • kcmcd
    kcmcd Posts: 239 Member
    It's a weird thing to say, but not uncommon.

    I have a friend who had bypass surgery this year. She's lost a significant amount of weight, but she has worked very hard for every pound. It hasn't just melted off, like people seem to believe it does after bypass surgery. The implication is that it's easy, and it's just not.

    But if you feel it was rude for her to comment on you being bigger in the past than she is now... I mean... That's just a fact, isn't it? It doesn't make you more/less valuable, or more/less important, or more/less anything... It's a thing that is. Like the color of your eyes and the size of your feet. The only value it has is the value you give it. The end.
  • itsbasschick
    itsbasschick Posts: 1,584 Member
    To me it was like she was saying how fat I was and made me feel like a huge failure.

    She wasn't saying that... She didn't say you were really fat.... She was talking about herself.

    that's how it sounded to me, too.
  • trisH_7183
    trisH_7183 Posts: 1,486 Member
    You can't let other peoples remarks chew away at you.No one knows what you went thru before surgery,or how hard it can be not to keep gaining after surgery. A simple "thanks,it hasn't been easy"......would work.
  • Rabid_Hamster
    Rabid_Hamster Posts: 338 Member
    your "friend" is misguided and has the wrong attitude. She may as well be Homer Simpson intentionally gaining weight to be on disability.
    Stay the course you're on. There will always be people that will intentionally or unintentionally try to tear you down from your goal because they haven't found it in themselves to do what you are.
  • EleMeleUkulele
    EleMeleUkulele Posts: 59 Member
    I concur with the people who say it was a comment about herself, not you. Many believe that with the GBS the weight just comes off and it's extremely easy, while the reality is different (I've never had one, so I can't speak from experience, but my friend's boyfriend did). I think she was saying "I'm not feeling strong-willed enough to lose weight on my own, I wish for an external resolution for my problem".

    She might be jealous of the weight you've lost, but remember, she can mostly see the results, and not the whole picture. I've had my friends say mean things to me too, and I've said some bad things to them, but our friendship lasted, because we were too important to each other. I guess you have to ask yourself, is your friend important enough for you to forgive her? You can always tell her how hurt you were by that comment, but only you can decide if it's worth the effort.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    People saying silly things can only be made worse by that internal voice that interprets everything as a personal attack. You have control over one of those.

    ^This. What I was rambling on about. lol
  • closertogoal
    closertogoal Posts: 10 Member
    I appreciate all the feedback. It helps a lot. I am just going to let it go and move on.
  • Red_sparkling_Titania
    Red_sparkling_Titania Posts: 485
    I wouldn't be angry. Everyone has different ideas, values and expectations about what they think they, and others should do in a particular set of circumstances and what is expected of friends and how friends talk to each other.
    I think it's sad that you haven't spoken to her about how you feel. Speak to her.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    I'd probably be annoyed with the comment, not necessarily angry though.

    It does sound more like she was talking abut herself...and not necessarily calling you out for being fat (or more fat than her).
  • kristarablue2
    kristarablue2 Posts: 386 Member
    To me it was like she was saying how fat I was and made me feel like a huge failure.

    She wasn't saying that... She didn't say you were really fat.... She was talking about herself.

    I agree actually, she was talking about herself and the fact is, is you were big enough to qualify for the surgery, so what your not there now, I would have qualified as well. But you know what, neither of us are there anymore and surgery or not you worked hard to lose weight and that is awesome. The comment was only about you if you make it about you. I would not have been angry because she wasn't being mean.

    AND...YOU are not a failure if you are because you were heavier than you wanted to be than everyone on here that has lost a lot of weight would be too...really I see a success story and you have done incredibly well...take pride when someone talks about how far you have come because ultimately that is what she was doing.

    What do you do? Maybe educate her on how she can lose weight and that surgery is not magic you still have to do the work. Tell her she can do it too if she decides she wants to make different choices.
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    She probably didn't mean it the way you took it. Lighten up and don't being so sensitive. Life is too short to make up insults and imagine offense at most likely innocuous remarks.

    If it bothers you so much, don't discuss your weight or weightloss with anyone, ever. There ya go, problem solved.
  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 910 Member
    Congratulations on your weight loss. You're certainly not a failure. For your sake and her sake, forgive her and help her get started on MFP or some other option to lose the weight she needs to lose.

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