Help - Parenting Advice
So, I have a 7 year old boy, turning 8 and starting 3rd grade this August. He's a great kid. Good in school, smart, gets sarcasm and has a damn good sense of humor, cuddly, loving and sweet, active in baseball & karate, blah blah blah.
The thing is, he's VERY sensitive. Last night, came in crying that another girl playing outside wouldn't give him back his ball and was being mean (she's a super sweet kid, I think he was just tired). He cried when my boyfriend ate his peanut butter cup. He cries if he even THINKS he's being made fun of even though he's not. For example, I told a story of how he ate an entire zucchini, cause I think it's awesome he eats so good... he cried saying I was making fun of him.
He just... cries a lot (nearly daily) and takes everything very personally. He gets upset VERY easily.
So, psychoanalyze. Is this just something he'll grow out of? How normal is this for a 7/8 year old? Anything I can do? He's an only child and struggles with not always "winning" or "getting his way." He'll cry if he loses in a video game against me LOL He just... cries.
The thing is, he's VERY sensitive. Last night, came in crying that another girl playing outside wouldn't give him back his ball and was being mean (she's a super sweet kid, I think he was just tired). He cried when my boyfriend ate his peanut butter cup. He cries if he even THINKS he's being made fun of even though he's not. For example, I told a story of how he ate an entire zucchini, cause I think it's awesome he eats so good... he cried saying I was making fun of him.
He just... cries a lot (nearly daily) and takes everything very personally. He gets upset VERY easily.
So, psychoanalyze. Is this just something he'll grow out of? How normal is this for a 7/8 year old? Anything I can do? He's an only child and struggles with not always "winning" or "getting his way." He'll cry if he loses in a video game against me LOL He just... cries.
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Three boys. Two went through it, third one (8yo) currently going through it.0
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My dad always said if I cried, he would give me something to really cry about. I am not sure what that means, but maybe you should say that to him. Repeatedly.0
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I could have written this post. I have a 7 year old too. Mine is going into 2nd grade. He cries ALL the time. He most recently cried on the 4th of July. I think it's from an inability to explain himself properly and the frustration that causes. I am so glad you posted this because it makes me feel like it's normal. No one else has ever brought it to my attention so that also makes me feel better. I say he's A OK.
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Tell him to HTFU0
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In to see what input you get. My youngest daughter is the same way. It's a little better after a year of regular therapy visits. But she's still so incredibly sensitive about everything. Hugs, mama. I feel your pain. :ohwell:0
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I have five kids. Sounds perfectly normal. Try to be patient with him. It will pass. And your boyfriend shouldn't be eating his peanut butter cups, that's just wrong.0
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I have five kids. Sounds perfectly normal. Try to be patient with him. It will pass. And your boyfriend shouldn't be eating his peanut butter cups, that's just wrong.
LOL Trust me, he learned his lesson and now often brings him random peanut butter cups as a peace offering 0 -
So, I have a 7 year old boy, turning 8 and starting 3rd grade this August. He's a great kid. Good in school, smart, gets sarcasm and has a damn good sense of humor, cuddly, loving and sweet, active in baseball & karate, blah blah blah.
The thing is, he's VERY sensitive. Last night, came in crying that another girl playing outside wouldn't give him back his ball and was being mean (she's a super sweet kid, I think he was just tired). He cried when my boyfriend ate his peanut butter cup. He cries if he even THINKS he's being made fun of even though he's not. For example, I told a story of how he ate an entire zucchini, cause I think it's awesome he eats so good... he cried saying I was making fun of him.
He just... cries a lot (nearly daily) and takes everything very personally. He gets upset VERY easily.
So, psychoanalyze. Is this just something he'll grow out of? How normal is this for a 7/8 year old? Anything I can do? He's an only child and struggles with not always "winning" or "getting his way." He'll cry if he loses in a video game against me LOL He just... cries.
Okay. I think the first thing that you have to remember is that having a boy who is sensitive isn't a bad thing. It means that he's more compassionate, prone to being a peace maker, he thinks about the consequences of things before he acts, he can deeply feel love from another person, be more responsible, etc. All of those are great qualities in anyone so I think that you should celebrate those. A lot of children lack emotional connections to people and things so it's really awesome that that's not a problem for your child.
I think it's very important for you to celebrate his qualities and support him in how he feels because you don't want him growing up in a home-life that reprimands him for feeling the emotions that he feels. When it comes to sensitive people, when they get yelled at or they're told that the way that they're feeling is stupid or incorrect, they can feel guilt, shame, or sadness more than someone who isn't hyper-sensitive. Positive reinforcement and also slightly more gentle correction, I think, if he were to do something wrong or overreact would be the way to go.
All of that being sad, it's extremely important that with your support you don't smother him and you let him really see the outside world for what it is. So just let him be sometimes independent and encourage him to hang out with his friends from school and go to birthday parties, play sports, whatever it may be that you think would be beneficial for him to "get out there."0 -
I'm feeling much better that this is "normal."
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To be fair, I'd cry if someone ate MY peanut butter cup, too.0
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I have five kids. Sounds perfectly normal. Try to be patient with him. It will pass. And your boyfriend shouldn't be eating his peanut butter cups, that's just wrong.
LOL Trust me, he learned his lesson and now often brings him random peanut butter cups as a peace offering
Maybe he has a peanut allergy. This can cause intermittent crying and feelings of hopelessness.....0 -
I have a 9 year old daughter that does the same thing. She is wonderful in all aspects and a very good kid but she can cry almost if you look at her wrong. I do not have any advice although I am enjoying reading the posts here and glad that I am not alone-lol. I too hope this is something that she will eventually grow out of. I have an older daughter as well who never really went through this. She just kind of toughs things out but when something says something remotely "wrong" to my little one I cringe because I know she is going to start crying. Thanks for posting, maybe I will come across a post with some helpful advice. :-)0
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So, I have a 7 year old boy, turning 8 and starting 3rd grade this August. He's a great kid. Good in school, smart, gets sarcasm and has a damn good sense of humor, cuddly, loving and sweet, active in baseball & karate, blah blah blah.
The thing is, he's VERY sensitive. Last night, came in crying that another girl playing outside wouldn't give him back his ball and was being mean (she's a super sweet kid, I think he was just tired). He cried when my boyfriend ate his peanut butter cup. He cries if he even THINKS he's being made fun of even though he's not. For example, I told a story of how he ate an entire zucchini, cause I think it's awesome he eats so good... he cried saying I was making fun of him.
He just... cries a lot (nearly daily) and takes everything very personally. He gets upset VERY easily.
So, psychoanalyze. Is this just something he'll grow out of? How normal is this for a 7/8 year old? Anything I can do? He's an only child and struggles with not always "winning" or "getting his way." He'll cry if he loses in a video game against me LOL He just... cries.
Okay. I think the first thing that you have to remember is that having a boy who is sensitive isn't a bad thing. It means that he's more compassionate, prone to being a peace maker, he thinks about the consequences of things before he acts, he can deeply feel love from another person, be more responsible, etc. All of those are great qualities in anyone so I think that you should celebrate those. A lot of children lack emotional connections to people and things so it's really awesome that that's not a problem for your child.
I think it's very important for you to celebrate his qualities and support him in how he feels because you don't want him growing up in a home-life that reprimands him for feeling the emotions that he feels. When it comes to sensitive people, when they get yelled at or they're told that the way that they're feeling is stupid or incorrect, they can feel guilt, shame, or sadness more than someone who isn't hyper-sensitive. Positive reinforcement and also slightly more gentle correction, I think, if he were to do something wrong or overreact would be the way to go.
All of that being sad, it's extremely important that with your support you don't smother him and you don't let him really see the outside world for what it is. So just let him be sometimes independent and encourage him to hang out with his friends from school and go to birthday parties, play sports, whatever it may be that you think would be beneficial for him to "get out there."
I am a little bit of a coddler... and sensitive myself. So it can be a challenge to not overly compensate with "Oh baby, I'm so sorry I won Mario Kart, it won't happen again." LOL
Totally agree with what you said, though. I love that he's not some unfeeling bully, and that he is my little nugget of emotion. He's the kid that will play with my hair or rub my neck if I had a bad day... that's just gold.0 -
My Kids learned at a very early age to hide candy from dad!
as far as crying he will grow out of it , that's his way of getting what he wants , this will fade when it doesn't work. its better than my nephew who would hit other kids to get what he wanted ..0 -
No real advice to give but to listen patiently. My step son was 13 when I met his Dad and is 21 now. He has alway been sensitive since I've known him. But I'll say it is wonderful to see they way he treats others. He is sensitive to thier feelings and has a great respect for women. Good luck!0
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I think most kids go through some sort of phase like that. I know when my son did I would just look at him and ask him why he was crying...most of the time he didn't even know.
Now...when he started crying when he got older (around 11-12), I told him he had no reason to cry, but if he wanted one, I would be happy to give him a reason to cry. Then I ate his Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Both of them. Right in front of him. AND drank his milk. He still cries when he thinks about it and he'll be 20 next month.0 -
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I am a little bit of a coddler... and sensitive myself. So it can be a challenge to not overly compensate with "Oh baby, I'm so sorry I won Mario Kart, it won't happen again." LOL
Totally agree with what you said, though. I love that he's not some unfeeling bully, and that he is my little nugget of emotion. He's the kid that will play with my hair or rub my neck if I had a bad day... that's just gold.
Lol I hear you, I think if you play something like that with him again and you beat him and he starts crying, I think I would say something like, "I'm sorry you lost, honey, but it's alright, it's just a game. Maybe you'll beat me next time." I think that would be alright because you're giving him support but also expressing that hell, that's just life sometimes.0 -
You could try the route my father did with me....
"Stop the damn crying and suck it up, you little b**ch!"
Worked fine and now I'm a well adjusted member of society.
*sniff*
Can I get a hug?0 -
I think most kids go through some sort of phase like that. I know when my son did I would just look at him and ask him why he was crying...most of the time he didn't even know.
Now...when he started crying when he got older (around 11-12), I told him he had no reason to cry, but if he wanted one, I would be happy to give him a reason to cry. Then I ate his Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Both of them. Right in front of him. AND drank his milk. He still cries when he thinks about it and he'll be 20 next month.
I love you so hard dude LOL0 -
You could try the route my father did with me....
"Stop the damn crying and suck it up, you little b**ch!"
Worked fine and now I'm a well adjusted member of society.
*sniff*
Can I get a hug?
There There, honey...
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I am a little bit of a coddler... and sensitive myself. So it can be a challenge to not overly compensate with "Oh baby, I'm so sorry I won Mario Kart, it won't happen again." LOL
Totally agree with what you said, though. I love that he's not some unfeeling bully, and that he is my little nugget of emotion. He's the kid that will play with my hair or rub my neck if I had a bad day... that's just gold.
Lol I hear you, I think if you play something like that with him again and you beat him and he starts crying, I think I would say something like, "I'm sorry you lost, honey, but it's alright, it's just a game. Maybe you'll beat me next time." I think that would be alright because you're giving him support but also expressing that hell, that's just life sometimes.
Agreed. I'm not a fan of "everyone gets a trophy" or "no one ever loses." That's real life... welcome to it :sad:0 -
I have girls so I don't know how relevant my advice is, but my instinct is that it's just a phase.
But then again, there maybe something more going on like some major changes that is causing an emotional disturbance. I was prone to spontaneous bouts of crying when I first started school. However, my father had passed away when I was three, and my mother suspects that going to school was when I really began to realize and come to terms that I would be growing up without him and that the other kids all had their dads.
My suggestion is to talk to him. Pry a little and see if something in particular is upsetting him. If, while talking to him, nothing in particular stands out as a reason for his moodiness, then maybe just offer him some reassurances that he can talk to you about anything anytime he needs to, and just wait for him to outgrow it. If he cries a lot at school, I'm sure his classmates will provide the negative reinforcement needed to make him stop.0 -
It does sound very normal. My 3rd child just turned 11 and he still gets weepy over what I see as little things. My older two have gone through bits of it, too.
I think a big part of the solution is realizing that children don't have the logical reasoning skills that adults do, so it's a lot harder for them to think through situations and stay calm. A lot of that just comes as they grow and mature. (You are spot on that kids are more likely to melt down when they are tired - or hungry!)
In the mean time, I would strongly suggest that you avoid shaming him. Validate how he is feeling without giving too much attention to the whining/crying (saying "I can see you're upset because ____" is a good way). Then try to help him reason through the situation. Start by modeling: "I can see you're upset because you thought I was making fun of you about the zucchini. Let's think about it. We know that vegetables are good for us and yummy, so is there anything wrong with eating veggies? Of course not! How do you think I feel when you eat good foods? Happy, that's right. So maybe I wasn't making fun on you, but was telling them I thought it was great." Over time you can help structure the thought process and let him do more of the thinking on his own.
You can also help him think of other ways to solve a problem than crying.
But again, remember to give it time! His brain has quite a bit of development before he will become independent at managing his emotions!0 -
Its all a part of growing up.. just needs help to deal with certain situationsas far as crying he will grow out of it , that's his way of getting what he wants , this will fade when it doesn't work. its better than my nephew who would hit other kids to get what he wanted ..
this is not a "crying to get what he wants" in my case. it's a hopeless "I can't do this right" or "I don't have any friends" crying, even though neither case is actually true.0 -
I think most kids go through some sort of phase like that. I know when my son did I would just look at him and ask him why he was crying...most of the time he didn't even know.
Now...when he started crying when he got older (around 11-12), I told him he had no reason to cry, but if he wanted one, I would be happy to give him a reason to cry. Then I ate his Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Both of them. Right in front of him. AND drank his milk. He still cries when he thinks about it and he'll be 20 next month.
I love you so hard dude LOL
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I used to cry when my brothers took my stuff, then I got bigger and found out how much fun it was to make THEM cry :devil:0
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would you be worried if he was a little girl doing exactly the same thing?
people expect boys not to cry, but boys and girls are both humans and humans are sensitive, and children are more sensitive than adults. There is a higher suicide rate among young men than young women, and part of that is thought to be that men find it harder to express their emotions, because so many were brought up with "boys don't cry" - both genders need to learn healthy ways to express their emotions and also how to ask for help when they feel they can't cope with something.
if the answer is "yes I'd be just as worried" then it probably is a problem and he needs to learn other ways to deal with upset, frustration etc. Some kids are overly sensitive, and this (as someone said) is a good thing, but they can't go through life crying at every little thing. When my daughter (who's the same age) cries over something trivial, I ask her what she thinks the worst thing that's going to happen because of it is... sometimes she can answer me, and we can talk about if it's likely to happen or not. Other times the question makes her realise that it's no big deal. I also encourage her to express her feelings in words, so when she is upset of frustrated, she can say "I feel upset because..." "I feel frustrated because..." then she can explain the problem and we can work towards a solution, or if it's something that can't be fixed, just acknowledging how they feel can really help...
The book "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" has really helped me with my kids... a friend of mine on this site recommended it and it is full of good advice for dealing with kids emotions and helping them to respond to problems in a more mature and productive way.0
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