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Awesome advice all over the map, friends. Much appreciated. Sometimes I find myself wanting coddle, other times get frustrated and want to roll my eyes, other times we have a good talk, blah blah blah... I'm by no means the world's best parent and appreciate the input. I need to get more consistent in my behavior depending on what the crying is all about. Sometimes it's legit, sometimes it's to manipulate me, sometimes he's just tired...
But at least I feel reassured that it is pretty normal at this age.0 -
Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.
I have never "taken a fall" with my son in anything, I have eased up a bit and would often let him re-do a move after pointing out way it wasn't the best choice (mainly games like chess), but when he won, he earned it.
Having said that, he has been known to walk away from the video game controller once or twice to grab a snack while I tried to catch up to him when he living at home. He said that being 75 points in the lead in the first half of Madden Football made him hungry.0 -
OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It sounds like your frustrated because the problem isn't fixing itself. He's probably naturally a sensitive kid which is ok, sometimes.
Hopefully you're showing love and compassion when he has a genuine reason to cry and you're telling him to stop being a sissy when he cries because his favorite pair of socks aren't clean.
Sorry, I was raised in the South, we don't put up with pansy BS!
I'll list below the reasons I told my son he is allowed to cry on the day he came out of the womb (literally he was only a few hours old when I laid down the law):
1. You're hungry
2. You're injured
3. You've pooped or peed your pants.
4. You can't see the UGA game from where you're sitting.
BAM! Well adjusted kid.0 -
My oldest is the same age and....just is coming out of this phase. My middle boy? 6, and just hitting it. Some seem to handle it better than others, but I think it is a pretty normal part of this age.0
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My dad always said if I cried, he would give me something to really cry about. I am not sure what that means, but maybe you should say that to him. Repeatedly.
...or maybe not.0 -
OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It sounds like your frustrated because the problem isn't fixing itself. He's probably naturally a sensitive kid which is ok, sometimes.
Hopefully you're showing love and compassion when he has a genuine reason to cry and you're telling him to stop being a sissy when he cries because his favorite pair of socks aren't clean.
Sorry, I was raised in the South, we don't put up with pansy BS!
I'll list below the reasons I told my son he is allowed to cry on the day he came out of the womb (literally he was only a few hours old when I laid down the law):
1. You're hungry
2. You're injured
3. You've pooped or peed your pants.
4. You can't see the UGA game from where you're sitting.
BAM! Well adjusted kid.
School has a rule of the three B's... Unless there's Barfing, Bleeding, or Burning, don't whine or cry. LOL0 -
My dad always said if I cried, he would give me something to really cry about. I am not sure what that means, but maybe you should say that to him. Repeatedly.
...or maybe not.
...or maybe so. If the kid is crying because he's being a brat then maybe he does need a better reason to be crying.0 -
My son went through a phase like this. He also went through a I just want to destroy everything in my sight phase. People handle their emotions differently you just have to make sure that he is expressing them in a way he doesn't harm himself or others.0
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OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It really just depends on the situation...
He got hit in the face by a basketball one day... hard. Face immediately puffed up and was bruised the next day. He was crying, of course, and I sat down with him and gave kisses and hugs with an ice-pack and told him he'd be ok, etc. In less than 5 minutes he was calmed down and ran back out to play basketball again with a big smile on his face. The guys at this house/picnic thing, told me I was "coddling" him and shouldn't have done that or he'll grow up to be a "sissy." That pissed me off. I'll be damned if my kid gets hurt and I'm not allowed to coddle him. They can bite me.
Now, for crying when I won at the video game? No. That was a turn off the game moment. I won't stand for whining over a game.
Crying because I won't let him have a candy bar? Suck it up. You will not manipulate me and throw a tantrum when mom says no. (OK, he has a few times, but I try to never cave at that kind of BS). Generally, I just won't respond to that other than to reiterate No and my reasoning if applicable.
Crying because my man ate his Peanut Butter Cup after I told him he couldn't have it before bed? Legit. Hugs and love. Don't eat my kid's PB Cup, man, that's serious business. (You heard me, IPA *LOL*).
Really... it just depends on the situation.0 -
I've got three boys, my oldest is 6 and does the exact same thing, it drives my husband and I crazy.0
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OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It sounds like your frustrated because the problem isn't fixing itself. He's probably naturally a sensitive kid which is ok, sometimes.
Hopefully you're showing love and compassion when he has a genuine reason to cry and you're telling him to stop being a sissy when he cries because his favorite pair of socks aren't clean.
Sorry, I was raised in the South, we don't put up with pansy BS!
I'll list below the reasons I told my son he is allowed to cry on the day he came out of the womb (literally he was only a few hours old when I laid down the law):
1. You're hungry
2. You're injured
3. You've pooped or peed your pants.
4. You can't see the UGA game from where you're sitting.
BAM! Well adjusted kid.
School has a rule of the three B's... Unless there's Barfing, Bleeding, or Burning, don't whine or cry. LOL
I always ask "are you hurt, or are you injured"0 -
Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.
I have never "taken a fall" with my son in anything, I have eased up a bit and would often let him re-do a move after pointing out way it wasn't the best choice (mainly games like chess), but when he won, he earned it.
Having said that, he has been known to walk away from the video game controller once or twice to grab a snack while I tried to catch up to him when he living at home. He said that being 75 points in the lead in the first half of Madden Football made him hungry.
I'm only talking about an occassional fall when I thought they were about to give up. I didn't want them to learn to fear challenges. You would be amazed how inspiring 1 victory out of 20 can be. They would say "I won once, I can do it again" and keep trying. Eventually, they did become a challenge for me.
I can say, today, that I have proudly raised a masterful gamer! :happy:
Of course, I'm still working on the younger one, but her older sister hogs the gaming systems to herself.0 -
Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.
I have never "taken a fall" with my son in anything, I have eased up a bit and would often let him re-do a move after pointing out way it wasn't the best choice (mainly games like chess), but when he won, he earned it.
Having said that, he has been known to walk away from the video game controller once or twice to grab a snack while I tried to catch up to him when he living at home. He said that being 75 points in the lead in the first half of Madden Football made him hungry.
I'm only talking about an occassional fall when I thought they were about to give up. I didn't want them to learn to fear challenges. You would be amazed how inspiring 1 victory out of 20 can be. They would say "I won once, I can do it again" and keep trying. Eventually, they did become a challenge for me.
I can say, today, that I have proudly raised a masterful gamer! :happy:
Of course, I'm still working on the younger one, but her older sister hogs the gaming systems to herself.
I definitely take the fall sometimes. *shrug* I don't see it as that big of a deal, but to each their own.0 -
My son is bipolar and has some sensory processing issues. He has always been ultra sensitive. My stepson is a few months older than your kid and doesn't have any "issues" and mostly cries when he gets in trouble.
So, in other words, I don't know if it's normal or not. I don't have a lot of tolerance for overreacting, but I don't know how to fix it. I think it is important to teach them appropriate responses for challenging situations (talking it out, objective reasoning, etc), especially as they get older, but I don't think you can force them to do it.
Maybe praise him when he talks out his problem or asks for clarification if he is feeling upset or offended, and when he cries about stuff, walk him through the appropriate response to try next time?0 -
Maybe praise him when he talks out his problem or asks for clarification if he is feeling upset or offended, and when he cries about stuff, walk him through the appropriate response to try next time?
I do this a lot with my youngest who has Asperger's. Frustration often gets the better of her, and I have to talk her through it for her to become calm.0 -
Okay... about the video gaming. Admittedly, I would take a fall from time to time just so my kids would feel like they stood a chance against an adult. You really don't want them to give up a favorite activity just because it's too challenging for them. I mean, they are kids. We are adults. We are much more masterful at hand-to-eye coordination and problem-solving. That being said, I never let them know I was taking a fall, and either they would improve and rise to my level, or they would figure it out and call me on it and force me to challenge them more.
I have never "taken a fall" with my son in anything, I have eased up a bit and would often let him re-do a move after pointing out way it wasn't the best choice (mainly games like chess), but when he won, he earned it.
Having said that, he has been known to walk away from the video game controller once or twice to grab a snack while I tried to catch up to him when he living at home. He said that being 75 points in the lead in the first half of Madden Football made him hungry.
I'm only talking about an occassional fall when I thought they were about to give up. I didn't want them to learn to fear challenges. You would be amazed how inspiring 1 victory out of 20 can be. They would say "I won once, I can do it again" and keep trying. Eventually, they did become a challenge for me.
I can say, today, that I have proudly raised a masterful gamer! :happy:
Of course, I'm still working on the younger one, but her older sister hogs the gaming systems to herself.
I definitely take the fall sometimes. *shrug* I don't see it as that big of a deal, but to each their own.
It all boils down to the parent and the child. I was taught board games by my grandpa and mom...both ruthless when it comes to winning. Grandpa used to have an incentive of $10 for every king you could get in checkers...this extended to his kids and his grandchildren...not once that he was alive did I ever know him to pay out.
My wife and my son can both STOMP me at almost any video game out there, especially all the COD and Army of 2 type games. I usually end up sitting and spinning staring at the sky. Halo? Well, let's just say I became the butt of many jokes with that game. I have to keep my dignity somehow, so I chose to kill them at board games.0 -
OP, what are your responses to his crying? You posted what the issue is but you didn't post how you are currently approaching it? There are always good reasons for anyone to cry and then there is crying to get your way. When he cries does he get his way? Are you a "participation ribbon" type parent who's not teaching him that losing is every bit as important as winning?
It really just depends on the situation...
He got hit in the face by a basketball one day... hard. Face immediately puffed up and was bruised the next day. He was crying, of course, and I sat down with him and gave kisses and hugs with an ice-pack and told him he'd be ok, etc. In less than 5 minutes he was calmed down and ran back out to play basketball again with a big smile on his face. The guys at this house/picnic thing, told me I was "coddling" him and shouldn't have done that or he'll grow up to be a "sissy." That pissed me off. I'll be damned if my kid gets hurt and I'm not allowed to coddle him. They can bite me.
Now, for crying when I won at the video game? No. That was a turn off the game moment. I won't stand for whining over a game.
Crying because I won't let him have a candy bar? Suck it up. You will not manipulate me and throw a tantrum when mom says no. (OK, he has a few times, but I try to never cave at that kind of BS). Generally, I just won't respond to that other than to reiterate No and my reasoning if applicable.
Crying because my man ate his Peanut Butter Cup after I told him he couldn't have it before bed? Legit. Hugs and love. Don't eat my kid's PB Cup, man, that's serious business. (You heard me, IPA *LOL*).
Really... it just depends on the situation.
It definitely sounds like you've got a good handle on how to deal with the crying ... appropriate for the situation! (I would have gone all mama-bear over the jerks saying you shouldn't "coddle" him after getting hurt, and probably would have really scolded my guy for eating something that was supposed to be for my child). Just stick with it :flowerforyou:0 -
I have a boy that age who is going through about the same thing only a little more angry from the sounds of it. Another child touching his cup can send him off in a fit of rage with him screaming that everyone hates him. It's very frustrating. His older brother never did this, but he is not very emotional at all and never has been even as a baby. I think it is very common and I just hope they outgrow this phase.0
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It definitely sounds like you've got a good handle on how to deal with the crying ... appropriate for the situation! (I would have gone all mama-bear over the jerks saying you shouldn't "coddle" him after getting hurt, and probably would have really scolded my guy for eating something that was supposed to be for my child). Just stick with it :flowerforyou:
Thanks
And the guys that were offering their sh*tty advice and said I was raising a sissy? They never dared to offer parenting advice (they're not parents either) to me again after I spoke my peace. I also received an apology card and flowers from one of them the following day.
Nobody pokes mama bear!0 -
Four boys. Two of them have been through this so far. The other two are still young but I expect them to go through it too. Drives me nuts! I just think that boys have that super competitive "Me, Man!" thing that they need to work through.
Disclaimer: I'm not much of a coddler. Bad attitude = You don't play. They get it pretty fast.0
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