people on here really struggling

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arose928
arose928 Posts: 31 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
How do you people on here who are really struggling deal with the negative comments from your spouses? Does it make you commit yourself more, or does it make your fall back to your old ways? I'm struggling to achieve my weight loss goal. I've been off and on this site for a couple years.. a total of 30 pounds down but at a 5' frame I have a definite 25 more to go. I had a baby at 38, so the weight isnt coming off as it did when in my 20's. I have had one bad knee since I was a kid and I used to swim alot so it aches here and there. My husband seems to think that my frame wasnt made to hold up all the extra weight I'm carrying. Theres a possibility there but do I really need to here it. Fat people dont need all the extra reminders right? We Know!!
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Replies

  • aubtimusprime
    aubtimusprime Posts: 35 Member
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    My spouse doesn't make negative comments about my weight... I'm not sure he'd be my spouse if he did!
  • ksy1969
    ksy1969 Posts: 700 Member
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    I made a negative comment once to my wife about weight in the 20+ years we have been together. It was when we were first married and I was drunk. I still pay for that comment once in awhile :bigsmile:
  • blueboxgeek
    blueboxgeek Posts: 574 Member
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    My spouse doesn't make negative comments about my weight... I'm not sure he'd be my spouse if he did!

    Yeah this!

    I mean sure he is entitled to prefer you (physically) with a slimmer build and sure it's great for him to encourage you and give you support. But negative comments? I'd be getting fit by kicking his butt!!
  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
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    My husband seems to think that my frame wasnt made to hold up all the extra weight I'm carrying.

    I don't want to get into a pi$$ing contest in terms of spousal communication, especially because I don't know the attitude, tone, or context in which your husband made that statement. However, if your doctor had told you the same thing would it upset you?
  • melindabrock
    melindabrock Posts: 91 Member
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    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    The comments used to bother me, mostly because they were true. But once I put my money where my mouth was those comments stopped.

    We split anyway, but for different reasons.
  • asdfffffffffff3
    asdfffffffffff3 Posts: 9
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    If you do it long enough, they will get used to it. Keep trying.
  • arose928
    arose928 Posts: 31 Member
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    no he is right, my frame isnt made to hold up the XTRA but my problem is internally dealing with the comments. I dont kill him when he busts my blls, it just doesnt make me better, on the sidelines it makes me revert back to the fridge in spite, and I get the blue bottom blues.
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
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    Funny Last night I had a long talk with my wife due to a phrase she posted of Facebook. The people in your life who are the hardest on you are the one who care most about you.

    I have been on her for quite a while about eating healthy and working out. To her credit she has tried, but won't commit to pushing herself.

    She had a mild heart attack a while back and lost like 20lbs in a few months, since then has only dropped 2 lbs.

    I told her my son and I have concerns about what she is doing. Only working out every now and then is worse than doing nothing at all.

    Time to **** or get off the pot!
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    When you love somebody, clearly you don't want them to be unhealthy.

    But there is (at least as I see it) a constructive and loving way to bring up this discussion.

    And a crass, cold, borderline abusive way to bring it up.

    If your partner has chosen the crass way, sit them down and explain it's unacceptable and painful. If they continue you really need to think about things.
  • CleanUpWhatIMessedUp
    CleanUpWhatIMessedUp Posts: 206 Member
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    You need to talk to your spouse and tell them that the negative comments hurt you, otherwise, how will they know that what they said is making you sad if you don't tell them. They are not a mind reader. In their head, they could view it as being helpfully critical, but you don't see it that way and you need to let them know that. Now if it persists after that, then you have a problem, because they are obviously not respecting you and don't care that they are hurting you.
  • poedunk65
    poedunk65 Posts: 1,336 Member
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    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
    He is only enabling you. when you get older the weight becomes a financial issue not only a health issue.

    Try looking up a 55 year old on healthcare.gov and see how much this cheap healthcare really costs.
  • Chain_Ring
    Chain_Ring Posts: 753 Member
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    your spouse is a DB. No, seriously....................
  • KelGen02
    KelGen02 Posts: 668 Member
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    My husband is the complete opposite. He gets angry when i put myself down or call myself fat. He loves me for who I am not what i look like. He desires me now just as much as he did 50lbs ago. I joke with him all the time that it's his fault that I am so fat because he doesn't care, but I know that I am blessed with a man who loves me unconditionally. Weight loss it hard enough... having your biggest supporter be negative about it doesn't help. I would tell him how this makes you feel and explain to him how important his support means to you.

    Good luck!
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...

    Lol.
  • laurie04427
    laurie04427 Posts: 421 Member
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    My spouse is supportive to a comical degree. I mentioned I was afraid I'd end up bony at the end because I'm lazy with the weight training and he said he's looking forward to counting ribs etc.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    get the weight off for yourself. I bet he will be really nice afraid that he will lose you when you look all great! I think it is easy to take people for granted and not watch what you say but not excusing it, it will just wake him up when you look all hot and he knows you can very well have someone else!
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
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    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...

    Supportive no matter what .. hmm. I guess it matters how you define supportive and "negative comment". It's a tough call and a fine line to walk. If your spouse is edging into morbidly obese territory, you can't be supportive of that happening. Expressing concern about weight and health impacts, and offering to help them change is both supportive and positive.

    It's not the actual message, it's how you present it. There's a world of difference between "God, you're stretching right out of that dress, do somethign for god's sake" and "hey babe, I'm becoming concerned for your weight and health, do you think we can reevaluate how we shop and eat? and would you like to take a walk with me after dinner?"
  • KelGen02
    KelGen02 Posts: 668 Member
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    Funny Last night I had a long talk with my wife due to a phrase she posted of Facebook. The people in your life who are the hardest on you are the one who care most about you.

    I have been on her for quite a while about eating healthy and working out. To her credit she has tried, but won't commit to pushing herself.

    She had a mild heart attack a while back and lost like 20lbs in a few months, since then has only dropped 2 lbs.

    I told her my son and I have concerns about what she is doing. Only working out every now and then is worse than doing nothing at all.

    Time to **** or get off the pot!

    I think this is great.. you weren't being mean you were communicating with her about your concerns... this is different than being mean about it or making fat jokes. I see soo many men who make jokes about their wives weight but don't sit down and talk to them about their true concerns... there is a big difference in being concerned about your wife's healthy than there is being an *kitten* who is just worried about what your buddies think about your wife's weight.

    I commend you for being honest with her!

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