people on here really struggling
arose928
Posts: 31 Member
How do you people on here who are really struggling deal with the negative comments from your spouses? Does it make you commit yourself more, or does it make your fall back to your old ways? I'm struggling to achieve my weight loss goal. I've been off and on this site for a couple years.. a total of 30 pounds down but at a 5' frame I have a definite 25 more to go. I had a baby at 38, so the weight isnt coming off as it did when in my 20's. I have had one bad knee since I was a kid and I used to swim alot so it aches here and there. My husband seems to think that my frame wasnt made to hold up all the extra weight I'm carrying. Theres a possibility there but do I really need to here it. Fat people dont need all the extra reminders right? We Know!!
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My spouse doesn't make negative comments about my weight... I'm not sure he'd be my spouse if he did!0
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I made a negative comment once to my wife about weight in the 20+ years we have been together. It was when we were first married and I was drunk. I still pay for that comment once in awhile :bigsmile:0
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My spouse doesn't make negative comments about my weight... I'm not sure he'd be my spouse if he did!
Yeah this!
I mean sure he is entitled to prefer you (physically) with a slimmer build and sure it's great for him to encourage you and give you support. But negative comments? I'd be getting fit by kicking his butt!!0 -
My husband seems to think that my frame wasnt made to hold up all the extra weight I'm carrying.
I don't want to get into a pi$$ing contest in terms of spousal communication, especially because I don't know the attitude, tone, or context in which your husband made that statement. However, if your doctor had told you the same thing would it upset you?0 -
First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...0
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The comments used to bother me, mostly because they were true. But once I put my money where my mouth was those comments stopped.
We split anyway, but for different reasons.0 -
If you do it long enough, they will get used to it. Keep trying.0
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no he is right, my frame isnt made to hold up the XTRA but my problem is internally dealing with the comments. I dont kill him when he busts my blls, it just doesnt make me better, on the sidelines it makes me revert back to the fridge in spite, and I get the blue bottom blues.0
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Funny Last night I had a long talk with my wife due to a phrase she posted of Facebook. The people in your life who are the hardest on you are the one who care most about you.
I have been on her for quite a while about eating healthy and working out. To her credit she has tried, but won't commit to pushing herself.
She had a mild heart attack a while back and lost like 20lbs in a few months, since then has only dropped 2 lbs.
I told her my son and I have concerns about what she is doing. Only working out every now and then is worse than doing nothing at all.
Time to **** or get off the pot!0 -
When you love somebody, clearly you don't want them to be unhealthy.
But there is (at least as I see it) a constructive and loving way to bring up this discussion.
And a crass, cold, borderline abusive way to bring it up.
If your partner has chosen the crass way, sit them down and explain it's unacceptable and painful. If they continue you really need to think about things.0 -
You need to talk to your spouse and tell them that the negative comments hurt you, otherwise, how will they know that what they said is making you sad if you don't tell them. They are not a mind reader. In their head, they could view it as being helpfully critical, but you don't see it that way and you need to let them know that. Now if it persists after that, then you have a problem, because they are obviously not respecting you and don't care that they are hurting you.0
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He is only enabling you. when you get older the weight becomes a financial issue not only a health issue.First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
Try looking up a 55 year old on healthcare.gov and see how much this cheap healthcare really costs.0 -
your spouse is a DB. No, seriously....................0
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My husband is the complete opposite. He gets angry when i put myself down or call myself fat. He loves me for who I am not what i look like. He desires me now just as much as he did 50lbs ago. I joke with him all the time that it's his fault that I am so fat because he doesn't care, but I know that I am blessed with a man who loves me unconditionally. Weight loss it hard enough... having your biggest supporter be negative about it doesn't help. I would tell him how this makes you feel and explain to him how important his support means to you.
Good luck!0 -
First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
Lol.0 -
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My spouse is supportive to a comical degree. I mentioned I was afraid I'd end up bony at the end because I'm lazy with the weight training and he said he's looking forward to counting ribs etc.0
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get the weight off for yourself. I bet he will be really nice afraid that he will lose you when you look all great! I think it is easy to take people for granted and not watch what you say but not excusing it, it will just wake him up when you look all hot and he knows you can very well have someone else!0
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First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
Supportive no matter what .. hmm. I guess it matters how you define supportive and "negative comment". It's a tough call and a fine line to walk. If your spouse is edging into morbidly obese territory, you can't be supportive of that happening. Expressing concern about weight and health impacts, and offering to help them change is both supportive and positive.
It's not the actual message, it's how you present it. There's a world of difference between "God, you're stretching right out of that dress, do somethign for god's sake" and "hey babe, I'm becoming concerned for your weight and health, do you think we can reevaluate how we shop and eat? and would you like to take a walk with me after dinner?"0 -
Funny Last night I had a long talk with my wife due to a phrase she posted of Facebook. The people in your life who are the hardest on you are the one who care most about you.
I have been on her for quite a while about eating healthy and working out. To her credit she has tried, but won't commit to pushing herself.
She had a mild heart attack a while back and lost like 20lbs in a few months, since then has only dropped 2 lbs.
I told her my son and I have concerns about what she is doing. Only working out every now and then is worse than doing nothing at all.
Time to **** or get off the pot!
I think this is great.. you weren't being mean you were communicating with her about your concerns... this is different than being mean about it or making fat jokes. I see soo many men who make jokes about their wives weight but don't sit down and talk to them about their true concerns... there is a big difference in being concerned about your wife's healthy than there is being an *kitten* who is just worried about what your buddies think about your wife's weight.
I commend you for being honest with her!0 -
My spouse doesn't make negative comments about my weight... I'm not sure he'd be my spouse if he did!
Right! While he may still be my spouse... he would be in the doghouse for a very long time...0 -
My husband has been supportive and loves me regardless of my size, but we have talked about our concerns over health, especially if we want to have children in the next few years or so. There are ways to go about having a constructive conversation about weight loss and changing to a healthier lifestyle without feeling like someone is putting you down. Tell him how you feel and try to explain that finding another way to talk about it, or even trying to make some of these changes together, can be much more motivating. Trying out new healthy recipes as a date night or going out to a farmers market can be fun and engage him in another way.
Also, the MFP community is here to help with any additional support that you might want! I find ready these posts that I can really get a lot of motivation and positivity from this online community as well. I hope this helps- and good luck with your continued weight loss journey!0 -
First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
I don't know about that... I wouldn't want my husband to be supportive of me if I started drinking, smoking, or driving wrecklessly...0 -
My husband is super supportive, even it it's just a pound or two.0
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First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
I don't know about that... I wouldn't want my husband to be supportive of me if I started drinking, smoking, or driving wrecklessly...
Wait .. Wreckless driving is a good thing ..
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Dear Arose, let me first of all congratulate you on even making the efforts toward doing what is good for you. I would not like to comment on your spouse because I don't know his personality or if he thinks that it would be "motivating" to you. I would have a very kind talk with him about how it affects you and "kindly, softly" let him know what could be some motivating factors for you. HOWEVER, I found that this has to be an inside job...I had to get to the point that no matter what any one said, even when I would read "morbid obese" on Doctor's reports, I would want to cry, but then I would suck it out, admit to the truth and get back in the game. I stop letting stuff knock me off the horse. I am doing this while recovering from a massive shoulder reconstruction, damaged discs in back and neck, went from being physically active to a "challenged/disabled" life style walking with cane and awaiting another surgery. I just share this with you with hopes that it would encourage you that no matter what the odds, when you have made up in your mind, that this is "FOR YOU" nothing/nobody will stop you from going forward. Find out what foods and what works for you and never quit. Lastly, I have a quote on my wall beside the fridge that says "LIFE isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - It's about learning to dance in rain".....good luck...blessings to you.0
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WOW just WOW. Some of you people have serious issues. He wasn't being negative in her weight he was just pointing out a POSSABILITY in why her knee is bothering her. If you can't be truthful with your spouse your relationship has problems.0
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My husband seems to think that my frame wasnt made to hold up all the extra weight I'm carrying.
I don't want to get into a pi$$ing contest in terms of spousal communication, especially because I don't know the attitude, tone, or context in which your husband made that statement. However, if your doctor had told you the same thing would it upset you?
My sentiments exactly.
Prove him wrong, is it going to be easy not at all. I have the same problem, but I am getting there slowly and it is very interesting to see his reaction when I walk in the room - its comical - since my weight loss now is very noticeable. I just smile to myself and continue on towards my long term goal.0 -
My hubby never really cared about my weight. It's when people around us started dying of Diabetes and Heart Disease that he really started paying attention and so did I.0
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no he is right, my frame isnt made to hold up the XTRA but my problem is internally dealing with the comments. I dont kill him when he busts my blls, it just doesnt make me better, on the sidelines it makes me revert back to the fridge in spite, and I get the blue bottom blues.
Have you told him that when he makes those comments it inhibits your weight loss journey? It's important that he knows how you feel. I know that sometimes people think that "tough love" is what a person needs to reach whatever goal they have, but it often is the opposite of what's needed. So maybe he's not trying to be mean on purpose, but he's trying to help you?
However, if you've already told him how it makes you feel, then he really is just being a bit of an *kitten* to you. And if that's the case, the next time he starts to say something just be firm and very clear and say something like, "I don't need you belittling me. We both know that I'm trying to lose weight and you being mean doesn't help me." And if he keeps doing it, then there's a bigger issue going on here.0
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