people on here really struggling

Options
2

Replies

  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Options
    My spouse doesn't make negative comments about my weight... I'm not sure he'd be my spouse if he did!

    Right! While he may still be my spouse... he would be in the doghouse for a very long time...
  • Penthesilea514
    Penthesilea514 Posts: 1,189 Member
    Options
    My husband has been supportive and loves me regardless of my size, but we have talked about our concerns over health, especially if we want to have children in the next few years or so. There are ways to go about having a constructive conversation about weight loss and changing to a healthier lifestyle without feeling like someone is putting you down. Tell him how you feel and try to explain that finding another way to talk about it, or even trying to make some of these changes together, can be much more motivating. Trying out new healthy recipes as a date night or going out to a farmers market can be fun and engage him in another way.

    Also, the MFP community is here to help with any additional support that you might want! I find ready these posts that I can really get a lot of motivation and positivity from this online community as well. I hope this helps- and good luck with your continued weight loss journey!
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Options
    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...

    I don't know about that... I wouldn't want my husband to be supportive of me if I started drinking, smoking, or driving wrecklessly...
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
    Options
    My husband is super supportive, even it it's just a pound or two.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    Options
    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...

    I don't know about that... I wouldn't want my husband to be supportive of me if I started drinking, smoking, or driving wrecklessly...

    Wait .. Wreckless driving is a good thing .. ;)
  • VR20748
    VR20748 Posts: 2 Member
    Options
    Dear Arose, let me first of all congratulate you on even making the efforts toward doing what is good for you. I would not like to comment on your spouse because I don't know his personality or if he thinks that it would be "motivating" to you. I would have a very kind talk with him about how it affects you and "kindly, softly" let him know what could be some motivating factors for you. HOWEVER, I found that this has to be an inside job...I had to get to the point that no matter what any one said, even when I would read "morbid obese" on Doctor's reports, I would want to cry, but then I would suck it out, admit to the truth and get back in the game. I stop letting stuff knock me off the horse. I am doing this while recovering from a massive shoulder reconstruction, damaged discs in back and neck, went from being physically active to a "challenged/disabled" life style walking with cane and awaiting another surgery. I just share this with you with hopes that it would encourage you that no matter what the odds, when you have made up in your mind, that this is "FOR YOU" nothing/nobody will stop you from going forward. Find out what foods and what works for you and never quit. Lastly, I have a quote on my wall beside the fridge that says "LIFE isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - It's about learning to dance in rain".....good luck...blessings to you.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,785 Member
    Options
    WOW just WOW. Some of you people have serious issues. He wasn't being negative in her weight he was just pointing out a POSSABILITY in why her knee is bothering her. If you can't be truthful with your spouse your relationship has problems.
  • socajam
    socajam Posts: 2,530 Member
    Options
    My husband seems to think that my frame wasnt made to hold up all the extra weight I'm carrying.

    I don't want to get into a pi$$ing contest in terms of spousal communication, especially because I don't know the attitude, tone, or context in which your husband made that statement. However, if your doctor had told you the same thing would it upset you?

    My sentiments exactly.

    Prove him wrong, is it going to be easy not at all. I have the same problem, but I am getting there slowly and it is very interesting to see his reaction when I walk in the room - its comical - since my weight loss now is very noticeable. I just smile to myself and continue on towards my long term goal.
  • Chika_2015
    Chika_2015 Posts: 359 Member
    Options
    My hubby never really cared about my weight. It's when people around us started dying of Diabetes and Heart Disease that he really started paying attention and so did I.
  • MeganAnne89
    MeganAnne89 Posts: 271 Member
    Options
    no he is right, my frame isnt made to hold up the XTRA but my problem is internally dealing with the comments. I dont kill him when he busts my blls, it just doesnt make me better, on the sidelines it makes me revert back to the fridge in spite, and I get the blue bottom blues.

    Have you told him that when he makes those comments it inhibits your weight loss journey? It's important that he knows how you feel. I know that sometimes people think that "tough love" is what a person needs to reach whatever goal they have, but it often is the opposite of what's needed. So maybe he's not trying to be mean on purpose, but he's trying to help you?

    However, if you've already told him how it makes you feel, then he really is just being a bit of an *kitten* to you. And if that's the case, the next time he starts to say something just be firm and very clear and say something like, "I don't need you belittling me. We both know that I'm trying to lose weight and you being mean doesn't help me." And if he keeps doing it, then there's a bigger issue going on here.
  • Sparkitty
    Sparkitty Posts: 9 Member
    Options
    Have a phrase or two at the ready to use whenever he makes a comment, If he says, "Your frame isn't made to hold that much weight," you say, "O, right, babe." Or, "Working in it, babe." and leave it there.
  • eels4peels
    eels4peels Posts: 229 Member
    Options
    When I was heavier a lot of people would tell me that I didn't look ideal, or that I couldn't accomplish certain things because of how large I was. I just proved people wrong. It's a goal in my life to prove all nay-sayers incorrect. Too fat to hike a mountain. Watch me. Too fat to wear high heels. I'll wear them better than you. Can't lose weight because you've been fat all your life. Challenge Accepted.
    I guess what I'm getting at is spouse support is definitely something that is needed when you're trying to be a healthier person, but self motivation is the key. Just prove him wrong!
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Options
    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...

    I don't know about that... I wouldn't want my husband to be supportive of me if I started drinking, smoking, or driving wrecklessly...

    Wait .. Wreckless driving is a good thing .. ;)

    Whoops... I meant reckless... :laugh: It's still too early!! Even at 10 am... :wink:
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Options
    I made a negative comment once to my wife about weight in the 20+ years we have been together. It was when we were first married and I was drunk. I still pay for that comment once in awhile :bigsmile:

    As you should. As you should. There is no statute of limitations on that sort of thing, and you can't just serve your time and be done. Not for something so heinous. May some hypothetical deity or other have mercy on your soul.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    Options
    WOW just WOW. Some of you people have serious issues. He wasn't being negative in her weight he was just pointing out a POSSABILITY in why her knee is bothering her. If you can't be truthful with your spouse your relationship has problems.

    Exactly. I love how everyone wants to burn him at the stake for probably being right.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Options
    WOW just WOW. Some of you people have serious issues. He wasn't being negative in her weight he was just pointing out a POSSABILITY in why her knee is bothering her. If you can't be truthful with your spouse your relationship has problems.

    Exactly. I love how everyone wants to burn him at the stake for probably being right.

    I agree... the point at when my husband would end up in the doghouse is IF he said something like "Hey there tubby" or something else of the equavelant... but something along the lines of "hey, honey... why don't you get your act together so you don't end up like your mom"... yeah, it would sting... but it's truthful so I would ponder on it and realize that he is correct. In fact, I have told my husband a few times that WE really need to work on this health thing so that I don't end up like my mom and he doesn't end up like his dad.
  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,652 Member
    Options
    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
    Would this apply if you were drinking too much instead of eating too much?
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Options
    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
    Would this apply if you were drinking too much instead of eating too much?

    You can be supportive and still let someone know you're worried. It's like the difference between saying, 'hey you're a sloppy, annoying bore when you're drunk' or 'hey, I want to live a long life with you, please take better care of your liver'.
  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,652 Member
    Options
    First off a spouse should be supportive no matter what. Second if my husband ever made any negative comments I would put him in his place. With that being said my husband tells me he loves me the way I am and doesn't care if I change. Sometimes I feel that is worse than negative comments bc its not really supporting me losing the weight. If I were in your position I would probably tell him maybe he could start working out with me or help in some way to get me in better shape instead of the negative comments...
    Would this apply if you were drinking too much instead of eating too much?

    You can be supportive and still let someone know you're worried. It's like the difference between saying, 'hey you're a sloppy, annoying bore when you're drunk' or 'hey, I want to live a long life with you, please take better care of your liver'.
    "My husband seems to think that my frame wasnt made to hold up all the extra weight I'm carrying" sure sounds a lot more like the latter than the former. Would you agree?
  • loriq41
    loriq41 Posts: 479 Member
    Options
    Unless he is built like Joe Manganiello he needs to keep his mouth shut. End of story!

Categories