Men: how much does a woman's weight really matter?
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I've been overweight my whole adult life and some dates work out and some don't. The same can be said of thin girls. I'm sure you aren't turning off every guy you go out with because you're overweight. You're a pretty girl and if you have confidence, I'm sure you'll find a guy who can't keep his hands off of you. Dating takes time, be patient and have fun
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Someone who isn't attracted you just isn't attracted to you - that's ok. Are you attracted to every guy you meet? Also you miss that "we just noticed eachother" thing you get when you meet someone in person rather than online or on the phone for the first time. I'd encourage you to try to meet people doing the same things you like to do - that's who you'll be most compatible with. Doesn't hurt to try something new too - like a co-ed intramural kickball team - smile. Best of luck!0
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I PREFER a 12. I My range is 6-20, although the sweet spot is 10-14.
I hope you're talking about sizes and not ages.
Ha! Of course. I don't think too many pedophiles also like 20-year olds. If I wan't married though, I'd be looking in the 27-45 range.
You are incredibly specific, if only more people were like you, online dating would be easier.
Well, specifically non-specific. And yeah, when I was online dating I dated women of insanely different shapes and sizes. I actually was super into a girl who was fatter than I ever would have considered dating because she was so awesome. I happened to then meet my wife and fall madly in love and she was more or less the type I had to begin with, but whatever - she's not perfect and I don't care. Life is too short.0 -
Image is important. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to convince themselves, or they have an agenda. But, a lot of other comments here are correct... different people will find different things attractive.
I met my wife via online dating... and I went through a LOT of dates to find her.
One of the biggest pet-peeves I had about online dating was that every woman seems to post pictures that are 5 years or 50 pounds ago on the site. Maybe they did that just to convince a guy to go on a date with them, and hope that once he met her he would fall in love with her anyway... but it always just proved to me they lacked self-confidence and probably had other issues going on I just didn't want to waste my time with.
Just make sure you are advertising yourself truthfully. If you only post recent "glammed up" head-shots, or your body shots are back from when you were a size 6 or 8... then show up on the date as a size 14... he's going to notice, despite whatever your girlfriends tell you. He'll smile and laugh during the date and play nice... but then you'll never hear from him again once the evening is over.
But, if you post recent pictures that show who you really are today... you might not have as many responses to your profile, but the responses you do get will be quality ones you can expect a second date from. Honesty goes a LONG way...
Best of luck to you!0 -
Weight doesn't matter as much as appearance does. So many men get fooled by the outer packaging then they wake up and are like "What the hell did I marry?" I have tons of guy friends that fall for it every time, and come crying to me, the ordinary, plain, tomboy. They've been crying on my shoulder over 20 years, but because I don't give so much time to outer displays, I'm overlooked. And btw, when I was 138 lbs. I had an A-hole tell me I should have skin surgery!
It's sad but the airbrushed world takes precedence, but it is what it is. There are nice people in the world, and lots of fools. When you buy a product, you should buy into the quality of the product, not the packaging. I am the generic, plain, box with a quality product, but since I don't advertise, it's hit and miss.
I yam what I yam, and rather be alone that deal with a fake world. I'm authentic and rather be happy than fake.
You sound bitter and your male friends sound shallow. Any guy who marries based on just how she looks and not what she's really like is a fool.
You are the one showing off your abs? Isn't that advertising? How about being an intelligent person beyond your body?
Perhaps you should start a topic titled "Men: how much does a woman's mental baggage really matter?"0 -
I'm sorry I can't give you any advice about online dating. I'm married to someone who picked me up the old fashioned way (by being drunk and lecherous in a pub) but for me personally, I mostly don't care. I've dated fat and thin men and women both. I might not find someone attractive based on their picture, what they've written, or both, but it wouldn't be their weight.
The advice people have offered about taking a good picture seems a good idea though.0 -
Not a man, but -- When I first started dating my boyfriend I was just starting to try to lose weight from my heaviest point (About a size 14, too) I was a little nervous when we first started to get more intimate because of my weight but at every turn he complimented me and assured me it was not a big deal to him. When I joined MFP, he was actually a little afraid I was trying to lose weight to please him, which was not the case (he's so cute).
I guess what I'm trying to say is don't worry too much about it, because if he's right, he won't care and if he care's, he's not right.
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I'm a size 16 and I pull more men than my friends who are 4's and 6's. Confidence, a sense of humor, and smiling goes a long way with most men I've encountered. Don't stress your weight too much or you'll never be happy with yourself.
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but basically you are saying she has to have a certain LOOK.I have NEVER cared about the weight of a woman I've dated. Now, I'm not trying to give the impression that I'm some sort of "great guy" that can overcome lack of physical attraction for a big brain or a great sense of humor. All I'm saying is I don't give a s**t about numbers (scale/sizes/etc). If a woman has a nice build, curves in the right places and is confident with herself; she's good to go in my book.
And thats wrong because.....???
Lets not be fools..the whole "its on the inside that counts" load of crock is..well, a load of crock.
thats not to say that ALL people are attracted to a wide range of body types..(and not the super buff Hugh Jackman types, not the lean VS model only)..but physical attraction IS the starting point..IME, for a relationship. there has got to be something, physically, that draws you to that person...THEN the bonds of a relationship can form..that is the "inner" beauty we speak of.
THAT is how the relationship sustains.
In my relationships, Ive always had the most success in meeting someone in an activity I enjoy..it a common interest and something we could share together...that is why online dating is kinda weird to me...personally.0 -
Let's be honest, weight isn't an issue until you take a vacation to some place exotic and you have to ride in one of those tiny propeller planes. You know, the ones where the have to weigh the luggage before you get on it. That's when you're going to wish you'd been a little pickier picking out your partner. Just my two cents. YMMV.
Or if you don't have a car and plan on picking up your date in a rickshaw.
Or, as part of a romantic weekend away, you visit a tiny village that was decimated by the plague in the middle ages and you take it in turns to see if you can fit in the stone medieval coffins in the church and one of you can....but the other can't.0 -
Online dating means you get chemistry last. So of course people will go with some grocery list of ideal partner.
I'm not saying online dating is bad, but you have to be ready for a lot more "work" than real life.
This seems to be what I'm finding.0 -
I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?
It shouldn't but it does.0 -
What are you talking about, you are gorgeous!
My partner & me met online. Turns out we've been bumping into each other for ages.
We were at our highest weights. We are losing it together.
My tip: Go out to new places and you'll meet a lot of interesting people!0 -
Weight doesn't matter as much as appearance does. So many men get fooled by the outer packaging then they wake up and are like "What the hell did I marry?" I have tons of guy friends that fall for it every time, and come crying to me, the ordinary, plain, tomboy. They've been crying on my shoulder over 20 years, but because I don't give so much time to outer displays, I'm overlooked. And btw, when I was 138 lbs. I had an A-hole tell me I should have skin surgery!
It's sad but the airbrushed world takes precedence, but it is what it is. There are nice people in the world, and lots of fools. When you buy a product, you should buy into the quality of the product, not the packaging. I am the generic, plain, box with a quality product, but since I don't advertise, it's hit and miss.
I yam what I yam, and rather be alone that deal with a fake world. I'm authentic and rather be happy than fake.
You sound bitter and your male friends sound shallow. Any guy who marries based on just how she looks and not what she's really like is a fool.
You are the one showing off your abs? Isn't that advertising? How about being an intelligent person beyond your body?
I am an intelligent person beyond my body. When I would go on dates with men I would dress like any other woman, not wearing a bikini. My abs on here represent experience and success from applying my knowledge. I don't use this as a dating site.
If I had abs like that, I'd show the EVERYBODY, including random strangers on the street, and not just post them on MFP 0 -
I hate these threads.
Why? I'd be interested to know.0 -
If a man won't date you until you are a size 6-8 he's not worth dating.
I agree with this however be prepared there are sh*tloads of those that are not worth dating. just saying. so don't be surprised.0 -
I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?
I think it's the online dating avenue that's causing this to happen for you. Online dating is really a numbers game. I online dated (met my husband on match) after my divorce, and I was as small or possibly smaller than I am now. I experienced the same thing as you with second dates. Sometimes the guy wasn't interested, sometimes I wasn't interested. Every now and again, we were both interested. It had nothing to do with my weight, it was just that it's a hard way to meet people.0 -
I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?
If there's a connection, weight is a factor, but not a deciding factor.
I've been with larger and smaller than norm women, and it all comes down to connection, is it there? I'd say that this is the case for most of the educated guys I know.0 -
I hate these threads.
Why? I'd be interested to know.
It's an emotional hot button issue and it's difficult to honestly discuss preferences without hurting feelings or being misinterpreted. That, and the premise of the question, that somehow men agree on what they like, is fatally flawed. Put those two together and you have a recipe for pages of anger.0 -
but basically you are saying she has to have a certain LOOK.I have NEVER cared about the weight of a woman I've dated. Now, I'm not trying to give the impression that I'm some sort of "great guy" that can overcome lack of physical attraction for a big brain or a great sense of humor. All I'm saying is I don't give a s**t about numbers (scale/sizes/etc). If a woman has a nice build, curves in the right places and is confident with herself; she's good to go in my book.
And thats wrong because.....???
Lets not be fools..the whole "its on the inside that counts" load of crock is..well, a load of crock.
thats not to say that ALL people are attracted to a wide range of body types..(and not the super buff Hugh Jackman types, not the lean VS model only)..but physical attraction IS the starting point..IME, for a relationship. there has got to be something, physically, that draws you to that person...THEN the bonds of a relationship can form..that is the "inner" beauty we speak of.
THAT is how the relationship sustains.
In my relationships, Ive always had the most success in meeting someone in an activity I enjoy..it a common interest and something we could share together...that is why online dating is kinda weird to me...personally.
Yeah, and online dating doesn't include you getting to list the activities you enjoy or they to list theirs...
Oh, wait.0 -
I have had a recent foray into online dating, and I am currently size 14. I am confident in myself, as I feel that I am pretty attractive and accomplished regardless of my weight. However, I notice that not getting much response from men in terms of second dates at the least, or a sense of excitement if there is a second date as I do when I'm even at a size 12. My girlfriends insist that weight isn't that big a deal in and if itself... But I don't buy it. When it comes to professional, educated men, does weight truly trump all else when it comes to dating? Am I just wasting my time even putting myself out there up until I'm back to a size 6-8?
I highly doubt this has much to do with your size at all. Unless you are lying on your profile - I found that to be a big turn-off when guys did that.0 -
I'm a size 16 and I pull more men than my friends who are 4's and 6's. Confidence, a sense of humor, and smiling goes a long way with most men I've encountered. Don't stress your weight too much or you'll never be happy with yourself.
I agree with 100% of this!0 -
There will be guys who are not interested in you for whatever reason. That's life. I see nothing wrong with people having preferences even if weight/size is one of them. Be yourself and you will attract a guy who will love you for you. Don't worry about the others, they can find someone they are interested in.
I would also like to add that just because a guy doesn't like you doesn't mean he is automatically a bad guy. It is OK to have standards and preferences even if feelings get hurt.0 -
I'm a size 16 and I pull more men than my friends who are 4's and 6's. Confidence, a sense of humor, and smiling goes a long way with most men I've encountered. Don't stress your weight too much or you'll never be happy with yourself.
I agree with 100% of this!
I'm right with you. At my heaviest I was a size 24 (I'm also six feet tall), and I have never once lacked for male (or female) attention when that's what I wanted. Different strokes for diferent folks, right? Some people think I'm hot, some think I'm not, it's all about preference and that's ok. It's ok for someone not to be attracted to you. For every person that isn't, there's someone who is.0 -
I've been overweight my whole adult life and some dates work out and some don't. The same can be said of thin girls. I'm sure you aren't turning off every guy you go out with because you're overweight. You're a pretty girl and if you have confidence, I'm sure you'll find a guy who can't keep his hands off of you. Dating takes time, be patient and have fun)
You....very insightful.0 -
I
Na, weight doesn't make a bit of difference. Don't you feel the same OP?
Miss both those guys!0 -
I was just about to post basically the same topic, glad I checked first..
I'm going on a date with a guy I 'met' online but its the first face to face interaction we're having and it's a double-date..AGH!0 -
Since you're getting asked out on first dates, but not second dates, the most logical conclusion is that your weight has nothing to do with it. The men were attracted to you, or else they would never have asked you out to begin with. Obviously, something isn't clicking on those dates. I recommend that you edit your dating profile. Make it much more specific...both about who you are as a person, and what you want/don't want in a man. Yes, you will get asked out by less men, but you will have a much better chance of finding the right man. Good luck in love, and remember to date safely.0
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This is a fitness site, and she is one who has worked incredibly hard to get to show off those abs.Weight doesn't matter as much as appearance does. So many men get fooled by the outer packaging then they wake up and are like "What the hell did I marry?" I have tons of guy friends that fall for it every time, and come crying to me, the ordinary, plain, tomboy. They've been crying on my shoulder over 20 years, but because I don't give so much time to outer displays, I'm overlooked. And btw, when I was 138 lbs. I had an A-hole tell me I should have skin surgery!
It's sad but the airbrushed world takes precedence, but it is what it is. There are nice people in the world, and lots of fools. When you buy a product, you should buy into the quality of the product, not the packaging. I am the generic, plain, box with a quality product, but since I don't advertise, it's hit and miss.
I yam what I yam, and rather be alone that deal with a fake world. I'm authentic and rather be happy than fake.
You sound bitter and your male friends sound shallow. Any guy who marries based on just how she looks and not what she's really like is a fool.
You are the one showing off your abs? Isn't that advertising? How about being an intelligent person beyond your body?
You DO sound bitter.
You aren't in a fake world. You just gave up trying and are pretending the world is worse than it is so you don't feel bad about giving up.
I would say I felt sorry for you. But I don't want to be fake.
I am not bitter, but have been wronged, well yeah I might be a little touchy....considering I lost 80 lbs and don't have nice abs because I have extra skin and have rude, insensitive people telling me I need skin surgery....it's call PEOPLE DO CARE about looks.....you don't need to show off your body to the world to feel successful and THAT was my point. So what I DIDNT WORK hard because I can't take a pic like that without criticism? Why does what someone LOOKS like have to be a marker of their success or confidence? I really think this site is another website to criticize....and I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me....but be HONEST MEN & WOMEN put looks as a high priority...at least I"M REAL and know that I have to work really hard to get appreciation based on something other than looks.0 -
I am not bitter, but have been wronged, well yeah I might be a little touchy....considering I lost 80 lbs and don't have nice abs because I have extra skin and have rude, insensitive people telling me I need skin surgery....it's call PEOPLE DO CARE about looks.....you don't need to show off your body to the world to feel successful and THAT was my point. So what I DIDNT WORK hard because I can't take a pic like that without criticism? Why does what someone LOOKS like have to be a marker of their success or confidence? I really think this site is another website to criticize....and I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me....but be HONEST MEN & WOMEN put looks as a high priority...at least I"M REAL and know that I have to work really hard to get appreciation based on something other than looks.
I have loose skin too. Plus stretch marks. Plus I'm a single parent who is raising two young boys on my own. Looks are what cause initial attraction, there is no denying this. That's what opens the door to someone finding out more about you. If a guy doesn't look your way it's not worth your time to try to convince him to get to know you. Maybe he's shallow and maybe he's just simply not attracted to you, you'll never know and it is irrelevant.
This site isn't here for criticism. Maybe that's how you view it, but I see a bunch of people giving information, lifting others up, and dispelling horrible weight loss myths. We're here trying to make weight loss easier on those that are just starting. Stating that others are only appreciated for their looks only hurts you because you aren't giving them the chance and getting to know what they are really like. You dismissed me as an attention seeker because I have my abs displayed. I'm REAL too and I have done a hell of a lot for this community; not to be appreciated for something other than my looks, but because I want help improve others' lives.
It sucks when we get wronged and you aren't the only one who has had it happen to them. You need to forget it enough to move on and remember it enough to not let it happen again. Don't let your grudge with someone keep you from building relationships with other people. From your initial post you are just stuck on the idea that guys won't look past your flaws, but that's not it. You continuing to hold onto the ways that others have wronged you is what is hurting you. Stop trying so hard to "get appreciation based on something other than looks" and start living a happy life just being yourself.0
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