Boyfriend refuses to respect that I want to workout alone?

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  • MomTo3Lovez
    MomTo3Lovez Posts: 800 Member
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    Aside from the whole part where the OP tells her bf to leave if he goes there when she is there I don't see what the problem is if she wants to go to the gym alone especially if he distracts her and if they go out afterwards to eat to tell her what she should and should not be eating. Yes some people would love their SO to go with them to work out but there are some that don't want their SO there and that's fine too.

    That being said you don't have many choices you can either 1) walk away 2) ignore him while he is there 3) find an all womens gym 4) talk to him 5) change the time you go to work out.

    edited for typo
  • Squamation
    Squamation Posts: 522 Member
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    OP- you've never (as far as I can tell) addressed WHY he does it.

    If the communication is really as great as you say he should have clearly stated to you why he feels the need to go with you to the gym.

    Maybe you're both not listening? Have him explain to you why he's doing what he's doing- if he can't do that then I would say to move on because poor communication is good for no one.

    My husband and I love working out together, but his way of being "motivating" made me want to break down in tears and eat ice cream. We talked about it and it was clear he was just trying to help. I expressed how it was unhelpful and what would be more helpful. Even still sometimes he would forget or come up with a new unhelpful way of motivating me and we would have the same conversation again, and again, and again.

    But I knew that it was just him, and his love, wanting me to do better and accomplish my goals faster. After two years he's learned more what works for me and tries to be supportive and motivating in the way I need, but even still will sometimes slip up.

    My advice is for you to take a step back from your feelings and focus on his. Why is he doing this? Is it because he doesn't trust you? Trying to protect you from creepers? Wanting to help you with your goals? Intention counts for a lot- if his intentions are good then work on it. You say he'll usually leave when you tell him to- so obviously he does take your opinion and wants seriously.
  • 19kat55
    19kat55 Posts: 336 Member
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    My first thought when I read this was, like others have mentioned, your BF doesn't trust you, is jealous, wants to keep an eye on you around other guys etc. But, there was something you said that did not fit that interpretation of what is going on. You also said when you do go alone and see him later, he asks about your workout and wants to know what you did. Basically checking on what you did at the workout, not who you saw. It really sounds to me like this guy is trying to be helpful and supportive of you and your goals. Like others have said, if he is someone that prefers to work out with someone else he may not understand why you prefer to work out alone. And no matter how many times you try and explain it, he won't understand it because that is not his reality. Bottom line, I personally do not see this as a lack of respect issue. I think he cares about you and wants to help you succeed in your goals. That's my two cents worth.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    You're probably cheating on him.

    That's just the military wife/girlfriend mindset.

    lolled.jpeg
  • cadaver0usb0nes
    cadaver0usb0nes Posts: 151 Member
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    People telling her she's lucky to have a bf to work out with her... are you stupid? She has talked with him about how it is negatively affecting her workout and asked him to please let her have her alone time and he refuses to respect her? How is it lucky to have a bf that doesn't respect you? It sounds like he wants to know EXACTLY what you're doing all the time. Does he act jealous and show other signs of wanting to know what you're doing all the time?
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    OP, with complete sincerity, it really doesn't sound as though you like the person your BF is. Why in the world are you two still together?
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    OP, with complete sincerity, it really doesn't sound as though you like the person your BF is. Why in the world are you two still together?

    Let your workouts suffer for 10 months. You clearly like something about him to stick around. This issue you have seems to not be a deal breaker for you. From post you read it is for a lot of people including myself.

    refuse to respect your gym time< his other great qualities.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    .
  • d4rkkn16ht
    d4rkkn16ht Posts: 77 Member
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    From what I've read so far she just want to share her feeling with us.
    she LOVES his BF (& he LOVES her too), because they can manage to stay together all this time in spite of what he did to her & what she did to him.
    However, I don't know how long it will last (both are still young).

    Let me share my experience.
    I was doing workout together with my wife when we are still newly wed.
    In the gym, we were completely doing our own routine but still communicating (giving advice each other IF ASKED or helping each other).
    Giving advice without being asked sometime is considered rude to us (we still can tolerate that on certain level).
    Now, our son change our habit of working out together.
    I go after work & she goes in the afternoon.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    You're a woman, so I assume you talk like one. You drop hints, or kind of say it, but you don't just say it. Women have this thing they do where they think they told a guy something, but if you ask the guy, he'll have no idea what you're talking about. You never had the conversation.

    Women don't do this. Men think we do this because they don't listen to what we say.

    I am as direct as it comes. I say exactly what I want and I say exactly what is going on. My fiance does not listen. I can tell him 50 times on Friday that we have to be somewhere on Saturday at noon. On Saturday at 11 when I mention we need to get going soon, he will inevitably say, "Go where? What time do we need to be there?"

    Honestly, that stuff doesn't matter to guys. that's why. We don't care what you're making us do on Friday. We are making different plans, plus, there's a game on.
    That's fine. But then don't tell me I don't communicate well just because you aren't listening. :wink:
  • b_ray_73
    b_ray_73 Posts: 110 Member
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    OP- you've never (as far as I can tell) addressed WHY he does it.

    If the communication is really as great as you say he should have clearly stated to you why he feels the need to go with you to the gym.

    Maybe you're both not listening? Have him explain to you why he's doing what he's doing-

    This.

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