Boyfriend refuses to respect that I want to workout alone?

Nouurann

ask yourself this..."Do I want an open and honest dialogue with the guy I am going out with?" depending on your answer.. you might.. a.) Continue soliciting opinions and advice from the strange folk that inhabit the internet.. OR you might sit down with the man in your life.. offer him some assurance that YOU are not eyeballing other guys and that YOU want gym time alone to focus on you.

so what is the answer to the question?

If you read my second post because I didn't make it clear in my first, you would know that communication is not the problem. I've bluntly stated this. He says okay and acknowledges it then goes back to normal behavior. Again, it's not a communication problem. Its him not respecting my boundaries.

4daluvof_candice

Then leave. is it that hard.

MY bad he should leave you. Ummm his choice in foods makes sense. Why eat a lot if you did not burn a lot. He is trying to help you get to your goal.

That's what you took away from this?

OP, are there other areas in your life where he tends to be on the controlling side?

He's not controlling in other aspects although he can be intrusive if I want to spend less time with him and more time with friends, but nothing that I would deem as out of the ordinary you know?

youre right not controlling its posessive!

yopeeps025

I notice when people enter or are in the military, whatever branch, are dating someone at the time that marriage comes out of no where. That statistics is 99% of friends and what I encounter at work.

My friend who did that and is divorced now told me that when you enter the military you feel like you want something to come back home to.

Any former military folks disagree with this statement?

What does that have to do with her wanting to go to the gym alone?

The question was mindset not what it has to do with being disrespect and not letting someone workout alone.

But you made that statement, in this thread, therefore trying to make it connect? Unless you're just talking nonsense, which would explain many of your posts. I generally don't point out stupid statements like that, and let them go. But Youre just so rude and your ego is so large I wanted to point out that you're not saying anything useful, and instead just talking jibberish.

Large ego me. LOL That is the first time i heard that.

MityMax96

ask yourself this..."Do I want an open and honest dialogue with the guy I am going out with?" depending on your answer.. you might.. a.) Continue soliciting opinions and advice from the strange folk that inhabit the internet.. OR you might sit down with the man in your life.. offer him some assurance that YOU are not eyeballing other guys and that YOU want gym time alone to focus on you.

so what is the answer to the question?

If you read my second post because I didn't make it clear in my first, you would know that communication is not the problem. I've bluntly stated this. He says okay and acknowledges it then goes back to normal behavior. Again, it's not a communication problem. Its him not respecting my boundaries.

May be time to end it then.

rml_16

You're a woman, so I assume you talk like one. You drop hints, or kind of say it, but you don't just say it. Women have this thing they do where they think they told a guy something, but if you ask the guy, he'll have no idea what you're talking about. You never had the conversation.

Women don't do this. Men think we do this because they don't listen to what we say.

I am as direct as it comes. I say exactly what I want and I say exactly what is going on. My fiance does not listen. I can tell him 50 times on Friday that we have to be somewhere on Saturday at noon. On Saturday at 11 when I mention we need to get going soon, he will inevitably say, "Go where? What time do we need to be there?"

George_Baileys_Ghost

I notice when people enter or are in the military, whatever branch, are dating someone at the time that marriage comes out of no where. That statistics is 99% of friends and what I encounter at work.

My friend who did that and is divorced now told me that when you enter the military you feel like you want something to come back home to.

Any former military folks disagree with this statement?

What does that have to do with her wanting to go to the gym alone?

The question was mindset not what it has to do with being disrespect and not letting someone workout alone.

wtaf?

Nouurann

ask yourself this..."Do I want an open and honest dialogue with the guy I am going out with?" depending on your answer.. you might.. a.) Continue soliciting opinions and advice from the strange folk that inhabit the internet.. OR you might sit down with the man in your life.. offer him some assurance that YOU are not eyeballing other guys and that YOU want gym time alone to focus on you.

so what is the answer to the question?

If you read my second post because I didn't make it clear in my first, you would know that communication is not the problem. I've bluntly stated this. He says okay and acknowledges it then goes back to normal behavior. Again, it's not a communication problem. Its him not respecting my boundaries.

If that is truly the issue, then this might not be the guy for you.

Have another conversation. Ask, "Did you think I was kidding when I told you that I don't want you at the gym when I'm there?" And take it from there. If this is that big of an issue, you have to make him understand. Obviously, he's not taking you seriously. He probably thinks it's a little silly, and he kind of has a point. I would respect your request, but I would ignore it too if my gym time just happened to overlap yours. I mean, be reasonable.

It doesn't overlap. I'm not sure how I can make that any more obvious than my two posts explaining the issue. It's the fact that he goes out of his way to go when I go, even when he had no intention of working out, and does exactly what I do without a routine or plan on his own. I'm not gonna retype it but maybe my post on page 4 or something will suffice if you haven't already read it.

Icandoityayme

Since you have asked him repeatedly that you prefer him not to be there when you work out, and he doesn't listen, I would move on. You are trying to improve yourself and if he can't be supportive of how it works for you, I don't foresee it getting any better. I have to exercise alone as well. I don't need somebody stopping me to ask a question or chit chat or watching every move I make and inspecting every move I make. I do mine when I know he is at work. On his half days I wait until he leaves to do them which is later in the day. It's my me time, my thinking time, my time to focus. There is nothing wrong with that.

4daluvof_candice

You're probably cheating on him.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real

OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?

Nouurann

You're probably cheating on him.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Like another poster said the whole picture cannot be seen without both sides. :laugh: but for real

OP, if Im understanding correctly...youve only been dating 2months right?!?

We've Been dating a year. He joined my gym two months into the relationship

jkal1979

I notice when people enter or are in the military, whatever branch, are dating someone at the time that marriage comes out of no where. That statistics is 99% of friends and what I encounter at work.

My friend who did that and is divorced now told me that when you enter the military you feel like you want something to come back home to.

Any former military folks disagree with this statement?

What does that have to do with her wanting to go to the gym alone?

The question was mindset not what it has to do with being disrespect and not letting someone workout alone.

wtaf?

Thanks. I was trying to figure out a reply, but this pretty much sums it up.

4daluvof_candice

ask yourself this..."Do I want an open and honest dialogue with the guy I am going out with?" depending on your answer.. you might.. a.) Continue soliciting opinions and advice from the strange folk that inhabit the internet.. OR you might sit down with the man in your life.. offer him some assurance that YOU are not eyeballing other guys and that YOU want gym time alone to focus on you.

so what is the answer to the question?

If you read my second post because I didn't make it clear in my first, you would know that communication is not the problem. I've bluntly stated this. He says okay and acknowledges it then goes back to normal behavior. Again, it's not a communication problem. Its him not respecting my boundaries.

If that is truly the issue, then this might not be the guy for you.

Have another conversation. Ask, "Did you think I was kidding when I told you that I don't want you at the gym when I'm there?" And take it from there. If this is that big of an issue, you have to make him understand. Obviously, he's not taking you seriously. He probably thinks it's a little silly, and he kind of has a point. I would respect your request, but I would ignore it too if my gym time just happened to overlap yours. I mean, be reasonable.

It doesn't overlap. I'm not sure how I can make that any more obvious than my two posts explaining the issue. It's the fact that he goes out of his way to go when I go, even when he had no intention of working out, and does exactly what I do without a routine or plan on his own. I'm not gonna retype it but maybe my post on page 4 or something will suffice if you haven't already read it.

OP, seriously...it sounds like from all your post you already know what you need/want to do so.......:huh:

LAT1963

Part of this may be an 'introvert' vs. 'extrovert' thing.

Extroverts get their energy from being around people and are drained by being alone.

Introverts get their energy from being alone and find being around people draining.

If your boyfriend is an extrovert and you are an introvert, then he may not comprehend that 'alone time' exercising is desirable. He may hate to exercise alone and can't imagine that anyone (including you) would want to.

It may be a matter of comprehension rather than control or boundary issues.

RavenLibra

THEN it points to a bigger issue for him.. and YOU should head for the door because this is just the first warning sign.

yopeeps025

THEN it points to a bigger issue for him.. and YOU should head for the door because this is just the first warning sign.

Agree but hey don't listen to us and keep having your workouts suffer.