MEN of mfp, I need your help! (And experienced ladies, too!

barefootbabe

Some of you long-time MFPers may remember that I first joined this site about a month after my arrival in Australia, where I moved to be with my boyfriend at the time. We broke up that month after I arrived, having left my job, friends and family to give it all up for him. It was a really hard breakup and an awful process and this site has helped me to focus on taking care of myself along the way, so thanks everyone!

Now, I need some advice. Basically, the ex has a new girlfriend, who I happen to play basketball with, and she's really nice and we get along, though we don't "hang out" for obvious reasons. They've been together about 3 months now.

However, the ex tends to decide on weekends, while she works, that he wants to have some fun with me- he ends up texting me very suggestive comments, showing up at whatever party or pub I might be at, flat out asking me to meet him is private areas, basically trying to get whatever action he can. This was standard behavior before he started dating the new girl, and it was hard then as it totally screwed up the whole closure thing and healing process, but isn't it just COMPLETELY inappropriate now!? Oh, and he calls himself a Christian too.

The WORST part though is that when he's not trying to be all over me, he completely ignores me- won't even look at me. We have the same group of friends and they have all noticed something is weird, a few of them have even approached me at some of these gatherings and asked if we are back together, or if at least he has broken up with the new girl, just after observing his actions toward me. Yet at any other time, he won't look at me or talk to me or anything. It's so hurtful and confusing!

So I guess I just need you males to tell me what is going on here?! Why is he bothering with me when he has a fun, pretty girl at home? He doesn't need me! Why won't he leave me alone so I can get over this whole gross situation and get some closure? Is this some left over emotion from our break up eight months ago or does he still want to be with me? Or am I just a distraction on a Saturday night?

Can you clear up the male thought process here? I'm sorry to ask you all, but I just can't tell my friends about it all as they are his friends too and I don't want to tarnish his reputation to everyone we know and love!

Thanks boys (and of course any ladies who might be wiser than I am in this sort of thing!)

e.

barefootbabe

Some of you long-time MFPers may remember that I first joined this site about a month after my arrival in Australia, where I moved to be with my boyfriend at the time. We broke up that month after I arrived, having left my job, friends and family to give it all up for him. It was a really hard breakup and an awful process and this site has helped me to focus on taking care of myself along the way, so thanks everyone!

Now, I need some advice. Basically, the ex has a new girlfriend, who I happen to play basketball with, and she's really nice and we get along, though we don't "hang out" for obvious reasons. They've been together about 3 months now.

However, the ex tends to decide on weekends, while she works, that he wants to have some fun with me- he ends up texting me very suggestive comments, showing up at whatever party or pub I might be at, flat out asking me to meet him is private areas, basically trying to get whatever action he can. This was standard behavior before he started dating the new girl, and it was hard then as it totally screwed up the whole closure thing and healing process, but isn't it just COMPLETELY inappropriate now!? Oh, and he calls himself a Christian too.

The WORST part though is that when he's not trying to be all over me, he completely ignores me- won't even look at me. We have the same group of friends and they have all noticed something is weird, a few of them have even approached me at some of these gatherings and asked if we are back together, or if at least he has broken up with the new girl, just after observing his actions toward me. Yet at any other time, he won't look at me or talk to me or anything. It's so hurtful and confusing!

So I guess I just need you males to tell me what is going on here?! Why is he bothering with me when he has a fun, pretty girl at home? He doesn't need me! Why won't he leave me alone so I can get over this whole gross situation and get some closure? Is this some left over emotion from our break up eight months ago or does he still want to be with me? Or am I just a distraction on a Saturday night?

Can you clear up the male thought process here? I'm sorry to ask you all, but I just can't tell my friends about it all as they are his friends too and I don't want to tarnish his reputation to everyone we know and love!

Thanks boys (and of course any ladies who might be wiser than I am in this sort of thing!)

e.

Manda86

Some of you long-time MFPers may remember that I first joined this site about a month after my arrival in Australia, where I moved to be with my boyfriend at the time. We broke up that month after I arrived, having left my job, friends and family to give it all up for him. It was a really hard breakup and an awful process and this site has helped me to focus on taking care of myself along the way, so thanks everyone!

Now, I need some advice. Basically, the ex has a new girlfriend, who I happen to play basketball with, and she's really nice and we get along, though we don't "hang out" for obvious reasons. They've been together about 3 months now.

However, the ex tends to decide on weekends, while she works, that he wants to have some fun with me- he ends up texting me very suggestive comments, showing up at whatever party or pub I might be at, flat out asking me to meet him is private areas, basically trying to get whatever action he can. This was standard behavior before he started dating the new girl, and it was hard then as it totally screwed up the whole closure thing and healing process, but isn't it just COMPLETELY inappropriate now!? Oh, and he calls himself a Christian too.

The WORST part though is that when he's not trying to be all over me, he completely ignores me- won't even look at me. We have the same group of friends and they have all noticed something is weird, a few of them have even approached me at some of these gatherings and asked if we are back together, or if at least he has broken up with the new girl, just after observing his actions toward me. Yet at any other time, he won't look at me or talk to me or anything. It's so hurtful and confusing!

So I guess I just need you males to tell me what is going on here?! Why is he bothering with me when he has a fun, pretty girl at home? He doesn't need me! Why won't he leave me alone so I can get over this whole gross situation and get some closure? Is this some left over emotion from our break up eight months ago or does he still want to be with me? Or am I just a distraction on a Saturday night?

Can you clear up the male thought process here? I'm sorry to ask you all, but I just can't tell my friends about it all as they are his friends too and I don't want to tarnish his reputation to everyone we know and love!

Thanks boys (and of course any ladies who might be wiser than I am in this sort of thing!)

e.

cause he's a sl*t. He wants to have his cake and eat it too! Change your number and ditch the manwhore!

chiefiron

As a young man once i think i would say he just wants both if he can have both and hes testing the waters.

most people will take what ever attention they can get men and woman alike. That said, Men are much worse. If we can have our cake and eat it too all the better. Once we get a little older well.....some of us get better.

Stay away doll your in for much more heart ache if you dont nip this in the bud now. Be strong and leave no doubt as to your position.

Just my 2c

Tim

Shannon023

cause he's a sl*t. He wants to have his cake and eat it too! Change your number and ditch the manwhore!

Well said! And if he doesn't knock it off, tell the new gal what's going on. Women need to be warned about a/holes like that.

beep

My take on this is, he is confused; he is most likely confused because he is confusing infatuation (which never lasts) with love. Many people are addicted to infatuation and never get beyond that point with anyone, because they wrongly assume that infatuation is love and that it will last forever. When they feel it ebbing, they think they are falling "out of love."

Countless couples quit their marriages because they believe they have fallen out of love; not realizing that Love is a verb, not a feeling. Infatuation is a feeling. The sooner he learns this the better for everyone. You should tell him to get lost and sort out his feelings, that you do not want him to hurt anyone else like he hurt you because of his indecision,.

Since you say he considers himself a Christian, hold him to that commitment and remind him that he is accountable to God for everyone he hurts.

sgtinvincible

Some of you long-time MFPers may remember that I first joined this site about a month after my arrival in Australia, where I moved to be with my boyfriend at the time. We broke up that month after I arrived, having left my job, friends and family to give it all up for him. It was a really hard breakup and an awful process and this site has helped me to focus on taking care of myself along the way, so thanks everyone!

Now, I need some advice. Basically, the ex has a new girlfriend, who I happen to play basketball with, and she's really nice and we get along, though we don't "hang out" for obvious reasons. They've been together about 3 months now.

However, the ex tends to decide on weekends, while she works, that he wants to have some fun with me- he ends up texting me very suggestive comments, showing up at whatever party or pub I might be at, flat out asking me to meet him is private areas, basically trying to get whatever action he can. This was standard behavior before he started dating the new girl, and it was hard then as it totally screwed up the whole closure thing and healing process, but isn't it just COMPLETELY inappropriate now!? Oh, and he calls himself a Christian too.

The WORST part though is that when he's not trying to be all over me, he completely ignores me- won't even look at me. We have the same group of friends and they have all noticed something is weird, a few of them have even approached me at some of these gatherings and asked if we are back together, or if at least he has broken up with the new girl, just after observing his actions toward me. Yet at any other time, he won't look at me or talk to me or anything. It's so hurtful and confusing!

So I guess I just need you males to tell me what is going on here?! Why is he bothering with me when he has a fun, pretty girl at home? He doesn't need me! Why won't he leave me alone so I can get over this whole gross situation and get some closure? Is this some left over emotion from our break up eight months ago or does he still want to be with me? Or am I just a distraction on a Saturday night?

Can you clear up the male thought process here? I'm sorry to ask you all, but I just can't tell my friends about it all as they are his friends too and I don't want to tarnish his reputation to everyone we know and love!

Thanks boys (and of course any ladies who might be wiser than I am in this sort of thing!)

e.

cause he's a sl*t. He wants to have his cake and eat it too! Change your number and ditch the manwhore!

I am in agreement with Manda. What a *kitten*.

Guys like him give the rest of us a bad reputation.

He's doing it because he can. Most likely he has some hardcore inferiority issues and is smothering them by manipulating women.

Dump his cheating *kitten*. Get rid of him. You don't need someone like that in your life.

Seriously, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Find someone worthy of you.

I sware people like him tick me off. :mad: :mad: :mad:

He doesn't deserve for you to validate his existence. Especially not by giving up yourself sexually. (Did I mention he really makes me angry :mad: :mad: :mad: )

Move on BFB. You are to pretty to be with him anyway. (:mad: :mad: :mad: )

-J

Manda86

Some of you long-time MFPers may remember that I first joined this site about a month after my arrival in Australia, where I moved to be with my boyfriend at the time. We broke up that month after I arrived, having left my job, friends and family to give it all up for him. It was a really hard breakup and an awful process and this site has helped me to focus on taking care of myself along the way, so thanks everyone!

Now, I need some advice. Basically, the ex has a new girlfriend, who I happen to play basketball with, and she's really nice and we get along, though we don't "hang out" for obvious reasons. They've been together about 3 months now.

However, the ex tends to decide on weekends, while she works, that he wants to have some fun with me- he ends up texting me very suggestive comments, showing up at whatever party or pub I might be at, flat out asking me to meet him is private areas, basically trying to get whatever action he can. This was standard behavior before he started dating the new girl, and it was hard then as it totally screwed up the whole closure thing and healing process, but isn't it just COMPLETELY inappropriate now!? Oh, and he calls himself a Christian too.

The WORST part though is that when he's not trying to be all over me, he completely ignores me- won't even look at me. We have the same group of friends and they have all noticed something is weird, a few of them have even approached me at some of these gatherings and asked if we are back together, or if at least he has broken up with the new girl, just after observing his actions toward me. Yet at any other time, he won't look at me or talk to me or anything. It's so hurtful and confusing!

So I guess I just need you males to tell me what is going on here?! Why is he bothering with me when he has a fun, pretty girl at home? He doesn't need me! Why won't he leave me alone so I can get over this whole gross situation and get some closure? Is this some left over emotion from our break up eight months ago or does he still want to be with me? Or am I just a distraction on a Saturday night?

Can you clear up the male thought process here? I'm sorry to ask you all, but I just can't tell my friends about it all as they are his friends too and I don't want to tarnish his reputation to everyone we know and love!

Thanks boys (and of course any ladies who might be wiser than I am in this sort of thing!)

e.

cause he's a sl*t. He wants to have his cake and eat it too! Change your number and ditch the manwhore!

I am in agreement with Manda. What a *kitten*.

Guys like him give the rest of us a bad reputation.

He's doing it because he can. Most likely he has some hardcore inferiority issues and is smothering them by manipulating women.

Dump his cheating *kitten*. Get rid of him. You don't need someone like that in your life.

Seriously, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Find someone worthy of you.

I sware people like him tick me off. :mad: :mad: :mad:

He doesn't deserve for you to validate his existence. Especially not by giving up yourself sexually. (Did I mention he really makes me angry :mad: :mad: :mad: )

Move on BFB. You are to pretty to be with him anyway. (:mad: :mad: :mad: )

-J

YEAH! Booooo to bad guys giving the rest of men a bad name!

bittersweet22

I agree with you beep.

GTOgirl1969

He's trying to use you for a "booty call".
Don't fall for it! If it happens one time he will use it as a reason/excuse to try again and again.
Not only is he trying to bullsh*t you, he's lying to her too. She's not winning any kind of "prize"...that's for sure!

luvs2havefun

Have you ever heard of the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? If you haven't you HAVE GOT to read it. I was in a "relationship" (if you want to call it that) for two years with a guy who was great when he wanted me and awful when he didn't. In the beginning everything was perfect....which made it hard for me to see his faults. As time went on he would call one day and then I wouldn't hear from him for 3 days. I would see him one Friday then wouldn't see him for 2 weeks...no explanations given (not that there would be any valid enough to make the situation ok). He would say the sweetest most wonderful things to me over the phone but then I found out he was saying the same things to another girl for part of our relationship.

Basically after two years of torture and self loathing (my self esteem went way down), I decided I wasn't going to take it anymore. And after reading the above mentioned book I realized he really wasn't into me. If he was into me he would want to be with me as much as possible, call me to talk, and generally make me happy. If a man wants to be with you he is going to do everything in his power to be with you (not just text you suggestive messages).

It sounds like your guy enjoys the chase...basically the thrill of the hunt if you will. I say that you deserve WAY better. And trust me, when I realized that the guy I was into really wasn't into me it made it that much easier to move on to someone who was.

rethun01

Really, this should be a lesson learned about what type of person he is. Its terrible that he is causing you more heart ache by his immature antics. He says he's in a relationship with this new girl, yet he's exhibiting behaviors that proves he is not committed. You two broke up for a reason, and its important to keep that reason in mind when he starts texting or showing up places to see you. And further more, lets say he does break up with this new girl and wants to get back together with you... who is to say he would be texting and flirting with her behind your back?

I apologize to any of the men reading this, but most of the time men don't get it if you're subtle. We all know this if you want a particular gift, or you want him to take out the garbage... they don't pick up on hints. And he won't pick up on hints in this situation either. You'll need to be blunt with him and just say, "I'm not interested in seeing you any more, but the actions your showing towards me are leading me to believe that you're still interested in me. I think its time you stopped communicating with me, especially behind your girlfriend's back." I'm sure that he will get ultra defensive about this, but its to the point and hopefully he gets it.

The guy I dated for 4 years broke up with me, and then 6 months later started calling and texting me all the time. By that point I had already met the man that I married and I didn't want the ex to be communicating with me like this as I thought it might hurt my new relationship. Eventually I was just blunt with him and told him to stop calling. For the most part he listened, but every now and then I still get a call or text. Usually around birthdays and holidays. But the jerk had the nerve to call me only a few days before my wedding and say to me, "Do you ever think that maybe we made the worst decision of our lives by breaking up??" I responded to him, "No, absolutely not. I'm marrying a man who makes you look like trailer trash. You obviously couldn't see how good you had it with me and now you are just regretting letting me go. I haven't loved you for YEARS now. You need to get over this and stop calling me."

I haven't heard from him since. And silence is golden :happy:

Mireille

cause he's a sl*t. He wants to have his cake and eat it too! Change your number and ditch the manwhore!

He's doing it because he can.

I agree, kick is *kitten* to the curb. Be prepared because the more you ignore him, the more he will want you. Just stay strong and eventually he will get it.

Good luck!

GTOgirl1969

"You obviously couldn't see how good you had it with me and now you are just regretting letting me go. I haven't loved you for YEARS now. You need to get over this and stop calling me."

Can I borrow that one?

rethun01

Have you ever heard of the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? If you haven't you HAVE GOT to read it.

I totally agree!! This book is a must read for ALL WOMEN. Believe me, when you find the guy that is into you... you'll be his world and you'll know it. My husband is this 325 lbs., big scary football player. But with me he is a mushy teddy bear who wants to spend every waking moment with me. Its amazing. He makes me feel so good about myself. I wouldn't have ever had the nerve to open my own business if it wasn't for him. My ex certainly never made me feel so good about myself!!

Don't hold back on finding someone who really loves you. Besides, do you want to explain to the man of your dreams why for a few months you were your ex's booty call??

Be adventerous and try new things to meet good men. Believe it or not, I met my husband on match.com. I was totally chicken to try it. He was the ONLY date I went on, and ionically he lived only a few blocks away from me and we had never met.

rethun01

"You obviously couldn't see how good you had it with me and now you are just regretting letting me go. I haven't loved you for YEARS now. You need to get over this and stop calling me."

Can I borrow that one?

Absolutely!! HA HA HA
The best part was that I NEVER stood up to him when we were dating. It knocked him on his rear end when I said that to him. He was speechless! It was awesome. And there was my husband giving me high fives after I said it. HILARIOUS!

yellow_pepper

Rethun, you are awesome!

jfiscer

As a man I apologize for his behaviour and obvious hypocrisy with claiming
to be a Christian.
What kind of guy has a person move to another continent for him, only to break
up with that person once she's there? A PRICK, THAT'S WHO!

Sorry if i'm being offensive but I cannot stand it when so-called "men" act like
this. He's a dog who doesn't care for anyone else but himself and that's all
he's trying to do, is satisfy himself.

You can do much better than this scum.

sgtinvincible

Have you ever heard of the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? If you haven't you HAVE GOT to read it.

I totally agree!! This book is a must read for ALL WOMEN. Believe me, when you find the guy that is into you... you'll be his world and you'll know it. My husband is this 325 lbs., big scary football player. But with me he is a mushy teddy bear who wants to spend every waking moment with me. Its amazing. He makes me feel so good about myself. I wouldn't have ever had the nerve to open my own business if it wasn't for him. My ex certainly never made me feel so good about myself!!

That rocks Rethun. :happy:

AlbertSchwartz

Hi barefootbabe,

I don't think this knob is confused. You need to cut ties with him. I know this might be difficult with you sharing the same pool of friends but you have to its the only way you will heal.

Tell him to stop contacting you, and cut all ties!

There are people in this world that distroy hearts and lives i don't think they do it for fun, but either way they do it.

My wife is one of these people and so id your ex. Don't let them back in to hurt you again.

Al :flowerforyou:

sgtinvincible

Hi barefootbabe,

I don't think this knob is confused. You need to cut ties with him. I know this might be difficult with you sharing the same pool of friends but you have to its the only way you will heal.

Tell him to stop contacting you, and cut all ties!

There are people in this world that distroy hearts and lives i don't think they do it for fun, but either way they do it.

My wife is one of these people and so id your ex. Don't let them back in to hurt you again.

Al :flowerforyou:

Wow Al, sounds like we might have married sisters.

Right on brother.

-J