MEN of mfp, I need your help! (And experienced ladies, too!

sgtinvincible

I didn't know that my husband's ex or mine was cloned!! I thought those damn scientists were more careful from the gene pool selection. Sorry for all of you. There's not much that has been said that I can say, except it will get better. But what is it when they hit the grass is greener on the other side and they are straddling the fence? (I mean guys and girls both do it) Unfortunately that fence is not sending an electrical charge where it would do them the most good.

Not sure if it would do them any good or not, but it would sure make *me* feel better.

foxfire9372

Ditto

beep

My other thoughts are,

if he is not confused, but just enjoying a game..... here's what is going to happen. If you reject him, he will do everything to get back in your good graces. Don't fall for it..... run. Run because that is not the type of man you want to be your mate.

This applies to women as well as men.

lietee

I hope htis advice helps you. I have been in that situation a few times. And even recently i had an old boyfriend trying ot hit on me and i am married now. This is what id suggest you do. Tell him flat out that you are not interested in him. I know it probably feels good having him stil on your hook and all but hte guy is trouble. Hes a cheater ect. He obviously doesnt car eabout his new gf at all even if he says he does. This girl is a nice girl to you right. Tell him that if he dont lay off that you will have no other choice but to tell her what hes been up to. As for the rest forget about it he will probably stop hitting on you and he'll feel like a real Jack *kitten*. I know it will be hard for him to be around oyu thats why he wont look at you and act all snooty just remember your the one whos taking the high road!

barefootbabe

Thank you SO much everyone for your thoughts. It's SO helpful to finally have someone listen!

I KNOW I should tell him to leave me alone and get out of my life, but it's so hard! We were together for two years, and he came to live in Canada for awhile, and it really was an amazing relationship before it turned into the most painful experience in the world.

He is always the life of the party,and generally a good guy, and no matter what I tell myself I know that I still want to be his friend- I think that is why I have let this go on so long. I'm willing to put up with all this stuff just to be in contact with him because otherwise we don't speak at all.

I just can't seem to force myself to cut him off entirely! Do you think that's the only choice?

pauladavies86

"Do you ever think that maybe we made the worst decision of our lives by breaking up??" I responded to him, "No, absolutely not. I'm marrying a man who makes you look like trailer trash. You obviously couldn't see how good you had it with me and now you are just regretting letting me go. I haven't loved you for YEARS now. You need to get over this and stop calling me."

I haven't heard from him since. And silence is golden :happy:

You GO GIRL!!! I wish I could say something that that to my sh*tty two-timing skank of an ex-boyfriend! To the original poster... they're all right... that guy is a prick and you need to flat out tell him to leave you the hell alone! :mad: I feel pretty passionatly about cheaters... I HATE them!!!! :explode: You'll feel SO much better when you give him a piece of your mind... and his new girl deserves to know what a *kitten* he is. I would be SO thankful if someone told me about a boyfriend cheating on me... no one wants to be left in the dark about something like that.

You DO need to cut him off completely... I've been in the situation where I tried keeping an ex who treated me wrong as a friend but let's just say that things just got worse because we ended up back together and he toyed with me all over again... He's worthless garbage. Get him COMPLETELY out of your life even if it's hard.

Manda86

I've decided to take my own advice...

as of right now, my two timing (now ex) boyfriend is just a roommate.

Sincerely,

Heartbroken & Single.

p.s. anyone need a roommate?

mrsyac2

He wants his cake and eat it too- He is playing games and if you feed into it then he isn't going to stop to get your closer next time he makes advances at you shut him down also notify his new girl about his actions show her the text messages that would be funny because he would see he isnt that smart of a player- But if you really look at it why would he stop if he is gettin what he wants from the two of you nobody is saying anything to stop it the girlfriend doesnt know-- Just shut it down if he really wanted to be with you then he wouldnt be with her and playing games with you he would be with you and not using you as a side piece of convienance when she isnt around-

barefootbabe

As a young man once i think i would say he just wants both if he can have both and hes testing the waters.

most people will take what ever attention they can get men and woman alike. That said, Men are much worse. If we can have our cake and eat it too all the better. Once we get a little older well.....some of us get better.

Stay away doll your in for much more heart ache if you dont nip this in the bud now. Be strong and leave no doubt as to your position.

Just my 2c

Tim

Thanks Tim. Here's hoping that he will grow up to be like you one day!

barefootbabe

[/quote]

I am in agreement with Manda. What a *kitten*.

Guys like him give the rest of us a bad reputation.

He's doing it because he can. Most likely he has some hardcore inferiority issues and is smothering them by manipulating women.

Dump his cheating *kitten*. Get rid of him. You don't need someone like that in your life.

Seriously, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Find someone worthy of you.

I sware people like him tick me off. :mad: :mad: :mad:

He doesn't deserve for you to validate his existence. Especially not by giving up yourself sexually. (Did I mention he really makes me angry :mad: :mad: :mad: )

Move on BFB. You are to pretty to be with him anyway. (:mad: :mad: :mad: )

-J
[/quote]


J, it's so nice to have a guy be defensive on my behalf! Not that I want to make lots of angry men walking around out there, but to actually hear that someone cares about this kind of behavior is so encouraging.

And thanks for the compliment . . .:blushing:

barefootbabe

Really, this should be a lesson learned about what type of person he is. Its terrible that he is causing you more heart ache by his immature antics. He says he's in a relationship with this new girl, yet he's exhibiting behaviors that proves he is not committed. You two broke up for a reason, and its important to keep that reason in mind when he starts texting or showing up places to see you. And further more, lets say he does break up with this new girl and wants to get back together with you... who is to say he would be texting and flirting with her behind your back?

You are totally right about this. This is something I've been thinking about heaps - how could I even consider that he might actually care about me? Even if he did, could I want to be with someone who treats their girlfriend like that? Did he do this to me while we were together?

barefootbabe

As a man I apologize for his behaviour and obvious hypocrisy with claiming
to be a Christian.
What kind of guy has a person move to another continent for him, only to break
up with that person once she's there? A PRICK, THAT'S WHO!

Sorry if i'm being offensive but I cannot stand it when so-called "men" act like
this. He's a dog who doesn't care for anyone else but himself and that's all
he's trying to do, is satisfy himself.

You can do much better than this scum.

Thanks Jfi; how considerate, though don't feel that you have to apologize for him just cause you are a man too!
I have occasionally thought of him in "prick" terms as well, I must admit. :laugh: But I'm trying so hard to be nice about it all and figure out a way that we can all get along. Maybe it's time to ditch that attitude.

barefootbabe

Hi barefootbabe,

I don't think this knob is confused. You need to cut ties with him. I know this might be difficult with you sharing the same pool of friends but you have to its the only way you will heal.

Tell him to stop contacting you, and cut all ties!

There are people in this world that distroy hearts and lives i don't think they do it for fun, but either way they do it.

My wife is one of these people and so id your ex. Don't let them back in to hurt you again.

Al :flowerforyou:

Al, I'm so sorry about your wife, that's terrible. Look like hurtful people come in all varieties. I'll do my best to cut ties . . . I wish it was simpler. Again, so sorry.

barefootbabe

My other thoughts are,

if he is not confused, but just enjoying a game..... here's what is going to happen. If you reject him, he will do everything to get back in your good graces. Don't fall for it..... run. Run because that is not the type of man you want to be your mate.

This applies to women as well as men.

You have such good advice, beep, I am just scared that my willpower isn't there. (And yes, I read Banks' post! )

It seems like when he turns those big brown eyes and huge smile on me I just melt and there goes my smarts!

AlbertSchwartz

I think when there is a one sided decision to end a relationship the other person is left in a mess and tries to cling on to anything of the relationship. You need to except it has ended and cut all ties. I know it hurts and maybe i'm projecting too much here, but realy you need to not see the knob any more.

<A virtual hug>

Al :flowerforyou:

barefootbabe

You GO GIRL!!! I wish I could say something that that to my sh*tty two-timing skank of an ex-boyfriend! To the original poster... they're all right... that guy is a prick and you need to flat out tell him to leave you the hell alone! :mad: I feel pretty passionatly about cheaters... I HATE them!!!! :explode: You'll feel SO much better when you give him a piece of your mind... and his new girl deserves to know what a *kitten* he is. I would be SO thankful if someone told me about a boyfriend cheating on me... no one wants to be left in the dark about something like that.

You DO need to cut him off completely... I've been in the situation where I tried keeping an ex who treated me wrong as a friend but let's just say that things just got worse because we ended up back together and he toyed with me all over again... He's worthless garbage. Get him COMPLETELY out of your life even if it's hard.

How long were you together? And how long were you apart before getting back together? How did you sever all ties with such an intertwined life? I'm so glad you are happy now.

I feel like I can't tell the new girlfriend about it cause honestly, if someone had told me that when I was with him I never would have believed them, ESPECIALLY his ex. I would have labeled her as a jealous troublemaker and then avoided her at all costs. Believe me, he comes off as an amazing, wonderful person. Everyone loves him. I just don't think I could say anything to her, though I DO think you're absolutely right that she needs to know. I would certainly want to, but I don't think I would trust my man's ex at all!

barefootbabe

I've decided to take my own advice...

as of right now, my two timing (now ex) boyfriend is just a roommate.

Sincerely,

Heartbroken & Single.

p.s. anyone need a roommate?

Hope it all works out for you Manda :flowerforyou:

barefootbabe

Whew, sorry about the slew of replies all at once! Clearly I am on a different time than most of you so I tend to get my posting in when there is no one around to talk to!

Again, I REALLY appreciate all of you reading and thinking and caring about this stuff. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have some people backing me up in this!


:flowerforyou: e :flowerforyou:

barefootbabe

ooooops, sorry double post!

barefootbabe

Hey all, just wanted to UPDATE and let you know that I wrote him a long letter explaining that I am not a resource to be tapped, not by him. I told him that his actions devalue who I am inside because they only place worth on my body.

Basically, I told him very eloquently that he can stop coming around because there will be nothing waiting here for him!

Thanks so much for your help . . . I hope I can be okay without him in my life. I know it's the right thing to do, but it still makes me sad!

thanks again
xx

ty_bradley01

You definitely did the right thing! There is nothing more digusting in my book than a person that cannot see the importance and blessing of having one and only one person to love in your life. People who want their cake and eat it too are just selfish and better off all alone.

lol....is it obvious i divorced someone like this a while back? :laugh:

Ty

sgtinvincible

Hey all, just wanted to UPDATE and let you know that I wrote him a long letter explaining that I am not a resource to be tapped, not by him. I told him that his actions devalue who I am inside because they only place worth on my body.

Basically, I told him very eloquently that he can stop coming around because there will be nothing waiting here for him!

Thanks so much for your help . . . I hope I can be okay without him in my life. I know it's the right thing to do, but it still makes me sad!

thanks again
xx

I'm so proud of you BFB.

It's never easy to say goodbye to someone who once meant something to you, but you heal and you move on. Like I said earlier, you are a pretty girl and you will have *no* problems finding someone much better and more worthy of you.

Just be happy that you didn't marry the guy.

You have taken a step that *had* to be done. Now you can begin moving forward. I'm excited for you. :happy:

If you ever need to talk, you know we are here for you.


*hugs*

-J

maverickyanda

ego.

don't tell the new girl what he's doing because that will make the basketball awkward.

tell HIM to back off, period. and don't call him. don't give him any reason or grounds to contact you. don't say hello, don't pass GO, do not collect $200, do not egg him on.

if you must, dump a glass of cold water on his head next time you run into him at the pub.

laureneva

my sister has the exact same problem as you!

she saw one of her ex's on friday and has since then changed her hair style, cried several times on the phone to me, made herself sick with worry (and had the day off work coz of it)

worst thing is i use all the advice everyone says on here (in this thread) and tell her and she wont listen!

:sad:

sgtinvincible

if you must, dump a glass of cold water on his head next time you run into him at the pub.

I've seen this done before, and it's a surprisingly effective way of getting your point across. :laugh:

TamTastic

if you must, dump a glass of cold water on his head next time you run into him at the pub.

I've seen this done before, and it's a surprisingly effective way of getting your point across. :laugh:

Seen it done or had it done TO YOU!! :laugh: :laugh:

DETERMINED2Drop

You definitely did the right thing! There is nothing more digusting in my book than a person that cannot see the importance and blessing of having one and only one person to love in your life. People who want their cake and eat it too are just selfish and better off all alone.

lol....is it obvious i divorced someone like this a while back? :laugh:

Ty

Wow, you have some deep feelings about love. It's refreshing to hear from a man. All you Boys posting are great...

ty_bradley01

You definitely did the right thing! There is nothing more digusting in my book than a person that cannot see the importance and blessing of having one and only one person to love in your life. People who want their cake and eat it too are just selfish and better off all alone.

lol....is it obvious i divorced someone like this a while back? :laugh:

Ty

Wow, you have some deep feelings about love. It's refreshing to hear from a man. All you Boys posting are great...

There are many men out there that feel the same about it as me I am sure. Some people get what God intended love to be and others just don't I guess.

Ty

sgtinvincible

You definitely did the right thing! There is nothing more digusting in my book than a person that cannot see the importance and blessing of having one and only one person to love in your life. People who want their cake and eat it too are just selfish and better off all alone.

lol....is it obvious i divorced someone like this a while back? :laugh:

Ty

Wow, you have some deep feelings about love. It's refreshing to hear from a man. All you Boys posting are great...

There are many men out there that feel the same about it as me I am sure. Some people get what God intended love to be and others just don't I guess.

Ty

True that.

True that.

-J