Kids say the darndest things...
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One day there was a homeless man standing near the stoplight we were at. He was holding a sign...
Daughter: "What's his sign say?"
Me: "I don't know...Why don't you sound it out."
Daughter: (She sounds out each letter...mumbling to herself) "Need help. I'm a Vet," she said with so much pride. "Is that it?"
Me: "Yep! You got it."
Daughter: " Mmmm Hmmm...Well, you know he's lying cause don't have no dog or cats!"
I fell out laughing!!!!!! Hilarious!!0 -
My 3 year old son
Last night:
"Oh no! I have a boo boo on my leg! OOOOOOOH it hurrrtsssss... oh. (licks leg). Nope. Just chocolate."
While watching TV
Him: Lemonade Anytime minutes?
Me: what? no. UNLIMITED anytime minutes
Him: LEMONADE!!
Alphabet practice
"A is for apple. B is for blue. C is for constellation..."
To his mom on mother's day
"Thank you for my heart, mom."
Wanting to play basketball
"Do you want to do some basketball hooping?"0 -
One day my nephew (5yrs), myself and my daughter (12 yrs) were on our way to my moms house for dinner. It was getting ready to rain and my car needed a good wash so I told my nephew "when we get to grandma's get the towel and wash my car, then grab some soap and we could all take a bath outside in the rain"
an hour or so later we were sitting down eating dinner and he screamed out "oh my God Tia go get naked...its raining!"
My sister in law was mortified, she had no clue that I jokingly told him we took baths in the rain!0 -
This happened last night.....we were sitting in the kitchen talking (me, my mom and my daughter). My mom was making a cup of tea for herself and when she went to pull the tea bag out of her and into the trash can the string broke and it fell on her hand. Out of nowhere my daughter who is 13 yrs old says "ha ha grandma got tea bagged!"
I tried not to laugh but it was so funny....the look on my moms face was truly priceless! And my daughter was like "I don't get it"0 -
We really don't swear or use words we wouldn't want our kids to use in front of them, so my husband was really caught off guard the other day... He and my son rode bikes to the store and my husband decided to get a big 24 pack of bottled water. As they got back to their bikes my 6 year old looks at the water and then his dad and says, "How the hell are we gonna get all this home?"
Also, my just-turned-3 year old thinks it's hilarious to pretend my boobs are snowballs. When I'm carrying her she will pretend to grab them off my chest and throw them at people yelling "Throw a snowball at you!"0 -
When my son was 3, we were getting ready to leave for work/daycare in the morning and he noticed a bug on our car when we went to get in. He leaned over, looked very closely at the bug and with the most sincere voice, said "hold on tight, bug!" :ohwell:0
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These are hilarious! I have 2 pretty good ones:
1) On a road trip when I was about 6, someone cut my dad off, and he called the guy an SOB. I thought about it for a second, and asked my dad if, since I was a girl, that made me a DOB. My dad laughed hysterically and said yes, while my mom swatted at him from the passenger seat.
2) When my daughter was about 4 or 5, I took her to Walgreens to get Sudafed (the kind behind the counter). When the pharmacist asked how he could help me, she loudly piped up with "My mommy wants to buy some drugs!" My mistake for calling it a drugstore! The fact that people use the stuff to make meth did not help....0 -
My son was around probably around 3 or 4 years old and we were out at Red Lobster having dinner. There was a wonderful group of older ladies at a table next to use and they were all dressed up, looking like a church group or the like. The ladies were laughing and having a wonderful time, and as we got up to leave my son walks over to one lady and proudly announces VERY loudly..."men have a penis and women have vaginas." I could feel my face get a bit flush, but without missing a beat this older lady just gets a big smile and says, well thank you honey, I had almost forgot about that," and all the ladies just started chatting and laughing about it.0
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When my daughter was like 2 we were in Disney in the bathroom and of course she was in the stall with me. I went to the bathroom and she started to yell really loud "Momma you went poopy in the potty and didn't get any in your underwear, I'm SSSOOO proud of you!". All I could hear was laughter, I guess there was a lot of Mom's thinking "been there". I stayed in the stall until I thought everyone who heard had left. :blushing:0
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we play a family game, which started when my boys went through the desire to ask endless blasted questions phase...you may know it, we call it "Guess who I am" and it's a sort of eye spy but you think of a person rather than spot an object.
ANYWAY
I asked my young son if his person was a HISTORICAL FIGURE,
HE REALLY really thought about it, then replied..." Well..he's not THAT funny".
Years have passed and it still makes me smile! and yes, it sounds like the dullest childhood ever :drinker:
this one took me a minute - too funny0 -
I was telling my 13 year old how to get to her dads, she looks me dead in the eye and says "I dont speak map". I lost it.
I guess I should add she speaks 4 other languages besides english! That makes it a bit funnier.
I'm so going to use this line ... super smart kid you've got too0 -
In the Dollar Store yesterday a Mom and her 4 or 5 year old daughter pass me, while they are daughter say's " I Love you Mommy!'... Mom "I love you too sweetie"..... Daughter 'Can I have a balloon?".....
Me and the Mom and this other lady who was a Mom, lost it in the isle.... we we're ALL thinking 'what does she want' when she said I love you... LOL... and then balloon
....
Never trust the love your child has for you at any store lol0 -
I have a good one, when my 16 year old sister was about 3-4 we were driving to Texas with my mom and aunt and we got into a conversation about underthings somehow, my sister said to my aunt "I wear panties with princess do you have princess on your panties?" My aunt responds with "no I wear granny panties." Candice then says "you have pictures of grandmas on your panties say what?" Lmao!0
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Mine aren't quite as hysterical as some of these but here we go:
1. We live in a predominantly Black neighborhood and when my son started Kindergarten we were attending the open house and he looked me square in the eye and said "Mom there's a LOT of brown kids here" loud enough that all the heads turned toward us, I so wanted to run and hide
2. We were on our way home from somewhere once and I noticed a long line of backed up cars on the bridge crossing the river parallel to where we were, I said thinking out loud "Wonder Where they are going" and without missing a beat my son said "No Where Fast" I couldn't contain myself
3. We were having some friends over for New Year's Eve a few years ago and somehow the conversation turned and my daughter announced loudly "My Mom's Got Really Big Boobs, Bigger Than Miss X" OMG myself, my friend and my friends hubby just couldn't contain ourselves0 -
I was giving my little cousin a bath once when she was about 8 or so ( she's 12 now)
and I was peeing while she was in the tub and she asks if she should look away and I said no we all have the same parts, who cares? and she was like I guess so.
And she looks at me and says
"so boys peepee's smell as bad as our peepee's?"
and I said
"well....I guess they do if they don't bathe everyday like you do"
and they looked like she was in deep thought for about two minutes.
It was great.0 -
As a new stepmom, knowing absolutely nothing about children...I was in my 20's.
For a couple weeks ! Everyday I would give my 4 1/2 yr old stepson a bath, dry him off, put his clothes and shoes on.
Finally he announces to me one day. "I can do this you know."
I felt like an idiot but it was so funny !
I still wonder why he waited so long to tell me.0 -
My nephew when he was roughly about 5 or 6 was playing tag in the front yard with my mom when he ran around behind a tree and yelled to her "Bring it on wrinkles!" I nearly wet myself!
We have a tradition of saying "see ya later alligator", "after while crocodile", and "see ya soon ya big baboon" in our family.... my nephew when he was little would say "see ya soon ya big bad moon" lmao
My daughter and I are on our way to meet my friends for lunch for my birthday and we drive past the Redzone store and Gabby yells to me "Look Momma, its a Go Utes!" So I told her "yes Gabby that is the Go Utes store where you can buy lots of Go Utes stuff." She thinks about it for a minute then says, "Mmmmhmmmm, looks like the place for us!" She is so smart!!!0 -
I was out driving with my 2 sons, my youngest who was 6 at the time....I saw one of those small 2 seater Smart cars (it was bright blue). ..I go to the boys..look at the blue Smart car....my youngest goes...more like a smurf car!!
I was playing the recorded movie of my son's 5th birthday party...my son asked me to put him in the tv so he could be at the party. Lol0 -
last week my husband was holding my 6 week old when she started to lightly spit up. my 7 year old son says to his dad "dad be a man, men don't get grossed out' lol.0
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Loving these!
Thought of another. I'm a lawyer, and one day my husband and I were out with my (then) 12 year old stepdaughter and we were talking about what we had on that week. I finished with "... and on Friday I have to go to Court". She was really quiet for a few seconds then leaned over and asked very quietly "... what did you DO?"
I laughed so hard.0 -
6 yr old son....watching all the old superman movies. Says Superman is from America, you know because he put the flag back up on the moon. Superman never loses energy because he's super ^_^ lol0
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oh boy. i have a good one.....Last week I was on vacation with extended family, just chillin' on the beach, when my cousin's 6 year old looked at me and said "you look old. Are you going to die soon?".
:laugh:
Oh man kids are brutally honest. When I used to work in daycare one of the older kids was talking to me about how her mother was becoming obsessed with fitness and had them on a strict diet and exercise routine (her 6 year old brother who i also babysat had a 6 pack!)....The kid then lets out a big sigh and goes "I wish my mom was like you and just didn't care about how she looks"
:sad: I wanted to go in the bathroom and cry0 -
yeah they don't care to tell people how they feel haha or think.oh boy. i have a good one.....Last week I was on vacation with extended family, just chillin' on the beach, when my cousin's 6 year old looked at me and said "you look old. Are you going to die soon?".
:laugh:
My guy.......repeats his father too much.
I'm a sarcastic guy......so if someone messes up or does something wrong I go......Good Job winner. ..........so all I hear now when I hit something, drop something or etc is Good Job winner.........
I asked him the other day......hey.....where did you hear that? He looked me straight in the eye and said "Facebook"
I had to just walk away.(mind you he turned 4 yesterday)
i know, they just say whatever comes to mind! i love it! At first i was shocked & i have to admit for a split second i was a wee bit upset that to her i looked so old that i must be near death-but then i burst out laughing. all i could think to tell her was "i sure hope not!" i kept laughing and that started her giggling. It was funny.0 -
Oh I have another one! ...But this one is about me, my parents still tell every new person I ever bring to meet them this story =/
So while I was in the potty training phase, me, my parents and a bunch of their friends went out to eat at a restaurant. I had to use the bathroom at one point during dinner and so of course my mom escorted me to the bathroom to help me out...but I start screaming "NO! I DON'T WANT MOMMY TO WIPE ME! SHE DOESN'T WIPE GOOD!" Loooool my mom said she and dad about died because everyone in the restaurant heard it...0 -
When I was about 5 I went around adults asking what they have become, as in what there jobs were. My mum was a stay at home mum and she said that I turned to her and very loudly asked "Mum why didn't you become anything"
She has since trained to be a teacher and I am very glad she was a stay at home mum for my brother and I.0 -
When my youngest was about 5, she use to run her hand down her face and either tell me I need to put make up on or I would never find a boyfriend looking like that. Another time I was teasing her and she ran her hand down her face all exasperated and said we need to find you a boyfriend, you have too much time on your hands lol.0
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My oldest was starting school so the teacher came for an in home visit. She brought with her a puppet to show him so he would have a friend on his very first day. She asked him to give the puppet a name. Well he thought and he thought and couldnt think of a name. His 2 year old brother pipes up and says I know, I know...F¥CK HEAD. .. I wanted to die.0
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My husband was wearing pants WAY to big today. My 5 year old son walks up to him and says, "Daddy, do you know those pants make your butt look fat!"
I busted out laughing.0 -
I heard from the neighboring stall at a public restroom recently "mommy why are you bleeding? Are you ok?"...VERY LOUDLY. Facepalmed for her :blushing:0
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When my daughter was about 8 we were eating out at a local McDonald's and just having fun. I told her I loved her and she responded back "me too" and I jokingly said "well sometimes you don't act like it so I don't think you do!" she looked at me and said "Mommy if I didn't love you then I wouldn't share my fries with you!"
Love it!! :laugh:0
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