Which is the worst person?

ChuckgM3

This isn't to be taken too seriously, I'm just curious how gender roles might affect our perception of what is expected and what is considered more acceptable.

Please rank in order of 1 (worst) to 6 and state whether you are male or female. Yes, I understand you may want to give two or more people a tie, but that's not what this exercise is about, just assign an individual # to each based on your initial gut reaction.

Married Man knowingly having an affair with a married woman
Married Man having an affair with a single woman
Married Woman knowingly having an affair with a married man
Married woman having an affair with a single man
Single man knowingly having an affair with a married woman
Single woman knowingly having an affair with a married man

Thanks for indulging my curiosity.

noble1987

1
1
1
1
1
1

EASY :ohwell:

Wiitabax

Definitely 1 for all of them here too.

Anyone who's in a relationship and KNOWS that someone is being affected by their cheating is NOT worth spitting on in my opinion.

I spent a long time before meeting 'the right person' (being my wife Clare, who I've been married to for 11 years) - I could NEVER cheat on her and she feels likewise.

Without trust? What's the point.

That's my take on it anyhow.

FitJoani

1
1
1
1
1
1

EASY :ohwell:

I actually agree. Cheating is ALL bad and ALL wrong

ChuckgM3

Let me clarify that I do not identify myself with any of these people... This stemmed from a conversation I was having with an acquaintance who was in a "relationship" of sorts with a married person. Their argument was that since they themselves are not married they are doing no wrong and it's not up to them to judge the person they are with... They also had opinions that the consequences for being itentified as one of these people would vary greatly based on gender. I'm opting not to share my opinion on the subject because I'm truly curious what other people think. Obviously the easy answer is to say 1 for all but that wasn't what I asked.

Wiitabax

No probs. I can see where you're coming from, but I honestly could NOT rate from 1 to 6 as I feel that they are all 'equal' to 1 Chuck.

bigdawg025

Married Man knowingly having an affair with a married woman - 2
Married Man having an affair with a single woman - 4
Married Woman knowingly having an affair with a married man - 1
Married woman having an affair with a single man - 3
Single man knowingly having an affair with a married woman - 6
Single woman knowingly having an affair with a married man - 5

kate205gti

all as bad as each other tbh - if you're married you take vows to be faithful. Get a divorce if you're not going to stick to them!

Luckymam

This isn't to be taken too seriously, I'm just curious how gender roles might affect our perception of what is expected and what is considered more acceptable.

Please rank in order of 1 (worst) to 6 and state whether you are male or female. Yes, I understand you may want to give two or more people a tie, but that's not what this exercise is about, just assign an individual # to each based on your initial gut reaction.

Married Man knowingly having an affair with a married woman
Married Man having an affair with a single woman
Married Woman knowingly having an affair with a married man
Married woman having an affair with a single man
Single man knowingly having an affair with a married woman
Single woman knowingly having an affair with a married man

Thanks for indulging my curiosity.

1)Married man having affair with single woman - man is cheating on wife but is potentially stopping single woman from having a 'proper' relationship with a single person.

2)Married woman having affair with single man - for the same reason as above, but I tend tend to think (maybe incorrectly) that women have affairs for emotional reasons rather than physical urges
.
3)Married man having affair with married woman - man is wrecking two relationships.

4)Married woman having affair with married man - same reasons as above.

5)Single man having affair with married woman - man getting his sexual needs fulfilled whilst potentially ruining a marriage isn't good but I feel ultimately, the one in the wrong is the one in a relationship. The single man has no loyalties to the woman's husband.

6)Single woman having affair with married man - I would perceive this as the woman being in love with the married man. Not great, but again, I believe the one in the marriage is at fault, not the mistress.

LastFighter

Single man knowingly having an affair with a married woman

Guy code.

MISTTIMG

Yeah, I agree with the all (1's) reply's, It's all bad. That's like folding a blanket.. you can fold it any way you want but It's still a blanket.

guardup

I assume the term "affair" means that the stated persons are involved in clandestine relationships where the significant other does not provide approval. Hence, the summation of "cheating".

I ask because I know a few longtime married couples who are in open or polyamorous relationships where all parties are in the know and approve. As such, there is no "cheating". However, it's been my understanding that these couples do face all kinds of external judgment from society in general which views their lifestyle as immoral. To which I am perplexed... because to me, the immorality is in the deception.

As for ranking the degree acceptability of cheating by gender... I suppose that depends upon your cultural gender bias - conscious or otherwise.

Like most others here, I would not attach acceptability of cheating to gender any more than I would attach acceptability of lying or theft to any gender.

I know you are seeking a specific response that supports or denies your position. But I think the number of responses here that refuse to attach gender to an immoral behavior IS a viable response... just not one that you are looking for.

When looking for answers, it's sometimes best to clear our expectations.

iishnova

All of them, but I have to go with 6 as I'm biased. My best friend slept with my husband (talk about knowingly right?)

alantin

2)Married woman having affair with single man - for the same reason as above, but I tend tend to think (maybe incorrectly) that women have affairs for emotional reasons rather than physical urges

So emotional unfaithfullness is not as bad as physical?
In my opinion, the first one leads to the second so that one is much worse. Or in other words, The first one is the sickness and the second, a symptom.

I myself would have to go with all 1's reply too. A single person being in love doesn't make it okay for that person to go after a married person and defile the other ones commitment and love for another although the other one is responsible for the same if he/she goes along with it.

I'm not so sure if that was so coherent. Why does English have different pronouns for men and women..? :ohwell:

alantin

All of them, but I have to go with 6 as I'm biased. My best friend slept with my husband (talk about knowingly right?)

I don't think that should make YOU feel it to be less wrong even if you forgave..


@guardup

Profound. Well said.

Kate_UK

No probs. I can see where you're coming from, but I honestly could NOT rate from 1 to 6 as I feel that they are all 'equal' to 1 Chuck.

Yup, same here.

RoadDog

We're voting on varying combinations of infidelity?

You left out Married man with Single Man and Married Woman with Single Woman.

Just to clarify, can a person get a free pass, if they are on vacation and it will never happen again? What about if you paid for it? Closing time and spouse is 1,000 miles away? What if your spouse cheated and this is just payback cheating? Club Med? Frat Party? Happy Ending?

Gonna run it by my wife, get her opinion. If I'm not back in 1 hour, send someone in to get me.

leanmass24

I don’t think that people should get married in the first place... It is against human nature... we are very social animals. The only benefit to getting married is tax write offs, at least for men. Divorces are so easy to get marriage is not as meaningful as it once was anyway. Yes, I have been married before, no I never cheated on anyone, and I am not the one that wanted to get divorced. However, I am glad that it happened the way it did because I learned a lot. I am sure I have opened a can of worms here, but it is my opinion so you don’t have to like it or agree with it... As for my rating I give them all #1s because I am just a strong believer in keeping my word. If you say that you are going to be with someone exclusively you should stick by that.

Debtappe

Sorry, can't rank them. They are all 1's. a promise is a promise. Female.

JaneZv

Let me clarify that I do not identify myself with any of these people... This stemmed from a conversation I was having with an acquaintance who was in a "relationship" of sorts with a married person. Their argument was that since they themselves are not married they are doing no wrong and it's not up to them to judge the person they are with... They also had opinions that the consequences for being itentified as one of these people would vary greatly based on gender. I'm opting not to share my opinion on the subject because I'm truly curious what other people think. Obviously the easy answer is to say 1 for all but that wasn't what I asked.

With my experiences, I am more inclined to think whenever there is an affair, there is more to the story. Although I do agree ALL of these are wrong, I do tend to agree with "your acquaintance".

I'm female.

There is an element of gender biasness to it if I had to rank this from 1-6. I wouldn't do that. My considerations are married vs. single, and on the basis of neither is cheating with any of the couple's friends/acquaintance but a complete stranger.

Married Man knowingly having an affair with a married woman 1
Married Man having an affair with a single woman 2
Married Woman knowingly having an affair with a married man 1
Married woman having an affair with a single man 2
Single man knowingly having an affair with a married woman 2
Single woman knowingly having an affair with a married man 2

StacLegg

Just to clarify, can a person get a free pass, if they are on vacation and it will never happen again? What about if you paid for it? Closing time and spouse is 1,000 miles away? What if your spouse cheated and this is just payback cheating? Club Med? Frat Party? Happy Ending?

Gonna run it by my wife, get her opinion. If I'm not back in 1 hour, send someone in to get me.

RoadDog~ Have your wife call me ~ I will help her!!!! :laugh:

Scorpiomom222

I honestly think that anyone who doesn't rate them all the same is delusional. Cheating is cheating and it's wrong. Plain and simple. 1 for all of them.

Scorpiomom222

All of them, but I have to go with 6 as I'm biased. My best friend slept with my husband (talk about knowingly right?)

ugh That just makes me sick to my stomach. Sorry you had to go through that.

Wiitabax

I honestly think that anyone who doesn't rate them all the same is delusional. Cheating is cheating and it's wrong. Plain and simple. 1 for all of them.

I agree there!

RoadDog

Just to clarify, can a person get a free pass, if they are on vacation and it will never happen again? What about if you paid for it? Closing time and spouse is 1,000 miles away? What if your spouse cheated and this is just payback cheating? Club Med? Frat Party? Happy Ending?

Gonna run it by my wife, get her opinion. If I'm not back in 1 hour, send someone in to get me.

RoadDog~ Have your wife call me ~ I will help her!!!! :laugh:

Actually, I'm afraid to ask her. She's kind of retro so I bought her a Mood Ring for her birthday. Remember them? Anyways, when she's in a good mood, it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, It leaves an angry red welt on my forehead.

Can't chance it.

ChuckgM3

I totally understand why most people would vote them all #1s since that's how I feel for the most part, however I do believe more responsibility lies on the person in the relationship.

I've had a marriage and an LTR both end with infidelity (not on my part... That's not to say our relationship was healthy and I didn't think about it, but I didn't act on it) and when I think back, in neither case did I have the slightest anger towards the guy, all of my anger was directed towards my wife/gf... I didn't even care who the guy was... I just assumed he was a horny dude looking to get laid however he could, and to be honest, if it wasn't with him it was going to be with someone else.... Its not like all guys are going to say "oh you are married, that's wrong, I'm not going to sleep with you" I'm sure she wouldn't have to ask too many to get the answer she wanted.

@luckymam: I think yours is a common viewpoint but it does assume common gender stereotypes about both men and women and you tend to excuse women for it

@guardup: yes, talking about affairs where deceit is involved, of course to each their own in open relationships, if there is honesty there's no cheating, good on them. And yes, it is a valid reponse, it's just the default one.

@iishnova: ouch, I'm very sorry to hear that, because in a time like that, your best friend is who you need most and she betrayed you as badly as he did. I hope you've eliminated them both from your life for your sake.

@ leanmass: I tend to agree with you here, most call me jaded but I prefer to think of myself as enlightened.

@everyone: thanks for your input... I truly find this kind of stuff fascinating and I know there is always more than meets the eye. I think latent gender roles, sexism, feminism, chauvinism, and sexuality play larger roles beneath the surface than most of us are comfortable admitting so to me it's always fun to talk about.

elainegsd

Count me in the all 1's group. I can tell you from experience that there isn't much worse than having this conversation with my own mother, who thinks that since she is single, and the guy is in an "unhappy marriage", that it is OK.

In a relationship, either everybody is single, or they are married to each other. Anything else is just wrong.

Aid_B

I honestly think that anyone who doesn't rate them all the same is delusional. Cheating is cheating and it's wrong. Plain and simple. 1 for all of them.

I agree there!

Can't Agree strongly enough !

Scorpiomom222

You know, Chuck, I just have to throw this out there with all this cheating stuff. I find it not very surprising if an attractive woman cheats on her spouse or long term boyfriend. Why? Because of a common stereotype of most attractive women being catered to, and doted over and alot of them being sociopaths that don't care about other people's feelings. There, I said it. I believe in society, it's expected that an attractive woman cheat on her spouse. Why not, right? She's hot. She can have any man she wants.

ChuckgM3

You know, Chuck, I just have to throw this out there with all this cheating stuff. I find it not very surprising if an attractive woman cheats on her spouse or long term boyfriend. Why? Because of a common stereotype of most attractive women being catered to, and doted over and alot of them being sociopaths that don't care about other people's feelings. There, I said it. I believe in society, it's expected that an attractive woman cheat on her spouse. Why not, right? She's hot. She can have any man she wants.

Haha, that is an interesting take, one might also point out that there are many more men out there who don't value the sanctity of marriage (or a relationship) as there are women so it's much easier for a woman to find a man to be her partner in crime than vice versa... Or if you wanna break that down to it's basest element... Men tend to think with their wieners..

mccorml

Single man knowingly having an affair with a married woman

Guy code.

eh i have to disagree i believe its more the girls fault this happened to me but i actually liked the girl and her BOYFRIEND not husband was a total douche bag never the less it ended up bad no one found out i just felt like an *kitten* cuz i actually liked her so this proves that there can be other sides to stories just sayin