Too NICE? Someone PLEASE shoot me.

Manda86

Explanation for why my bf was chatting up another girl on the side?

I'm too nice. Translation: Boring.

:brokenheart:

What the heck is wrong with guys? I thought they WANTED nice?

:sad:

Manda86

Explanation for why my bf was chatting up another girl on the side?

I'm too nice. Translation: Boring.

:brokenheart:

What the heck is wrong with guys? I thought they WANTED nice?

:sad:

foxfire9372

More likely, your attention is focused more on yourself and your goals and he feels he is not getting enough of your personal attention and is getting it the only way the poor boy's brain knows how too.
You've heard the saying "God gave men two heads and enough blood supply for one". Also, let your naughty side out a little bit.

AprilVal

Explanation for why my bf was chatting up another girl on the side?

I'm too nice. Translation: Boring.

:brokenheart:

What the heck is wrong with guys? I thought they WANTED nice?

:sad:

Sorry to hear about that. Was this a long term relationship?

I hope that he gets burned eventually..

I hope you find someone genuine sometime in the near future. :drinker:

elliott062907

been there, done that. I was married for 15 years. I got divorced. Too Nice? I guess I was for him. I just finally could not stand the drinking and gambling.

but now, happy as ever with new hubby, that I have known since I was 14, now 36 1/2. And he loves me nice....

so too nice??

no way, real men love it.

Look on sista!!!!

Better fish in the sea,

LokiFae

Explanation for why my bf was chatting up another girl on the side?

I'm too nice. Translation: Boring.

:brokenheart:

What the heck is wrong with guys? I thought they WANTED nice?

:sad:

What a jerk. There are plenty of guys out there that would definitely treat you better.

A man that's actually looking for something real wants nice. You'll find him.

But until then, wait until his girl on the side starts chatting up another guy, and then see how bad he wants nice. And don't give it to him.

Sending good vibes your way and bad vibes his way. :flowerforyou:

Manda86

thanks, everyone- I appreciate your kind words-

I'm done trying to fix it, it hasn't worked for the last year, and I'm not going to change myself so that I fulfill some stupid fantasy he has about being with the bad girl.

sculley

I am going through a divorce (was cheated on) yeah I am too nice too..

Hope you feel better it makes you feel like crud to find stuff like that out

Manda86

I am going through a divorce (was cheated on) yeah I am too nice too..

Hope you feel better it makes you feel like crud to find stuff like that out

yeah, i feel about 2 inches tall right now

sculley

I did too that is after giving him another chance (how stupid am I) I had an awesome self esteem when we met and now............


I felt like you do...2 inches.

But NO one NOONE is worth making you feel inferrior, your a sweet person and I am sure one day a guy will respect that and even cherish you for these qualities, keep your head up dear.

:flowerforyou:

Manda86

thank you, I'm trying...

I made that mistake, too, btw- I'm kicking myself for it now, it wasn't worth throwing away a year and a half of my life for

sculley

Atleast you didn't waste over 4 years like i did, but I did get my munchkin out of it which I am thankful for.

mkeithley

I

yeah, i feel about 2 inches tall right now

WHY???? You feel 2 inches tall b/c HE is losing out on a nice girl????I don't get it?!?!?!
This should empower you girl!!!! You were able to find out what a jerkoff he really is before you invested anymore of YOUR precious time or energy, or worse married him. He's the one who will feel 2 inches tall when he realized what he had and blew it. Don't be the girl who is like "Why me? Why did this happen to me? I gave him everything and he walked all over me, blah, blah, blah" Be the girl who moves on and says"Next!":flowerforyou:
Seriously, you are too young and too attractive to waste your time on *kitten* who don't appreciate you for all you are.Guys who cozy up to girls on the side lack morals, respect and for lack of a better word, BALLS!!! What kind of assclown sneaks around like a thief in the night? I'm sure he told yout hey were just friends, (god I hope not, that's insulting to your intelligence). The reason guys like him continue to resort to this kind of behavior is b/c somewhere there was a female who took all the blame for his shennagins and fell for his line of crap along the lines of"You weren't there for me, I was lonely".WTF????
I say good riddance. Now with him out of the picture you are allowing yourself to be open to meeting someone who truely is a match for YOU.:flowerforyou:

Manda86

he's so cute, too..
that's actually where some of our problem stemmed from-
I found out that I'm going to have to undergo fertility treatments to have kids, and even then it'll be sketchy, and he hasn't treated me the same after that.
Plus, he's not willing to do what he needs for me to be able to enjoy intimacy with him too- I have an ongoing medical issue that makes it exremely painful without medication, it doesn't help that he's always tossed me around like a ragdoll. sorry if that's TMI, I'm just venting.

Manda86

I

yeah, i feel about 2 inches tall right now

WHY???? You feel 2 inches tall b/c HE is losing out on a nice girl????I don't get it?!?!?!
This should empower you girl!!!! You were able to find out what a jerkoff he really is before you invested anymore of YOUR precious time or energy, or worse married him. He's the one who will feel 2 inches tall when he realized what he had and blew it. Don't be the girl who is like "Why me? Why did this happen to me? I gave him everything and he walked all over me, blah, blah, blah" Be the girl who moves on and says"Next!":flowerforyou:
Seriously, you are too young and too attractive to waste your time on *kitten* who don't appreciate you for all you are.Guys who cozy up to girls on the side lack morals, respect and for lack of a better word, BALLS!!! What kind of assclown sneaks around like a thief in the night? I'm sure he told yout hey were just friends, (god I hope not, that's insulting to your intelligence). The reason guys like him continue to resort to this kind of behavior is b/c somewhere there was a female who took all the blame for his shennagins and fell for his line of crap along the lines of"You weren't there for me, I was lonely".WTF????
I say good riddance. Now with him out of the picture you are allowing yourself to be open to meeting someone who truely is a match for YOU.:flowerforyou:

that was the line of bullsh*t he tried to feed me, actually- there is a lot of truth in what you had to say. I'm more angry than upset about it, and I am relieved that I don't have to suffer the emotional abuse anymore.

mkeithley

I think there must be some honadbook floating around out there"1001 Bull**** Lines to use with the Female Gender". I swear i have heard them all, either from exes or my g/f. I love it when they try to turn it around on the female."I must have got chlamydia from you, you must be a carrier" or "I got crabs from the toilet at work" or "I wouldn't have cheated on you if you would have had wild monkey sex with me from the rafters" You are young, you really have your whole life ahead of you. Don't ever settle for anything "less than". It took me until I was 34 to realize my wants and needs are just as important as his.
Your relief of not having to deal with the emotional abuse is a sign(A HUGE BILLBOARD) letting you know that he was draining and sucking everything from you. No sense in getting angry, b/c when you do you are giving him power over your emotions. When you feel yourself getting angry, mkae yourself laugh about how pathetic he is, think of all the things that you put up with that others wouldn't and get a good chuckle out of the image of the new chick trying to wash the skidmarks out of his boxers:laugh: :laugh: Resist the urge to call, text or email him, if he does to you I wouldn't reply at all!!! If you do you are leaving him wiggle room to come back in and make a mess of things. You might tell yourself, oh he'll be different this time-newsflash they never are. Don't be a man hater either. Just take soem time to be a Manda lover:flowerforyou: Do things for you, by yourself or with friends and family. Wake up everyday and tell yourself you are moving in a more positive direction, even if you don't always feel like it "Fake it till you make it". I mean you are 21 for petes sakes!!! You shouldn't be tied down to ANYONE for awhile, enjoy your twenties the go by so flippin quick!!!!:drinker: :smokin: :bigsmile:

ChubbyBunny

Okay I'm not known for being "nice" but dang girl....that is beyond low of him. I personally would do physical damage thing to him, but that's me and again I am not the nice one....

My nice people....you need to stand up for yourself and I know it's hard. What if dealing with jerks like that are actually part of the problem? Letting them treat us so badly, it has to have an affect.

I am glad you are washing your hands of him. He's a class A jerk and doesn't deserve someone like you. You don't want to second to any woman. Know what I mean?

uwhuskygirl

thank you, I'm trying...

I made that mistake, too, btw- I'm kicking myself for it now, it wasn't worth throwing away a year and a half of my life for

You're much smarter than me. I put up with it for 6 years before I finally dumped his sorry a**.

You'll get through this! Sending good thoughts your way!

:flowerforyou:

Manda86

Okay I'm not known for being "nice" but dang girl....that is beyond low of him. I personally would do physical damage thing to him, but that's me and again I am not the nice one....

My nice people....you need to stand up for yourself and I know it's hard. What if dealing with jerks like that are actually part of the problem? Letting them treat us so badly, it has to have an affect.

I am glad you are washing your hands of him. He's a class A jerk and doesn't deserve someone like you. You don't want to second to any woman. Know what I mean?

yes, I know exactly what you mean- thank you so much, ladies, you are all so strong, and I feel stronger from talking with you. I'm not wasting my time any longer- I'm going to keep at this weight loss thing for me, and never again will I let someone have that kind of control over me.

Gorgeous

ugh heartace is the worst!
you sit and think what you could have said or done differntly replaying every moment in yor head!
it sucks!
glad you got rid of him sooner rather than later!
hang in there!
at least you knew when to let you....that was my problem
i didnt let go...for a long time....and i ended up hurting myself more than i had to!!!

Manda86

yeah, me too. :ohwell: I'm chalking it up to life experience, and hoping that the man meant for me will waltz into my life when I'm ready for him

Gorgeous

lol i dont wanna post my life story but i sent you a little message!

spaul82478

he's so cute, too..
that's actually where some of our problem stemmed from-
I found out that I'm going to have to undergo fertility treatments to have kids, and even then it'll be sketchy, and he hasn't treated me the same after that.
Plus, he's not willing to do what he needs for me to be able to enjoy intimacy with him too- I have an ongoing medical issue that makes it exremely painful without medication, it doesn't help that he's always tossed me around like a ragdoll. sorry if that's TMI, I'm just venting.

SCREW HIM... I Just got out of an ugly divorce.... and my best advice to you... DONT LOOK it will happen.. .I am the nice one who gets screwed all the time and along came mr right after 5 years of being beat and meantly abused.. BE SINGLE HAVE FUN.. and when your hot and he's with some tramp he'll regret it... :drinker:

Helawat

Just an easy cop-out to leave a relationship. You're better without him :flowerforyou:

sgtinvincible

Yeah, too nice, funny how that works both ways.

Same happened to me (to those of you that have gone through, and are going through separation and divorces, my heart goes out to you. No one knows how much it sucks until they go through it), I finally agreed to marry her after 5 years of her begging almost every day, 'when are we getting married?' 'I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.', 'I love you so much, I can't wait until we have children together!'. 3 months after we were married I caught her with another guy. 2 years later we were separated (I found out tonight that she is pregnant. We finalize out divorce next month...yeah, I feel like crap....)

I guess the point is, there are crappy people everywhere. Male, female, transgender, etc.

Manda, you are better than him, plain and simple. Don't empower him to validate your existence. After just the little we have talked, I can tell you are just as beautiful inside as out. Move on, and prove to him (and more importantly yourself) that you don't need a 'cute guy' to live a happy life. When the time is right God will place someone in your life that won't care at all about fertility drugs, or medical issues. All he'll care about is how happy you make him, and how all he wants to do is make you just as happy. It will happen, but it can't until you kick Sir Cheats-A-Lot to the curb.

That's my thoughts. Now if I could take my own advice I would be good to go. :ohwell:

Much love,

-J

Helawat

You're so wise, Sgt.! Great advice!

Manda86

Update: I slept on the couch last night (we live together), because I'm not going to share a bed with him anymore- he comes out this morning and has the nerve to ask me why I didn't come to bed last night- did he completely miss the part where he cheated on me and I dumped him?

*You have entered the twilight zone*

mkeithley

"Why are you mad? I told you we were just friends." BLAH,BLAH, BLAH!!!! If I were you I'd have the conversation about living arrangements sooner than later, BUH BYE!!! Make sure you do something nicce for yourself today, even if it's going to Wal-green's and buying some Wet and Wild glitter lip gloss:flowerforyou:

rethun01

Manda, I'm soooo sorry. But I'm proud of you for sleeping on the couch last night

I was the one that was "too nice" as well. I changed my whole life and who I was just to accomodate his needs. I absolutely babied him all through college. We lived together and I cooked and cleaned for him constantly. He and I took all of our classes together so that he could just cheat off of my homework. I wrote all of his papers for him. He had to take his own tests, of course, but it was my job to study with him and cram it all into his brain. In our accounting class we actually convinced our professor that we didn't have enough money to buy two graphing calculators, and that we had to share. Then I would do all the test problems and pass him the calculator with all the work saved on it so he could cheat. My friends and family didn't know who I was any more. Worse yet, he was a total momma's boy and he criticized everything I did for him, comparing it to his mom.

As we were graduating, he was diagnosed with cancer. I had just gotten laid off from my government job and was having a hard time finding something full time in my field. So I didn't have any money to stay with him at school (over 15 hours away from where my parents lived). He moved back in with his parents. I asked his parents if I could move into their guest room and help take care of him, and pay them some rent, until I could find a job and move out. They said no... after I had been dating their son for over 3 years! Because I had to move back home with my parents, he held that against me. "How could you just leave me when I had cancer?!?!?" 6 months later he broke up with me and started dating his Chemo Nurse's daughter. No joke.

It wasn't until I was living on my own and figured out who I was again that I met the man of my dreams. Believe me, my husband knows not to push me too far. I'm still nice, but you better not take advantage of me!

fatsis

Dear Manda and Sarge,

My MFP freinds I wish I could fix it for you guys but I don't have the answers.

Manda I will be praying for you that God helps you through this and that he sends that
right guy your way. I will also pray that he heals you with the infertlity. You have touched
my heart when you said infertility it consumed my life for 13 years and I don't want anyone
else to go through it. A big Bear hug your way.

Sarge, I will also be praying for you that God heals the wounds from your divorce and sends the women you need to you. A big plutonic Bear hug. Were butch right.

Manda86

Manda, I'm soooo sorry. But I'm proud of you for sleeping on the couch last night

I was the one that was "too nice" as well. I changed my whole life and who I was just to accomodate his needs. I absolutely babied him all through college. We lived together and I cooked and cleaned for him constantly. He and I took all of our classes together so that he could just cheat off of my homework. I wrote all of his papers for him. He had to take his own tests, of course, but it was my job to study with him and cram it all into his brain. In our accounting class we actually convinced our professor that we didn't have enough money to buy two graphing calculators, and that we had to share. Then I would do all the test problems and pass him the calculator with all the work saved on it so he could cheat. My friends and family didn't know who I was any more. Worse yet, he was a total momma's boy and he criticized everything I did for him, comparing it to his mom.

As we were graduating, he was diagnosed with cancer. I had just gotten laid off from my government job and was having a hard time finding something full time in my field. So I didn't have any money to stay with him at school (over 15 hours away from where my parents lived). He moved back in with his parents. I asked his parents if I could move into their guest room and help take care of him, and pay them some rent, until I could find a job and move out. They said no... after I had been dating their son for over 3 years! Because I had to move back home with my parents, he held that against me. "How could you just leave me when I had cancer?!?!?" 6 months later he broke up with me and started dating his Chemo Nurse's daughter. No joke.

It wasn't until I was living on my own and figured out who I was again that I met the man of my dreams. Believe me, my husband knows not to push me too far. I'm still nice, but you better not take advantage of me!

I'm really glad you found your soulmate, I wish you both much happiness Thank you so much